• Published 17th Mar 2013
  • 3,436 Views, 61 Comments

The Double Meaning of Engagement - Garbo



After being embarrassed in front of the whole town, AJ and RD still manage to have a little fun on Hearts and Hooves day

  • ...
15
 61
 3,436

I would do anything for love

Engaged (from Webster’s Ninth New College dictionary)
~ greatly interested or committed
~ involved, especially in a hostile encounter

= = = = = =

I’m so bored

That was all Rainbow Dash could think at the moment. Looking around the room just made her more bored; boring walls, boring chairs, boring tables, boring everything. This was the reason she typically avoided formal restaurants like the one she was in, it was just so … foreign to her. She never liked the food much either. Being raised on Cloudsdale cuisine gives a pony certain tendencies to greasier foods like hay fries and daffodil chips, neither of which this particular place had. And then there was the amount of bits it cost to get the food that she didn’t even like in the first place. All in all, not worth it.

Naturally, Rainbow hadn’t subjected herself to the experience; That had been Applejack, who was not currently at the table. At the same time, she didn’t really feel like looking at the mare, at least not at the moment. It was going to be hard to keep up the facade of liking the date while she’d much rather be doing something fun.

That was one of the problems Dash had with the place. Here, she was confined to a room with nowhere to go and nothing interesting to do. Normally, she and AJ would grab some hay fries or something from Sweet Apple Acres then move on to something else, usually something athletic (if you know what I mean). That often took the form of helping with farm work, which Rainbow was fine with, because Applejack always seemed sexier when she was bucking apple trees.

Dash could picture it in her mind: her orange coat glistening with sweat, Stetson perched on her head, never exactly on top of her head, but not so crooked that it was noticeable unless you spend a long time looking at it. Judging her distance from the tree, she would kick her legs out, tight muscles rippling under her skin as the hooves made impact. She’d do it over and over again until the job was done, and when they finished, the farm mare would smile at her … that super sexy one-of-a-kind I’ve-got-the-time-and-nopony-else-is-home type of smile. Yes, she could just picture …

“Daydreamin’, Rainbow?”

Dash jerked back to reality with a start. Yes, she had been daydreaming, she wanted to say. But for some reason, she couldn’t. As she struggled to find her bearings, her orange friend sat down on the other side of the table. Chuckling, she posed a question:

“I’m just wonderin’ … what were ya dreamin’ ‘bout?”

“Oh, nothing much. Just waiting for you to get here. Are we going to order lunch?”

“Yeah, sure, when the waiter comes ‘round,” Applejack replied, still grinning. “I was just wondering what ya were so excited ‘bout.”

Rainbow Dash was incredulous. “Excited? Do I look excited?”

“Well some parts of you look excited I’d say.”

The Wonderbolt-hopeful didn’t understand this right away, but after following the other mare’s line of sight, she put two and two together. Words didn’t come out for Rainbow Dash, and after she’d gone through every stuttering word in the equestrian language and started using repeats, Applejack cut her off.

“Rainbow, Its fine. If anythin’ I’m flattered, and I sure as sugar ain’t mad at ya,” she commented, smiling.

“I know,” Dash replied. “It’s still embarrassing, though.”

“Well, that I could understand. I reckon those wing o’ yours have some drawbacks.”

Dash mare was skeptical. “Well, yeah, there’s that one thing, but other than that wings are 100% awesome! I mean, I can’t imagine what it would be like to be stuck on the ground all the time. Boooring!”

“So yer sayin’ that’s the only thing wrong with havin’ ‘em?”

“Yep,” Dash boasted. “You got anything else to say about them?”

“I do. Fer one thing, you can’t even sit still in here; yer afraid of small spaces.”

Eyeing the ceiling distrustfully, Rainbow Dash shifted around in her seat. “Am not.”

“Sure ya ain’t,” said the farmpony sarcastically. “And another thing, ya can’t bluff fer nothin’. Ya got more tells than a foal stealin’ cookies!”

That was enough for Rainbow. Insulting her wings - the things that encompassed her special talent - was one thing, but insulting her poker playing abilities? Now the gloves (or horseshoes) were off.

“Oh yeah? Well at least I bet my chips. It took you like an hour every hand!”

“Well of course I did. I actually thought it through. You went all in after, what, ten hands?”

“I had a pair of aces!”

“With a deuce for a kicker!”

Oblivious to how loud their argument was getting, the two ponies continued as the situation started to reach critical mass.

“Well you’re still slower than me at basically everything!”

“I can run just as fast as ya’ll can,” Applejack retorted. “ And besides, bein’ slower ain’t always bad.”

“When could slow possibly be better than fast?” asked Rainbow skeptically.

“Well maybe ya should ask yerself that when we’re in bed and you finish your second time when I’m only done once!!”

“At least I can go a second time! You always fall asleep!!”

By this point, the two mares were standing on the table poised snout to snout. The air of competitive tension was so thick you wouldn’t even be able to cut it with a knife; you’d probably need a chainsaw. The two eyed each other like a bulls eyes matadors, and it seemed like only a matter of time before something broke. And then it did.

“Excuse me, Miss Dash; Miss Applejack?” The words seemed to break the tension, and both mares stared at the waiter quizzically. Seeing that he’d gotten their attention, the server continued. “The manager of this establishment has asked that you leave the restaurant immediately as you are disturbing the other customers.”

Looking away from the waiter, both mares looked around the room. Everywhere they saw the same thing: faced turned towards them, frozen in varying expressions of shock and confusion. It took a few moments for the reality of the moment to sink in. And then it did.

Rainbow Dash turned back to her marefriend, who now wore the same expression as the rest of the ponies in the building. Knowing she probably looked about the same, she got down from the table as quickly as possible, weaving between tables and ponies as she ran for the door. Once she got outside, she took to the air, flying until she figured she’d put some solid distance between her and the restaurant.

At last pausing to catch her breath, Dash took the opportunity to sort through the whirlwind of thought going through her brain. “Lemme see … Shouting in public; getting kicked out of the restaurant; Revealing … intimate things; Yep, I’m bucked.”

Rainbow folded up her wings and started walking. She didn’t know where she was walking, but that didn’t really matter at the moment. “There’s no way we’re going to make this work again. I mean, another argument? How much worse can it get?” she shouted to the sky. Luckily for her, the weather was clear for Hearts and Hooves day, as it was every year. Otherwise, it probably would have started raining on her, considering how the rain clouds tended to behave in Equestria.

