The Dreaded Love Bird

by Darkonshadows

A scarce rarity

It was around midday that Pinkie appeared with Twilight in tow at a restaurant they all agreed to meet at, Applejack noticed Pinkie was shivering and looked pale muttering under her breath the words ‘never again, though the foal pictures were cute’.

“What the hay happened to Pinkie?” Applejack was just curious as she saw the pale pink pony eyes darting everywhere.

“Well I don’t know, she started freaking out when we decided to take an impromptu tour of Canterlot. I honestly can’t figure it out. I think it started when we were approaching my parent’s house.” Trying to look discreet Twilight gave a worried glance to Pinkie who held up a hoof to hail a waiter.

“Give me an order of chocolate crepes and make it a double, oh and a daisy sandwich platter for our friend with some grape juice.” Pinkie had even more reason to stay away from Twilight now, but that didn’t mean she was going to be sour about it forever. They were friends after all and Pinkie didn’t want to damage their friendship over something as crazy as all the stuff that happened around the house of Twilights parents.

“Well I guess she’s fine, we’re going to the museum of unnatural history and magical artifacts want to come with us?” Twilight hoped that her friends would, Pinkie seemed to be upset with her for some reason and she couldn’t honestly figure out why.

Maybe Twilights parents should have cleaned the little tentacle monsters out of the basement before she showed Pinkie her entirely filly made laboratory from when she was really young. Maybe she shouldn’t have introduced Pinkie to the magical painting where the pony’s eyes follow you and just maybe she wished she could remember what it was she said that made Pinkie so upset.

“I’m up for it… that is, if it’s okay with you Rainbow… unless you need more training.” Fluttershy shyly poked a hoof through her mane to shift it to the side as it had fallen in front of her left eye.

“Nah, I need to really relax today, for tomorrow is the big event for me and nothing will relax me more than a boring trip to the museum.” Rainbow said with sheer enthusiasm, she was never in Canterlot on a day these things took place. Best young flyer and soon to be Wonderbolt with best mare friend at her side? Well that seemed like a dream, but the Wonderbolts would seriously cut down on the time she spent with all her friends… she even thought of throwing the competition.

“Rainbow it’s not going to be that boring, it’s a museum of unnatural history and it even has a Wonderbolt display!” Twilight was getting angry that every one of her friends was assuming that the museum would be boring. “In fact I’m quite sure there will be something you would all enjoy if you just gave it a chance!”

“Whoa there sugar cube, calm down now.” Applejack started rubbing her hoof up and down Twilights back till she sighed. “Better?”

“Much, thank you Applejack.” Twilight looked at her four friends… wait four? Pinkie eating her crepes with extra chocolate, Applejack chugging some apple juice, Rainbow suddenly looked interested in visiting the museum and Fluttershy was staring at Rainbow in an oddly adoring fashion. “Wait, where’s Rarity?”

“She must be hanging out with her Canterlot friends.” Pinkie said around a mouthful of sugar, it was surprisingly clearly spoken and then Twilight remembers that Pinkie has a mastery of all things party including tricks like ventriloquism. Now that Twilight considered it, did this mean Pinkie was also good at war parties? A thought for another time, she had a daisy sandwich to eat and how in the world did Pinkie know she liked grape juice? She rarely ever drinks the stuff in Ponyville because it wasn’t in big supply or demand.

“So um… Pinkie, do you need to get something off your chest?” Fluttershy saw Pinkie sigh with relief before she stood up and moved carefully over to Fluttershy to point at the spider clinging to it. “Not what I had in mind, but okay. Just give me a few seconds.”

“Well now that that bit of awkwardness is out of the way… Rainbow, Kazooie is planning to contemptuously crash the competition tomorrow.” Twilight was worried what this news would bring, none of them had wanted to bring up the giant spider that had been clinging to Pinkie because they didn’t know how to broach the subject. Instead of frowning, getting angry or smiling, Rainbow had a flat look on her face.

“Well okay then, anything of real importance that I need to know?” Rainbow didn’t see Kazooie as a threat; instead she just saw this as a friendly challenge. “I’m going to be kicking that smart mouth in the flank at the competition and you’ve got nothing to be worried about. She isn’t as dangerous as she makes herself out to be anyway.”

