Deadpool and Pinkie Pie

by Dashzilla93

Meeting the Ponies

“The Princess wishes to see you two immediately.”

“What for?” Pinkie Pie asked very confused as to why the Princesses wish summoned them.

“Something terrible has come to the Crystal Kingdom,” the guard informed them with a serious tone to his voice while glancing at Deadpool briefly before looking back at Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie.

“Crystal Kingdom!” Deadpool thought as a thought bubble appear next to his head and showed him being surrounded by crystals, “I’ll be rich,” he smiled greedily under his mask.

Pinkie popped Deadpool's thought bubble and chuckled .“It’s not that kind of crystal, silly”

“Darn it!” Deadpool snapped his fingers and crossed his arms.

“Who is this?” the other royal guard asked a little baffled by Deadpool's appearance.

“This is Deadpool. He got in to a tussle with Gilda and drove her away. He’s new here and he became best friends with Fluttershy and I,” Pinkie wraps her arm around Deadpool's neck, bringing him close her cheek and smiles wide.

“She won me over with a cupcake. I couldn’t resist,” he shrugged while in Pinkie's hold.

“Ok, then?” The guard was still confused, but brushed it aside.

“Just what we need: another Pinkie Pie” whispered the guard next to him.

“Anyway, what’s going on in the Crystal Kingdom?” Fluttershy asked, raising a brow.

“We don’t know. Look, no more questions, you two need to go to the princess immediately!” shouted the guard.

“Eep, o-ok” Fluttershy whimpered at the guard's sudden outburst.

“Hey! There’s no need to shout like that. You may be a guard to your queeny, but that doesn’t make you the big boss around here,” Deadpool shouted at the guard and defending Fluttershy.

“Queeny? Excuse me, but that’s Princess Celestia you're talking about. And I think it be best if you stand down and show respect to the Princess,” said the guard facing Deadpool, "Unless you wish to be in prison"

“Hate to break it to you horsey, but I take orders from no one, not even from this Princess Kilestial, or something” Deadpool retaliated.

“Then you will be placed under…”

“Hang on guys!" Pinkie interrupted and jumped between them "he’s just kidding about what he said. He didn’t mean anything of that. He hasn’t had his mocha, yet,” she smiled innocently.

The guards look at Pinkie before looking back at Deadpool with serious glares before sighing. They knew Pinkie as well as everyone else. Despite her words, they just went along with it and let it slide, “Very well, but this is just a warning, whatever you are.” They were still confused by his appearance.

Deadpool gives off an annoyed, angry look at the guards, watching them turn and fly away.

Pinkie sighed and turned to face Deadpool. “Perhaps you need to learn a thing or two since you're here, Deadpool”

“Sure Pinkie Pie, what do I need to learn?” Deadpool brings out a pen, a notepad and reading glasses. He puts them on as Pinkie Pie begins to talk.

“Well, before I explain, let me…”

“Um, I hate to interrupt, but we should get to Celestia’s castle ASAP,” Fluttershy said, "If that's okay with you"

“Oh right! That almost slipped my mind!” Pinkie Pie spazzed out a bit.

“Oh crap! I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date,” Deadpool joked, throwing the notepad, pen and glasses away.

Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Deadpool hurried to Princess Celestia’s castle, running and flying at their top speed. As they ran, Deadpool trips but quickly got back up and caught up to the ponies.

Minutes later, they make it to Canterlot and arrived at the Castle. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy storm in while Deadpool stopped to take several breaths of exhaustion.

“You guys go on. I’ll catch up later,” he says in heavy breathing, “Where's some booze when you need it,” he said in an exhausted tone.

Deadpool looked around Canterlot and actually admired the view, noticing colorful buildings fancy signs, stands for bystanders to buy food and ponies of different shapes and sizes giving Deadpool odd looks of confusion and oddity. Some approached and surrounded him and started asking him random questions. Deadpool lifted his hands up and widened his eyes, never expecting to get this much attention. “Whoa, whoa, hold on everyone. I know I’m famous, but this is a bit too much,” But the ponies continued to ask him questions. A few ponies in the background made fun of his appearance and what he wore, which he overheard.