“Maybe we should just break up,” the mare whispered. Suddenly, she heard a small poof to the right of her head. Looking over, she saw …

“Daring Do … with a halo? What are you doing? And why are you so small and, well, floating?”

“I’m your conscience; I’m not real. You’re just imagining me.”

“Isn’t that a little clichéd?” She addressed this question to no one in particular, but for some reason, she was surprised when no response came. It was as if she expected some divine force to explain why such tropes were present in her life. The thing floating around her head didn't answer either, so she moved on.

“So lemme get this straight … you’re like the goody two-hooves part of my brain?”

“That’s right! I represent everything noble about your personality.”

“Got it. Isn’t there supposed to be a bad side or something?”

“I’m right over here!” said an all-too familiar voice from her other side. When Dash turned her head, her worst fears were realized. “That’s right, it’s me! I’m here to tell you why you should cut it off with Applejack.” said the floating image of Lightning Dust with devil horns.

“And I’m here to tell you why you should make up,” said Angel Do.

Rainbow was incredulous. “Make up? Why should I do that? AJ started it!”

“You don’t even remember who started it,” Angel Do pointed out, applying imaginary hoof to imaginary face.

“… So what? Even if I make up with her, she’s just going to drive me insane with all this arguing!”

“Exactly!” shouted Devil Dust with glee.

“So you’re saying you’d be willing to give up your entire relationship and everything it entails just to be a little more comfortable?” Angel Do asked.

Rainbow paused, not sure how to answer that one. Devil Dust did it for her.

“She made fun of you for coming too fast! She doesn’t deserve remorse!”

“And you insulted her back!” Angel Do rebutted. “You should at least apologize. She’ll probably apologize back too.”

“Do you really think so?” Dash addressed her good side hopefully.

“Don’t listen to that little pansy,” Devil Dust growled. “Applejack’s the one who brought you to the restaurant in the first place. If she hadn’t been stupid, you wouldn’t have embarrassed yourself in front of everyone!”

Rainbow growled. “You’re right! I don’t need Applejack for anything. She can go buck herself!”

As her host stomped off, the phantasm of Daring Do tried to convince her to change her mind. “Rainbow Dash, think about what you’re doing! If you do this, Applejack will never want to be your fri--

“Hey, Lightening: How do I make her go away?”

“If you tell her too, she has to go away,” Devil Dust offered.

“No! Don’t do it! You’re making a terrible mistake!”

Dash seemed to think about it for a second, but quickly made her final judgment. “Daring Do: Go Away”. And just like that, the sepia mare was gone from her side. Smiling, she continued to walk to nowhere in particular, confident that she’d made the right choice. As she went, the other voice continued to congratulate her on her decision, and as the time passed, it grew so annoying that she was tempted to tell Lightning Dust to go away as she had with Daring Do. At least, until something the devil-horned mare said caught her attention

“…After all, who needs Applejack as a friend anyway? What good did she ever do for you?”

At those words, Rainbow stopped wide-eyed. “Applejack … not my friend?”

“Well of course she’s not your friend,” Devil Dust pointed out. “I mean, you left her without any apology after that spat in the restaurant. But she doesn’t deserve your friendship, Dash. You’re way too cool for her.”

Rainbow took a second to think about that one. Although she did think she was too cool for AJ – she thought she was too cool for everypony – the thought of not having the farmpony as a friend scared her. “Hold on, half of that isn’t even true. She’s always done good stuff for me.”

“Like what, take you to a fancy restaurant you didn’t even want to go to?” Devil Dust mocked.

“Well I never told her I didn’t want to go, so it’s really … my fault.” Suddenly realizing how wrong she’d been, Rainbow took off into the air, circling back into the main part of Ponyville.

“Wait, where are you going? You don’t need her, you said it yourself!” Turning to her left, Dash saw the figment flying alongside her. She wouldn’t have thought that a figment of her imagination would need to fly to keep up with her, but apparently it did.

“But I do need her. She’s my best friend. Besides, all my other friends will get mad at me if I push her away.”

“So what? You don’t need friends!” shouted Devil Dust.

“Okay, now you’re just plain wrong. Lightning Dust: go away.” Dash was unable to hear the poof over the wind, but when she looked to her left, she saw that the phantasm was gone. Smiling just a little, she turned her attention towards the ground, looking for a certain worn Stetson hat. Not seeing it on her first pass, she turned around to make another round… and another … and another.

“Where is that mare?” Dash asked of no one in particular, coming to a stop in her flight. “It’s barely even been five minutes. How far could she have possibly gotten?” Sighing, she went into a dive, knowing that if she was going to find Applejack, she’d have to do it on hoof, a prospect that she didn’t particularly like but knew she had no choice in.

Within moments, she was on the ground, starting a search she hoped would end quickly.

= = = = =

Around Ten Minutes Earlier:

Looking away from the waiter, both mares looked around the room. Everywhere they saw the same thing: faced turned towards them, frozen in varying expressions of shock and confusion. It took a few moments for the reality of the moment to sink in. And then it did.

Still frozen in place, Applejack saw her marefriend spring off of the table, making a beeline for the door. The farmpony watched her run through the door with twice as much force as she could summon to buck trees, which was a lot. As she heard the door slam against the wall as it reached the limit of its hinges, she marveled at how the glass hadn’t shattered. Many of the other ponies in the restaurant were probably having similar thoughts, but not long after, their attention refocused to Applejack.

For all her aforementioned strength, AJ wasn’t very good at thinking on the spot, something Rainbow had pointed out about her poker play. She was now frozen, taking too long to think, just like she did in Hold ‘em. If the circumstances had been different, she may have been able to appreciate the irony of not only that, but also her marefriend “playing her hand too early”. But of course, she was more focused on the glaring ponies around her than at the irony of her previous conversation.

It was taking Applejack so long to think that the writer was able to get through that whole explanation of irony without her doing anything. She was still standing with front hooves on the table, a wide-eyed expression of fear in her eyes. That was when a voice separated itself from the crowd.

“Everypony, let’s all just calm down for a moment.” Turning her head in the direction of the voice, Applejack saw a tan-coated stallion walking over to her table. His mane was combed back in a way that reminded her of her second-cousin Caramel. He wore a smug smile, and he seemed to put out an air of prideful arrogance she couldn’t quite put her hoof on. She knew she’d seen the earth pony somewhere before, but she couldn’t remember where. All she knew was that the eyes were off her, at least for the moment.

