The Dreaded Love Bird

by Darkonshadows

Rubber Tree Plant

Applejack sighed as she stepped off the train into Canterlot Central Station; her brother was going to take Philomena and Owlowisciosu back to Ponyville and that’s the likeliest place she could think that Kazooie would go. She was getting an awful lot of stares at the sword she had strapped across her back; she ignored them and made her way towards Canterlot Castle.

What kind of strange stuff did she get herself into when she went to help out the oranges with their plantation?

Speaking of plantations, at Sweet Apple Acres Big Mac was running across Kazooie and Screwball doing something really odd. They were doing boring normal work and Kazooie was collecting apples like a mad mare with a wild look in her eye, she was positively glowing as she jumped around the trees performing acrobatic stunts and levitating apples into her backpack.

“Oh hey Big Mac, I’ll bring your favor for me tomorrow so don’t worry about the farm, me and Screwball are doing the work. If you’re worried about payback, I’ll take it simply in food and board. I really don’t need any more bits to my name. It’s been a while since I simply relaxed and pulled a Harvest Moon job.” Kazooie smiled cheekily; Big Mac had no idea what he was currently in for and she hoped he had a good constitution for handling dangerous animals.

Big Mac just stared strangely at the alicorn; she most certainly didn’t have a horn to compliment the wings when he last saw her. Then again he knew she was a shape shifting creature from Applejack and the mare herself saying as much, so it wasn’t beyond her to be a normal pony sized alicorn. Shrugging it off he decided to just move on with his life instead of puzzling over the strangeness and just go with the flow, which he usually did anyway.

Applejack trotted into the castle with the sword still giving her odd feelings. Pulling the sword off her back she ran her hoof through the blade of the sword and watched as it phased around her hoof, it was mostly harmless to anything except colossal creatures. To think all it did was dispel that creature Celestia called Cancer. If it hadn’t been summoned Applejack would have actually slain it instead of sending it back to where it belonged, sealed away from hurting pony kind.

Applejack continued, after placing the sword across her back, to trot towards her room in the castle with her thoughts wandering. It was like Kazooie could read her on some fundamental level and the things she had said, it made Applejack think. Quite frankly she didn’t like how Kazooie treated authority figures like the princesses, but she was honest in what she thought when it came right down to it. She had a few things in her saddle bags to test out on whether Kazooie was right or not about something, which she was afraid to test because it could mean a drastic change in her friendship with a pony.

The first pony to greet her was Twilight as she passed by another set of guards; she hadn’t been really paying attention to where she had been going. Apparently Celestia had sent a message to let her through with the sword, as the guards didn’t stop her from entering the castle.

“Applejack did you just get in from Manehatten and… is that a sword!?” Of course the book smart Twilight would become slightly panicked. Applejack was pretty sure Twilight knew she didn’t have the heart of a killer. The purple mare was thinking along the same lines of ‘there must be some logical reason behind it’.

“Yeah, it were none to pleasant sugar cube. I’m still a might bit frightened about what it’s capable of.” Sure it was amazing that it seemed mostly harmless, when she had asked about the sword Kazooie certainly didn’t hide what she knew of it. It had the power to slay giants including immortal ones and that was scary enough for her. “I have to keep it, since no pony else can use it, do you know of a place I could put it in the castle for safekeeping?”

The conversation with Twilight was simple enough, with Twilight taking notes of what the sword could do and what had happened in Manehatten. Apparently the culprits who summoned a giant crab monster had been buried alive and were found unconscious and taken in for questioning by the local guard forces. Now that Twilight stopped to think of it she looked at Applejack with surprise.

“Wait… it was a giant starry crab creature?” A sense of intrigue flowed through Twilights brain.

“Yep, but it didn’t go down none to easily. Kazooie blew the entire dang thing in half and it came back from that, this sword was the only thing that actually put a stop to that nonsense.” The way Twilight suddenly started mumbling under her breathe, caused Applejack to worry what she had to say once she was done with all those smart pony thought processes.

“Are the princesses okay; I mean did they even make it to the fight?” Twilight asked with a hint of worry.

