Scraps, Musings & Octavia Writes Fanfics

by Wanderer D

Potato Run

"I have never been a potato before," Scootaloo said.

"I'm not entirely sure I follow," Twilight Sparkle replied. "Why are you telling me this?" She blinked at the young pegasus. "And for that matter, why are you even here? I don't recall opening the doors to guests today."

Scootaloo looked around at the Crystal Tree's Library. It had at least a hundred times as many books as the old one... and yet, no answer to her questions.

"Well, who else in here am I going to tell?" Scootaloo finally spoke up. "Let's face it, it's just you and me here Twilight, even Spike is away doing whatever it is he does when he's not doing anything within your sight."

"I'll have you know that Spike does a lot of things." Twilight huffed.

"Well the point is that he's not here, and I still have never been a potato before. And neither have you."

"Okay, true." Twilight nodded, putting down her novel. "But I don't see why this is an issue. Nopony wants to be a potato. Potatoes don't do anything. They are as much of a non-entity as anything in this universe can be."

"But why is that a bad thing?" Scootaloo asked, showing Twilight a potato. "I mean, look at it."

Twilight looked at the potato. Hard. She studied every lump and little crevice, every black spot. The color of the skin. The graininess of it. "It's a Russet Potato," she concluded. "And I still don't see what you clearly intend me to see."

"Twilight, the potato is everything that we should be!" Scootaloo insisted. "Why, it's just... there. It has no ambition, no need for cutie marks—"

"Have you been talking to Starlight Glimmer again?" Twilight interrupted. "Because I've just about had it with her cult of equality. In fact, I'll go show her how equal we are right now."

"No, wait."

"What?"

"Just... hold the potato, Twilight."

Twilight eyed the potato with some concern. "Is... is this some sort of test? Or some twisted psychological trick?"

"Twilight," Scootaloo spoke up. "It's just a potato. Hold it in your hoof."

"Why?"

"Just hold it."

"Scootaloo, you are not acting normally, I swear if this potato has anything to do with it, we'll find out a way to—"

"Twilight, it's just a potato. That's the whole point. Hold it."

Twilight bit her lip and glanced worriedly at the potato in Scootaloo's hoof. "I-I don't know if I want to."

"Come on. It's a regular Russet Potato. You can do it, Twilight. You're a smart pony, you know there's nothing rational in this fear you have of it right now."

"Since when do you know the meaning of that word?"

"Now?"

"Rational."

"People tell me to try and be rational all the time," Scootaloo explained. "So I finally looked it up. Now, hold the potato."

Twilight took the potato in hoof.

Nothing happened.

"Huh."

"Well?"

"Well what? It's a potato!"

"Of course it is, but, do you notice anything special about it?"

"Not really," Twilight said, blinking. "Although it is kind of nice to find out how it really does nothing. It's just a potato."

"Exactly."

"So, what is your point, Scootaloo?"

"Well... this morning I was wondering if shooting the frozen mango canon with me dressed up as a coconut would grant me my cutie mark..."

Twilight raised an eyebrow.

"...and on the way to Rarity's I found this potato on the floor."

"Just... in the middle of the street?"

"Yes."

"What was it doing in the middle of the street?"

"Exactly what a potato would do in the middle of the street."

"Meaning nothing."

"Yes."

"Okay?"

"So... I looked at the potato and then I realized, this potato doesn't care about what the world thinks about it."

"Well... no, it's a potato, why would it care?"

"And that's the thing!" Scootaloo placed a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. "I realized... I should be like a potato. Not worry about opinions. Not worry about cutie marks. Or doing anything. For a while, I should be a potato. And not care. And then I would be free." She smirked.

"But... wouldn't others think you're worthless?"

Scootaloo shrugged. "The potato doesn't care. Do you think you hurt its feelings?"

Twilight looked at the potato. "Yeah, I guess not."

"That's why I told you... I've never been a potato."

"Yeah... me neither."

"Twilight! I'm home!" Spike called, walking into the library, where he had last seen her. "I brought you..."

His voice died as he gazed in confusion at the large, pony-sized purple potato resting in the middle of the room, right next to the orange filly-sized potato, next to the regular sized Russet Potato on the floor.

He took a step back. "Oookay. I think I'll come back later." He nodded, turning very slowly around and walking out.

The potatoes did not answer.

Because they didn't care.

The End

Author's Note:

It's 4am. And I can't sleep. That's all there is to it.

Comments

[Phoenix Kitten]

...
Welp... there are productive things to do when suffering insomnia, and there are unproductive..
I think this falls into the former.
So how are you? Because I am a potato.

[archonix]

And then Latvia invaded.

[ForgottenBackgroundPony]

And then potato girl from AoT showed up and ate them all

[Scarves]

6505254 Why here? Why now? Why would you eat that potato?
It was getting cold so I gave it shelter in the pits of my stomach!

[Magical Trevor]

... This chapter... This right here. I needed that. X3

[Flame486]

6515811 This.

Awesome chapter btw. Need more of them.

[PresentPerfect]

wow

that's deep c.c

like a potato

[Pascoite]

Twilight eyed the potato

groooooan

This was rather fun. It's just the right length, and I wonder if this didn't spawn from a little scrap of memory that refuses to give up "Along Came Polly."

If I didn't already know the health effects from lack of sleep, I'd encourage you to get insomnia more often.

[Illya Leonov]

This is the sort of Koan everypony should read now and again.

[Illya Leonov]

6505254
Okay now I want to know who Potato Girl is. She sounds strangely compelling.

[Bad Horse]

Potatoes don't comment.

I have failed.

[Solitair]

And then they rolled up Lalafell characters in Final Fantasy XIV.

[Lancerlot]

And then, they did as 'tubers do, and watched videos.