“Now, don’t we think we’re overreacting just a little? Sure, this isn’t exactly how you planned for your Hearts and Hooves meals to go, but I believe we could all be just a little more understanding.” The mystery stallion offered his hoof to Applejack, and she hesitantly took it as he led her off of the table.

“Imagine how you would feel if you were in her horseshoes. You would’ve just embarrassed yourself in front of dozens of ponies and watched your date run out the door without you. Now, if you were in her situation, wouldn’t you at least want everypony to show you respect rather than gawk at you like some exotic animal?”

Tentatively, a few of the clientele nodded their heads. “Exactly! Now, how about we just let her leave the restaurant and be on her way. After all, she’s going to have to deal with the embarrassment of having everypony know her shortcomings – both in gambling and … otherwise.”

Applejack hadn’t realized that fact. Soon, all of Ponyville was going to know what had happened, and worst of all what had been said. Blushing, she waited impatiently for the stallion to finish. Fortunately for her, he seemed close. “So I’d say it’s fairly reasonable for us to forgive her for something which – in reality – is quite minor.”

More heads nodded this time, and within moments, the ponies in the restaurant were back to eating as if nothing odd had gone on. “Now then,” said the stallion, turning to Applejack. “I really do hope that your marefriend didn’t skip on the check, for your sake.”

“No, it’s fine. We didn’t order yet.”

“Well that’s some good news, isn’t it? Now, if I were you, I’d leave before the waiter drills holes in the back of your head with that glare he’s sending your way.”

Turning around to see what the unnamed stallion was talking about, Applejack saw that the waiter was indeed staring at her as if he was trying to drill holes in the back of her head. “Yeah, that might be a good idea.” As Applejack turned and started walking to the exit, she was surprised to find the stallion was following her. “And just what do you think yer doin’?”

“Walking you to the exit, of course. It seems like the gentlecolt-like thing to do, at least to me.”

Applejack wanted to refuse, but reconsidered, remembering how kind he’d been to her. Bitterly, she also had to admit that she had little pride left to save. Not giving a verbal answer, she only nodded and kept walking between the tables. A surprisingly small amount of ponies looked up, but still, a few did. One even had the indecency to snicker, and it was all she could do to restrain herself from bucking them upside the head.

Then again, this feller here would just stop me, she reminded herself. Before long, they were past the gulf of awkwardness and approaching the sea of freedom. But before she left, Applejack had a few questions for her savior. “Beggin’ yer pardon, but I don’t think I ever caught yer name before,” she inquired.

“Ah, that would be Davenport, Ms. Applejack. I run the shop where your friend Twilight buys her quills.”

“Oh yeah, that place. Don’t ya sell sofas too?”

“We most certainly do,” he replied, idly digging one hoof into the wood floor. Applejack noticed.

“You’ve got somepony waitin’ on ya, don’t ya?”

Davenport smiled. “Very perceptive; but of course I do. Why would I be in an upscale restaurant on Hearts and Hooves if I was single?”

“Point taken,” she nodded. “I just have one more question for ya though; I promise it ain’t a long one.”

“Shoot.”

“Why did ya help me back there? Ya’ll didn’t need to do anythin’.”

“Okay, I’ll just be honest: I was only doing it to impress my date, maybe get her in the sack ... you know …”

Applejack didn’t know if she should laugh or cry at that line. “So what Rarity says about you is true then? You’re the biggest player in Ponyville.”

“I prefer the term Colt-slut, thank you very much. Also, that’s not even me; Cloud Kicker’s the one winning the biggest-player award if you’re giving it.” He ended his sentence with an angry sigh, as if he were upset that he wasn’t the biggest player in Ponyville, which in fact he was. “She’s always getting more than me, and all the hot ones too. And it doesn’t help that she can go after both and I won’t touch another stallion unless it’s a threesome and there’s a mare involved.”

Applejack forced a pained smile. She was fine with sex, but she didn’t really want to hear about other ponies’ sex lives. Nopony really did, as she’d recently learned. “Mr. Davenport, are ya’ll tryin’ to get me to leave faster?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said with just a hint of a smirk.

Chuckling, Applejack tipped her hat at the stallion as she walked away. He isn’t nearly as unpleasant as Rarity said he was, she thought. Just another thing I can do better than her.

“Oh, and Applejack?” Davenport called up the street.

“What?”

“In case you and Rainbow Dash don’t work out, I don’t mind being once-and-done. I’ve never particularly liked pillow-talk either.”

AJ didn’t know how to respond to that so she just kept on walking. “Okay, maybe Rarity might’ve been just the littlest bit right ‘bout him bein’ unbearable. That’s mighty insensitive of him to bring up Rainbow at a time like … oh wait … Rainbow.”

The farm pony had forgotten about her marefriend shortly after the pegasus sped out of the restaurant, although in Applejack’s defense, she had been at the business end of dozens of angry gazes at the time. Those types of things can unnerve a pony into forgetting things, at least temporarily. Of course, her first impulse was to run around Ponyville searching for Dash. However, she quickly realized how foolhardy that would be. Since Rainbow hadn’t been waiting for her outside the restaurant, she could be anywhere, and possibly off the ground.

Knowing she couldn’t look for Dash, she decided the best option would be for Dash to find her. So she went to the most logical place for her marefriend to look for her: Sweet Apple Acres.

Along the way, Applejack tried to sort out exactly how she felt. She still couldn’t decide if she wanted to make up immediately or if she wanted to give Rainbow a hard time at first. As much as she might have wanted to be angry at Dash, she knew that a lot of what had happened was her fault. AJ had been the first one to disclose what happened in the bedroom, not Rainbow. She knew she carried more responsibility because of that.

Knowing she had more responsibility was not enough for her to know what to do. Kicking a rock up the path, she continued to think this over all the way to her home.

= = = = = =

Rainbow Dash was an action pony. She was good at doing things when they needed to be done – very good at it, in fact. But that sort of talent didn’t leave much time for thinking things through. This is why it took Dash a while of walking around Ponyville to realize that if Applejack wanted to be found, she would’ve gone to place where it was easy to find her. And that place was …

“Sweet Apple Acres, of course!” Already in the air, she veered off to the outskirts of town where the Apple family ranch was located. With nothing else to think about, she tried to figure out what she was going to say, but every option seemed too weak. I’m sorry and It’s all my fault, as true as they were, just weren’t going to cut it this time.