“Well shoot, they were right fine the last I saw them and they was too late for the fight too. Celestia is mighty angry at Kazooie though; don’t rightly know what happened after she got the princess burning mad. Things became really fuzzy then and it felt like being back home on the farm strangely enough. All I know is that I woke up in a crowd of sleeping ponies all around the princesses at the twenty four hour restaurant we were eating at after the battle. Kazooie left a sizable tip and actually paid for it like she said she would.”If there was anything else for Applejack to add to reassure Twilight that everything was okay she gave it a thought licking her lips before she decided on what to say. “I wonder what the princesses are going to do with those ponies who summoned the dang thing. I think it’s kind of surprising when all that happened was the massive amount of property damage.”

“Hmmm… well I guess everything’s okay; did Kazooie say anything about Distress?” Applejack tilted her head to Twilight questioningly; she was quickly shown to Distress with an equally quick explanation. It was the sorriest sight Applejack ever did see, she took no joy in Discords position but was at least relieved to not have to deal with that guy until she got her powers back at least… if she can get them back. As they left the room Twilight addressed Applejack one last time. “You know it’s kind of weird, I feel like should be more worried that somepony else is running around with Discords powers.”

Applejack lowered her head to think on that one, they finally got Applejack’s stuff situated in her own personal room and Twilight was making a check list of possible preparations should she run into Kazooie. Twilight didn’t even begin to know how to stop super speed or flaming spirit falcon attack and was soon on her way leaving Applejack by herself, working her mind into a small frenzy with this new bit of information on Kazooie.

Another door opened in the hallway and Pinkie Pie threw her hooves up in the air with a loud yawn as she stepped out. Applejack perked up and moved over to Pinkie, she had a lot to discuss with the party pony.

Elsewhere in the castle a different conversation was taking place between Fluttershy, Rainbow and Rarity.

“You haven’t said one thing about us since you saw Fluttershy kiss me. I seriously want to know what’s on your mind Rarity.” Rainbow may have been slightly distant emotionally to Fluttershy, but she was definitely physically attracted. She was slowly hovering her way down the hallway towards the royal library which was said to have a rare copy of a lightly edited special edition version of the newest Daring Do book.

“You called that a kiss, that was but a peck on the lips at best darling and your reaction was rather cute. I see nothing wrong with your relationship.” Rarity turned to look to Fluttershy who shied away slightly looking slightly down about something. “Now why don’t you tell me what’s wrong Fluttershy.”

“Well… I can’t… really… um…” Fluttershy continued to mumble incoherently hiding her face in her mane as she trotted along the hallway looking at the floor.

“Come on Fluttershy what’s wrong? Is it about me trying out for the Wonderbolts later this week?” Rainbow didn’t think it bothered Fluttershy that much even when they had discussed it.

“Oh no, it’s not that. It’s just that… I don’t think… I’m worried I’m not doing things quite right.” Fluttershy sighed to herself turning to Rainbow with her big doe like eyes. “That maybe I’m being… too forceful and… I hurt you.”

“Fluttershy… if you think kissing me isn’t right then does that mean you don’t actually love me?” Dropping to the floor Rainbow lifted a wing to wrap it around Fluttershy’s shivering body, noticing the look of hurt at the insinuation and that she was about ready to burst into tears Rainbow began to nuzzle her affectionately. “I can say that while you can’t really seem to put your all into it, you still did it so that means you definitely want to date this slice of awesome. I don’t see you as being too forceful, I’m the one who agreed to start dating you and that includes kissing as part of the package.”

“But…” Fluttershy tried to say as she looked up and was quickly enwrapped in a hug.

“Shhhh…” Her body warmth shared with Fluttershy, Rainbow felt Fluttershy snuggle at her side. After a moment Rainbow decided to give Fluttershy a small light touch to the cheek with her lips, causing Fluttershy to squeak and turn red in the face. Rainbow could hear the subtle sound of Fluttershy saying ‘yay’ as she burrowed her face into the cyan pony’s chest and she smirked a little.

Rarity looked on gently with a smile; she’d never thought that she’d see the day Rainbow acted tenderly. She owed Pinkie five bits; in fact Rarity thought Pinkie was an oddity when it comes to dating because at least Rarity knew Applejack had preferences and things she’d lean for in a partner. Maybe Kazooie was… no, she will not jump to conclusions that led to dating problems aplenty, she’ll cross that bridge if it comes to it.

