Rarity has only hours to get a new dress done for Twilight, but in the crunch for time she finds herself messing with a new gem she'd gotten her hooves on. Now with the deadline looming and unable to be seen or heard, how will she get herself out of this one?
Page generated in 0.114 seconds
Total duration
777 users online
1,311,741 hits today, 2,571,732 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This was great! It's a cool, original idea for a story, and you've really got the characters down. I look forward to seeing more from you!
There are a few little notes I'd suggest:
First, I think you tagged a few too many characters. You're supposed to list the characters who are most important to the story, so I think this story would be just Rarity, or maybe Rarity, Pinkie, and Twilight. (My rule of thumb is: If I was looking for a story about this character, would there be enough of them in the story to make me happy? If yes, they get tagged, if no, skip it.)
Second, I feel like Celestia showing up at the end wasn't needed. It just kind of comes out of nowhere to provide some exposition. If you needed to convey that stuff, it would have been better to have Twilight look it up and maybe work it into the story as they're trying to figure out what happened to Rarity.
Those are just my opinions, take them as you will. But I wanted to let you know because, otherwise, the story was perfect! Really great job, and keep up the good work.
2286702
I really appreciate the feedback. I wasn't terribly certain on this one simply because I couldn't quite get the ending totally nailed down. I felt I wrote myself in a corner and the Celestia thing came of that. I agree it wasn't necessary, but crazier things have happened.
Also, thank you for letting me know about the characters, I'll have to change that right away to avoid confusion.
Likewise, I thought Celestia's appearance at the end was somewhat random and unneeded, but I've seen worse, and the rest of the story checks out for me.
Although, admittedly, I would've liked to see Rarity trapped invisible for a slightly longer time, but that's okay.
Short but sweet story. Not every story need to be Epic and Life-changing.
You know, if this were a little longer and had more jokes, I can totally see this being a script for an actual episode. In other words, it's really good!
This was absolutely wonderful. It was fun to read, very well written and it read just like an episode.
Is this your first story? Because if it is you are off to a great start
I appreciate the comments thus far, including the suggestions for the next story I make. This is my first one and I'm glad to hear so many are enjoying it. Makes me more excited to write the next one in hopes people enjoy it as well.
That was funny. I like that the ink was red. My only quibble would be that the ending seemed a tad abrupt. Otherwise, a great story with comedic elements, a sweet lesson, and well written characters.