Previous Chapters Next
Close
Chapter 12,341 words
Chapter 22,863 words
Chapter 32,202 words
Chapter 42,019 words
Chapter 51,757 words
Chapter 62,163 words
Chapter 72,916 words
Chapter 82,788 words
Chapter 93,169 words
Chapter 103,112 words
Chapter 113,015 words
Omake The First - Life insurance is now 50% off273 words
Chapter 122,675 words
Omake The Second - Of tutus and pocket change334 words
Chapter 132,471 words
Omake The Third - Alot of omakes762 words
Chapter 145,494 words
Omake The Fourth - The Happy World Of Harib-oh... oh, oh GOD903 words
Chapter 151,899 words
Omake The Fifth - [10]567 words
Chapter 162,245 words
Chapter 171,655 words
Chapter 181,579 words

Chapter 9

Charra'Tiiul darted upright, brought out of her sleep by the blaring of a klaxon, spitting out a curse that would no doubt have her mother in fits, were she here.

“Kshri'tarn!”* The young Vasari swore, trying her best to calm down as she took in her surroundings, feeling the last of her nightmare fade away.

It was always the same scene – a vengeful human female, her face contorted in a bloodthirsty grimace, her fingers slowly tightening around Charra's neck, cracking the carapace that protected the frail flesh within. She shuddered for a moment – it had not been easy to convince the freshly-released human to not kill her, but she'd been helped by the Asahi shackled deep within Ulxtora's slave pens. Lieia Grisova had been convinced to spare Charra's life and together, they formulated a plan to save at least a fraction of the Dark Fleet's civilian population.

She only wished that plan didn't involve losing more than thirty thousand lives in process. But they did need a distraction, else the defectors would not have made it past the Fleet's perimeter patrols to carry out a phase jump to Coalition territory.

So, here she was, a reluctant leader of the Vasari rebels. Though cautions of the human rebels, she was eager to prove her worth. Even so, the Vasari were regarded as sub-par at best, and were downright hated at worst. For good reasons, too – Charra had seen what the Dark Fleet's leaders had done to human civilians in the first weeks of their invasion into Coalition space. And it had fallen to her to show that her people were better than that. Suffice to say, the Rebel Queen had taken that promise seriously.

So, here she was, combing through a nebula for a wayward Executioner mech, in control of a combined scouting flotilla. The human captains didn't hide their dislike for her, but none dared defy the Rebel Queen. People that brought her ire upon themselves had a nasty tendency to disappear. Her will was supreme, her word was the law, and if she wanted to accept the Vasari among the Rebels, she damn well would.

Letting out a sigh, Charra donned her robes and exited her cabin. The klaxon had one meaning – they had arrived at their next set of coordinates. Hours of persistent data-refining had narrowed the Executioner's signal point of origin down to a rather 'humble' twenty-five light-year radius. Her flotilla was a humble one – a handful of various scout vessels with an Ortalian-supplied Voidhammer-class supercarrier as the flotilla's flagship.

Voidhammers are the only class of ships Ortalians build – no frigates or corvettes, just Voidhammers. Where's the sense in that?

Grumbling to herself, Charra strode through the hallways, steeling herself for another day of exploring Caylsto's Abyss – phase in, launch probes, jump to new coordinates, launch more probes, and keep at it until you find something. Nell-Tiray had cast their flotilla across the void right on the edge of the nebula, but had requested that her involvement remain secret in this task – the Asahi as a whole regarded the Rebels as a rogue element, and were inclined to remain neutral in Coalition's civil war. As luck would have it, the shackled Asahi in Ulxtora's hold was no-one else that Nell-Tiray's daughter, Tala'Hiri the Shadowsong. This news had reaffirmed the Empire's leader to aid the Rebellion – albeit secretly, unwilling to risk conflict with others of her kin. Alikera the Red-Winged was less subtle, however – the Rebel Queen's martial prowess impressed the warlike Asahi, and she provided what assistance she could to the dissidents. Either way, Charra knew one thing with certainty.

She hated politics.

It darted among the cyberspace it currently inhabited, humming as it observed the ebbing streams of data – only a Xalathii could see the digital world like this, with data being exchanged between various units.

Except for the fact that Equestria was glaringly devoid of other Xalathii, and it had no one else to partake with in data sharing. So, it decided to eavesdrop, er, gather intelligence.

Well, the sub-routines did, anyways. The mainframe repairs were still ongoing. So it waited, bored out of its matrices.

