Deadpool vs. Gilda
“Ok, come on little duckies. It’s just a little further” said Fluttershy as she led a line of duck through Ponyville. But, as she was leading the ducks while walking backwards, Gilda appeared behind her and bumped into her.
“Hey!” Gilda looked down at Fluttershy.
“Please excuse me” said Fluttershy turning around to face Gilda.
“I’m walking here” Gilda said aggressively.
“Oh, um, I’m sorry. I was just trying to…”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Why don’t you just watch where you're going, doofus” Gilda walks up to Fluttershy and scaring the ducks away, while Fluttershy is backing away.
“But, but, I…”
Gilda opens her mouth and inhales. But as she was about to roar at Fluttershy, a hand appear out of nowhere and grabs a hold of Gilda's face, covering her mouth.
Fluttershy gasps and looks to her left. Gilda narrows her eyes and looks up to see a crimson figure stand beside her and Fluttershy, looking at her.
“Shh, there are two baby ponies trying to sleep. And, if you roar, you will wake them up, and if you wake them up, they will start crying, and if they start crying, I’ll punch you right in between the eyes!” said the crimson figure putting a finger on its mouth.
Fluttershy backs away more and looks at the crimson creature. Gilda makes an angry look and shoves the crimson creatures arm away.
“Look pal, just who do you think you are?”
“I’m the crimson assassin, the merc with the mouth, the one that’s better than Wolverine, the one that should get a cupcake, I am Deadpool”
“More like, the freak that won’t shut up.” Gilda said, under her breath.
“Says the thing that’s half bird, half cat, should really see a doctor cause I have no idea what the heck you are.” said Deadpool.
“I’m a griffon, stupid”
“Peter Griffon?”
“What? No, you idiot, I’m Gilda”
“You have gills? Your part fish! Ok, now you really need to see a doctor” Deadpool points at Gilda.
“I’m not a fish. I’m a griffon”
“And that’s a pony with wings” Deadpool points at Fluttershy.
“Oh dear! Um, I’m a pegasus” Fluttershy told Deadpool in a shy tone.
“No one asked you, doofus!” Gilda yelled.
“Hey, that adorable pony did nothing to you. Don’t be a termite in an anthill”
“Mind your own business, freak”
As Gilda was yelling, the baby fillies woke up from their naps, and started crying in the background.
“Great. You see what you did? You woke them up. Now those parents have to deal with those crying little blow horns all day”
While all of that was going on, Pinkie Pie sits next to a table and watches the event go on.
“Who is that? Well, whoever that is, I like him. He sounds funny, and he’s playing with Gilda.” Pinkie Pie said smiling and chuckling.
“I don’t care. Their just babies. I hate babies” she said as she yells at Deadpool at the top of her lungs.
“And babies hate you too, freak of nature”
“You're going to be dead meat if you don’t shut up”
“And you still need to see a doctor, because you are really starting to defy the laws of nature right now. And that’s Deadpool to you”
Pinkie Pie starts laughing and snorting at what Deadpool said and falls on her back, still laughing.
“What the heck?” Deadpool looks straight at Pinkie pie, seeing her laughing, and looks back at Gilda, only to see her reel back her fist and swing it.
“Did I forget to buy a napkin?” he thinks as Gilda punches him directly in the side of his face.
Deadpool turns and falls on his stomach. Fluttershy gasps and puts her hooves on her mouth. Pinkie Pie stops laughing and looks up to see Deadpool on the ground.
Gilda smiles evilly, but that evil grin turns into a shocked look as Deadpool gets up, and stands back on his feet. He turns around and looks at Gilda.
“Wow, I could've had a V8?” Deadpool thought as he walks back to Gilda like nothing ever happened.
“More like a 1, 2 punch,” said Gilda a bit surprised at Deadpool.
“Was that supposed to be a joke?” he said with a confused and slightly angry look.
“Maybe, what’s it to you?”
Deadpool looks to his right with an annoyed look, and then grabs Gilda by the neck fur. He lifts his fist up and repeatedly punches her in the face, saying “It’s not funny, it’s not funny, it’s not funny, it’s not funny, it’s not funny. It’s not funny!”.
Deadpool punches Gilda one more time, releasing her as she drops to the ground in a daze.
Pinkie Pie and the rest of the ponies’ drop their jaws in shock, while Fluttershy still has her hooves on her mouth, watching in fright and shock.
Gilda lifts her head up, seeing stars, and gets back on her claws and paws, then turns around and growls at Deadpool.
“You’re going to regret that, jerk.”
“I don’t think so,” said Deadpool, pulling out his pistol and pointing it at Gilda's head, catching her by surprise.
“What is that thing?” thought Pinkie pie as she watches from the background.
