V. A Chic, Unique, and Magnifique Mare
“Applejack,” Twilight inquired. “What are you doing here?”
“Ah came by the library to help ya out, Twilight,” she replied.
“Oh, I wasn’t expecting you. Care for some tea?”
“Sure thing.”
Twilight walked into the kitchen and began to rummage through the secret compartment in her cabinet. It was unorganized and took her awhile to find what she was looking for. She sprinkled some hemlock into one of the cups with her magic. After filling two cups with tea she headed back out to Applejack.
“Here you are. What brings you by? You’ve been so busy I don’t see you anymore,” Twilight said.
“Yep, and y’all are busy bein’ a princess. We can’t just run off on adventure anymore,” Applejack replied.
“So, you miss doing that too?” Twilight drank from her tea.
“Sure do, ah figured you and ah could spend the morning together.” Applejack lifted up her teacup and drank all the tea. “Delish.”
“I’d love to spend the morning with you, maybe even the whole day,” Twilight chuckled. She continued to sip on her tea while she waited.
Applejack frowned and set her cup down on the table. “That’d be great but ah gotta get back to apple buckin.”
Twilight felt something in the pit of her stomach. She looked down at her tea as her throat and tongue quickly went numb.
“No—” Twilight sputtered. She had mixed up the tea! “A—J.” Twilight fell backwards onto the ground. She could already feel her muscles failing. Each breath took twice as much effort as the last.
Applejack stood above her, looking at her. “Twilight, hang in there!” Applejack grabbed her and started to drag her away.
Twilight felt each step in the staircase as AJ dragged her up them. She opened her mouth to ask where they were going, but only made some weak gasping noises.
“It’s alright, Twilight, ah got ya. Ya just need a warm bath.”
Applejack positioned Twilight in the hot bath water and held her head above it.
“Ah know what you did to Big Mac and the ponies in town. Now ah’m here to put ya down like the dog ya are.”
Applejack pulled out a knife and ran it along Twilight’s forelegs. She watched in horror as the bath filled with the crimson fluid. She screamed, eliciting a small wheeze from her paralyzed lungs.
“Pity, poor Spike will find ya just like ya found Cadance. It’s what ya deserve, ah just wish ah’d never been your friend.”
*******************************************************************************************************
Twilight’s eyes flew wide open as she flailed in the bed sheets. She gasped loudly for air and checked her legs. There was nothing there.
Her next thought was to turn on the lamp. Instead, she accidentally knocked it off the nightstand and shattered it
“Spike!” Twilight shouted. She had to make sure it was just a dream. Glancing over to the spot he normally slept revealed an empty patch of floor. Twilight recalled she had asked him to sleep in a separate room after Shining’s funeral.
“Twilight?” a groggy voice asked.
She turned to see a small green head sticking out of the dresser. “Lyra? Lyra!” Twilight yelled before she began sobbing. She levitated Lyra over and hugged her. “I’m so glad you’re not gone!”
“Mmph wrompph?” Lyra mumbled.
Twilight looked down, seeing a tuft of mane sticking out from between her forelegs. She loosened her grip so the two could talk. “Lyra—it was horrible. Big Mac, and—AJ knew all about it. . .”
“Twilight, it’s okay, I’m right here.”
“No—it’s all ruined! I’m either going to be all alone or dead!” Twilight threw her head into her pillow and cried into it.
The confused figurine walked up towards her head so she could be heard. It appeared Twilight was in another one of those moods. She did her best to hug Twilight’s right foreleg. “Listen, Twilight, I said you’re my best friend right?”
“Mmm’hmm” she replied.
“And I still am. I won’t ever leave you unless you ask me to.”
Twilight pulled her face out of the pillow and looked at Lyra. “You really mean it? Even after how mean I’ve been?”
“Now that I know how scared you are to be alone, even if I was still a pony, I would want to be your friend. And right now, I bet Fluttershy, Dash, Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie want to be your friends too. Wouldn’t you feel better if we went and told one of them how lonely you feel?”