“Whatever, I’ll just do it when it happens,” she reasoned. “I’m pretty good at improvising.” That was true; Dash could weasel her way out of most situations, because contrary to what most ponies would like to think, she was quite smart - Street smart. Although she hadn’t grown up in the worst part of Cloudsdale, she’d spent a lot of her time there before joining junior speedsters, and then again before she moved to Ponyville. One of the things she picked up on early was how to get out of a difficult situation without using force, because as tough as she was, she wouldn’t stand a chance against, say, three fully-grown stallions who thought she’d stolen their saddlebags when she actually didn’t.

And if her wit failed her, she’d always been able to outfly most pegasi, not always in speed, but in maneuverability. However, in her current situation, she couldn’t use her wings. Flying away would make the situation unsolvable. She had to do it with her head, and more that that, her heart.

It didn’t take her long to reach the farm. Alighting on the front doorstep after a descending helix, she wasted no time knocking on the door. It wasn’t out of bravery - internally, she was terrified. Rather, she just wanted to do this as quickly as possible. If there was a happy ending, she wanted to see it now. Impatiently, she tried again..

*knock*

“AJ?”

*knock*

“AJ?”

*knock*

“AJ?”

and moments later, Applejack answered.

“Sheesh Dash, ya don’t need to knock three times in a row like that.”

“Sorry, habit,” she replied sheepishly, standing awkwardly just outside the door frame.

“You can come in, ya know,” AJ reminded her, stepping aside to let the other mare in.

“Just waiting for you to offer,” said Rainbow, looking around the house as she walked in. The place was the same as she remembered it. Family photos lined the walls, some yellowed with age. Arrayed around the room was a set of very worn but very comfortable furniture. The couch was actually more comfortable than most beds, something she knew from experience. The main room lead of to a kitchen and a set of stairs that took you upstairs. Looking around, she didn’t see anypony. She raised a hoof to ask, but Applejack interjected.

“Apple Bloom is at school, Big Mac is on a date and Granny Smith is at the market.”

“How did you know what I was going to ask?” Dash inquired, sitting down on the comfy couch.

“Just a guess, and I can’t blame ya. I really want to be alone for this too. I’ll give Granny some credit for not botherin’ me ‘bout being with mares, but if she found out I was breakin’ up with somepony I was buckin’ before, she’d buck me into the next life.”

Rainbow as awestruck. “Wait, so you’re saying you want to break up with me?”

“Naw, that ain’t what I meant at all,” she clarified. “I just figured … I mean, after what happened … you’d want to break up with me. I was a total ass to you …” out of habit, Applejack looked around for a donkey to say no offense too, but seeing none, she continued. “And that was wrong. I brought the argument way over the line.”

“Wait, so you don’t want to break up?”

“That’s what I said.”

“That’s funny. I came here thinking I was going to have to pull out all the stops just to get you to even speak to me again.” Relieved, Dash slumped back in her seat.

“I wouldn’t celebrate so quickly,” said Applejack.

That made Rainbow sit back up. “What do you mean?”

“Dash, you know exactly what I mean.”

Truthfully, Rainbow didn’t yet know what the other mare was asking. At least, not until she thought about it for a moment. “Oh, right. I should probably still apologize and stuff.”

“Good idea.” Applejack smirked.

“Okay, here it goes … AJ, I’m really sorry for insulting your poker playing abilities, and … yeah, that’s it.” Applejack tried to glare in anger, but she just ended up laughing. When she finally got control of her lungs, she pointed out how incomplete the apology was.

“Yeah, I was just kidding,” replied Dash, smiling just a bit. “But I’ve got a serious one too. I messed up that entire date when you worked really hard to set it up. That was lame of me.”

“Well thanks for that, RD. I know you really hate apologizing, so that was really nice of you … but I have a question: Did you like the date?”

Weighing the consequences of answering truthfully or not, Dash still could not decide. In a normal relationship, lying would be the hooves-down best choice. But with a marefriend that puts that much emphasis on honesty, she’d figured out that it was usually a better idea to tell the truth.

“I can be honest here; you won’t get mad, right?” Applejack nodded. “Okay, good. I didn’t really like the date. The food probably would’ve been awesome, but I just don’t find those places romantic, y’know? I like being able to actually talk without someone else telling you to be quiet.”

Looking up, Dash saw the shocked look on Applejack’s face. “So let me get this straight,” said the farmpony. “You didn’t like the date, and ya didn’t say anythin’ ‘bout it?”

“Yeah, I felt like I was getting dragged along against my will, but you really seemed like you wanted to go.”

Wanted to go? Consarn it, I hated that place! It was just so uppity and quiet, I couldn’t stand it. The only reason I got us that reservation was because you said you wanted to do something special!”

“Well I didn’t mean a fancy restaurant. But when you brought it up, you seemed really excited about the idea.”

“Not really. I could’ve thought of a dozen things I would’ve liked better than that place.”

With empty laughter, Rainbow put her head in her hooves as she realized the obvious: “So we just embarrassed ourselves in front of all those ponies for no reason at all?”

“Apparently so.” Applejack chuckled half-heartedly, noticing how horrified Rainbow was.

“So the whole town know that about me and … this sucks!”

Applejack scooted herself over to Dash’s side of the couch, nuzzling her in an attempt to cheer her up a little. “Dash, I’m really sorry ‘bout all this. If I’d just shut up, none of this would’ve happened.”

Pushing the earth pony away, Rainbow stood up. “AJ, it’s not your fault. I never should’ve agreed to go the restaurant in the first place.”

Applejack didn’t really have a response to that. Desperately looking for a way to break the awkward tension, she looked first at the window. The sun was shining through it and clearly had some time left before it set. Next she looked at the stairs, and that’s when it hit her. Sidling up to the other mare in the room, she spoke. “Ya know, Hearts and Hooves day isn’t over yet. We can still have a little fun … if ya know what I mean.”

That comment combined with the wink AJ sent her way gave Dash a very good idea what the mare was getting at, and her mood came full circle. “Yeah, I think we could have just a little more fun.”

Applejack grinned. “Last one there’s a rotten dragon’s egg!”

= = = = = =

Five hours later, the door to Rainbow Dash’s cloud home flew open, and in came two mares.

“Woo-Wee, I am beat,” said Applejack, lying down on the cloud couch nearest to the door.

“Same here,” replied Dash, throwing their saddlebags into a corner. Walking over, she joined her marefriend on the couch. “You know, maybe you should learn to pilot that flying thingy Pinkie has instead of me carrying you up here.”