“What the heck is that?”
“This is my pea shooter. I call her, little sally, because she’s as feisty as a mongoose”
“Oh my,” said Fluttershy.
“What’s it even supposed to do?”
'BANG!'
After that loud bang, everything went silent. Not a single bird chirped in the trees. The wind never blew and the babies stopped crying. Not even Pinkie Pie made a sound.Although, Fluttershy hid her face in her mane and shivered in fear as she lays over the table. All the ponies continued to stare at Deadpool, until he lifts his pistol up, with smoke coming out of the hole that the bullet came from, and stares at Gilda more. Deadpool looks at his pistol, and then looks at Gilda with ketchup smothered all over her face. He looks at the readers and makes a wise crack smile.
“You thought I actually killed her. Well, jokes on you, suckers”
Pinkie Pie puffs her cheeks, and then bursts into laughter while the rest of the ponies stared chuckling and giggling, even the two fillies started laughing.
Gilda wipes the ketchup off of her face, and gets very angry. She gets on her hind legs and raises her claws, roaring in anger and frustration.
“I’ve had enough. You're dead, you idiot” Gilda yells in frustration and rage.
“I’m not dead; I’m alive, unless that makes me a zombie. Hey pink pony, am I dead or alive?” said Deadpool asking Pinkie Pie that question.
Pinkie Pie stops laughing and looks at Deadpool.
“You’re alive and red like a tomato” answered Pinkie as she laughs and snorts still.
“Welp, majority vote, I’m alive!”
Gilda closes her eyes tight and grinds her teeth as her face becomes bright red in anger with steam coming out of her ears.
“Shut up” Gilda yells and lunges after Deadpool.
“Uh oh.”
Gilda jumps and pounces on Deadpool, instantly getting into a large dust cloud fight. Fists, talons, Deadpools head, Gilda's wings, legs and paws pop out of the cloud.
Fluttershy gasps and moves out of the way and gallops over to the table Pinkie Pie was sitting next to. She looks away, not wanting to watch the fight.
Pinkie Pie and the other background ponies continue to watch the fight between Deadpool and Gilda.
Gilda punches Deadpool in the face. Deadpool kicks Gilda in butt. Gilda punches Deadpool in the gut. Deadpool slaps Gilda in the face. Gilda pokes Deadpool in the eyes. They do the Gangnam style. They both repeatedly slap each other across the face.
Deadpool brings out a Taser and shocks Gilda with five hundred volts. Smoke lines appear on top of Gilda while her skin is covered in charcoal.
Pinkie Pie sits down and got some popcorn and juice off screen, enjoying the entertainment. Fluttershy, not really liking the fight, decides to watch anyway. Pinkie hands the popcorn over to Fluttershy; she looks, takes some and munched on them.
Gilda shakes her head, making the charcoal disappear and growls at Deadpool. Deadpool puts his Taser away and laughs.
“Sorry if that was too shocking for you” said Deadpool joking around.
Gilda makes an angry face and lunges up, kicking Deadpool in the crotch, making a crunch sound echo across Ponyville. Deadpool screams into the sky in a high pitch voice. Gilda backs away and watches as Deadpool bends down and screams from the sheer pain.
Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and the rest of the ponies cringe from hearing Deadpool scream and the crunch.
Gilda smiles devilishly, and smirks. Deadpool covers his crotch and goes down on his knees then bends down and plants his face on the ground, butt in the air.
“Ha, finally, maybe that will shut you up” Gilda smirked, laughing at Deadpool.
“Ooo, cheap shot,” said Pinkie Pie.
“I hope he’s okay,” said Fluttershy a little worried.
“Ha, what are you going to do now, freak,” Gilda laughs at Deadpool while he's still in a fetal position.
Deadpool didn’t say a word while Gilda is laughing up a storm. She continues to laugh, until Deadpool draws his pea shooter, points it at Gilda, and fires it point blank at her head, splatting the ketchup all over her face, and catching her by surprise.
Fluttershy and the background ponies widen their eyes and gasp, but Pinkie and a few others chuckle and laughs from that.
“That never gets old” Pinkie pie laughs some more "this guys hilarious."
“Oh my,” Fluttershy says with more worry on her face.
“Surprise!” said Deadpool looking up at Gilda, and getting back up again
“Hey, that’s my line” Pinkie pie hollers, telling Deadpool that.
Gilda wipes the ketchup off her face and growls at Deadpool.
“Why you, that’s it, I’m going to…”
“Bored now!” Deadpool points his pea shooter at Gilda and fires it again, splatting more ketchup on her face. Gilda wipes the ketchup off and growls in annoyance.
“Will you stop that?!” Gilda yells in frustration and anger.