As they walked into the library they came up on the strangest of scenes, Pinkie Pie was hogtied by a ball of yarn, Applejack had a surprised look on her face and she turned to them with look of awkwardness at the situation. Pinkie tried to talk through the yarn wrapped around her mouth keeping it shut, so she just settled down and started breathing through her nose.

“My goodness what happened to Pinkie?” Rarity hoped this was a good cue to explain why Pinkie Pie was tied up in orange yarn and wiggling vigorously trying to get out of it.

“Well… if you need to know, I ran across Kazooie in Manehatten.” Applejack started before she dropped into a short story of the crab battle and something Kazooie had told her about Pinkie. All the while Pinkie tried to get a word in edgewise even while still muffled or stayed silent at a few specific parts. “So I decided to test what she told me by throwing a ball of yarn and she went after it like a cat would…”

Pinkie muffled as she was, was trying to get someone to help her out of her situation. Fluttershy looked at Rainbow Dash and subtly rolled her eyes before she jerked her head lightly towards Pinkie with a gentle smile.

“Fine, but I’m not sure how well it’ll work.” Rainbow went over to Pinkie and managed to get her wing under a thick portion of knotted yarn and with a swift jerk her wings cut straight through the yarn with ease. “Ugh, it’s so embarrassing to be winged and dangerous.”

“Thank you so much Dashie, but really? You’re winged and dangerous? That’s hilarious; did you have to sign off on your wings and everything? It was getting hard to talk about all the wonders of yarn since my Granny Pie first let me play with some. I can kind of see why Kazooie thought I was a cat at first, the only colorful thing on a rock farm and it was so fun to play with after all that boring work and then swoosh I’m making a tea cup with yarn and having an actual tea party! The cup didn’t hold the tea very well, but it worked well enough for me.” Cue odd stares in her direction, Pinkie Pie was certainly not obsessed with Kazooie, though she could be asking about it more. Well time to weed out the guilty ponies other then Applejack, because she just knew they’ve seen her. “Let me guess you’ve all seen her recently haven’t you?”

Rarity, Rainbow and Fluttershy looked away slightly; Applejack had already said her piece and didn’t look as pensive. Pinkie didn’t get mad, but she still had to get ahead of Kazooie somehow especially considering the bird was really good at real time strategies. Usually said strategies involve a rather inexplicable sense of timing and clever maneuvering.

“Well that’s okay, so anyone hungry? I can go make some cupcakes for all of you if you are, things are way to quiet or dull around here and the guards are really hard to get a laugh out of.” Before Pinkie could dart off to make good on some cupcakes and all the sugar in the royal kitchens she felt a hoof on her back holding her in place. Pinkie turned to Applejack who had a serious expression on her face.

“Can we talk about something first? In private…” Applejack started to walk towards one of the exits of the library only to be stopped by Rainbow putting a hoof on her right shoulder, Pinkie went to wait by the exit for Applejack.

“I think my heart is finally managing to reach my brain Applejack. I know what I have to do and I’m going to need your help with something later, so can I count on you?” Rainbow was giving Applejack what she hoped was a hopeful look as she whispered.

“Why of course Rainbow, you know you can depend on me as long as it’s none too weird or strange. My plate is full of that kind of stuff ever since I met that Kazooie critter.” Applejack looked to Pinkie to see if she had any interruptions so they could be on their way to having that chat. Pinkie held out a hoof to Rarity who just cursed under her breath wondering how Pinkie knew, it was Pinkie after all so of course she knew. Quickly a few bits were given to Pinkie and not a single pony batted an eyelash at that or even the fact that the bits disappeared somewhere.

They set out into the hallway and Pinkie started bouncing and humming a happy tune. Applejack followed along knowing that Pinkie’s had a laser guided focus for making cupcakes for all of her friends and was most likely directing them towards the kitchen.

“So the reason why you bounce everywhere is because you want to be a… what did she call it again… platform hero. Like that stuff you did during the Mare-Do-Well thing?” Applejack noticed the immediate shift of the happily bouncing humming friend as she immediately stopped bouncing and was now walking.

“Yeah… how much did she tell you?” Pinkie said walking at an average pace and her bounce seemed to have gone completely out of her, but at least her mane didn’t straighten.

“That you probably still wish to leap to the challenge literally.” Applejack noticed a soft smile cross Pinkie’s face before she leapt at the wall to her right. Pinkie bounced off of the wall and then jumped again in mid-air gaining more height leading into a somersault before she came down on her front two hooves where she began walking on them with the rest of her body held above her head.