“Dash, do you really want to go to sugarcube corner every time we come up here? Remember when we always had to go to Twilight to get me the cloud-walking spell before?”

“Yeah, that was no fun. But that’s why Twilight’s gave you that enchanted gem thingy, right?”

“Eyup. But is it really that bad carryin’ me up here? I mean, you were probably just tired ‘cause we spend the whole day hikin’.”

“Yeah, probably. I’m glad we finally got to use all that belaying equipment you bought at that rodeo a while back,” said Dash, putting a hoof around her marefriend’s shoulder.

“Yeah, it was about time I put that to use. It was just sitting up in my bedroom gatherin’ dust.”

“Yeah, those mountains don’t seem nearly that tall when you fly over them. Remember when you fell and I had to catch you?”

Applejack chuckled. “Hey, it’s not my fault the directions was that confusing. That harness had half a dozen buckles on it!” shouted Applejack, at the same time inching her free hoof a few inches closer to the other mare.

“Fair enough,” Dash replied, watching at Applejack’s hoof moved to the inside of her hind leg.

“So what are we supposed to do now?” asked Applejack seductively, as if she’d forgotten where her hoof was going.

Dash shifted her body around as Applejack shifted herself on top of her. This obscured most of her sight, but she could still see out the window. “Well, It’s getting dark … so there’s not much we could do outside...”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’d say we’re staying in, then,” Dash finished. “So, do you want me to mold this couch into a bed, or do you want to go upstairs?”

“I’d say we should go upstairs. I might just fall asleep,” Applejack teased.

“Yeah, whatever," said Dash, pushing AJ off playfully. Quick as a flash, she streaked over to the stairs. "You coming? I might be done before you get up there." Applejack watched her cyan-blue flank bounce up the stairs.
"Yeah, that'd be shame now wouldn't it?" licking her lips, she pranced up the stairs, leaving the downstairs silent but for the scattered moans and giggles coming from the bedroom.

= = = = =

Just as the final vestiges of sunlight left the sky, two mares laid in bed in a cloud house above Ponyville. All over ponyville, other ponies were also with their special somepony on this day of romance, but whether or not they were similarly engaged varied from case to case.

It had been a good day for the majority of Equestrians, and although Applejack and Rainbow Dash had endured a bumpy ride, they could be counted among them. Presently, Applejack was lying on her back - which was how she always slept - while Rainbow was holding her and resting her head on the earth pony’s shoulder. Smiling lovingly, Rainbow Dash shifted herself just a little bit closer to the blonde-maned mare beside her.

Applejack chuckled. “Dash, why do you always get so lovey-dovey after we make love?”

“Dunno. Guess it’s just ‘cause I feel nice.” she answered, yawning.

Applejack closed her eyes, focusing on the feeling of Rainbow’s chest rising and falling against her body as her bedmate inhaled and exhaled. For some reason, she’d always loved that feeling. It relaxed her more than anything else, something that was a blessing in in hours full of exhausting farm work, stressful days at the market, and saving Equestria every once in awhile. Sometimes she wished they could just act like this all the time and forget the competitive tension that often drove them apart. Applejack felt compelled to say something about it, but was terrified of the prospect of letting out her most internal feelings. She liked to keep those under wraps.

“Hey RD.”

“Yeah?”

“I noticed you lasted a little longer this time.”

Rainbow looked up sleepily. “And I noticed you’re still awake.”

Dash watched as her marefriend chuckled. She may not have been Pinkie Pie, but she always seemed to be most happy when she could get Applejack to laugh, or even just to smile. Whether it be a joke, a prank, or something else, she did it as often as she could. Even just by lying here, she knew she was making her marefriend happy. She’d never quite figured out exactly what it was, but she’d picked up on the fact that Applejack loved it when they laid together like they were. Deep down, Rainbow wished they could spend more time laughing about things and less time having big fights. She even knew exactly what words she wanted to say:

Why do we always get into big fights, get really mad at eachother, then apologize, then have sex? Can’t we work on arguing less?

But she couldn’t do it. As much as other ponies could trust her, she didn’t trust other ponies nearly that much. But she did want to say something, and in the end, decided on the first thing that came to mind.

“Hey Applejack.”

“Hmm?”

Propping herself up on her elbow, Dash slid herself on top of her marefriend. “I just wanted to say something I haven’t said all day.”

“And what’s that?”

“Happy Hearts and Hooves Day.”

Dash was proud to see that she’d won herself another one of those infinitely valuable smiles. She was even happier when she got a kiss too, happy enough to not be too miffed when her wings sprang up. Eventually, Rainbow broke the kiss, content to just lie there for a bit. The side of her head laid on Applejack’s chest, and Dash was sure she could hear the other mare’s heartbeat as well as her own. She could only sum it up one way: It was awesome.

Yeah, it hasn’t been a bad day at all.

Author's Note:

I Would Do Anything for Love - Meatloaf

Special thanks goes out to nygiants93 for proofreading this little thing. You're awesome, bro. Also, thanks to everyone who took the time to comment. All of you are appreciated, and all of you will receive replies.

Comments ( 61 )

That's okay. When next Valentine's Day rolls around we'll be able to appreciate it a whole lot more. (:

I wanted to finish my fic before Season Three started but you can see how that's turned out.

Anyways, Dash and Applejack fics = instant yes from me. I will read it soon.

Ahh, lovely. A bit of a bumpy ride for the two, but they make up (and out) wonderfully. Loved this :pinkiehappy:

2280118
Thanks. :pinkiehappy:. Nice to see that someone as into the ship as you likes the story.

2280070
:pinkiesmile:

Nice :P

2280179
Which reminds me, I forgot to credit the artist whose song I named the chapter after. (Meatloaf)

2280187>>2280195
Thank you both for being kind enough to leave me a comment. It's awesome of both of you.

2280155
It makes sense as per any relationship, really. There'll be fights, and something as public and embarrassing as that would definitely get them thinking. Yet despite the fights and doubts, they stick together. All is good :D

2280228
All will be good if they actually love each other, of course. IN this story, I made it pretty clear that they really do, although both of their personalities keep them from saying it.

2280238
I noticed that! Dash's choice of words of what to say at the end... I expected "I love you". But no!
As is typical of them, they'd rather say it with action than words. Hence the problem with the date - they didn't say it, and when they *did* say something, it blew up in their face...

Yeah, this sounds like them. :rainbowlaugh:

2280249
:rainbowlaugh:
Glad you agree. I really tried to drive that point home, especially at the end. They have some major communication issues they need to resolve.