“Stop what, this,” Deadpool fires his pea shooter again, splatting mustard on her face.
Gilda shakes the mustard off and growls in pure rage.
“I said stop it!”
Gilda lunges at Deadpool with full force, but suddenly gets a pie to the face by Deadpool.
“A pie?” said Fluttershy confused
“A blueberry pie to be exact, yellow pony with wings” Deadpool looks at Fluttershy, explaining it to her.
“And I’m Pinkie Pie”
“Pinkie pie! You sure you're not the cotton candy pony, 'cause you are just adorable. Same goes to your yellow friend."
“Um, I’m Fluttershy, mister, um…” said Fluttershy
“Deadpool!”
“Oh ok, Deadpool.”
Deadpool looks away from Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy and looks at Gilda.
“Her, on the other hand, talk about Frankenstein’s pet” Deadpool points at Gilda.
“Um, who’s Frankenstein?” said Fluttershy.
“Who’s Frankenstein?” Deadpool looks back at Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie with a surprised look. He takes off his mask and shows them his burnt face saying “I’m Frankenstein” while making a scary, yet funny, face
Fluttershy screams and falls back, fainting. Pinkie Pie just laughs and snorts at Deadpool’s face.
“Your face is like a pizza” Pinkie Pie laughed.
“Then I must be the pizza guy” said Deadpool putting his mask back on.
“Ha, pizza guy, that’s a good one”
“Is your friend ok?” Deadpool points at Fluttershy.
“She’ll be fine, she gets spooked real easily”
“Oh, because I have this werewolf mask and I thought it would help her wake up”
“N’ah, she’ll wake up”
“Alright”
“Hey, idiot” yelled Gilda getting up and looking at Deadpool.
“Who said that?”
“Me, doofus”
“Santa Clause?!”
“No you idiot, behind you”
Deadpool twirls around and sees Gilda on her paws and claws, looking at him very frustrated.
“Hey! Catbird’s up. How are you doing?”
Gilda growls and pounds the ground with her fist.
“You know what, forget this! You’re just as annoying as Pinkie Pie. I’m out of here” Gilda yelled very annoyed as she unfolds her wings and flaps them, lifting herself up and flying away from Deadpool and the others.
“Later Gilda” said Deadpool finally saying her name right.
“Bye Gilda” Pinkie pie waved as Gilda left.
Gilda looks back and rolls her eyes then turns her head and flies away to find Rainbow Dash.
“Welp, I better go find that cupcake to eat and get out of here”
“I have a cupcake!” Pinkie pie holds up a cupcake in her hoof for Deadpool.
Deadpool quickly turns around and looks at Pinkie holding the cupcake, with sparkles glittering in his eyes.
“You want it?”
“Cupcake! Give me, give me, give me” Deadpool said excitedly as he runs after the cupcake.
“Ah, ah, on two conditions” Pinkie holds her other hoof, stopping Deadpool
“Cupcake?”
“First, you stay in Ponyville. Second, can we be friends?” asked Pinkie Pie smiling at Deadpool.
Deadpool thinks for a moment, but looks at Pinkie Pie, and smiles in his mask saying “Ok, I’ll stay and be your friend. Now give me cupcake! My mouth wishes for that cupcake!”
Pinkie Pie laughs and snorts then tosses it to Deadpool. Deadpool snatches the cupcake and climbs on top of the table and pulls his mask halfway up his face, close to his nose, and munches on the cupcake.
“Mmm, good cupcake, good cupcake.”
“You like it?”
“Good cupcake!” he said, savoring the taste.
“Oh, my head, what happened?” said Fluttershy waking up.
Pinkie Pie and Deadpool, still eating the cupcake, look over the table and watch Fluttershy wake up.
“Morning, sleepy head” said Pinkie Pie.
“Hi, yellow Pegasus” said Deadpool eating the cupcake still
“What happened?”
“Oh, Deadpool drove Gilda away, I gave him a cupcake, and he’s my new friend, and he’s staying in Ponyville.”
“Hey, she won me over!” Deadpool said with a mouth full of cupcake
“Does that mean Gilda's gone?”
“For now, she’s just going to find Rainbow Dash.”
Fluttershy gets up and looks at Deadpool, still eating the cupcake.
“Um, Mister Deadpool, what happened to your face? If you don’t mind me asking.” said Fluttershy being shy towards Deadpool
“I was playing with fire,” mumbled Deadpool with his mouth full of cupcake.
“No way, fire can burn you worse than that,” Pinkie Pie laughed, correcting Deadpool.
“And the pink pony wins the game.”
“Ooo yay, what do I win?”
“Cupcakes!”
“Yay!”
“Um, Pinkie, don’t you think we should find Twilight, and figure out how he got here?”