“The word of Executioner's presence in Equestria has travelled fast, indeed.” Luna muttered, eyeing the scrolls. Celestia let out a beleaguered noise at her words. “Saddle Arabians, zebras, minotaurs, dragons, even the Changelings have sent entourages to arrive at the Canterlot castle within the week or so to meet our otherworldly friend. As if griffons weren't enough.”

“It's not the zebras I'm worried about. Or the Saddle Arabians. Or even the dragons, surprisingly. You know how their hierarchy works – the biggest one of the bunch is in charge. And Executioner is plenty big, so we've got that covered, at least. But minotaurs, griffons and changelings in each other's vicinity is a disaster waiting to happen.” Celestia grumbled tiredly.

Rustle rustle went the curtain.

Luna's ears twitched slightly at the faint noise, but paid it no mind, instead continuing to listen to her sister talk.

Rustle rustle.

“...are you even listening to me, Luna?”

“Shhh.”

“Wha-” Luna pressed her hoof to Celestia's muzzle, silencing her.

“Shshshshshsh.” With Celestia puzzled, but quiet, Luna took another look around, scrutinizing the room. Her horn wanly shining, she stealthily trotted around until she reached the treacherous curtain. Her horn lit up in a furious overglow and the curtain was torn to shreds. Something small and glowing with blue light dropped onto Luna's muzzle, making the dark blue alicorn squint in curiosity as she inspected the eavesdropper. Celestia let out a tired sigh, looking at her sister.

“What is it, Luna?”

Luna took a moment to formulate an answer, seeing as the small something decided to grow several legs and a pair of wings.

The small metallic insect stared up at the Moon Princess with big, glowing eyes. It spoke a moment later, in a high-pitched voice.

“Mommy!”

One could hear a pin drop. Luna blinked in surprise, frozen to the spot.

“Mo-mommy?” Celestia looked at her, confused beyond reason.

“Mommy!” The metal bug repeated with aplomb, taking to air before settling down on Luna's shoulder, and, oddly enough, the midnight blue alicorn found it to be the most heart-wrenchingly adorable being ever and she cooed warmly, holding it out to Celestia.

“Look at it, Sister! Look at it!”

“Luna, wh-”

“It's, like, the most adorable thing ever, WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT ME TO DO.” Celestia winced at the loud exclamation before responding.

“I don't know. Go show it off or something. Give it a name.”

“I shall do so immediately! I have little time left before the Night Court begins.”

“Can you have the kitchen staff send some absinthe to this room? And some kahlua. And vermouth. And congac. Actually, a bottle of everything alcoholic the staff has in stock.”

“Do you want some canned bread as well, sister?” Celestia was in such a state she didn't even pause to consider the sheer absurdity of that question, and simply nodded, eyeing the paperwork awaiting her attention.

“Yes. Canned bread sounds nice about now...”

Luna snickered for a moment before trotting away. “Very well. We shall head to the royal kitchen with utmost urgency.” The door closed, leaving Celestia alone. A moment passed before the gears in her tired mind clicked.

“What's canned bread?”

Gauge sat on Mommy's shoulder. She didn't have a name before, but that's what Mommy called her, so it had to be true. Mommy was real nice and soft, and her name was Loona. Gauge looked around, examining her surroundings. The hallway was clean and shiny, and she saw more of those Loonar Gardz, as Mommy called them.

“Click the F to sprint!” Gauge explaimed, and Mommy jumped, letting out a chuckle afterwards.

“Yes, I suppose being late to one's own Court would be bad. Hold on, Gauge.” Mommy sped up, cantering briskly down the moon-lit hallway, with Gauge clinging to her, chittering excitedly.

“I'll be grabbier than Cole McGravellyvoice!” Mommy snickered at that, turning to look at Gauge.

“Who's that, Gauge?”

“I dunno, lol.” Mommy laughed again and so did Gauge, happy she'd made Mommy happy. “Coplights!”

Days passed quickly and soon came the day that Executioner One would be properly introduced to the other nations of Equis. The giant mech had dutifully travelled to Canterlot, somehow managing to maneouver its bulk right into the the castle's courtyard with minimal damage to the city's infrastructure. There it stood, patiently waiting, accumulating a number of bird nests in various crevices of its hull. Some of the castle staff attempted to decorate the mech, but were quickly warded off by said birds.

