Preparing Phase Seven
“So, it is no longer considered romantic to hire a professional bard to serenade for your beloved, but rather to play for her yourself, even if one might lack the high skill level a professional musician might display?” Luna asked, highly intrigued. The last few hours had consisted of Autumn painting a very broad picture of ways to woo a mare and several of those had earned more questions from her, all while she took notes like a school filly would do. They sat around a table with several beverages, most of them high in caffeine.
“It is romantic if a professional sings or plays in the background, but it’s the combination of displaying your skills AND expressing them solely for your love. It's not so much about having high skill as it is about doing things for her and her alone.” The stallion answered patiently, yet clearly tired. He had been leaning on his hoof most of the time and sometimes his eyes shut for a short time. “That applies to most arts. As an example: I often cooked for Diamond Shadow.”
“I see.” The moon princess pondered. “So, to give an example: It would be more romantic if a gardener mowed the lawn in front of his lover's house, rather than buying her flowers?”
“No, Princess. It would be romantic if he grew flowers for her. Displaying low skill level is okay, but showing none at all usually makes it worse. And it also helps if both enjoy the subject. If I started serenading Diamond Shadow on a tuba, she would probably stuff me into the opening... the small one.”
Luna let out a sigh. “This seems so... retro.”
“What?”
“It’s just like it was before concept of nobility and generalized etiquette was created.” Luna explained “Relationships have apparently returned to being a very individualistic and personal thing, instead of something representing standing and family.”
“How retro are we talking?” the stallion asked carefully.
“Ponies already had written language, but not yet a centralized currency. “ the moon princess explained after some thinking “Back then, Celestia and I enjoyed a bit of a wild phase and just appeared before other ponies from time to time as guidance.” A soft smile crept onto her face “Most of the time, we would explore the world, seek out new places and wherever we went, we were worshipped.”
“Erm... princess?”
“Yes?”
“May I ask a very inappropriate question?” Autumn asked very, very carefully.
Luna simply cocked her head a little.
“How long have you and Celestia been around?” the stallion asked.
The alicorn let out a laugh. “At least you know that it’s inappropriate to ask for a mare’s age. But I will be generous: I do not know.”
“Hmm?” the stallion’s eyebrow rose.
“I am serious: I do not know because it took a while before the pegasi came up with a calendar, and the first one they made was different from the one used today. We travelled the world often and for long durations of time, so even if I had bothered to count the days, I would be off by decades or centuries.”
The cultist looked at Luna for a short while. “WOW!” he finally admitted “Compared to you I basically have the life expectancy of a... blood cell!”
Luna gave him a pressed smile.
“Back to our plan! I am not getting any younger!” Autumn stressed and took a swing of cold coffee. “Now that we have established how romance is seen nowadays.” *Have very excessively and boringly established how it is seen nowadays* he added mentally. “Now we can analyse if our target, Twilight, truly has feelings for the enemy... erm, Celestia!”
“You still won’t let go of the grudge, Autumn?” Luna asked with a sigh.
“No, entirely new reasons!” the stallion defended. “She humiliated me in front of Twilight and Diamond Shadow!”
The Moon Princess’ eyebrows rose. “When?”
“Earlier today. Sparkle suddenly dropped into my bed and-“
“WAIT!” Luna interrupted “She has seen you? They KNOW that you are here?”
“Yes.”
“How? What do they think, you are doing here?”
“You see, I was sleeping and had this really weird dream. A shriek woke me up and Sparkle was in my bed. At first, I thought she was a changeling and I tried to fight her, but then Celestia showed up and made fun of me-“
“Are you sure that it wasn’t a dream?” Luna interrupted “Celestia mocking you is a central motive of several dreams, you have.”
“No, princess, I am sure that it was real, because then Diamond Shadow showed up and Sparkle wanted to dissect me.”
“Are you really sure that it wasn’t a dream?”
“Yes, because then Diamond defended me by telling them that I am supposed to help you out and the two left and Diamond and I...” the stallion quickly caught himself “Kissed and made up.”