“No—they’re always so busy. Ever since I became an alicorn they treat me different.” Twilight paused to pick up Big Mac, and pull him in tight against her chest. “They think I don’t notice but I do!”
“Twilight, I bet you’d feel better. Why don’t we go talk to Rarity, isn’t she the closest?”
“Yes. But then I’ll just be sad again when I leave because I know she’s gonna die. What if I don’t get to say goodbye? What if we have a fight and then she dies? How will I tell Sweetie that her big sister is dead, and that even an alicorn can’t fix it!”
Lyra climbed up on the pillow and wiped the alicorn’s tears off the best she could. “Every pony dies eventually, and you can’t save all of them. Come on, I’ll go with you. Please, talk to a real pony about how you’re feeling.”
Twilight sniffled. “You’re right. I can talk to them about it, and then turn them into dolls!”
“No, that wasn’t what I meant!” Lyra exclaimed. She was lifted into the air and stuffed into Twilight’s mane via the purple glow of telekinesis.
“It’s a little early, so I’ll just surprise them with breakfast! It’ll be wonderful!” Twilight grabbed her saddlebags and began combing her mane as she ran downstairs.
Lyra cursed herself under her breath. Maybe Bon Bon was right, and Lyra really couldn’t do anything right.
************************************************************************************************
It had taken a while for Twilight to cook breakfast for Rarity and Sweetie. After she had let herself in, which was easy because most ponies still didn’t lock their doors, she set to work.
Strips of veggie bacon, scrambled eggs, and Apple’s Strong Apple Cider for the adults. Sweetie could have some tea. The aroma of the heavenly meal was filling the air. Any time now, the pair would wake up and smell the lovely breakfast. The sound of hooves on wood started to echo upstairs. Moments later Sweetie Belle entered the kitchen.
“Rarity, did you make—Twilight! I’m so happy to see you. Don’t tell Rarity, but her cooking stinks,” Sweetie stated.
“Heh, thanks. I hope you like mine. I put a lot of effort into it. Say, where is Rarity?” Twilight asked.
“Oh, she’s usually styling her mane at this time in the morning. Can I?”
“Of course, dig in.” Twilight levitated a plate over to her spot on the table and joined her to eat.
“So, how’s school?” Twilight inquired.
“Good. I’m not too happy about the move though,” Sweetie added.
“What move?”
“Oh. . . Rarity didn’t tell you? We’re moving in with our parents in Manehatten. She says too many ponies are going missing or moving out of town around here.”
“Why would she think that?”
“Well, Snips and Snails stopped going to school. Rarity swears she saw their parents later that day searching for them, but then they just moved out of town.”
“You don’t say. So, when is the big move?” Twilight asked. She took a bite of her eggs.
“Today at six.”
Twilight choked on the eggs, nearly spitting them out in shock. “What? You can’t leave!”
“Huh?” Sweetie cocked her head to the side as she munched on a piece of the veggie bacon.
“You’re my friends—”
“Sweetie, dear” Rarity interrupted. “Who are you talking to? Oh, Twilight! I’m so glad you dropped by.”
“Rarity, why are you two moving?” Twilight asked.
Rarity shot a look to Sweetie, then replied. “Twilight, I was going to tell you. . . Fancy Pants has offered me a storefront, and with so many ponies leaving I can’t afford the upkeep anymore. I will be sure to visit you, darling.”
“I. . . made you breakfast,” Twilight smiled.
“That’s very generous. Did you come all this way just to cook for me?” Rarity sat down and began to eat her eggs. She wrinkled her nose when she took a drink of the alcoholic Apple Cider. “Really, at breakfast?”
“Yeah,” she chuckled. “I uh, just stopped by to make breakfast is all! Consider it my last gift before you move.”
Twilight felt something pinch her neck. She remembered that Lyra had been tucked into her mane before she left the library. She was supposed to tell Rarity about her fear of being alone.
“Actually, you promise not to laugh?” Twilight meekly inquired.
“I never laugh at a friend.”