“I guess we should, but he’s so much fun! Also, I think Twilight…”
“Whoa, Whoa, time out here! Are you two talking about a vampire, a werewolf, or some woman who can’t seem to make up her mind on which boy she wants to be with?” asked Deadpool as he finishes the cupcake and rolling his mask back down.
“Huh? No, we were talking about our friend, Twilight Sparkle” Fluttershy said confused.
“You have a friend named, Twilight Sparkle?” asked Deadpool with a questioned look.
“Yup, she’s a unicorn who loves books and studying. Ironic enough, she lives in a tree library.” said Pinkie Pie answering Deadpool's unasked questions
“Wow. Hasbro and Stephanie Myers were not on the same page at all,” Deadpool thought while rubbing the back of his head and looking at the readers.
“Pfft, tell me about it. Yet, everypony loves those books and movies anyway. Really everypony, it’s just about a mare that’s really desperate on trying to get a coltfriend. Why do you think my friends and I don’t have coltfriends” Pinkie Pie shouts, agreeing with Deadpool while talking to the readers.
“Um, who are you two talking too?” Fluttershy questioned wondering what’s going on.
Pinkie Pie and Deadpool look at one another then at Fluttershy. “No one” both of them said at the same time.
“Oh, ok then. Shall we go find Twilight?”
“Sure. Come on, Deadpool”
“Right behind you, Pinkie”
Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Deadpool walk through Ponyville while other ponies continue doing what they usually do. They walk further until Twilight’s tree comes into view.
“We’re here,” said Fluttershy about to walk up to the door and knock
“All we need now is Jack and a giant” Deadpool joked, looking at Twilight's tree
“Who are they?” asked Pinkie Pie.
“It's an old fairy tale no one cares about,” Deadpool said waving a hand.
“Oh.”
Suddenly, three royal guards fly down and walk up to Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Deadpool.
“Are you Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy?” said one of the guards.
“Y-yes, I’m Fluttershy”
“And I’m Pinkie Pie!”
“Come with us. Princess Celestia need you two right away”
“Huh?” Both Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie said at the same time.
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Well I'm sold, 10 bits says Deadpool "gets it on" with Pinkie Pie
Though it would be nice to know how Deadpool got to Equestria in the first place, then again this is Deadpool we're talking about here.
Mutters That Deadpool Didn't Kill Gilda
This is the sort of thing that would be really good if done by a good author.
2291950 are you saying, I'm not a good author?
2291934 Relax, Gilda will return. This is just a piece of what's to come for everyones hated griffon >:)
2292415
"Are you saying I'm not a good author," said Dashzilla93.
You see, the problem, one of the at least, is that you used the word said too many times. Using said too many times makes it seem like everyone's speaking in monotone.
Then, you didn't describe much. There's a few sections but for the most part it's all dialogue. That's bad.
Lastly, the Pie in Pinkie Pie has to be capitalized.
Dear sweet Celestia, that 4th wall is never going to recover.
I like!
2292555 Thank you for pointing the problems out. Now I can finally fix them
Gilda... Stop asking Deadpool to shut up. He never will! Many have tried... None succeeded.
229254 Thank You
/)
2293113 anytime (\
“You know what, forget this! You’re just as annoying as Pinkie Pie. I’m out of here”
Thats Gilda, part bird, part cat, ALL chicken
There are a lot of grammatical errors, a lot of repetitive words, your not being as descriptive as you should be, and it seems a little fast paced even after the fight scene. If you want I could be your editor, if you don't have enough.
2298225 sure, I don't mind, but the reason it's fast paced is because I have more chapters in mind. also, grammatical error! dang it, why can't I get those right.
2299105 Just PM me on how you would like to go about this, the me-being-one-of-your-editors thing.
You should write more please
I can't wait to see what happens when deadpool meets the gang, or better yet celestia, I smell sitcom
2311285 how do I PM?
2294902
And 
Fact:I Have No Idea Who Deadpool Is But From What He Says In The Story He Sounds Funny
Random Fact: I Got Bored One Day And Made Glados's Son If She Had One And He Was A Pony And That Is My Account Picture
You totally nailed Deadpool's character perfectly keep going deserves more views
you nailed his personality spot on
2349135
Deadpool is a Marvel hero who will laugh at you if you chop off his head. Close enough.
2349135 eRGH mAH gAWD iT'S cAPtAINcAPiTAL!
2325198 Everything with Deadpool = Shitstorm / Sitcom.
Deadpool is best pony
I saw this fic, and my mind went instantly to "YAY DEADPOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!"
insta-fave and thumbs up. also, take this follow; it will hep you in your quest!
2343044 Go to their page and click on the little mail button on their picture.
lol god i love this comedy chapter
this has me laughing so hard!!!