2280258
Might we see a sequel that covers this? Maybe? Yes?

:rainbowkiss::ajsmug:

2280276
Maybe someday, but not anytime soon. Now if someone else offered to write a sequel, I'd definitely give them the green light. But I personally won't; the people who read my more popular fic would kill me if I delayed any longer on that one.

Nice job! I loved Dash's angel and devil. That was really cute. And I do so love AppleDash arguments, especially when they make sense like this.

Though in a F/F relationship, being quick in bed wouldn't really be a drawback. The cool thing about being a girl is that the game isn't over when the whistle blows. AJ's actually the one causing problems, there.

2280300
*crap, she saw the obvious plot hole in my story*
"Aw buck, what do I do?"
*Just pretend it's wrong or make excuses. Just say something*
...
You do have a point there, sort of. It really depends on how you interpret their argument. They can still keep going even with Dash's problem, but the bigger point of the argument was that Applejack was trying to demonstrate that she was better at something because she was a earth pony, so the focus wasn't on the sex so much as AJ being better at it (because yes, that line did imply that all pegasi tend to have that problem to some extent, which they do in my head canon).
However, I did make an oversight there, and I attribute that to being 15, male, and a virgin, and thus not very knowledgeable in the specifics.

2280332
No big deal! AJ could easily have been grabbing onto anything she could throw at Dash. Just pointing out that the point for that one goes to Dash. :ajsmug:

2280348
Oh, it's not a big deal. I'm just in love with big wall-o-text comments. Especially ones about creationsim/evolution debates. :trollestia:
But yeah, that one does go to Dash, especially since, as the story pointed out, AJ crossed the line first with something that was pretty trivial in a sexual sense.

Garbo:yay: Great job on getting featured bro, honestly not sure how you get featured with only thirty likes other wise almost all mine would have been but hey i'm very happy for you, shall give this a readf later, promise:moustache:

2280451
This got featured and I missed it? Really? I've been watching the box all day since this went on.
Also, at least three people have done shout outs to this story in blogs, which was really cool of them (I think it was The Parasprite, nygiants93, and Tchernobog). That might have something to do with it being featured. It's also only been out for an hour or so, so 30 is pretty good. 4 dislikes is complete bullshit, because my story is better than that, but I'll just have to accept it.

write good appledash? get halfway up on on popular list
write shitty diaper clopfic? get featured for a week

2280519 Agreed and I would do the same not even noticing lol:twilightsmile: It happens bro:facehoof:

2280624
Yep. I'm putting out a huge rant about it at some point.

That argument seemed pretty tame, I didn't even realize they were arguing at first, so much so that I was very surprised when the yelling started and Rainbow Dash ran out. Who's better at poker is hardly something worth breaking up over. I guess I can understand being upset about being told you're bad in bed, but it still felt overblown, like they were both making a big deal over nothing.

And the scenes directly afterward were very strange, both Dash's surreal inner argument and AJ's oddball conversation with Davenport. I'm not sure what to make of them or their purpose. Are they meant to be taken seriously? Or were they there for humor's sake?

I can't complain about the apology scenes and afterwards. A bit of lovely, cutesy AppleDash, and the hiking trip was funny. Great job of twisting expectations on that one.

It was a nice story. it almost sounded like the break up with my ex.. only.. you know, i kicked her the buck outta my house.. bitch. :duck:

Comment posted by Sheendough deleted Mar 18th, 2013

Don't feel bad about those pieces of shit. AppleDash gets a lot of thumbs down always. Just pay them no mind.

Wait, what in the world is all the fuss with this story about? I mean, it's not terrible or anything, but I don't understand why several people are blogging about this, telling me to read it. It's an alright story, but there's far too many plotholes and as well as out-of-character moments - an example of this is at the very beginning where Applejack, in a very non-Applejack-esque way, has invited Rainbow Dash out to a fancy restaurant on Hearts and Hooves day.

Also, meta-comments like this

It was taking Applejack so long to think that the writer was able to get through that whole explanation of irony without her doing anything.

Are generally terrible. It completely breaks suspension of disbelief for the reader, when the author suddenly butts in for no reason. This is just a really bad thing to do in general, with only few exceptions and only if you really know what you're doing; If you must use meta-comments like this, use them all the time. Never just use it once, that seems completely out of place and weird, but if you use it constantly it can serve to improve your story, still providing that you use them carefully and correctly. Really though, don't do it. Very few stories actually gain something from it.


There. I hope some of my critique is usable. I hope I don't cause any offense. I only wish to help. If you like my input or disagree with it or anything, feel free to PM me too. I'll gladly elaborate, explain or apologize in case I'm wrong about something.

*Disclaimer about this comment: I wrote it yesterday late at night, and it's pretty badly worded and stuff, but I couldn't be bothered to completely rewrite it.* :twilightoops:

2282787

like they were both making a big deal over nothing.

don't worry, I'm not here to argue, but to explain. So just think about it a second ... maybe, just possibly ... that was the point I was trying to get across, that those two - with their character traits - would blow most arguments way out of proportion? And that poker bit was just for humor's sake. The internal demons and Davenport scenes were mediums through which I could explain How RD and AJ felt about the relationship. Within those moments I included bits of comedy. It's not surprising that you didn't like the Davenport part; to get that part you'd really have to read the rest of my stories to know that Davenport appears in 9 out of 10 of them and you'd have to know the personality I've created for him.\
And lastly, yes, I did break the 4th wall a few times. Too bad. The show does it all the time.
But thank you so much for actually saying what you didn't like about it unlike a lot of people. Actually showing that you cared about the story. I quite honestly appreciate this type of comment more than an upvote.

2283077
Well that must have been an ugly series of events, I'm sure. You guys make up again like these two sort of did? (and the fact that they only sort of made up is probably one of the things that people didn't like about the story)

2283790
Thank you for the tender loving care. However, that fact is offset by the fact that an equal amount of people are obsessed enough with AppleDash (Bookplayer and Tchernobog, I love you guys), that they're going to end up reading this story, offsetting those thumbs down. I'm not going to disillusion myself in that regard.