“I. . . I don’t want to be alone. Ever.”
Rarity smiled warmly and put a hoof on her friend’s shoulder. “Twilight, nopony wants to be alone. You will always be so very dear to me.”
“And maybe you can have friends and live a full life, but what about me? I love you Rarity, and I’m going to have to watch you die. Then I’m going to have to go to the funeral and see Sweetie crying. When she becomes my new friend, I’ll have to watch her die and do it all over again!” Twilight could no longer maintain her brave facade and began weeping openly.
“Sweetie, why don’t you head upstairs,” Rarity ordered. She chugged the rest of the hard apple cider and prepared for a day at the spa comforting her friend.
“I think that’s a good idea, thanks for breakfast!” Sweetie turned and quickly hurried out of the room.
“Twilight, why didn’t you tell me sooner? All this time when you said you wanted your space. . .” Rarity pulled Twilight in for a hug, letting her cry onto her freshly conditioned mane. “Everypony dies, it is what makes us all the same. We just have to find the beauty and happiness in each day we’re given, and our loving families. When I die, I’ll be happy to have known such a great mare as you.”
“But you’ll still be gone.” Twilight pulled herself out of the hug, briefly narrowing her eyes and taking a hostile tone. “What’s the point of you being happy when you die but I get to be sad about it forever?”
“I. . . I don’t know, but Celestia did it,” Rarity answered. She smiled just enough to comfort Twilight. “Her and Luna have lived thousands of years and they’re okay.”
“I don’t want to be okay. I want you to be my friend forever, and not just in my memories.”
“That’s not possible Twilight, I’m sorry.” Rarity tried to hug her again, however she pulled back out.
“No, it is possible. But I messed it up and they all hate me.”
“Who hates you?”
“All the new friends I tried to make. Lyra is the only one that likes me,” Twilight admitted. “It doesn’t have to end in death. Friendship is the most powerful element, it can last forever, perfectly, just like I remember. . . just like I used to dream.”
“Twilight, her and Bon Bon are gone. I’m so sorry you had to lose her after losing your brother and sister-in-law. Friendship, just like love, only ends if you choose for it too.”
“But, Lyra is—” Twilight felt another pinch on her neck. “Yeah. . . I guess she is gone. But what if she didn’t have to be? What if I’d found a way to make her live forever?”
“But you didn’t, and she’s gone now. I don’t know how else to explain it to you.” She tapped a hoof on her chin and chewed on some of the scrambled eggs. “Think of it like a beautiful summer dress. No matter how wonderful it is, you can’t wear it in the winter. The vibrant colors, the wonderful fashion, it all has it’s place and eventually it gets old.”
Twilight sighed. She didn’t want lectures or talks about how she should feel happy. She wanted to feel better now, Twilight wanted to take action and not drown in a sea of comforting white lies. “Thanks, but I’m going to go now. I thought talking about my feelings would make it better, but it didn’t.”
“Wait,” Rarity interjected. She quickly stood up to block Twilight’s escape. “Why don’t we go to the spa, my treat? I just want to see you smile again.”
“No thanks. I’ll stop by later to say goodbye, we can have one last cup of tea.”
Twilight pushed past her friend and quietly walked out of the boutique, back towards the library. It took all her effort not to let the ponies see her cry as she walked.
“Good morning, princess!” Derpy shouted out from her mail route.
“Howdy Twilight, glad to see you up and about again!” Applejack said warmly.
“Mornin’ Twilight!” an orange blur on a scooter shouted as it zoomed past her.
“Um. . . good morning” Fluttershy whispered.
Twilight finally made it back to the library and closed the door, then slumped down.
“Twilight?” Lyra asked. “Do you feel better? See how nice every pony is to you?”
“Kinda. I want to believe you, I do. Even if they are my friends, as soon as they move to New Ponyville they’ll hate me too. And if I don’t take them by force, they’ll just grow old and we’ll all die alone and sad.”
“You don’t have to force them, why don’t you ask them?”
