Spike's Spatial Spamwich
"Spike, I'm sorry, but I didn't have time to grab any food. I've been too busy chasing these two around-" CRASH! "Gah! No! Ohhh, that was a priceless bust of Starswirled the Bearded!" Fwump! "Oh, no! Oh, nononononononono! Ahhh, Spike! Try to find something to eat if you can, I'll be back after taking these two for a swim at the lake! Say goodbye to Spike."
"Baaaii!!!" SLAM!
Spike stared at the mess around him dejectedly. "Aw, man... ever since those two sea ponies were created, I've had even more work than normal!" He grumped, crossing his arms on his chest while his eyes bored holes into the shattered remnants of one of Twilight's oldest possesions. Sighing, he got to work.
A little over an hour later, the Library looked almost as clean as it usually did. The books were back on the bookcases, the pots and pans put in their place. Spike's stomach yowled in pain as he looked through the kitchen cupboards for anything to sate his hunger.
"Aww, nuts. All we got is bread?! You gotta be kidding me." He grunted in displeasure before his belly rumbled even more. "Ugh, fine..."
He looked around for some butter, or jelly, or nut spread, anything to go with it. He couldn't even find the Hot Sauce left over from Pinkie Pie' last party at the Library. Finally, he had no other options. It was time to check the Big Freezer.
He opened the door leading into Twilight's lab and flicked on a light. Every step thudded in the unearthly silence that permeated the air. He got to the basement floor and made his way over to another door. 'Here goes nothing...' Spike flung the door open, cringing back as if expecting a monster to come flying out at him.
When he was convinced that the freezer hadn't moved, he cautiously made his way towards it, pausing every few steps before his hunger drove him forward again.
Finally, he reached the freezer. Looking up at it, he slowly opened the door, wincing as a frosty breeze sent shivers down his spine.
He looked inside. There, on the freezer shelves, were a myriad of frozen ingredients for different tests that Twilight was working on. He carefully pulled a few out, and saw, to his surprise, a can of Cram(tm) brand fake meat. 'Yes!' He'd finally found something to help rid him of the foul beast residing in his belly; the beast whose name was Hunger!
Quickly heating the frozen food with a burst of flames, then using a claw to rip it open, he dumped the contents of the can onto a slice of bread, followed by another slice to make the most glorious sandwich he had ever seen! Well, that day, at least.
Running up the stairs to get away from the Freezer, he munched happily at the sandwich. "Shooooooo Beeeeee Wooooo!"
"Gah! No! Don't do that!"
CRASH! WAP! SPLOOSH!
Spike looked up from his sandwich to find a dripping wet Twilight Sparkle walking into the Library's Foyer, a bucket on her head and another on her right back hoof. Clop, clop, clang, clop, clop, clop, clang, clop... Spike did his best not to laugh by stuffing the sandwich back into his mouth.
"Oh, yuk it up while you can, Spike..." Twilight muttered angrily as she shook herself off, sending water all over the floor.
Hi-ccup! Hic-cup! Hic-cup! Hi-urp! Dropping his sandwich, Spike tried to swallow what he had in his mouth as his dragon flame came to a boil.
Failing at this, he let go. Uuuurrrup! Letting out a tremendous burp for one so small, Spike disappeared in a flash of green flames.
Standing in his place was a slender, curvier baby dragon with slightly stubbier fins and spikes.
Spines looked around, feeling a bit disoriented. "Woo, Dusk, honey, we gotta tell Prince Solaris not to send messages during lunch-time. Oof, I feel like my scales just got rearranged..."
Spines looked up into the wide eyes of Twilight Sparkle, her own eyes lighting up in recognition. "Oh! Twilight! It's been a while, hasn't it?" Twilight's eyes rolled, striving to find out if her brain looked as egg-like as Rainbow Dash said it did. She dropped to the ground in a faint. "Twilight, sweetie, are you okay, there? C'mon, sugar, wake up!"
Spines flinched when she heard a giggle come from behind her. Turning around, she saw a sea animal with an aqua-teal color, and a unicorn's head snickering to itself from inside a large fish tank that Spines didn't recognize.
"This... this isn't my big sis, then... isn't it?" Another giggle, this one from above, made her look slowly towards the ceiling. An octopus, also with a pony's head, hung from one of the rafters. Spines decided to check on her own brain as her eyes rolled backwards. She fell beside Twilight, dead to the world other than a small twitch developing in her right leg.
"Spike? Spike... Spike!"
"Gah!" Spike shot up, his eyes flitting around, looking for something - anything - to convince him that he wasn't dead.
He found something. The face of a young unicorn stallion, whose purple and pink-striped mane was a bit of a mess, eyes filled with concern. "Spike, are you alright?"
"Gah! Wh-who are you?! Wh-what'd you do to Twilight?!" Spike scrabbled backwards, getting to his feet.
"Woah, Spike. Calm down. I'm... guessing that you're not from the Universe I was hoping you were. I thought that Twilight might have been sending you with a letter, but... I guess not." Dusk shook his head, frowning. "Ahh, well... My name is Dusk Shine, and I live in, and operate the Books and Branches Library here in Ponyville. I am the personal student to Prince Solaris, and, well... I'm guessing that you belong to a Miss Twilight Sparkle. Unfortunately, I... don't know what dimension you've come from. I just know which one you are most likely not from."
Spike was confused. "... I don't get it."
Dusk facehoofed. "What were you doing right before finding yourself here, in my home?" Dusk was trying to be patient, but Spike was really not being very much help.
"Uhh... eating a sandwich? Why?" Spike scratched his head, his eyebrow arched like the Golden Gate Bridge.
"Hmm... