Hello. My name is Twilight Sparkle... er... I mean, Princess Twilight Sparkle. Sweet Celestia that is going to need some getting used to. Wait do I need to swear to myself now. Am I a fucking goddess now? Hmmm, Princess Twilight Sparkle the Immortal. No, Twilight Sparkle the Fucking Goddess. Yeah, I like that. TSFG has such a better ring to it the SGPT will ever have.
Oh right now I remember why I'm writing. To remind my self of the absolutely awful first day of being a Princess. First off, I wasn't even told what I am the Princess of. Some fucking people came in calling me the Princess of Friendship, while others called me the Princess of Magic. Still, other called me the fucking Princess of the Night. I look nothing like Luna. Well, I guess I can blame that on the new ceramic statues of me as a Princess. Hascolt really fucked up on the look.
Oh, oh, and then some little bitch came crying to me about her son running away. After I asked the boys age, she said eighteen. Seriously, mare, he was probably just moving out on his own. I told her and she started screaming at me and calling me names. I AM A PRINCESS NOW AND I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO THAT WAY. So I had her thrown in the dungeons. She can't leave until I say so. I read about that. Whenever a princess sentences someone to a dungeon, that pony may only be released if the Princess in question gives her approval. So, even if Celestia finds out about her, that wretched pony, the Princess of the Sun will not be able to do anything.
Some of the peasants did have appropriate concerns, however. This one farmer stallion said his eight year old daughter had been kidnapped by Diamond Dogs. I felt his pain as I, too, had once had a loved one kidnapped by those fiends. I immediately sent five of the guard to the town to fetch the filly. Speaking of guards, I need to get some of my own. The ones I have now are just rentals from Celestia. I mean rentals. I have to pay her so she can pay their wages. She told me that while they are under my control, they are still her guards. Where does she get off. I need my own Twilight Guard. I know, I'll call them the Dusk Platoon. Get it, Dusk... Twilight... eh, eh... oh, never mind. It doesn't matter anyw-
Twilight is interrupted by a knock on her door. One of her borrowed guards spoke through the door. “Your Highness, the Element of Generosity, Lady Rarity has come to visit you. Would you like me to send her in?”
Twilight looked to her half finished journal entry. She used magic to quickly dry the ink and close the book before putting it in one of her desk drawers. “Send her in, Ser.”
The door opened and Rarity stepped in, resplendent in her newest out fit, a purple, silk dress with white lace at the shoulders an the hem. Though the gown was simpler than some of Rarity's work, the alabaster unicorn made it look beautiful. Rather, the dress made her look beautiful.
“Twilight, what are you doing?”
Twilight shuffled her hooves. “Nothing, just doing a bit a writing.”
“Oh, are you writing a novel? Can I see what you have already?”
“NO!” Twilight yelled. “I mean, no, not yet. I'm a little embarrassed about my work.”
Rarity waved her hoof dismissively, respecting her friends feelings. “It is of no matter. The real reason why I came to visit is to inquire as to why you are not at the feast.”
“F-feast?”
“Of course, darling. The feast to celebrate your coronation.”
“I thought we had a feast last night.”
“We did, but apparently these coronation feasts happen every night for a week, and tomorrow there is a tourney to be held in your honor.”
Twilight visibly paled at the news. “S-seriously?”
“Yes, darling. Now are you coming or not?”
Twilight unsteadily got to her feet. “I'll come. Just give me fifteen minute to get into something presentable.”
Five hours later and three ours after midnight, Twilight stumbled back into her room. She waddled over to her desk and plopped down on her chair with a fairly audible thud. She pulled out her journal and searched through the pages until she found the one she was looking for. She squinted in order to dip the quill in the ink and she began to write in an unsteady hand.