“They’ll think I’m crazy!” Twilight shouted. She stood up and began pantomiming with her arms wildly. “Oh look, Twilight likes to play with dolls, no wait, they’re action figures! She’s just over-reacting, it’s only one friendship report! She only watched one brother die! Twilight will just make lots of new friends when we die!”
Lyra stood in the middle of hurricane Twilight, watching as she paced around her ranting. “How about a deal then. I’ll tell you how to make the dolls you already captured happy, and you have to go to the spa with Rarity.”
“Hmm.” Twilight tapped a hoof on her chin a couple times. After a moment of breathing deeply, she had returned to a calmer state. “Alright, tell me how to make them happy and I’ll go to the day spa.”
“The biggest complaint is that they’re bored. You didn’t just turn us all into dolls, you took away our special talents. Vinyl doesn’t get to DJ, Octavia can’t play cello, and Bon Bon can’t bake sweets. Snips and Snails can’t go to school, their parents can’t run a tailor shop. You let me keep my lyre, why not give the rest of the ponies a gift?”
“You’re right!” Twilight cheered. “It’s so obvious, everypony loves gifts! They’ll be sure to love me after I give them lots of presents. Then I can start making more dolls! You’re the best Lyra!”
Twilight rushed down into the basement with Lyra hanging onto her mane for dear life. The closet on the far wall contained several of the personal items from her new friends. Originally she had saved them as spare parts for her replica city. Now, she could pull out some of the items for her friends. Octavia’s plastic cello would be replaced by the real wooden one. “This is great, I always meant to make them happy, and it’s so obvious! My replica isn’t real enough!”
After rummaging through the belongings all day, she had gotten something for nearly everypony to do. Twilight walked over and quickly set all the objects down near the ponies. They were all standing in a circle, just like last night, staring at the remains of Filthy Rich. He was clearly dead now, the spell binding him to the melted plastic had faded. So to was his daughter, and Twilight couldn’t help but smirk.
Using her levitation she quickly scraped Filthy into the trash can by the far wall and set the hot plate down. She took a deep breath and blew the porcelain dust out of town square.
Twilight lined all the dolls up in front of her and then sat Lyra down next to them.
“Listen up. I’m going to unfreeze you all and give you gifts. I have most of your stuff: musical instruments, school books, tailoring supplies, even some of your outfits. I’ll shrink down an oven for you later, Bon Bon. I want everypony to be able to use their special talents and be happy,” Twilight explained.
“However, if you destroy them I will not replace them. If you demolish any more buildings, I will. . .” Twilight looked around, realizing she liked all the ponies here. She wanted each one to be happy, yet she had to stay strong. Having already paused enough, she made her threat. “I’ll kill Octavia. So, take a good look at her. If you wreck my town again, then you are committing her murder.”
Twilight lit up her horn and all the ponies began to move again. They quietly filed past her to collect some of their personal belongings and slinked back towards their homes. It wasn’t friendship, but it was a start. Even Bon Bon did not want to make fun of her now.
Every one of them had left, except Lyra and Big Mac. Twilight turned her attention to the stallion. He was sitting on the ground, slumped over, facing away from her. For a moment, she thought he had not been animated. Something akin to sobbing was faintly heard from him.
“Big Mac?” Twilight asked. “What’s wrong?”
Lyra walked over to Big Mac and whispered to him. The two seemed to have a short conversation.
“He’s depressed,” Lyra explained. “He just keeps saying ‘tell Applejack I’m dead, I don’t want her to keep expecting me to come back.’ “
“Mac, is that true?” Twilight asked.
“Eeyup,” he softly replied.
“But I’ll bring them here to live with you, then you’ll be happy!”
Big Mac stood up and spun around. “No. Ya got me ta sleep with an ah’ll stay quiet, but you leave them outta this!”
Twilight took a step back. “But, they’ll die! You’ll never see them again.”
“Ah’m already dead.” Big Mac turned around and sat back down.
Lyra looked between the pair and saw Twilight start to walk away. Watching the giant mare walk through the narrow town was quite a sight. She knew exactly where to step and when to fly. She never knocked over so much as a single tree.