2283808
I would love to argue against your point, but I can't, so I won't. As a whole, the thesis is spot-on. This story had a distinct amount of fuss over it, a lot more than I would've wanted. And despite the fact that, yes, there were some things about this story that were quirky the to the level that they were jarring. However, I really don't think those things were what caused people to dislike this story, as true as they are. Because my other stories have many if not all of those characteristics. Many of those have done fine. Hell, I had a story where the Narrator is an actual character who gets dialogue and talks to Pinkie Pie at one point. But you did tell me to tell you if there was something wrong with what you said, so i will:

Applejack, in a very non-Applejack-esque way, has invited Rainbow Dash out to a fancy restaurant on Hearts and Hooves day.

Based on this comment, I'd say you didn't really read the whole story. If you're going to critique the plot of someone's story, you're going to have read the whole thing because certain elements, like this one, get tied up at the end:

[Applejack speaking] “Wanted to go? Consarn it, I hated that place! It was just so uppity and quiet, I couldn’t stand it. The only reason I got us that reservation was because you said you wanted to do something special!”
[Rainbow Speaking] “Well I didn’t mean a fancy restaurant. But when you brought it up, you seemed really excited about the idea.”

I'd read the text around that to find the context, but that really explains the jist. The theme of this fic was a lack of communication, something that would be present if those two formed this type of relationship. Essentially, I was showing that AppleDash, realistically, could work, but would not go very smoothly.

As for your 4th wall comments, I think I actually agree with that. I think I've used the 4th wall well before (as mentioned previously), but this time it was a little unnecessary. I might think of omitting it for that reason, however, the point was comedic.

Also, dear readers, 8 dislikes is a slap to the face for me. I don't even care if this was featured. If you're going to thumb the story down, tell me to my face instead of not leaving a comment like a p*ssy. I'm seriously tired of it.

This alone earns you a downvote.

As for the story, it wasn't too bad, but I didn't particularly enjoy it either.

The story didn't convey their anger properly, the fear of breaking up was badly explained from both sides, and the "Comedy" parts fell flat.

5.5/10

2284034 Eeek, you're right, I did skip a few parts, so I missed that explanation. I'm terribly sorry about that, that's pretty bad form of me to do. :fluttershyouch:
Regardless, the point still stands. Despite there being an explanation later on it still becomes an out of character moment, because the reader doesn't yet know this reason. It breaks immersion and that's the important thing.

2283988 I think his point about the argument is that it really comes very much out of the blue. The buildup is very marginal and because it doesn't give the reader a chance to figure out how their relationship works at all before descending into argument. The few clues you before it seems to give hints to a very sensual and playful relationship (Dash's daydreaming and Applejack's playful banter), but then it becomes a full-blown and very heated argument way too quickly. I have no problem picturing those two in such an argument, but if it's about something as tiny and childish (and unrelated) as who is the better poker player, that just doesn't seem like a relationship with any realistic merit, nor does it seem terribly in character - both can be arrogant and unfair in their own ways, but not even Dash is as childish as to blow up like this, and certainly not Applejack.

2284075
If immersion is a world where all characters actions make sense 100% of the time, then i'm glad I broke that immersion. If breaking immersion is making the reader ask "Why would Applejack do that?", then I've succeeded. After all, what's the point of a story if you don't ask questions? Following reader expectations is safe writing, and safe writing is not good writing. In the end, this story was incredibly odd is just about every way. When you get odd stories, you're going to get some people who reject that uniqueness from objection to the status quo, and you have some people who think that that uniqueness makes the story a good one. Those are just the facts, I'm not going to support either side's argument.

2284066
As badly worded as my statement was (and in retrospect I'm going to change it a little), Nothing else about this comment really makes sense. If just saying that people should tell me what was wrong with a story earns me a downvote, they you're a bigot. Downvotes and Upvotes are based on story quality, and by using it as an attack on me, you're misusing the function of the downvote. There are plenty of people who made comments giving negative feedback who did it in a respectful and intelligent manor (TinyHadronCollider and HoofBitingActionOverload), but you decided not to.
And actually, I did read your review, and it's unspecific and at points incorrect. Of course I didn't explain their anger. As an author, you are never supposed to explain a concept (You have heard the phrase, show not tell, correct?). But more to the point, I don't need to explain anything more than "they want to break up". I explained that perfectly well, so what you are trying to say is not that I explained it badly but that you wanted me to explain something different. That would have been a valid point if you had made it.
As for the comedy, that's up to your discretion. All in all, your comment and lack of respect was hurtful, and undeserved. You show no thought for your actions and no recognition of the positive points of the story as other people did, and thus, the whole of your point is null.

2284474

If just saying that people should tell me what was wrong with a story earns me a downvote, they you're a bigot.

Demanding is not the same as saying, or even respectfully asking, and insulting people at the same time? that tells me that you're an idiot and thus deserve a downvote.

And actually, I did read your review, and it's unspecific and at points incorrect. Of course I didn't explain their anger. As an author, you are never supposed to explain a concept (You have heard the phrase, show not tell, correct?).

If you read and not just skimmed what I said, you'd see that I said 'convey' not 'explain' the story, to me doesn't CONVEY their anger, Dash is having a bit of fun with an angel and a devil and Applejack talks to a guy in the restaurant, gets flirted with and then sets out to find Dash.

But more to the point, I don't need to explain anything more than "they want to break up".I explained that perfectly well, so what you are trying to say is not that I explained it badly but that you wanted me to explain something different.

So what you're saying is that you don't have to explain why your characters do what they do ? that's easy, I wish I could write stories like that.

But no, in all honesty you didn't explain them wanting to break up 'perfectly well' they both feared it for perhaps a split second where the fear isn't even genuine (Dashie's 'devil' was so bad it was laughable)

All in all, your comment and lack of respect was hurtful, and undeserved. You show no thought for your actions and no recognition of the positive points of the story as other people did.

Yes I understand that you need people to mollycoddle you to feel like a person.
Unfortunately I'm not a person that does that. Your story wasn't great, and I pointed out why. If you can't handle that stay off of the Internet.

it's one thing to be pissed that somebody downvoted you
everybody hates getting downvoted, yo
but there's no reason to be immature about it or insult people
they have a right to like/dislike what they want dude
people will respect you more if you're just like "okay" and deal with it

2284417 One of your characters not being, well, in character is absolutely not a desirable thing, ever. You should not strive for that. Breaking immersion in a story is the sure-fire way to make the reader distance himself from the characters, when a character does something that that character absolutely would not do under normal circumstances, the reader's first thought isn't "Why would [character] do that?" it's going to be "This guy can't write [character], I wonder if this story is even worth reading." You do not want this to happen.