“BY THE TIDES!” the moon princess almost yelled, sending the stallion onto his haunches “This is NOT good!”
“I am sorry, princess, she just appeared in my bed!”
“I believe that it is not your fault. But it does mean that I have to give you a more... observable and public role for the time being.” Luna pondered “Twilight is a very smart and insightful pony. Our plans are foiled if she smells conspiracy!”
“So, what can I do?” Autumn asked carefully.
“Leave this to me, Autumn.” The alicorn answered after a sigh, she turned and spoke while walking a bit “You are a versatile pony and it should be easy to give you a believable position in the palace. We managed to take care of one mistake, we shall not falter in the face of misfortune. Right?”
No answer came.
Luna turned to see a broadly smiling stallion. “You think I’m versatile?” he asked dreamily.
The moon princess sighed. “Are you going to fawn over every single compliment I give you?”
“Yes!”
Quietly, Luna began to rub the spot right below her horn. “We should move on! You get your new orders tomorrow.” she decided “Now I want your opinion on the relationship between the two. As a pony that knows present etiquette and behaviour better than me, and grew up in the same environment as Twilight, you can certainly give me more detailed insights! Please have a look.”
A clipboard appeared before the stallion.
“You made a list?” he asked incredulously.
“Certainty can only be gained through careful observation!” Luna stressed. “I did help introduce the scientific method after all!”
Autumn nodded and took the clipboard with his hoof. “Let’s take a look…” he said and yawned once. “Smiles whenever they share a room… idolizes her… looks up to her with a gentle and dreamy look…” his tentacle snaked out from under his scarf and flipped the page. “Goodness…”
There was a knock on the door.
“Come in!” Luna called out and the door opened, revealing an unarmored Diamond Shadow, who was carrying a pair of saddle bags and a tired look.
“Are you still working, Princess?” she asked with a bit of surprise. “It’s almost 3AM.”
“Oh? There goes the time when one is hearing new things.” The alicorn wondered loudly and took her notes. “Did you come to a conclusion, Autumn?”
“She certainly seems smitten, if the data is cohesive! But why is there a whole page on her dreams?” the stallion asked suddenly.
Quickly, Luna grabbed the clipboard. “Excuse me! I forgot to remove this page. You were not supposed to read about Twilight’s dreams.”
“No! How do you know so much about her dreams?” he asked, still quite surprised. His tired mind gave him a kick. “Speaking of, how do you know so much about MY dreams! I never told anyone about the dreams where Celestia humiliates me!”
Diamond Shadow’s eyebrows rose. “That is a good question. You didn’t even tell me that you had those.”
“It would be good if you shared those emotions, Autumn.” Luna suggested “It is not healthy to keep these things pent up. Especially the one where Celestia locks you into a box with only your head sticking out, magically removes your tentacle, ties it into a ring and plays ring-toss onto your horn, while little fillies dance around you, singing mocking songs.”
“STOP!” Autumn wailed “How do you know all that? I never told anyone about that!”
“I am the princess of the night.” Luna said calmly “I rule over the both the waking and the sleeping night. I am the ferrymare of dreams and…”
“WAIT!” the stallion cut in “You see what we dream?”
“Basically, yes.” The night princess answered and instantly regretted her honesty. Always the same reaction when she told ponies in the waking world.
“Autumn, stop it… your tentacle is not strong enough to strangle yourself with.” She said in a deadpan voice “And agent Shadow, you cyanide tooth was removed when you ended your active service. You are chomping onto a perfectly harmless implant. There is no reason to be ashamed! I shall not judge you for what your subconscious lets you see at night.” The moon princess sighed yet again “Ponies hardly ever react positive to this reveal, but I did not expect you, Agent Shadow to abuse your poison tooth.”
Diamond Shadow groaned and gave up on the suicide. “The tooth hasn’t been lethal ever since I told Autumn, I was secret service. He kept replacing the cyanide with Tic Tacs.”
Luna’s eyes went wide. “How?”
“She has a very deep slumber…” Autumn answered also blushing and looking away.
“No, how did you find out?”
“Whenever he did, he spent a good part of his allowance on the toxic waste service.” The Pegasus answered.
“HEY, I’m not losing the mare of my life to you biting onto a peach seed or something!” the stallion defended himself.
“And I told you that I got a harmless one the first time! You cost me 4 replacements!”
“Well, if you let me make you a tooth regrowing potion, we could have avoided that!”
“You don’t have a license for that! And I am not drinking your potions!”
“You eat my food!”
“Your food does not alter my body!”
Autumn remained silent.
Diamond Shadows serpent-eyes narrowed. “You BETTER not be thinking-“ she growled coldly.
“I did not think a thing!”
“As usual!”
“What is that sup-“ ” You LIVE together” Luna interrupted loudly “You SLEEP together?”
The guard cocked her head to the side. “Of course! We have been a couple for years now.”
Meanwhile, the stallion hid behind his hoofs, expecting divine punishment at any second.
But the princess simply cleared her throat and fought a blush that crept onto her features. “It is not up to me to tell ponies how to live their lives, Autumn, but I think you accepted responsibility and proposed.”
“Oh, he did.” Diamond Shadow answered briefly. “I just said no.”
“WHAT?” Luna exclaimed “But… but… I don’t want to meddle in your private live, but you two seem so happy with each other. And why are you still a couple if you don’t want to marry?”
Again, the Pegasus sighed and walked closer to her lover. “Princess, I want to spend my life with this wonderful idiot here.” She said gently and put a wing over his withers. “But I don’t want to marry! Nopony and AT ALL! I don’t like the idea of being called a *wife*! I don’t like how everybody expects you to suddenly pop out foals like a sweets suspender and I certainly don’t like how some ponies give you stares, just because I happen to earn the bits and Autumn takes care of the house!”
The stallion nodded crestfallen and leaned into the wing’s embrace. “Even if I have a good harvest, I earn at best a third of what my honey here earns. And I grow my mushrooms at home, so its only logical that I also take care of housework, cooking and so on. I really don’t fit the idea of the husband who feeds the family. I already get some weird looks at the market for buying for two all the time. And I really, REALLY don’t like the idea of having foals... not that it’s an issue.” He swallowed and Diamond nuzzled up to him gently “Diamond Shadow is right. We get nothing out of marrying.”
“You see, princess, I am a Las Pegasus filly. That city has not exactly done much good to the institution of marriage. I am happy with my Autumn.” She nuzzled him gently “I don’t want to play dress up for one day and pretend that it would change anything.”
Luna nodded quietly. “I see your point.” She stated and stepped before the two. “Marriage was not meant to be a chore or choke the partners. It was meant to unite them in love and bring them happiness and joy.” She turned to Autumn “It is clear that, though you are an unconventional stallion, you love and respect Diamond Shadow and wish for nothing than to bring her joy and happiness.”
Autumn smiled and nodded.
“And Diamond Shadow, while fools have called you a traitor, it is clear that not following your heart would have been a far bigger betrayal than refusing your orders. You have proven a loyal guard and you will certainly be as loyal to Autumn.”
Diamond smiled, looked up to her lover... and then the bit dropped.
“WAIT A BACKSTABBING MINUTE!” she suddenly yelled “Are you trying to sneak-marry us?”
*Curses* Luna thought and gave an apologeticsmile.
“I can’t believe you, princess! First you pretend to understand our pleas and then you try marry us in the back!” the night pony complained “Autumn! Say something!”
“OH MY STARS! I ALMOST GOT MARRIED BY THE PRINCESS!” Autumn exclaimed.
“You are not helping!” Diamond Shadow groaned “And now you are drooling! I swear, if you faint on me!”
“Agent Shadow, I apologize for my approach.” Luna said quickly, interrupted by a little thud, as Autumn swooned.
“Princess, I know that it used to be outrageous for a couple to... express their affection out of wedlock-“ the annoyed mare started, but was interrupted by the Princess.