Twilight looked back at Lyra, so the doll ran to catch up. As they passed Lyra’s house, Bon Bon signaled her roommate.
“Psst, Lyra,” Bon Bon called from the front door.
Lyra took a quick detour from following Twilight. “Yeah?”
Bon Bon kept shifting her gaze around the ground at their feet. “Look, I’m sorry. For—for Filthy and Diamond. I shouldn’t have pushed her. She trusts you, Lyra, so I expect you to keep her from doing it again. In the meantime, we’ll keep our heads down and figure a way out of here without anymore protests.”
“I’ll try, but I couldn’t save them either. . .” Lyra lifted her friend’s chin up. “She isn’t the mare we used to know, Bonnie.”
“I know, just try your best.”
Lyra nodded and resumed her chase of the large mare before Bon Bon could protest. Twilight had stopped up ahead to talk to one of the dolls. As she got closer she saw it was Vinyl.
“Hey, Twilight, thanks for my speakers and DJ table. You weren’t kiddin’ about the replica, I found power outlets in my basement,” Vinyl admitted in astonishment. The mare was smiling for the first time in a week.
“Your welcome. . . does this mean we’re friends?” Twilight asked, smiling weakly.
“Yes, but on one condition. If something happens and somepony destroys a building, you have to kill me in Octavia’s place.” Vinyl sat down and crossed her forelegs, wiping all hints of happiness from her voice. “I won’t let you hurt her.”
“Why protect her? Bon Bon and Octavia are the ones causing all the problems. And I can’t very well kill Bon Bon, or I would have,” Twilight admitted.
Lyra frowned, unsure if Twilight knew she was listening.
“Because, I never told Octavia how I feel about her. And if somepony has to die next time you need to set an example, I want it to be me. If she dies before I get the courage to tell her how I feel, I’d never forgive myself. But, if I die. . .then at least she still has a shot at being happy.”
“What? So all the sudden you’re trying to sacrifice yourself to save some stuck up earth pony? If you just want to be my friend because Octavia is your best friend then forget it!” she barked.
“No, Twilight. I want you to be my best friend.” Vinyl jumped up and threw her sunglasses to the side. “I’ll uh, tell Octavia I don’t like her anymore. She’ll be so sad though, I just don’t want her to get killed too!”
“Well, I guess you’ll have to prove it. You can be my best friend after you tell Octavia you’re not friends anymore and kick her out. In exchange, I’ll grant your silly request. Any punishment I would do to Octavia, I will do to you instead.”
“Deal,” Vinyl replied.
Twilight began laughing loudly at the tiny DJ.
“Hey, I’m being serious here!”
“It—it’s not that. I used to put sappy lies like that in my friendship reports! Sure, ponies always say stuff like that, but when you really need them, you find out they were lying.” Twilight stopped smiling and began to re-enact a friendship letter.. “Dear Celestia, today I learned to sacrifice my happiness for a friend, because that’s the magic of friendship. I can’t wait to see the look on Octavia’s face when somepony destroys another building and I punish you instead of her!” Twilight laughed.
Lyra had been backing up subconsciously, and bumped into a fence. She looked around for a place to hide. The tone of voice and behavior of Twilight had gone from ‘I am a broken pony’ to ‘I want to watch the world burn.’ Lyra knew that was always a precursor to bad news.
“I’ll be back for tea with you and Lyra at six. I’ve spent all day getting everyone’s stuff. I have to go pick up Rarity before the next train,” Twilight explained.
Lyra heard that last sentence before closing the door to the nearest house. She walked back out to address Twilight, forgetting about her plan to hide.
“Twilight, what do you mean ‘pick up Rarity’? You promised!” Lyra spat.
Twilight turned around. “Oh, I did promise to go to the spa with her. So I’m going to bring her to this spa, in New Ponyville. So, you coming, Lyra?”
Lyra braced herself, taking a deep breath. “No.”