That’s the same general feeling Twilight had about Kazooie and she hasn’t even met her! In fact it seemed to be common amongst her friends to write off Kazooie and her amazingly destructive abilities. She was dangerous and she was capable of killing and being a pure monster, yet she hasn’t done anything to prove she was actively out to get anyone other than Celestia. Even then that was harmless; she only seemed to seriously harm anything that was evil as with the turn out with Distress and Cancer. Speaking of Distress, Twilight knew she was still moping about her missing powers in the castle and barely eating anything.

Seriously how does Kazooie manage to keep anyone from panicking given she’s beaten a god of chaos on her own… much less that she was the one in the first place that set said god of chaos free? How did Kazooie even get all that power out of Discord in the first place and why wasn’t she corrupted by it, how many secrets did Pinkie’s friend have? Why couldn’t she seem to bring herself to fear her, why couldn’t she think of her as bad like Celestia? What kind of influence does she exactly have that makes her seem harmless to everypony except those she specifically sees as her enemies for whatever reason?

Where Rarity was at this very moment, she was not with her Canterlot friends. She was somewhere Rainbow Dash would want to be if she took a nice tour of Canterlot, she was with the Wonderbolts having lunch.

“So let me get this straight, you’re a duke… I can hardly see it but then again I’ve set my standards way to high at times for a girl that comes from Ponyville.” Rarity knew quite a few things about the Wonderbolts from Rainbow Dash, but not the finer things apparently.

“Yeah it’s just something I don’t like to talk about, who was that friend of yours that makes the pies again?” Soarin’s face was covered with pie crust and filling, his disposition was as cheery as it was quite infectious.

Even Spitfire needed Rarity to join them for lunch; she was after all the best dress maker from Ponyville all the way to Manehatten and Spitfire needed Rarity to make a dress for her personally. It was also interesting to hear that she’d be a spectator at the competition tomorrow and that Rainbow Dash would be there as a competitor.

“So how well do you think Rainbow will do in the competition? You know it’s not always the one who wins it that becomes a Wonderbolt; it’s the one with the most heart, camaraderie and sportsmanship even if they perform the lousiest. Well Tartarus, if Soarin’s a Wonderbolt anypony can be one.” Spitfire got an indignant shout from Soarin who was still stuffing his face with pie.

“Does it matter if Rainbow is in love with a pony, even possibly of the same gender? Otherwise I think she’ll do just smashing… well if she can reel in her ego.” Rarity didn’t get much of a reaction from either Wonderbolt who continued doing what they were. Spitfire sipping her drink slowly and Soarin still stuffing his face disgustingly with pie and yet there was a bit of charm to it that reminded her of Applejack.

“Not really, her ego is a problem though. Not that I broadcast it, I’m dating Fleetfoot and Soarin has slept with more than half the team at one time or another. That’s including me and even a few stallions from our reserve flyers, he’s the teams favorite cuddle toy. So yeah we’re pretty lax on that stuff. I’m not about to get between someone and who they love. I will however stand up for the team against all the dang paparazzi; we’ve sued plenty of ponies for blinding us out of the air with flash photography. It isn’t all bad since the money we make suing them mostly goes to charity, since we really don’t need that much funding.” Spitfire sighed fondly thinking back to how Rainbow inspired the Ponyville weather team and volunteers to help with the water spout. That sweet little yellow pegasus and Rainbow were rather close to each other and she even stated she couldn’t have done it without her, despite her wing power being barely enough to make the grade. She smiled at the heart of even the weakest flying pegasus there and Rainbow’s encouragement.

Rarity smiled as she learned the Wonderbolts were quite nice and as Rainbow would say awesome, she really didn’t know what to think when Spitfire approached her about going out to lunch. They were quite generous and even Spitfire had paid entirely for the meal.

“I swear you and Soarin remind me a lot of Fancy Pants, neither of you are quite stuffy or really hard to get along with. Quite a few other ponies in Canterlot are not quite so… elegant, in the way they treat others. Soarin is far from what I would expect of his high standing given his rather interesting eating habits.” Rarity curdled a bit as she watches Soarin go for another pie, he’s already had two and he was going for a third one,

“Yeah, you’re not what we expected from a unicorn that comes from Ponyville either and that’s a good thing.” A hoof with a few hay fries was promptly shoved into her mouth and after Spitfire finished chewing she swallowed. “At least you know where to stop being so uptight at least, do you even realize how much of a celebrity you are?”