“I tried what I tried not for the sake of my slightly anachronistic views.” She explained. *At least not completely*
“Then may I ask why you just tried to hitch us like that?” the night pony asked, while giving her lover a soft kick.
“Because some gestures have more power than others.” Luna explained carefully “Names have power, Cutie Marks don’t appear without reason... and marriage, if done for the right reasons and between the right ponies, is not so different. Let me say it like this: There is a reason why Queen Crysalis attacked before the ceremony, even though she put herself in great danger by separating herself from the swarm.”
Diamond Shadow sighed loudly. “Look, my Princess, it is 3 in the morning, I direly need some sleep and if it has to do with magic, then I have to zone out, because I was only trained to resist mind spells and such. I will not pretend that I get this...” She bit her lip and looked over to her slowly recovering lover “But apparently it means more to Autumn than he let shine through and that is good enough for me.” She turned to the stallion. “Autumn stand tall!”
The cultist obliged. “What'd I miss?” he asked drowsily and his eyes went wide as Diamond shadow knelt down before him. Her wing opened her saddle bag and retrieved a small, square box.
Luna took a step back. She suddenly felt out of place.
“Autumn, you know that you're not the first stallion I’ve been with. But you certainly are the first stallion I have truly felt for. It tore me apart to lie to you and betray you in every waking moment. And when that night on the summer sun celebration came, I was ready to catch you... only to fall. When the mare in the moon disappeared, I knew that I could not even trust Celestia herself any more. I was ready to lose you. I prepared to be all alone. And when it was your turn to be betrayed, when I expected you to leave, you forgave me. And you continue to make me the happiest mare in Equestria, no matter how horrible I was to you, no matter who and what I used to be. Now, Autumn Galerina, will you make me happy again?”
She opened the small box, revealing an elegant silver pin, depicting the moon, the followers had chosen as their symbol. “Will you marry me?”
Autumn’s eyes almost dropped from his skull. “Yes!” he said after several moments of wondering what exactly was happening.
Diamond Shadow smiled, stepped closer and put the pin onto his scarf.
The stallion smiled broadly, his gaze going from the shining object to his fiancée and back. The he jumped forward and pulled her into a huge kiss.
Luna couldn't help but giggle once.
“Say, love.” He asked after a few moments “How come you had this with you?”
“It used to be your birthday gift, became your I-am-so-proud-of-you-for-getting-a-job-for-the-princess-surprise and now, I thought I might as well use it as our engagement pin.” She answered flatly.
“That is convenient...” Autumn commented flatly.
“Look, I would have proposed with your darn plush mushroom if I didn’t have this thing with me.” The Pegasus quipped and grabbed a big, fluffy, red and white fly agaric from the saddle bag.
“I left Mr. Toadstool at home for a reason...” Autumn whispered, blushing yet again.
“You sleep better with him.”
The two lovers let go off each other and the stallion turned to Luna. “Princess, may I ask you for a favour?” he asked with a blush.
Luna gave him a knowing smile. “Of course, Autumn.”
“Please don’t tell anyone that Diamond Shadow gifts me with jewellery.”
Both mares immediately facehoofed.
“I’m getting second thoughts right after proposing, that has to be a record!” the agent grumbled.
“I wasn’t finished!” the cultist stressed and held up his hooves.
The moon princess gave him a nod and waited patiently.
“Please don’t tell anyone that I sleep with a plushy!”
“THAT’S IT!” the guard pony exclaimed “Princess, what my beloved fiancée wants to say is: Could you do us the honour and marry the two of us.” She waited for a second “I mean, could you conduct the ceremony?”
Luna gave them a smile. “it is one of the benefits of being in the honour guard to be wed by the princess, Agent Shadow.” She said gently “And I have to admit, I do miss holding weddings.”
“You have my gratitude.” Diamond said, bowing deeply. She then turned to Autumn. “Fine, we get hitched, but I will not wear a dress!”
“If I may interject!” Luna said quickly “You have the option of marrying in parade armour.”