“Fine,” Twilight spat. She stormed up the stairs out of the basement.
Lyra slumped down on the ground and buried her face in her hooves. She felt a pony touch her shoulder.
“Hey, you tried right? That’s all we can hope for,” Vinyl explained.
“Please, Vinyl. You said you would be her friend. You better not be lying,” Lyra warned.
“Why is that?” Vinyl picked her sunglasses up and placed them back over her eyes. “We still don’t understand why you haven’t run off to get help yet.”
“It’s because she’s broken, Vinyl. She doesn’t want friends, she needs them. Every time a pony makes her feel lonely, or like she’s going to have to lose another friend, she—” Lyra gulped. “She either cries herself to sleep or melts a pony. Do you really understand what you’ve gotten yourself into?”
“Yeah, I’m her new best friend forever, and the second she turns her back I’m bolting out the door and getting help,” Vinyl explained.
“No,” Lyra ordered.
“Excuse me?” Vinyl spat with disdain, she took her sunglasses off and lifted Lyra’s head to stare straight into her eyes. “And how are you going to stop me?”
“I won’t let you hurt her, she deserves better!”
“And how are you going to stop me?” she repeated, coming muzzle to muzzle with Lyra. “We’re trying to break out of this prison, remember?”
“I’ll. . .I’ll tell her you were lying. She’ll be so mad she’ll kill Octavia just to teach you a lesson!” Lyra bluffed.
“You wouldn’t dare!” Vinyl punched Lyra in the face, flipping her onto her back. She then pinned the mare underneath her. “If I want to lie to Twilight or be her friend, that’s my business! And if you breath a word of it, I’ll strap you down to that hot plate myself!”
Vinyl punched her over and over until she grew tired. As ineffective as it was for one plastic doll to punch another, it made the point clearly because it still hurt.
Lyra didn’t even roll over. She laid on her back crying, wishing she had gone with Twilight. Watching Rarity be poisoned and turned into a doll was better than being betrayed by Vinyl. Why don’t Vinyl or Bon Bon understand? I just want Twilight and us to all be happy! I don’t want anypony else hurt!
A familiar voice spoke softly next to her. “I’m sorry, Lyra. I thought if I stopped you then you wouldn’t have a confrontation with Vinyl,” Bon Bon explained.
“Bonnie?” Lyra looked up at her.
“You should have gone with Twilight, Lyra, you don’t belong here anymore.” Bon Bon turned around and walked back towards their home.
With the final dagger thrust into her heart, Lyra turned and ran for the Everfree. None of the ponies had explored it yet, so she would find a nice, quiet spot in the replica bonsai forest to call her new home. Someplace where nopony would be mean to her. Someplace where she had a friend.
****************************************************************************************************
“Sweetie, dear, are you all right?” Rarity asked.
The filly had complained of a burning in her stomach. Rarity had felt it too, and thought the eggs were not cooked properly. For the past eight hours since breakfast they had grown sicker. Now, the filly was vomiting in the bathroom. Rarity herself had made several trips to the restroom to relieve herself from the other end.
The two ponies clearly had to get some rest. The train would have to wait until tomorrow. They weren’t going anywhere.
Rarity levitated a glass of water over to drink. Her throat had been burning furiously since breakfast. The cramps in her abdomen would have been too much to bear, but all she cared about was Sweetie.
Rarity knocked again on the door. “Sweetie? I can’t hear you. I’m coming in.”
The door swung open and Rarity screamed. Sweetie had passed out next to the toilet. Rarity rushed over to her and held her in her arms. She was breathing weekly and shivering. Her skin was cold and clammy and her white skin was even paler than usual.
“Sweetie! Hang on, I’ll get us to—” Rarity choked for a second, before aiming into the porcelain bowl to vomit. “To—to get a doctor!”
Rarity could feel the stomach acid burning her already sore throat. She tried to levitate the filly but was too weak. She managed to balance her on the back and stumbled towards the front door.
It was then that she heard the singing. The voice sounded familiar, though the song was one she had never heard.