Deadpool gives off an annoyed look before bringing his revolver out and fires in the sky, shutting all the ponies up, “Shut up! I can't hear myself not think!" he shouted at them "Now I have a question for all of you. Does anyone know where I can get something to drink?” Deadpool asked, pointing his revolver at the crowd of ponies.

They all pointed to a drink stand a few feet away from him. “Thank you!” Deadpool walked over to the stand backwards, still pointing his gun at the crowd of ponies. As he walked to the stand, he turned around and slide his gun back into his holder, “One bottle of Vodka, please,” he requested with a pleasing tone to the light magenta unicorn clerk.

“Sorry, we don’t have what you want,” the clerk informed him behind the table.

“Don’t have what I wa…what the hell, man... er... pony! Well, do you at least have an appletini?” Deadpool asked in frustration.

“Nope, don’t have that” the clerk replied.

“Yellowtail? Wine? freaking Rum?” Deadpool asked again and started to panic a little.

“Nope, none of those” the clerk answered with a shrug.

Deadpool's left eyelid twitched, “Then tell me, do you, please God, do you have…bud light?” Deadpool plead to the clerk to say yes.

“Sorry, don’t have that either,” the clerk replied with the answer the merc didn't want to hear.

Deadpool dropped a single tear and turned around, dropping to his knees with his arms in the air and shouted “No!” to the heavens for about a minute before the clerk intervened.

"We do have applejuice and milk, if you want some.”

Deadpool looked back at the clerk with an annoyed look, “Thanks for ruining my dramatic moment, pal. Why don't -- did you say milk?”

“Why, yes I did,” The clerk smiled a bit.

“Even…chocolate milk?” Deadpool asked with a look of hope on his face

"Yes, even chocolate milk.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usfiAsWR4qU

Deadpool does his same motion again, but instead of no, he shouted “Yes!” for another full minute before going back to his seat and ordering chocolate milk.

“You are such an annoying creature,” a snobbish pony with a royalish voice said as he approached Deadpool.

Deadpool perked his head and looked back to see the stallion while sipping his milk through a straw like a little child and said “Says the pony with a voice that sounds like a gay hippo fart” Deadpool mocked the stallion as he got up and turned around, but the pony already left to go inside the castle, completely ignoring him. “Anyway, one more chocolate milk, please” he ordered as he walked up to the clerk.

“Sure thing, that’ll be five bits” the clerk requested.

“Bits?” Deadpool tilts his head, confused.

“Bits. They're gold coins” the clerk informed him.

“Like these!” Deadpool handed out 5 one dollar gold coins.

“...Something like that, yes. Those will do,” The clerk smiled, a look of greed in his eyes, as he accepted the coins.

Deadpool hands the clerk the coins as the clerk gives him the chocolate milk, “Dear God, thank you,” He rolled up his mask again and drank the milk.

“Who’s God? Is God like Princess Celestia?” asked the clerk.

Deadpool finished his milk and rolled his mask back down, “Princess, why does that sound familiar?” Deadpool thought for a sec before realizing what he was supposed to do, “Oh crap, Pinkie!” he jumped out of his seat and dashed to the castle, but stopped “Oh wait I can teleport, duh,” purple aura started to appear and surrounded Deadpool , closing in on him and making him vanish into thin air.

“Such an odd creature” the clerk said with a bemused look.

Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy arrive in Celestia's throne room where she and her little sister, Princess Luna, awaited for them as Twilight, who was oddly taller than her friends, looked back to see them come up and slow their pace, stopping in front of them.

“There you two are. Where have you been?” Rainbow Dash asked, hovering in the air

“So sorry everypony, we got the message a little late,” Fluttershy said, apologizing to everyone.

“We came as fast as possible. Like, super-duper fast. We got a little side tracked along the way, but we still made it.” Pinkie Pie smiled.

Princess Celestia nodded, “I’m glad you all made it. Now then, as you may know, the Crystal Kingdom is under attack by a horde of changelings,” everyone gasped in shock from hearing that, Twilight especially.

“Changelings?! Is Chrysalis behind this?” Twilight asked worried with a sad expression “Is my brother and sister-in-law okay?” she asked worriedly.

“They are fine. Right now, I received word from Cadence that they’re fighting back as best as possible,” she said in a calm voice.

“That’s good, at least that’ll give us time to go the Crystal Kingdom and help them out” Applejack said with relief.