“Aw, she still knows me so well…” It was impressive how Pinkie could walk on her front two hooves much less still perform video game based maneuvers in defiance of physics. Pinkie knowing she was cartoon character definitely helped and her capabilities always worked better when done in good humor. “Did she actually say anything else about me?”

“She did say you liked a certain pony.” Applejack became startled as Pinkie promptly fell on to her back and stared at the ceiling wide eyed. Whoever did the ceiling art in the castle had a nice artistic view on it probably knowing nopony ever bothered to look up.

“She told you about my crush on you!” Pinkie yelled from the floor. How could Kazooie have possibly known that she had a crush on Applejack? Pinkie was crazy and random, so how in the world could Kazooie figure it out?

“Wait, you have a crush on me? Huh, I thought she was talking about Twilight. I think I understand her allusion to an apple slice and the donut now. I’m right properly scared that I do.” Applejack was mortified beyond belief, not just because she now knew why Pinkie had seemed sweet on her and had probably been paying more money than necessary for breakfast at the farm. Especially after she mentioned the roof of the barn needing repairs, not only did Pinkie lose a bit of weight she was also helping the Apple family financially… it all kind of made sense now. Pinkie could afford room and board at Sweet Apple Acres because her party planning paid well aside from her real job of being an assistant baker.

“Um… can we rewind this conversation to a few minutes ago when you didn’t know about my super embarrassing crush that’s actually somewhat small and stuff?” Pinkie asked with a large sheepish grin on her face. Applejack just gave her a blank no nonsense look. “Yeah, I didn’t think so. Um… surprise? Maybe I should have sprung this on you at an earlier date, much less say how sweet your apples actually are, they’re juicy too and much healthier then the several pounds of sugar I ingest in a day.”

“You want to talk about this sugar cube? I don’t even know what to think anymore, for a long time I thought you’d try and hook up with Rainbow Dash. With Rainbow dating Fluttershy and all, that’s kind of impossible now huh?” Applejack tipped her hat to Pinkie as a sign of understanding.

“Well Fluttershy did call dibs when I started to take an interest in her and made me Pinkie Promise not to tell anypony until she could find the courage to get together with her and she did. Also Rainbow doesn’t nearly eat as many sweets as we do; she’s cool, awesome and fun. I just don’t think me and Rainbow work so well together when exposed to each other for long periods of time. We’re better off just friends.” Pinkie got up from the floor and continued the trot towards the kitchen.

“Why are ya’ll interested in me?” This really begged the question; Applejack just had to know since it was out in the open now.

“Because lots of people really like apple pie and since you’re an Apple and I’m a Pie we kind of click together in the shipping charts but are hardly ever used in too many stories, that and I really like your hat.” Pinkie wasn’t afraid to admit her crush was based on Applejack’s cooking, her cool hat and all kinds of small things she does for Ponyville to make ponies happy. Making ponies happy is something Pinkie always got behind, even if they were stubborn about staying unhappy. “You’re also good at making ponies happy, it just happens to involve massive amounts of apples.”

“Well I’m confused and a bit flattered Pinkie, but can we just stay friends? I’m kind of having problems with Rarity butting in on my personal business and I really don’t take to kindly to it. Kind of hard to find a mare or a stallion she won’t try to help woo me as she puts it; I don’t want her trying to force you on me too.” Applejack finally stopped talking for a moment to take in her surroundings and realized she and Pinkie had already created two dozen cupcakes in the kitchen in a really quick amount of time. “What the hay? When did we start making these things?”

“Wow, we really did that super duper fast and here I thought I was the only pony who could do scene transitions. Of course we can just be friends Applejack and before you know it you’ll be as jumpy as I am!” Pinkie said cheerily as she hopped around the counter of the castles kitchen gathering the cupcakes on a tray to hoof out to her friends and maybe a few of the guards.

“Pinkie, if I ever start acting like you, I want you to knock some sense into me.”Applejack received a nod from a smiling Pinkie as she shoved a cupcake with an apple chunk on it down her throat. The orange farm pony shuddered. Well at least she felt better about taking down the crab, mostly because she was more disturbed my Kazooie’s unique and colorful euphemisms.