All around the Castor Plant,
The alicorn chased the pony.
The pony stopped to eat a bean,
Pop! goes the pony.
forty milligrams of concentrated ricin,
Half a dozen eggs.
Mix it up and make it nice,
Pop! goes the pony.
“Twilight?” she asked coarsely. She could feel another wave of cramping in her bowels and collapsed to the floor. She didn’t want that to happen in front of Twilight. “Help!” she called out.
“Oh, hello Rarity,” A cheerful voice called out. “I see you’re too sick to leave town now,” Twilight cackled.
“Not—funny—” A gurgling sound from Rarity’s stomach interrupted her. “Get Nurse—Redheart!”
“Heh, I can fix it.”
“Do it!” she begged.
“Tell me, Rarity, do you want to be my friend forever?”
“Huh?” Rarity asked. It was at that moment she lost control of her bowels.
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2363510
oh that would be awesome to watch
anyway i noticed some errors
nothing huge
but since i love this story i want to point them out
might want to take out one of the lyras
and there was a your/you're mixup somewhre but i don't remember where
and something else but i forget what
whatever
it's not that important
it's awesome anyway
i love this story <3 and lol
that you have rarity shitting herself at the end
because people that write things like that are either
a) really stupid and trying to be funny, or
b) really good at writing disturbing shit
and you seem like choice b to me
I find Vinyl to be a bit odd... She's putting herself on the line for Octavia's sake, yet she's planning on abusing her privalege the moment she has the chance. Twilight will notice it if she dissapears and probably won't hesitate to go back on their deal and hurt Octavia...
Poor Macintosh too
2369939 I was thinking the same thing. Even serial-killer Rarity sought therapy. Unfortunately, they disagreed on the diagnosis.
Thanks for the two typos, I'll go hunt them down. I probably introduced several more in the chapter one re-write but at least I have a good hook now.
And last, thanks, it's nice to know I write disturbing well. I've sure seen plenty of it at my hospital.
The thought of Twilight giving them nausea/vomiting/diarrhea for 12 hours to ensure they missed their train, so she could swoop in and capture them? Best poison yet. (also, accurate dosing. Apparently 2mg ricin will kill an average adult but horses take ~40mg. The amount they planned to use on Breaking Bad would have really screwed up that one guy.)
2369940 Yes, and volunteers get to pick their poison.
2369946 It does come off a bit odd. Is Vinyl lying about her feelings? Is this all part of some underground rebellion? Or is the Vinyl/Octy shipping going to begin when they discover they are anatomically correct miniature plastic ponies?
2344345
*clink*clink*clink*
Prototype, come out and playayayyyyy
i would volunteer that actually would be kinda cool twilight could give me the power to change my appearance at will[to the ones already there]
2370011hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I'll get back to you soon
2370057 Thanks, and:
2370103 Yes. It's not fun to start out at full adrenaline. However, I'm told by some people I should be killing more ponies by now. :)
The worst is yet to come. But yeah, chapter 5. worse. Also awesome.
2370099 You just gave me an idea on how to get a changeling doll. I've also been looking for a credible way to turn a pack of diamond dogs into dolls. They could keep them on little chains to guard their front yards from mice.
Oh ricen, we meet again.
2370278 maybe a poison laced diamond they work through skin touch
that is also a good way to get dragons
The creepiest part is the author note at the end...
Great story!
2369946
I suspect it might be a phenomenon known as the idiot ball.
2370278
Changelings, diamond dogs? Those would have to be OCs and I don't think seeing horrible things happen to OCs would have as much of an impact.
More generally, I wanted to ask do you have the story planned out? Because so far you're focusing on evoking intense creepiness by means of showing ponies getting objectified, enslaved, subjugated and murdered. And that works. But creepy is a limited resource. Eventually, readers will get used to it and then you will pass the point of peak creepy. Afterwards, the rate of creepy production shall fall inexorably and the only way forward will be to switch to more sustainable methods of generating reader's interest. (Also, burning up the creepy contributes to climate change
)
2370795
Yes it's planned, through ch. 15 but my plans usually evolve. I have the key character arcs and ending, the rest is just exploration of Twilight's psychology, dodging suspicion (one pony is already onto her), and my favorite, the resistance.