“No, how much of a celebrity am I darling?” Rarity was wondering where this was going, she was honestly surprised as she took a nibble at her cucumber carrot lettuce sandwich with a light vinaigrette. Soarin immediately stopped eating his first quarter of pie and wiped his mouth off before giving a smile to Spitfire who returned it; this caused Rarity to scrutinize them. “Well go on, no use in keeping a lady waiting you know.”

“You’re really popular with just about every pony in higher portions of the fashion industry; the only thing they can’t seem to understand is why you choose to live in a backwater place. I don’t think that though, Ponyville is a great vacation spot for a little rest, relaxation, maybe some adventure and to get away from everyday life.” Soarin paused and got a good look at Rarity, his wings started shifting and he knew it was a bad idea to try and court a slightly fussy highbrow pony like her. Rarity seemed to be highly amused and receptive to the fact that she was popular everywhere it mattered. Soarin stifled himself quite well having a good control of his body; he still thought she was really beautiful. “Anyway I doubt there’s even a pony out there that could out fly Rainbow, that’s another of problem as she also needs to be able to slow down to fly with others and not just be a hotshot.”

“I have some doubt she actually wants to really be a Wonderbolt. I never really said as much to her face, but even if she does idolize your entire team to the point of absurdity I just don’t truly think she’d be happy if she becomes one.” It had been on Rarity’s mind, sure she liked Canterlot… but it just wasn’t home for any of her friends or herself. Home is where your heart lay; her heart was in the small place known as Ponyville and the only thing she need search for was companionship even if she did have to look abroad.

“I don’t think so either, but if she wants to be in the Wonderbolts and she has the stuff, it’s her decision.” Spitfire swirled her drink around a bit before taking another sip closing her eyes. She opened her eyes and stared into Rarity’s own with a bit of sternness. “A lot of the Wonderbolts don’t really have much family to speak of really and we’d be lonely without each other. Your friend would probably ecstatic at first and she has potential for being a great Wonderbolt if it is truly what she wants, but even I know it’s not what she needs. You got nothing to worry about miss Rarity, oh and one thing.”

“Yes, what is it dear?” Rarity said wondering if Spitfire was right, would Rainbow truly give up on being a Wonderbolt just to keep with all of her friends… or more importantly Fluttershy. Rainbow always dreamed of being a showoff hotshot flyer in the Wonderbolts, whatever she chose Rarity would be alright with it as long as Fluttershy was okay with whatever the outcome.

“Could you make me a dress?” Spitfire said with a small smile. “I won’t take it for any less than five hundred bits, I’ve heard how generous you are and I’m not letting you get away with me not paying you just because we became friends.”

Rarity’s brain was already getting into action and Soarin giggled as he saw her eyes sharpen into narrow slits at Spitfire scrutinizing her looks. It seemed like Rarity had already started and they haven’t even left the table yet. Spitfire noticed the strange look and wondered what it meant for her in the near future.

At Sweet Apple Acres, busy practicing for messing up future events.

“So Screwball, are you coming with me to the competition tomorrow?” Kazooie trotted along in her alicorn form. Sure transforming into different forms took a while as she had to transform back into a breegull to take a different form, but it was worth it to play around with how far her transformational limitations went. So far anything that flies or had four or more legs and she was capable of it, she couldn’t do her object transformations like the ever useful washing machine one. She still had her battery egg powered washing machine, why she needed it would never come into question.

Screwball lazily closed her eyes, smiled at Kazooie and waved a hoof in a nonchalant manner.

“You’re really getting into the spirit of mute hero speak, that was the most complicated thing you’ve said yet. Well just make sure to listen to Ms. Smith and try not to change any more apple trees into pear trees by accident… don’t know how we’re going to explain that one to the apples when they find out.” Kazooie watched Screwball rub the back of her neck as she gave a sheepish smile about her chaos powers getting a tiny bit out of control. “Yeah well, what they don’t know until we’re too far away for them do anything about it and all that. So I guess they’ll be stuck looking at things gone pear shaped with one of their trees unless you can fix it.”

A brown stallion had been running by when he stopped after hearing the word pear.

“I hate pears!” The stallion stopped to shout at them as he went to get back into pitched battle with that time traveling lunatic that managed to get his police box. The multiple levels of time traveling shenanigans going on now was undoubtedly epic, but not what this story was about.