I'm back. Sorry I had to leave, Rarity pulled me away from you to got to some frivolous feast. Oh yeah, I should mention that all of my friends became ladies of the court after I became Princess, Rarity seems to be the only one taking it in stride. Applejack was the most shaken up about it. She thought she would have to leave the farm to live in Canterlot with all the snoody, upperclass ponies. She was having a conniption fit for about an hour before I was finally able to tell her that the title was only a formality and she could still do anything she wanted. In fact, Rarity is the only one who wants to stay in Canterlot with me. The others all like their lives back in Ponyville. Sure, they are staying in Canterlot during the feasting, but then, they are high tailing it out of here. Some friends they are. As soon as I become different, they abandon me. Don't they know that I need them. I need somepony to lean on as I get used to this Princess stuff. Sure, Rarity is great, but she has always been a high class pony at heart. She can't relate to me. Yeah, I lived in Canterlot before, but I was never in the spotlight. Now I'm a guppy swimming disguised in a school of barracuda. If they find me out, they will eat me alive.
Twilight set her quill down next to her tear drop littered page. With a final sniffle, she tore the page out of the book with her magic and crumpled it up. She threw it over her shoulder in the direction of the trash can. The balled paper landed on the rim of the trash can and rested there, as if undecided as to whether stay outside or plunge in.
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It's here~!
2294118 God I was shitfaced last night
2294380
Write more when drunk. It works for you.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2294444 lol, thanks
Drunken writing seems to work for you.
2294599 everyone seems to think so lol
Oh you
2295316 who me?
2295333
Yes you. Your stories ... they're just so silly.
2295363 well I'm a silly guy
I like this, and agree that you should write more when you're drunk there, distorted.
2295370>>2295373
You wrote this when you were drunk?
About a Drunk Pony?
Have you read my rules of FIMFiciton?, because I have a rule just for this occasion:
The rule was actually pre-existing (it was made for This amazing thing), But I'd say this rule is really more yours, especially where that second part is concerned. I wonder what it's like to write drunk. I bet I could get the same effect by skipping my Concerta for a few days.
2295373>>2295387 I can only write random stuff like this when I'm drunk though. All my serious ones I gotta be sober
2295400
Oh no doubt. I would never go off the pill on a serious story either, and I'd much less drink (not that I'm old enough, but the point remains)
2295406 I do however have a dip in everytime I write
2295415
What does that mean? The way you used "dip". I just don't get it.
2295427 chewing tobacco
Am I wrong for liking the snooty ponies? For all their snootiness, they don't really do much wrong. And if the people complaining about their snootiness are their most frequent source of physical abuse, I can see why they don't like them.
could even have a sequel, rarity coming back cause she forgot something, finds twis little cruppled up paper and everyone could see how shes really feeling, and lol "Hascolt"
2296966 Sorry but all the whole series is one of oneshots. if someone else wants to make a sequel, more power to them. However, they would have to credit me
2295445
Okay, that makes sense. The structure of the sentence threw me off. If you'd gotten rid of the word "in", I probably would've got it.
2297426 ah ok
2297428
and also for the record, you must really hate your teeth.
2297541 not really it just tastes so good
Pardon my asking, but what does SGPT stand for?
2297889 well shit. I totally mixed up the musician So Great and Powerful with The Great and Powerful Trixie. So I guess it means So Great and Powerful Trixie. Don't judge me I was drunk.
2297911>>2297911 I'm not judging, I was just confused for a minute.
2297923 yeah sorry about the mix up
2298598 hmm lets see. I had crown, somw more whiskey, some rum, some vodka, a little cognac, and some tequila. I think
2298677 I can honestly tell you I have never had a hangover. I Applejack promise (get it cause she's the Element of Honesty and best pony)
I would totally read an entire series like this.
2298720 Im making one. this is the second installment of the Royal Ramblings Series. All will be written while drunk and all will have the main character be drunk
2298824 a little bit
2298907 yep
2297585
Eating a lot of candy even though it tastes good is still hating on one's own teeth. And both of those rot shit out, so it's an easy comparison to make.
2299873 meh I guess
2295387 For some of us who take it on a daily basis, yeah, pretty much. Being off meds is eerily similar to feeling buzzed.
2306333
I'll bet it is. Never been buzzed, but I've been off meds quite a few times. It's annoying when your problem makes it harder to remember to take the meds in the first place
2295387>>2294118spongebob ftw.