The smaller mare’s eyes widened. “I can marry in my armour?” she said, grinning widely “No silly dresses, no pretended white-innocence and no darn blue strap thingy? Goodness, I'm starting to like this already!”
“Can I marry in my cultist gear?” Autumn asked carefully.
“Sure, someone has to fill the dress quota!” his fiancée grinned.
Luna let out a laugh. “I shall leave you at that. Recover for the rest of the night and tomorrow morning. I will contact you, once I have orders.”
“May I ask what you have planned for the day?” Autumn wondered “We have not exactly prepared much.”
“Simple, Autumn.” Luna said, turning to go. “We shall wait and observe.”
“That’s all?” the stallion asked.
“We have been leading them even before they met.” The moon, princess stressed “Now it is time to observe and wait. We shall proceed once I have talked to them and know more.” She made her way to the door “Now have a good night and rest well!”
The two ponies remained alone.
“I’m glad you stopped her. “ The unicorn admitted softly, slowly walking over to the bed.
“You seemed rather thrilled.”
“Yes, but I am WAY too tired for a honeymoon.”
“So eager for another round of ring toss?”
“...You are terrible.”
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Luna's just trying so hard to be the Cupid of Equestria; it's kind of adorkable.
Of course, so are Autumn and Shadow.
Glad to see this continuing.
Keep up the good work.
okay .... totally worth the wait
Oh, god my sides
Too much laughter
I love this
Luna's followers are pure awesome!
Dem cultists.
Seriously, Autumn is hilariously awkward, and the whole proposal was entertaining.
I usually look for slightly darker stories, but I'm liking this, keep it up!
maor plz xD gotta know what lulu is plotting and to see her surprise when she hears twilestia already happened.
Also wondering if we see more pinkie cameo's 
Now I want a plush mushroom.
Hooray for the for the... happy? couple.
2711388 She could be worse. Right Crusaders?
2711809 Sorry, but we don't do too much dark here. Unless you mean bitter sweet or or chocolate. I love those two!
2712214 I think Nintendo sells those. But be careful, they always move to the right and fall into pits when you need them.
2712453 Oh, come on! They are just a bit cranky because they had so little sleep. Of course they are happy!
I love Autumn's obsession with mushrooms. He seems like the really nerdy kind of type who would get obsessed with things from a very early age and never lets them go... Not like I do anything like that... Nope... *Runs away with old battered Pikachu plushie*
Everytime these two show up, I just KNOW it's gonna be good.
2712214
... a plushroom?
It's like teasing!
I'm going to assume you mean to type 'apologetic'. Considering that apoplectic is actually a word, and it means overcome with anger.
I can't really picture that smile.
But anyways, I've been doing nothing but smiling and laughing the whole way through this story!
2714039 I love it!
Why didn't I think of that? 
2714439 Personally, I think Twilight was around 6 when she got her cutie mark, since she was about to apply for school. Rarity, Applejack and Fluttershy are clearly the oldest members of the Mane Six, so I think Spike should be in his mid teens. Just my headcanon.
This chapter was really adorable as was the previous. Looking forward to Luna's reaction and how you move the story forward. Now I'm off to read the Sparity side story
I will never be able to play ring toss again.
A sneak wedding, god I couldn't stop laughing. I'm still giggling over it.
2788950 So far I have corrupted Jenga, Hungry Hungry Hippo, ring toss...
YOU ARE NEXT MONOPOLY! MUAHAHAHA!
2837952 Glad you enjoyed it. Luna does get used to sneaky stuff.
I always wonder what would happen to their relationship after Twilight's coronation. Anyway, awesome story! Twilestia is a damn good ship
3177168 Thank you for enjoying the chapter and the story so far.
I don't know how to say it, but your comment gave me the final nudge to take a stand, concerning Twilight's princesshood. If you want to know more, read my latest blog.
Thank you for your comment
This is my third pass reading this story, and this chapter is my absolute favorite. The whole almost sneak-marriage makes me laugh my ass off every time.
Autumn and Diamond Shadow are hilarious characters. They really desereve their own stories.