“From what we heard, the changelings have grown in numbers. Even with your help it still might not be enough to stop them,” Luna said with a troubled look on her face.

“Well then, it’s a good thing I made a new friend today. He seems like a great fighter. He fought Gilda today and drove her away” Pinkie Pie replied with a happy tone.

“Wait! Gilda mentioned something about a red,black thing showing up out of nowhere and beating her up,” Rainbow Dash told Pinkie with a sort of frustrated tone and zoomed down in front of her, "Would that 'friend' happen to be what Gilda told me?" Rainbow dash asked very sternly.

“Well, he didn’t exactly beat her up. All he did was use some kind of thingy that fired ketchup and mustard; it was funny,” she said with a slight giggle and snort

“Who is your new friend, anyway? I’d love to meet it,” Rainbow dash said sarcastically with an angry tone, clanking her hooves together.

“Sure thing, he’s right behind…” she turned around to see Deadpool gone “Me? Hey, where’d he go?”

“Where who go?” Rarity asked and stood next to Rainbow.

"Deadpool,” Pinkie replied, still looking around for him.

“Who?” most of the ponies asked.

“Deadpool, where are you? Deadpool? Deadpool!” Pinkie Pie shouted, ignoring her friends and trying her best to call Deadpool, but recieved no response.

Suddenly, purple aura appeared in the throne room in front of Pinkie Pie. She backed away as the aura erupted in the form of Deadpool “Never fear, your friendly neighborhood Deadpool is here,” he says while striking a superhero pose.

“How did you do that?” Pinkie Pie asked, quite surprised.

“I can teleport from place to place and here to there. I forgot to mention that earlier,” Deadpool said as he rubbed the back of his head.

“So, you’re the one who fought Gilda and scared her off. What the hay is your problem, jerk!” Rainbow Dash shouted as she got close to Deadpool's face.

“Easy there, skittles," Deadpool pushed Rainbow back a little, "She was about to roar in your friend's face and wake up two babies from their sleep. Someone had to shut her up,” He explained it to her but still got an angry look out of her.

“That still doesn’t mean you should hit her. Who do you think you are?!" Rainbow's voice cracked a bit.

“I’m the merc with the mouth, bitch,” Deadpool said in a tough guy voice as he got in Rainbow's face.

“You big jerk, somepony should teach you a...”

“That’s enough you two!" Princess Celestia barked, stamping her hoof on the concrete floor. They stop in their place and stand stiff. Rainbow whimpered a little and backed away from Deadpool, hoping to not anger the princess even more, “Alright, before we get back to the task at hoof, explain yourself, Deadpool. How did you come to Equestria?” she asked in a serious tone.

Deadpool tapped his chin and thought of coming up with some answers. A lightbulb dinged above his head as he replied to the Sun Princess, “I came here on a magical flying car,” as he pretends he’s riding on a car.

“This isn’t a joke, Deadpool,” Twilight said in annoyance.

“Stop goofing around and tell us already, ” Rainbow Dash shouted at Deadpool, demanding an answer while still frustrated at him for what he did.

“Yuck, who made that outfit for you? It’s hideously grotesque” Rarity cringed.

“Hey, easy there Skittles and Marshmallow. I was just playing around” Deadpool glared an agitated look at them.

“Marshmallow? I'm not a marshmallow, my name is Rarity.”

“And what's up with Skittles? Do I look like a Skittles to you?” both Rarity and Rainbow dash walked and flew in front of him, and both of them were very angry.

“Yes. You two are like skittles and a marshmallow,” he gave his honest opinion to the both of them as they approach him with furious glares. "Hey, don't blame me. Blame the memes that started this."

“Stand down now you two!” Celestia ordered and stamped her hoof on the ground with a slight impact sound, forcing Rarity and Rainbow dash back away from Deadpool. Rainbow Dash thought that this might be strike two for her.

“Wow, I can’t believe the fuss this critter is making,” whispered Applejack to Twilight.

“At least he isn’t as bad as the last friend Pinkie 'invited'" Twilight whispered back to her southern friend. "I thought Fluttershy would never calm down that giant gorilla."

“I don’t think that gorilla wanted to be Pinkie's friend at all. Seemed like it just wanted to be left alone.”

