Twilight Sparkle and friends get a surprise invitation to an illustrious yet mysterious ball being held at Pie Manor, but soon realize that they may have gotten themselves into another sticky situation when guests suddenly start to disappear. Now, locked inside the sprawling mansion with hundreds of other panicky ponies, they'll have to find out who's responsible for the disappearances before it's too late, and they may end up discovering dark secrets about each other along the way...
(Plenty of twists and turns in this fic, as well as surprise ships, and plenty of suspense. Rated Teen just to be safe.
I've already decided who "it" is, so I'll be leaving plenty of clues in each chapter. Feel free to speculate openly in the comments (in fact, I encourage it :) So beware of spoilers). Feel free to PM any questions, concerns, or comments to me and I'll be happy to reply.)
Hmm...I'm intrigued.
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw783_medium.jpg
Continue.
Ok - I will read this the only proper way - as a challenge. As a fan of fair whudonit I warn you: Do not disappoint me...
that is if it is ok with you
This sounds like it could be very good, and the first chapter is written well enough. I think I will enjoy this.
Interesting...
Wouldn't Rarity take Sweetie Belle with her? If no, maybe explain that she's at something or visiting her parents.
I am tracking this, and I really liked the description of the train, and the elegant dining room. I think you did well, it wasn't as boring as the author's notes made me think it would be.
Thingies:
not to mention fun!!
We're gonna go, right??
You don't need a second punctuation mark, unless you do ?!?. It popped up more than those two times, but you get the drift.
But seriously, we're gonna to go, Don't need that 'to'
They all stopped in front of Twilight, Rarity and Spike, all smiling proudly that second all is unnecessary.
Looking forward to another story on my track list.
Wow, I didn't expect such a quick response, let alone one as encouraging as this ^^
Thanks to everyone that commented. This is great motivation. I've already written a good amount of chapter two, and planned out quite a bit more, so I should be able to add the new chapter by tomorrow, if not by tonight. Hopefully I'll update at least twice a week, but as I'm emphasizing quality rather than quantity, I can't promise anything. Still.. Stay tuned..? :D
AbsoluteAnonymous - If sir Pinkie Pie complete with pipe approves, then I'll take that as a green light ;D Glad to hear you're interested!
chidadow - Dang, haha, that's quite a bit of pressure XD I'll do my best to live up to your expectations, and it's great to have you as a reader, just keep in mind that I've never written a whodunit before so go easy on me? ;D As always, any suggestions from a savvy reader like yourself would be greatly appreciated!
Baree - Thank you! :D I'll do my best not to disappoint!
p0n00b - *fluttershyyay*
Bellum_Civille - Well, I always figured that Sweetie Belle lived with her parents, at least not with Rarity, and I figured, seeing as how independent Rarity tends to be, especially in the Sisterhooves Social episode, it would make sense for her to go alone. But I wouldn't be adverse to bringing attention to the fact that Sweetie Belle didn't go, considering Apple Bloom did ^-^
And thanks! Yeah, I figured my author's note was a bit overly critical, but I personally felt like it dragged on a bit, so I didn't want to leave the impression that the entire story would do the same. Maybe I'll change that ;P
I think I'm going to leave the extra question marks. It's sort of my style, just a personal way to emphasize more emotion than a single question mark, without going so far as to add an exclamation point. I can see why that would be curious, though. Hope it won't be too much of an eyesore for you in coming chapters ^^
As far as the other things, you're absolutely right! :P Unfortunately, I'm having to write everything in Wordpad, so I don't have the spelling and grammar check, so it's a bit difficult for me to correct everything, so thanks for bringing that to my attention :D
Hope you don't lose your interest in coming chapters! Thanks for the track! ^__^
Oooo, a mystery? I wonder who it will be. Better make a suspect list.
-makes a suspect list of all the ponies there but leaves out Fluttershy-
A MLP mystery story?
Finally! A chance to use all I've learned reading Agatha Christie.
pics.livejournal.com/rpowell/pic/001k2ysq/s640x480
Show me your best.
What happened to this story? I am confused and saddened by its unupdated-ness...
And it doesn't say on hiatus...
Well, maybe you're just super-duper busy in real life? Who knows.
Ok - we have first victim: this apparently dead story. I say it was killed in library with the knife by Rarity.
But seriously, can you give us a hint if there will be any updates soon? "No" is viable answer too.
