Ever wonder how the ponies keep their teeth straight? Everypony follows their foalhood routines. Everypony except Derpy Hooves of course. After discovering a toothache while eating lunch at work, her boss and her coltfriend try to get her to go see the local dentist. The story begins now.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I hope you liked it! Feel free to criticize!
As much as I love the plot of the whole Colgate concepts make me want to bang my head against a wall for two reasons
A. Her Halloween costume was a surgeon outfit
B. Her name is Minuette and her cutie mark IS A HOURGLASS what does a freaking hourglass have to do with brushing your teeth.
Mostly a respectable plot cansidering... That
2651002 Well the thing is, the fans kind of made her the local dentist. Now as for her costume, I imagine that's the closest thing they had to a dentist. And correct me if I'm wrong, But don't most dentists wear stethoscopes and facial gear and scrubs? As for her cutie mark, she uses it to her ability, she can stop time, do the work necessary, unfreeze time and they don't miss a second because time stopped. dose that help? If you bother to read this anyway...
2651002 stop trying to insert logic you'll merely anger the beast that is fanfiction
2651002 Hey, she's only Minutte in canon because Colgate may cause some copyright nonsense. It's pointless to complain about fanon vs canon names unless you want to do it in every one of the several trillion Doctor Whooves fanfics ('His name is Time Turner!')
Also, there's not many ponies who look so much like a cooling toothpaste. I just wanna suck on her head.
...
2651097
See above. Especially the sucking on her head part! Wouldn't you want to?
2650776
Anyways, it's not a bad start to a fic, Elue! It's difficult to tell Rainbow and Soarin apart sometimes, you could maybe try to differentiate their dialogue a little more. I like how they work together, though. It implies that Soarin works like a responsible adult during off-days from the Wonderbolts, unlike other fics that paint him as a lazy slob (his Gala appearance does little to sway that).
2651002
Actually I'm fairly sure her canon name has also been Romana
2651406 Well I was trying not to use their names too much. Thanks for reading by the way I am so happy that you did!
I also agree with you on Soarin as well showing that he can have his days were he is a fierce leader and great boy friend for Dash and shows that even men can have their soft and caring sides show sometimes.
Please excuse my cousins... Uproar he hates fandom made jobs and that of the the sort. Although for the oddest reason he loves Doctor Whooves. Then again he has always perfered the real, and logical explanation of things. (Doctor Whooves is the only reason I got him into the fandom with me and my other cousin who if you are in the writers group and find a thread under this username, is my cousin. )
Again I'm sorry for the mishap I guess that's what happens to you at 14...
Sincerely, Humming
2653805 Hey it's alright! My siblings/cousins like to act like me all the time! I feel for you!
He reads through my account and he kept telling me he wouldn't do anything stupid next thing I know I'm forced into writing stitches. (Peice of crap is what that is.)
2654107 Like I said, I feel for you! My solution is simply change my password. That or hide whatever they are hiding in a totally different area that they would never check, Like my bed!
Or you could set a passcode on you screen like I did. they have tried time and time again but have miserably failed doing it.
My cousin would screw my over he hacks professionally- for like FBI and CIA.
2654847 well then... didn't see that coming...
Yay welcome to my not so private life.
2655087 Thanks! I feel welcomed
Soarin and Derpy are pretty adorable in this, not gonna lie.
2664308 awww thanks
I was really trying to show that even men, or in this case stallions, can have a soft side.
Chapter three is on it's way I swear that it is!
I hope that you are paitent and I thank you for you're patience
I'm so so so sorry that it took this long to get it out. I was expriancing writers block and so it was about a sentence or two a day... But here you go... Enjoy!
Poor Derpy, scared to death!
2696322 hey I will be perfectly honest. I am terrified of the dentist... so I kind of know what Derpy is going through... please don't judge
2711230 Yeah I am talking about Melee Princess and I think she got it, but if you were to send her a link I would much appriciate it.
and My name on here is also my user on youtube, so if you see a comment that has a link it's because someone asked for a public link
so in short: Yes. please
I edited it... Yup I hope I got everything...
2725078 It's alright!
I just have to put a link! Don't worry, i'm sure if you looked at the comments, you can find my channel on youtube!
Two thirty sounds a lot like "tooth hurty". ('Tis a reference to a joke)
2774748 I see what you did there
I found it rather funny.
Ok So I'll ask you, What should I do for my next chapter? Soarin finding Dash, or Twilight and Derpy going to see Colgate. Because apparently. No one is reading the authors notes and or answers
2796575
Soarin finding Dash would be a better option as the story has been focusing on Derpy the most so far, and focusing on Soarin and Dash would be a great change of pace. (Variety is the spice of life after all...)
(P.S. Sorry for taking so long, I have been quite busy.)
2802507 That's fine. I think it would be better, considering I had made chapter 7 was so short. Thanks. You just made it easier.
2802946
You're welcome. I'm just glad I could help.
2802967 stick around, I may need you again.
2803001
Will do my good friend, will do.
2803018 thank you! Sweet Celesta THANK YOU!
2803154
You are very welcome. I am happy to help however I can.
(But first I need to get some sleep)
2803177 sleep is important. You should probably get some.
2803211
Okay, I will be back in about 8-12 hours.
2803235 ok goodnight!
Definitely a nice change of pace, and we get to see why Dash ran away.
I must say your writing skills are improving with each chapter, and I would love to see you continue this story!
2843011 I agree completely. But this one was Soarin finding Dash so I plan on having a different way in Twilight and Derpy.
2842856 thanks! But I couldn't do it without you telling me which one I should do first.
2655087 Thanks? i don't know how i should feel
2852608
What am I being thanked for?
Oh and this is getting interesting.
2852617 for welcoming me to your not-so private life.
2854292
Yay.
2854300 hehe
I think of Eddie Murphy Raw when Derpy said 'I have to tell you a story.'
Glad to be reading this again, but there's certain parts that just feel weird to read. Like Dash checking on the fries, only to walk out and then go check on the fries again. Other than that, I'm curious for the actual story that Derpy has to tell.
I'm happy to see Soarin and Dash chilling out in bed!
Poor Derpy, that story was rough. Again, thought the pacing was strange to have Derpy say her parents died and then someone chuckle that it was time for bed. Otherwise, I'm looking forward to catching up on the rest.
2863586 I get what your saying. But I promise, I am trying hard to make everything make everything make sense. I pinky promise!
Ominous chapter! And Soarin is such a lovable doofus, he's adorable! Muffins aren't the way to eat healthy, Soar!
I think you ended the chapter quite nicely!
On a different note, READERS, START READING THE AUTHORS NOTES!
2864408 thank you! I'm glad you liked it. I honestly couldn't think of an ending...
anyway... Chapter 9(or should it be 10?) should be out soon. As in, like Wednesday or something...