“Now then, explain yourself. How did you get here in Equestria?” Celestia barked, demanding an answer.

Deadpool held up his hands and sighed in defeat, “Alright, alright. how did it go? Oh yeah, I was teaming up with my pals Wolverine, Cyclops and Spider-man. We were fighting villains like Venom, Magneto, and... Rhino... of all villains. They were working on a portal through time to, I don’t know, wrestle T-Rexes," he shrugged. "We fought our hardest against them until Rhino, being the dumbass he is, threw me into the portal as it malfunctioned and closed itself shut behind me. And that’s how I came here to this colorful world!” He smiled under his mask as they all gave him mixed expressions, thinking that might have been less informative, or there was more to this, but seeing as how he shares a mind like Pinkie Pie, it might be more difficult then they thought.

“That’s an…interesting story,” Celestia said, as she looked at Deadpool and raised a brow in confusion, not understanding his story at all. Who were these characters Deadpool mentioned? it didn't make much sense, but she still had more questions to ask.

“Venom? A rhino? A man spider? And a magnet-o-man? Those are some funny names,” Pinkie Pie said, as she chuckled and snorted.

“They sure are! But Rhino was the only stupid one out of all of them” Deadpool said, as he started to laugh with Pinkie Pie.

“So, what are your abilities, Deadpool” Twilight asked curiously.

“Oh, that's easy," Deadpool said and counted the number of abilities he had with his fingers. "Master sharpshooter, master swordsmen, a wicked ass healing factor that tops Wolverines and humor that matches Weird Al Yancovic and George Carlen”

“You are a strange one, Mister Deadpool” said Fluttershy in a soft, calm voice.

“I get that a lot. I’ve been called many things”

“What kind of things?” Applejack asked as she approached Deadpool a bit.

“Stuff from the book of stupidity,” Deadpool said with a hint of sarcasm.

“There’s a book like that?” Twilight perked her ears, enthusiastic about said 'book' Deadpool said.

“That was sarcasm, Twilight” Rainbow corrected her, crossing her arms as she flew next to her.

“Oh...”

Pinkie Pie giggled and snorted while Deadpool laughed from the hilarity. “You ponies are a crack up. I could get use to living here”

“Yay!” Pinkie zoomed at Deadpool and hugged him tight around his neck, smiling ever so happy.

“Live here!" Twilight gasped "Oh no, no, no, you can’t live here. We have to find a way to get you back to your world”

“Aww, Why not?” Pinkie looked at and rushed over to Twilight with speed almost matching Rainbow dash's “Please, please let him stay he’s so cool and funny!” she bounced in front of her and begged her for Deadpool to stay.

“Pinkie, he can’t stay here. He’s not from here,” She told Pinkie, but the words never came through to her. Pinkie begged and pleaded for Twilight to change her mind, and Deadpool even stood by her side begging and pleading to Twilight. Almost mimicking Pinkie Pie.

“Might as well, Twilight. These two won’t quit. They are a lot alike when ya think about it,” Applejack stood beside twilight and just figured they should roll with it for a while, at least until they find a way to bring Deadpool back to his world.

Twilight facehooved and let out a gruntful sigh “Ok, Ok, fine. Besides, we have more important things to take care of,” She turned to face Celestia, “How are Shining and Cadence doing so far, Princess?”

“They are doing their best for the moment. Their soldiers are fending off the changelings as best as they could, but I fear they can’t keep this up for long”.

“Then we have to hurry and help them! There's no time to waste, we have to go n--” suddenly, screaming can be heard from outside the castle.

Deadpool and the ponies looked back at the door as the screaming went on.

Comments

[Draconis187]

Yes! Update on the best 4th wall breakers in the known and unknown universes! You have made my evening good sir!

[Dartagnen]

MOAR! Please...

[dj-chemicalz]

dead pool is hear to kick ass and take names

[The Shade]

repost.eu/files/01/brilliant.jpg

[Hekate Sketch]

2944079

don't forget to eat cupcakes!

[damnaion]

lol love it

[timedragontardis]

I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say English is not your first language so far I like the ideal of this fic but it is lacking a bit and could use a good editor to clean It up a bit can't wait to read more

[ShadowLDrago]

2930877

And he's all out of names.