PS: Why nobody made Clue/Cluedo crossover yet. We can even use color-scheme names
Well, chapter 2 is finally up! the last chapter before the action really starts, so... Sorry for the wait, but I'm back! And hopefully I'll stay back, haha ;D
MagicMissingno: Yes, feel free! In fact, I encourage it! Might as well grab a pipe and grow a mustache while you're at it, so you'll look more official.
DeirKun: Oooh, now I'm really feeling the pressure, haha. Hope I don't disappoint! But I will give you my best! ;D
Bellum_Civille: Though I'm very happy to see some interest despite my absence, I apologize for just disappearing. These past couple of weeks have been quite the perfect storm for me. I got sick, the end of the grading period crept up on me so I've had to stay after school to make up tests and whatnots, and on top of it all my laptop called it quits on me. I lost just about everything :/ I've managed to get a new burst of inspiration, though, and I'll have plenty of chapters rolling hot off the presses shortly ^^
chidadow: I'm happy to inform you that this story was able to be saved, thanks to the doctor staying in room 304. Rarity seems to have gone missing, though. The grounds guards are searching vigilantly for her as we speak.
240614
I started one, but I am in the middle of rewriting my main fic...
You can check it out right now, but it will be a while before I finish it...
Hmm... I read the chapter... I already have a speculation as to who-dun-it...
Except, would it be a who-would-do-it, since nothing exciting happened yet?
It's back!
Again, your descriptions of the setting, ponies and even food were wonderful. I can really picture myself in the carriage and in the fancy grounds of Pie Manor; you have created an entirely new place for me to visualize, instead of just taking a setting from the show, which is a lot easier to think of in the reader's head. The characterization is also spot on, and I can already guess what kind of headcanon you've got for the couples...
I also couldn't help but think that Spike had his
Anyways, RL sure gets annoying sometimes, doesn't it? Sorry about all the sickness that seems to be making the rounds of authors I'm tracking.
Another anyways, I have very minor corrections you can make if you wish.
Onward!
>Apple Bloom just crossed her arms defiantly
Ponies don't have arms. They have forehooves or just hooves, but no arms.
How do they shrug then?
*shrug*
>while Spike savored his meal of precious gems Twilight ate her salad contently.
You missed a comma here, I think.
>Applejack flung open the curtain and stepped out, her bouncy, blonde curls and long lashes even managed to rival Rarity's, as she walked over to the window to take a look for herself.
You might want to make this two sentences or something, because this sentence goes on too long and sounds awkward(try saying it out loud, that usually works for me).
Cheers!
267982
Wow. Ok Is ther eanything that fandom didn't at least try. I mean...
I will wait till you finished rewriting - till then track
p0n00b: Hmmm... Yes, I think a "who-would-do-it" is a little more fitting at this point... But there'll be an "it" that is done soon enough... Glad to hear you have a suspect already, though ;D
But, I'd really appreciate it if there wasn't any discussion of another person's fanfics in the comments section of this one ;) Thanks.
chidadow: Like I said, please talk about it elsewhere ;D After all, that's what private messages are here for, right?
Bellum_Civille: Yes! Finally! :D Glad you're as excited about it as I am, haha.
Wow, really? Thank you ;D I really appreciate that... I've always thought that I was a little too descriptive and that I focused on the details too much, but if you're able to picture yourself watching the story unfold, that's the best thing I could hope for ^__^ . Glad you think I got the characters down fairly well, haha. I love those dang ponies, so I try to be as faithful to them as I can ;P
And that's alright with me, haha. 'Stache Spike is OK in my book.
Another batch, huh? *cracks knuckles* Alright, let's do this.
>Yeah, I thought about this while I was writing it, but I couldn't come up with an alternative gesture that a pony would be able to do that would communicate the same thing, so until I do, I'll cop out and say that, by the power of Celestia, she managed to cross her forelegs (which I'll probably just keep referring to as arms :P ) Heh
>Ah, yes, right you are...
>Hmm... Yeah, that is a bit wordy... I'll figure out how to dice that up to make it flow a little better. Unfortunately, using the family computer in the living room makes it hard for me to read my writing out loud without looking crazy, but I'll be sure to do that anyway before I post the next one ;P
Thanks again for the comment! Oh, and thanks a lot for the fave, too ;) Really appreciate it!
276965
ok - will do. I have read second chapter, everything looks promising. The only question I have and is what sort of crime to expect. Traditional murder? Theft? Pony-napping? Or some Equestira-specific crime?
PS: I know you will not tell me - I'm just creationg suspense
Keep it up, can't wait for more.
Read it. Have some hopes for it. Waiting for more. +1