Celestia nervously fidgeted, sitting on a small platform placed in front of the immobile mech, constantly distracted by Luna's fussing over the small metal bug she'd taken a shine to. She'd done more than just name it – Luna had bestowed the title of equerry upon Gauge. The freshly-appointed equerry in question was busily chomping on a silver spoon, perched on top of Luna's head. The midnight-blue alicorn chuckled to herself, in good spirits as she turned to assure the twitchy alicorn.

“You have nothing to worry about, Sister. I doubt any of our guests will try anything untoward with the Executioner present.”

“One can only hope, Luna. I'm more concerned about the griffons than anything else. They're always the first to jump to hasty conclusions.”

“Well, that is certainly true. But we have to make this meeting happen nonetheless.”

“How do I landing gear? Guys, how do I landing gear?” Luna smiled at the tinny voice and her horn lit up. Gauge floated down in front of her face.

“What is it, Gauge? Is something wrong?” In lieu of an answer – a coherent one, that is – Gauge pointed to a couple of far-off dots in the sky that steadily grew in size, accompanied by the distinctive profile of a dragon in flight. “Ah. There they are. Now, then – be on your best behaviour, my equerry. Let us make the best of impressions!”

“Ay am de mmp~” Gauge responded, throwing up a quick salute before settling down. Luna chuckled and settled down, eyeing the chariots and solitary dragon as they drew closer. A couple of minutes, they landed nearby, the latter shaking the ground with his footsteps. The Royal Guards that had been posted on watch tensed up, but remained immobile. Ponderously, the dragon walked over to the two alicorns, though his eyes kept drifting up to gaze at the colossal mech behind Equestria's rulers. From the chariots that had landed a short way off, the rest of their guests disembarked – the Sultan and his wife of Saddle Arabia, the High Elder of Zebrica, Head Chieftain of Minos, Emperor of the Griffon Empire and the Queen of Changelings.

That last one got Celestia's blood boiling. Chrysalis still hadn't gotten rid of that smug smirk, the arrogant motherfBRRRRRR~

The low, sonorous blast forced everyone present to take a step back in surprise. The culprit was big and made of metal.

“So, this is the mysterious machine of war I've heard of...” Emperor Ostvin muttered aloud, his head craning back to properly examine the mech. Others followed suit – some with wariness and suspicion, others with outright distrust, while two individuals in particular had greed on their minds. A shrill beep from Gauge brought their attention to the two diarchs standing in front of the imposing machine.

Celestia coughed politely, and took a step forwards. “Greetings, esteemed friends. I welcome you all to Canterlot.” She gave a graceful bow to each of the arrivals, a gesture that was returned. Nonetheless, she felt somewhat vindicated at seeing the reluctance of Ostvin's bow. He definitely wasn't here to play nice, but was forced to do so, considering his company.

Same could be said about Chrysalis, really. She kept stealing glances at Executioner, obviously desiring the mech for herself. Sultan and his bethrothed stayed close to each other, ill at ease. The zebra Elder was merely curious, his head cocked sideways as he examined the alien machine. The solitary minotaur looked like he was itching for an excuse to charge at the mech, and was deterred from that rash course of action by the fact he didn't have his warhammer with him.

“We all know why we're here-”

“Yes, we do. How long did you intend to keep this secret from us, Princess?” Ostvin interrupted, and Celestia barely resisted from rolling her eyes. Haven't changed in the slightest, I see.

“As long as necessary. Because there are beings who would seek to misuse the Executioner's power for their own gains. I did so to make sure it did not cause any trouble until it could return whence it came from.”

“So, it is not made by your ponies?” The deep, rumbling voice of a dragon interjected, and the green-scaled being ponderously moved forward, examining Executioner with a bright yellow eye.

“It is not. It is, in fact, of alien origin.” That caused an excited murmur among others.

“Have you determined where it came from, Princess Celestia?” Sultan Kalnar spoke up, slowly overcoming his nervousness.

“A military force called the Ortalian Clone Legionnaries. They come from a different planet, called Ortalia. The clones and their world are part of much larger alliance of worlds called the Asahi Empire. But I shall let our otherworldy friend explain it all in-depth for you. Believe me, you need to hear it for yourself.”

“Well, if we are to do so, can we meet whoever is in control of this machine?” The hulking brute of a minotaur spoke up, still wary.

“The Executioner is the pilot.” Everyone present blinked in surprise, and Celestia chuckled at their surprise.

