• Published 3rd Apr 2013
  • 2,700 Views, 335 Comments

EXECUTIONER ONE - Hurgusburgus



Ortalians are the perfect soldiers, but do not hesitate to bolster their ranks with a wide array of mechanized units. Executioner-class mech is but one they employ to annihilate Empire's enemies. Then Discord happens and steals a mech.

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Omake The Fourth - The Happy World Of Harib-oh... oh, oh GOD

Thought for the day: Professional bouncing ball NEEKO BEELIK teaches dirty Russian con-men a lesson in economics.


Fluttershy hummed contently to herself as the ducks crowded around her. A smile on her face, she scattered hooffuls of breadcrumbs to the birds from her basket. Satisfied that the birds were fed, she trotted onwards to her next task.

“Aww yiss, muthafuckin' breadcrumbs!”

Immediately, the butter-yellow pegasus ground to a halt, turning to look at the ducks, her eyes wide with surprise.

“Er, quack. Quack. Quack. Quack quack.”


“Gauge, are you sure this is allowed?”

“Don't worry, I am from the Internet!” The metal bug chirped confidently.

“That does not assuage my fears in the slightest.” Luna murmured to herself. Being dragged out here by Gauge – who claimed she'd made a request from the Rebel fleet – in the noon didn't do her biological clock any favours. She watched the distant aircraft approach, the flier's engines droning lowly. As it passed above them, she saw a couple of oblong cylinders being launched from the bomber's bomb bay. Its mission completed, the bomber circled around, heading back to the immense carrier looming just beyond the Canterhorn.

With dull thumps, the canisters made landfall a hundred meters away. Both curious and anxious, Luna flew over, swiftly tearing the lids off to reveal...

Packs of sugarfree, gelatinous sweets?

“What does Haribo mean, I wonder?” Luna thought aloud as she read the labels marking the packagings.

“Kids and adults love it so, the happy world of Haribo~” Gauge sang in her tinny voice, making the alicorn chuckle as she scooped the bug up, cooing at her daughter warmly.

“Oh, aren't you being the sweetest thing... Never thought you had a sweet tooth.”

“Party snacks, yo!” Gauge exclaimed, making Luna's brow crease.

“At the Gala, you mean? I think that's an excellent idea!” Luna smiled, unaware of the Old Man Murphy's wheedling laughter at the back of her head. “You will have to apologise to the soldiers whom you tricked, however.”

“Whoa there, friend, you might need to slow down!” Gauge replied instantly.

Later

The Gala was, so far, proceeding quite well. The so-called 'gummy bears' had been well-received by the nobles attending, and most of the packages had been already exhausted. At the moment, the last pack was being emptied in the dishes by a pair of castle servants. Heck, the sweets were so popular that even several of the guards that were off-duty would snatch a gummy bear or two up to enjoy. Despite Luna's misgivings, everything had proceeded swimmingly.

But, as we all know, hindsight is 20/20 and Luna should've gotten the notion of trouble brewing when Blueblood galloped away, a bellow of “SHIGUMM!” leaving the stallion's mouth. Instead, she shook her head resignedly at the very pinnacle of Canterlot's idiot nobles.

Even later

Celestia sunk down into the luxuriously soft pillows of her bed, sighing as she patted herself on the back on another Gala well done. A moment later, however, she heard something outside the doors of her quarters.

Gefaaahrrrr~

It meant 'danger' in Germane. Before the alicorn could even so much as blink, the doors were flung open and one of her guards stumbled inside, his rear end emanating the word again, even as the stallion muttered feverishly, repeating two words over and over.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry~” With that, he quickly disappeared into her bathroom – soon, her stomach lurched as she heard the most revolting sounds of flatulence, punctuated by more feverish apologies from the debilitated unicorn.

“SHIGUMM!” A Lunar Guard thestral zoomed down the corridor, carrying the same stench with him.

Gagging, Celestia clamped her nose shut, her mind racing mile a minute as she tried to understand what was going on, when...

“SHIGUMM.”

Well, at least it was clear Luna was also a victim.


The pall of the gut-wrenching stench hung thickly across most of Canterlot's Noble District. Reports came in of grown stallions curled into foetal positions in their bathrooms, sobbing and confessing to everything that came to mind in a desperate bid to end their incendiary diarrhoea. Alas, they had no such luck. Their combined suffering had clogged up most of Canterlot's sewage system, with the Royal Castle faring no better, seeing as Luna had dropped pipe-cloggers into every available toilet, all the while cursing in a manner that made the castle shake to its very foundations, and the moon had spent hours weaving and circling in the skies. Exclamations of “SHIGUMM!” and “Gefaaahhrrr~” floated up from Canterlot with frightening frequency for the best part of twelve hours, permeated by a mantra of “Whatever I did, I'm sorry”, and variations of such. All in all, the end results were something that even Asahi lexicon would struggle to describe.

The entire city was quarantined for fears of a pandemic, even though only the nobles who'd attended the Gala were affected. In the end, however it was one of the castle maids who solved the mystery. Turned out, the culprits were the packets of gummy bears – the sweets contained Lycasin, which had the side effect of being a powerful laxative, which explained why a good portion of Canterlot nobles had endured the equivalent of getting their intestines powerwashed.

Thus began the greatest internal feud among Canterlot's nobility.

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