I was just pointing out changelings or diamond dogs would be neat, if it made any sense to add them. You can't play cowboys and Indians without Indians, or in this case, ponies and changelings.
Next chapter is a big picture chapter, and uses clean, green, renewable sources to drive the plot. Creepy is still best fossil fuel, though.
2362614 Yeahhh found a trump card that blows your stories creepiness out of the water. It is called The experiments of Twilight Sparkle
. How I manged to eat pizza while reading it I may never know. You may find some nice ideas in the story, if you dare to read it
.
when will more be posted?
2374513 tonight? it's kinda of stolen all my passion from my other stories. Twilight will turn me into a doll if I try to stop writing chapters.
Sacrifice*
And when can I join the dollhouse?
That was sick yet humorous.
I wonder if Twi faithfully recreated Rarity's basement
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I like that reference to "The Secret Life Of Rarity"
and your comment matches ur avatar nicely
........ I dont want hugs anymore.fucking crazy mare.
2374840 Snips and Snails can’t go to school, they’re parents can’t run a tailor shop." *Their* being a grammar nazi from doing english classes help.
I'm gonna have a hell of a time reading this chapter title :3
Not Octavia!
Never.
Hi! So, I saw this story a while ago and decided not to read it because it was too long but then the second came out and now I have to read them both.
I regret not reading this sooner.
Anyway, as much as I am loving this story so far, I saw three typos in this chapter that are bothering me more than they should.
Twice you used the wrong to/too/two.
One is in this line:
"'Friendship, just like love, only ends if you choose for it too.'”
Just remove the second o and everything is right. The second one is here:
"So to was his daughter, and Twilight couldn’t help but smirk."
Just take the extra 'o' from the last line and drop it over here and you are all good.
The other typo is this:
“Your welcome. . . does this mean we’re friends?” Twilight asked, smiling weakly.
Your should be you're, as in you are welcome.
Anyway, I am loving this story thus far. I can't wait to see if Twi fully snaps and what happens to Lyra and the other dolls.
I get they don't want to be there but are you pony's out of your ever bucking minds DO NOT PISS OFF THE CRAZY PONY WITH THE MAGIC!
Good so far, but I do have one question... it's been a few weeks now, and I would figure that a lot of the ponies would be assumed to be missing instead of moving away. Someone would get the suspicion that there's a pony out there who's kidnapping a lot of ponies, or is a serial killer. But you seem to have planned this out well enough, so I will wait to see if you address it in a later chapter.
Let me rephrase the ending for you “Huh?” Rarity asked. It was at that moment she shit herself.
Why the fuck do I keep reading this and Asylum at midnight? Oh well. Sleep is for people who don't spend their life on the Internet...
4654318 Because that's what you do at night. Read fics about Twilight being insane
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So this is not how you go to sleep
there was an episode of American dad alot like this, really awesome story!
Something tells me some rubberponys gonna die soon
Starting to get a Wayward Pines vibe from this, nice.
And there I almost thought the story would end because Applejack came and... beat me to killing her!
Then, of course, I remembered there's a lot more chapters still to read.
And now's the point when the Elements start getting dollified. Geez, I'd hate to know what would happen if she took Fluttershy, thus getting Discord to search for her and find Twilight's nasty surprise... and turn the tables on her. That would have been quite an interesting ending... but, eh, I like what I'm reading so far.
6366619 Part of me is wondering if Discord would possibly help Twilight. It could be argued that he would have the same issue with friends dying as she does.
This situation is worse than 'best friends forever'.
I wonder how Rarity will react to this.
Poor Rarity. Poor Lyra. Poor, crazy Twilight.
I must say reading this series has been a treat and I cant wait to read the rest of it
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Wow..
Why can’t the dolls find their way out?
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Because then the fun would end