• Member Since 8th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 4th, 2018

Veradon Chimera


Fluttershy was born on some of the highest clouds, but during her life she discovered that ground was where she belonged. However, there are aspects of her life in the sky which she cannot break from completely. And now, they're coming back.

Her parents are coming to Ponyville to visit.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 7 )

The concept is indeed interesting but,

There wasn't enough buildup in this story. Her family just visits and Fluttershy get's upset and tells them no. The tension was insufficient and I feel like you should add something, Maybe prolong the conflict by having her mother trying to force her to come home in a few days and with the help of her friends, she slowly builds up the courage with a final confrontation.

With the story as it is though, I just did not get the impression that Fluttershy was truly overcoming a major challenge.

I'd like to see this story continued, I feel there is room for another chapter. Overall, I think it is a good story, and I enjoyed it.

2309630 Thanks for your criticism. I know now that pacing is a problem of mine and I'll look to improve that in the future.
May rewrite this someday when I get better, but for now your criticism has been noted and taken on board.

If Fluttershy is a wildlife vet, she should get a stipend from the county.

And why didn't Twilight mention to her parents that Fluttershy just HAPPENS to be an Element of Harmony, and a duly appointed KNIGHT and 3 Time Champion of Equestria??

2315106 *Sigh,* I really did not think this through. I can justify the first one, she had her trust fund coming in and so didn't want to go through the trouble of trying applying for a stipend. But I actually thought that this was what happened afterwards.
The second, I've got nothing. Thanks for the input though, I appreciate it.

Your word choice is very genius as a sciencist and this story is very very good as a bullet ping-ponging to the mirror in the dark, good work. :pinkiehappy:

DUUUUUUUUDE! Fluttershy's mother and sister are RACIST! :pinkiegasp:

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