Now, there are of course, as with every other rule ever, exceptions to this. If the character is in a particular and special situation that requires it to act different from what it normally would (Hearts and Hooves day) or if some kind of outside force is influencing its motivations (Rainbow Dash wanting to do something special), then you can of course have it react accordingly. The point is, the reader must know, or at least suspect such a thing before you can do it, otherwise it just becomes this weird, awkward moment where a character acts completely unreasonably and inexplicably different from what you would expect from that character. I know I'm just saying the same thing over and over, but it's important: This breaks immersion, very very badly, and a story that can't be believed is a bad story.

And to be clear, I'm mostly speaking hypothetically here. Your story is an offender of this and it absolutely did break my immersion in it, but I won't say it's a bad story. It's just not good either.

2284474
Ah, here's some stuff too. Be wary of this kind of comment. Being angsty, defensive and arrogant won't gain you any love from anywhere. A reader is disappointed in your story, and more importantly in your attitude to your readers, and all you do is complain and harass him for leaving a comment explaining why.

Also, dear readers, 8 dislikes is a slap to the face for me. I don't even care if this was featured. If you're going to thumb the story down, tell me to my face instead of not leaving a comment like a p*ssy. I'm seriously tired of it.

This really is an incredibly hypocritical thing to say when, the instant someone explains why they left you a downvote, you turn on him like this. You don't even try to take him seriously. The critique he left you is perfectly valid. You could absolutely have done a better job at conveying the rage and fear both of RD and AJ. He's not saying you should explain what anger is or somehow explain better the action of them 'breaking up', but that the motivations behind those decisions and feelings should be more clear and more believable. You can't just bat away honest critique like that. All you're accomplishing is to give me the impression that you're an angsty, attention-seeking and arrogant little kid who believes himself above others and finds rejecting their reasonable input to be fair and right. This is a rather undesirable thing as well.

2285186

The critique he left you is perfectly valid

You have a point, and I was being hypocritical there. But what I said is perfectly valid. His second comment in particular went far past reviewing my story and attacked me and my writing abilities in the form of insults. As I recall, the group Train Wreck Explorers was disbanded for similar offenses.

Also, I would like to apologize for my gap in maturity regarding you comments. I think I showed a lot more restraint towards you (because you were respectful of me and thus have nothing to apologize for). However, I did not take you opinion which I realize, in retrospect, is painfully true. I did not want to admit that to myself at that time and now that I've been given a few days to think about it and compare this to my other stories, I realize that this is the biggest pile of shit I've ever contrived.

2284716
I'm sorry, my original comment wasn't very respectful. Yours wasn't either, and I'm not exactly thrilled that your not admitting that. So I'll be the first too. My comment was an overreaction to your overreaction that was based not entirely on what you said buy also at my frustration in the lack of success of this story but all my denial of how badly this story was executed. While I did a very good job of being original, originality does not a good story make. So yes, I'm saying that 90% of what I said was incorrect and/or disrespectful, and I defended my work in an overly aggressive fashion. I hope you can tone down the tone of your comments too, because you're still coming off nearly as disrespectfully as I was. Many of the points you stated were hypocritical, still. You said I wasn't accepting critique, yet you weren't willing to accept my critique of your comment, so I really think that's a moot point that both of us are in the end wrong about.

that tells me that you're an idiot and thus deserve a downvote.

Yes, decry my statement by replying with an identical one. Smart move :trollestia:

you'd see that I said 'convey' not 'explain' the story, to me doesn't CONVEY their anger, Dash is having a bit of fun with an angel and a devil and Applejack talks to a guy in the restaurant, gets flirted with and then sets out to find Dash.

This comment is completely correct. I misinterpreted the meaning of the word convey. Sorry about that. However, the first part of this comment is funny, and highlight my main problem with your review. With a review that short, you can't do anything but skim it. There were only 55 words in it, and half of them were useless and only served to further berate my stupidity. I can achieve the same meaning, in far fewer words:

The story didn't convey their anger properly; the fear of breaking up was badly explained from both sides, and the "Comedy" parts were lacking.

See how much more respectful that is? And All I did was take the middle part of your review and change a few words. If you had only said that, we wouldn't have had this whole shitstorm in the first place.

However, I would like to say this in the hope that you say the same: What I said was wrong and way over the line and I hope we can just move on respectfully. My anger was out of proportion to the situation and I now realize that. I did not take you opinion which I realize, in retrospect, is painfully true. I did not want to admit that to myself at that time and now that I've been given a few days to think about it and compare this to my other stories, I realize that this is the biggest pile of shit I've ever contrived.

Now go away and stop calling me an idiot. There's a difference between being and idiot and being angry, just as there's a difference between critique and insult.

2283994 Nah we never made up. I'm more better off. I actually like the fact that they never "fully recovered" After having something this that happen in your life "MLP or real Life" it leaves permanent scars. And in my opinion those can never be hidden again from one another. Your story was more relateable than other ponies are seeing.

2285450
I'm glad you appreciate it. For all of it's lack of writing quality, I'm adamant that the idea behind the fic was sound and that if I'd taken my time to write this well, perhaps it could've been something good.

Comment posted by Garbo deleted Mar 19th, 2013

:raritydespair: I was sincerely hoping I'd get back to you on this before you posted it... but I didn't... :fluttercry:

*gets to the bit with Shoulder-Daring-Do*
*checks for Comedy tag*

Ah. Good. Carry on.

2288507
S'all good.

2288919
Yes, dem comedies.

I liked the story. the only problem that i found is that Rainbow, and Aj keep mirroring each other. Aj thinks one thing, then Rd thinks the exact same thing. in certain situations mirroring is fine, but you used it every time there was a problem. Other than that, really nice story.

2298363
Hmm ... That makes a lot of sense. You make it seem like they mirror each other for the whole fic, even though they don't, but I did do it too much. One example of a time when they didn't mirror was when they left the restaurant. Rainbow leaves immediately and AJ doesn't. AJ want to talk with Rainbow right when she leaves, Rainbow doesn't. However, I can see you saying this for the last third of the fic.

“Isn’t that a little clichéd?” Dash questioned, coming to a stop.

“It sure is,” said the author. “Just roll with it.”

“Oh, okay, thanks dude,” said Dash casually. Somehow, the fabric of reality didn’t break.

I actually had to stop reading here and come back to the story later. Nothing breaks immersion like having the "Author" directly address the characters. The only two characters that should be going anywhere near that sort of thing, without freaking out about the random voice in their head, are Pinky or Discord. Even then you probably want to use it sparingly.

Login or register to comment