“What’s Doc Brown’s problem?” Kazooie asked blankly not really knowing that pony’s real name; Screwball shrugged not really understanding why someone would take the time to shout about their hatred of pears. Personally Screwball liked pears and they had a nice texture, the guy was rather rude for listening in on their conversation like that. “Well back to flying through the trees at literal breakneck speed without hitting anything, don’t mind me if you find my bloody corpse lying around here somewhere. Did we need another basket of apples by any chance?”

In the unnatural history museum things were going relatively well, Pinkie was back to her bouncy self off on her own while Applejack and Rainbow were at each other’s throats somewhere. Everything was right with the world and the only pony paying Twilight any mind was Fluttershy.

“And that’s how a sock caused classical music to be born.” Twilight finally finished her long winded spiel only to notice Fluttershy tilting her head curiously at her.

“But that’s kind of… a little… never mind.” She really did not want to ask a Pinkie Pie style question, but that a sock did all that was strange enough. Who knew you could create such noises using a stocking?

“Yeah, kind of disturbed me hearing about it too. The fact that this seemed like an unnatural enough occurrences to end up in this museum, I mean it’s not that farfetched music started with the sock bagpipes.” Twilight looked around for another exhibit, one that wouldn’t actually bore Fluttershy to death to ramble on about. Maybe the odd eating habits of pets that are raised by pony’s exhibit? It certainly went a long way to explaining how Pinkie keeps Gummy fed and it was in Fluttershy’s area of expertise and interest.

Behind them Applejack was just looking at Rainbow as she stared after Fluttershy’s flank, she lifted a hoof and hit Rainbow across the face earning her attention and a blush.

“Sugar cube now would be a good time to tell me what you needed me for?” It was time the farmer got right down to the favor Rainbow needed of her.

“Well, this may seem kind of odd, but heh you know me… I’m never going to let a pony down right? Could you maybe…” Leaning up to Applejacks ear Rainbow whispered something and Applejack was taken aback.

“What… really… well hay now, yeah I’ll do that one thing, but I don’t know how you expect to get away with the second. Things like this tend to lead to misunderstandings. So let’s mosey on and get this over with.” Applejack and Rainbow walked off together, Rainbow could only hope Fluttershy never caught wind of this.

Pinkie stood there watching them go off together and she blinked, had every pony forgotten she existed again or had she accidentally become a ghost like that one Nightmare Night? No, they just didn’t notice her hiding in a suit of magical armor. The magical artifacts were stated to be completely inert and wouldn’t do anything special, loudly Pinkie started to clank after them scaring several colts and fillies out of their minds as a walking piece of armor suddenly started to follow her two best friends. One of which she wished could maybe want to go on a date at least, maybe she should try for Rarity even if she wasn’t into mares... nah that’d be just a friend date and she wanted sugar of a different sorts. She’s already been friend zoned enough in life; every single pony in Ponyville can’t even see her in a romantic light. Really she loved to party, but she wanted something a little romantic too and all her friends including Rarity were out there finding love. Kazooie was the one she was supposed to be fulfilling a Pinkie Promise to, not the other way around and if Kazooie managed to continue to do what she is already then Pinkie might not be able to carry out the promise! She never breaks a promise not even to her first friend from an alternate dimension far removed from the cartooniverse.

Pinkie walked noisily up to the restroom she saw Rainbow and Applejack enter and then she burst in with a funny one-liner hanging on her tongue. She paused when she saw Applejack holding Rainbow and kissing each other, they both paused at stared at the armored pony not able to see her face.

“Ummm… this isn’t what it looks like whoever you are?” Rainbow said slowly.

“Well it certainly looks like you’re getting Applejack to help you practice for giving Fluttershy a big smooch.” Both ponies blanched as they recognized her voice, Pinkie smiled as she lifted the metal plate away from her face in the clanking armor.

“Then it’s exactly what it looks like.” Applejack said clearly and without fear as her honest nature shone through, despite Rainbows still panicking next to her. She liked Rainbow sure, but she didn’t love her like that.

“Yippee, you’re going to give Fluttershy the most wonderful fun big slobbering tongue tied loving goo goo eyes kiss ever devised! Don’t worry I won’t tell her, since it’s supposed to be a surprise!” Pinkie said as she gave a short hop and tried to get the helmet off of the suit of armor, however a magical glow filled the armor preventing her from removing the helmet. “Uh-oh… um girls... I think I might be stuck.”