• Member Since 21st Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 26th, 2014

Little Lollipop


What's this? A girl who likes ponies?

Comments ( 23 )

Duuuuuude........:twilightoops: I don;t think I can feel my leg.....

181681 Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Dat... Picture...

What the..........what...........and why are they humans?

... :pinkiehappy: A well written clopfic, you definately deserve stars!:yay:

182471 What's wrong with them being humans?

182471

welcome to the MLP fandom

....... when did i die and encounter fanfic heaven?!?! my brain imploded a bit at how amazing this was. props to you, so many props you could open a naughty theatre!

202237 I'm taking you liked it. :)

Lucky bastard! She is so fucking hot hot HOT HOTTTTTT! :heart:

There needs to be a sequel in which Zecora fucks all of the guys on the show, from Big Mac to Caramel to Pokey Pierce to (...) Then it ends with an orgy that leaves her whole body coated white with love.

263472 Give me link if you do? :raritystarry:

258990 wow that's... DISTURBING i mean :pinkiecrazy: was less crazy than that

I'm so jealous of Big Mac right now

Well, if I'm reading it, I may as well post my gripes. :raritywink: I get this is a one-shot, so I'll only post the stuff that actually bothers me.

It barely covered her dark, taunt body.

The word "taunt" doesn't have that definition. I looked up tawny, which means orange-brown or yellowish-brown, apparently. Pretty sure you meant taut, which means tight or high-strung.

Zecora traced the nipple with her lounge, kissed, lick and kissed again.

First, I don't know what a lounge is in relation to a body part, and I can't even guess what you were going for here. :duck:

Second, you put "lick" and not "licked," and it needs a comma after it.

Zecora felt little Mac become ready

That just seems silly to me, not sexy. Maybe I've been playing too much of that new Smash Bros, because this does not conjure images of sexiness, it conjures images of a boxer. :twilightoops:
cdn.superbwallpapers.com/wallpapers/games/little-mac-super-smash-bros-31199-1920x1200.jpg

She threw back her head and screamed to the heavens as Big Mac grunted.

I'm, like, the only person I know who dislikes the whole "screaming" cliche in clop, it seems. :ajsleepy: Sillly exposition. It doesn't seem sexy at all to me.

Holding them in his hands, he gave them a squeeze.
“Oh!” Zecora gasped and shivered.

This works all right because it's fantasy. I wish real life was more like this. :twistnerd: Breasts just aren't all that sensitive. Women don't get orgasms from breastfeeding... in most cases.

Take me like those Southern fillies!

haha wat

Is this a Titanic reference? "Paint me like one of your French Girls?" :rainbowlaugh:

Outside of the hut, the night life seemed to explode. Crickets played their songs; owls softly hooted; the lighting bugs danced about.

This is absolutely random. :rainbowhuh:

Back and forth on figure went

You mean "one" here.


All of the "Yes, Mistress" stuff in this kept reminding me of this fart porn I watched when I was about 16 years old and wanted to look up some funny porn with my friend. There was some chick reading a magazine while a dude ate her out, and every time she'd say something, he'd reply, "Yes, Countess."

"I'm gonna make you devour my pussy."
"Yes, Countess."
"Then I'm going to bring my friends over and I'm gonna make you devour their pussies as well."
"Yes, Countess."
"Then, if I'm feeling nice, I'll give you a little enjoyment as well."
"Yes, Countess."
"I can feel your face in my ass. I know you want something out of it."
"Yes, Countess."
"You wanna sniff my juicy fart?"
"Yes, Countess."
"Okay, you have to sniff my juicy fart."
"Yes, Countess."

She then rips total ass on his face, a huge, wet fart directly onto his nose--because, you know, she's in doggy position while he eats her out, so if his tongue is in her vagina, his nose is directly on her butthole. The guy keeps going for a few seconds, then you see him pull his face away, and it's all screwed up in this "holy shit I cannot fucking breathe" expression. He tries to go back in, but the reek from her ass is just too powerful and he has to pull away to try to get some air again.

Now, the mood is completely fucking killed and he just can't keep going. She completely destroyed his motivation. She knows it. So, she turns over and he finally gets a moment to breathe without his nose directly over her butthole.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, it wasn't too bad, as far as clop goes. :rainbowkiss:

I don't understand why no one has noticed this, but that's R63 Applejack in the cover art, not Big Macintosh

Lol, this was hot but it didn't give me a boner

It starts a little too fast. Now, I'm not one for plot (in the sense of story, not pony butt) in my clop, but I do like to have a bit of story before it starts. Just so I know what's going on and such. Not too much plot (again, story), but enough that I know what's happening.

If, for example, this started when he entered the forest, as opposed to when he went through the door, and had some of his internal monologue or something, it'd be slow enough at the start for me.

Not that it's particularly bad as far as clop goes as-is, I just don't like pure, filtered, dive-right-in clop, personally.

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