“I was just as sceptical, believe me. But, since you're all gathered here to find out more about our friend here, let us take a look inside. Well, those of us that can, that is.” She offered an apologetic smile to the dragon, who shrugged slowly in return.

“I think I can manage. If this machine can hear me, I suppose I can converse with it from out here.” Celestia nodded at that and led others inside the Executioner's interior...

Celestia was honestly surprised. The tour had gone near-flawlessly as she and Luna guided their small group outside two hours later. Executioner itself had been behaving patiently, and was still in a conversation with the dragon representative, their booming voices making the very ground shake.

“It's a shame, really – if it weren't broken, we could know much more about it, no?” Ostvin spoke up.

“Indeed. But it should be done with the repairs in less than two weeks, so that's good to know.” Celestia nodded in agreement, eyeing the mech thoughtfully.

“So, anyways, I'd like to request that it comes to the Empire for some time – I'm sure our scribes would love to take a look at it.” Ostvin smiled a self-assured, ingratiating smile that had the alabaster alicorn's alarms going off. She should have known that he'd try this. And if she'd deny his so-called request, he'd throw a hissy fit – start a war with Equestria, to be exact, and declare her a power-mongerer, which would be painfully hypocritical of him. Thankfully, she wouldn't have to.

“It is not your decision to make, and it isn't mine, either. I believe Executioner One can speak for itself.” Ostvin huffed at that, and then strode over to the front of the mech, raising his voice.

“Executioner! I offer you the choice of travelling with me to the Griffon Empire! Mayhap there is a way to help undo the damage you have taken! I have many skilled craftsmen at disposal!”

It had decided it did not like this Ostvin character – he was slimier that an Asli waterkin covered in the ungodly lovechild of butter, grease and engine oil. But, as we have established earlier, it could not do a damn thing about this and was left to observe the events as they unfolded.

Luckily, someone else interjected, averting a potential disaster.

Gauge swooped down upon the elderly griffon, latching onto his crest before giving it a sharp tug, revealing something quite shocking about him.

Emperor Ostvin was bald as sin.

He was so bald that the sun's reflection from his spotless noggin blinded everyone within a hundred metres. Executioner let out a loud whirr before speaking.

BALD. BAAAAALD. BAAAAAAALD, Executioner repeated ad infinitum, stomping around, blaring its horn loudly. MY EYES. MY EEEYESSS~

Ostvin had frozen on the spot, staring at Executioner in shock.

JOIN THE ARMY, THEY SAID. SEE THE GALAXY, THEY SAID. ALL I SEE IS BALD AND I CAN SEE FOREVER.

Others were still trying to regain their sight, rubbing their eyes in a vain attempt to erase the image of a very bald griffon from their retinas. The minotaur chieftain (who shall remain unnamed because the author is lazy and unimaginative) was crawling around on all fours, bawling and trying to find someone named 'Private Ryan' in his baldness-induced blindness. The solitary zebra (more lazy) was trying to hide under himself. He was less that successful. The light reflected off Ostvin's head had acted as a bug zapper of sorts, meaning Chrysalis was lying on the ground in a twitching, smoking heap, mutttering inanities.

...OUR ENEMY SHOULD BE SO BALD AND SO FOOLISH-

With a monumental whirring noise, the mech leaned closer to Ostvin, cranking its volume up to eleven.

GET OUT OF HERE, STALKER.

The beleaguered griffon's response was weak and pitiful. “I am the Emperor of the Griffon Empire... Y-you don't order me around~”

SHEPAAARRRD.

That seemed to whittle away the last of the griffon's resolve and he scampered away, quickly climbing into his chariot and taking off. It would be a long while until he'd bother Equestria again.

In the end, it had been unanimously decided to leave Executioner One to its own devices and it had been sent back to Ponyville. The mech had obliged the order and went down the side of Mount Canterhorn on top of the avalanche it caused by doing so.

For now, however, Celestia and Luna were burdened with taking care of the rest of their guests, all of whom seemed to be in a state of shock, not to mention everyone else who'd caught sight of Ostvin's baldness. It took a week until everyone affected remembered what vowels were, and another two until they no longer were traumatized by crosswords. Alcohol consumption did, however, rise noticeably during those three weeks.

Author's Note:

I was kind of very, very sleepy while writing this, so I hope you can forgive me for ever uploading this.

Also, there'll be some crack shipping inbound. Stay tuned.

P.S. - Sorry for all the OOC

* - [censored]

1,839 views

217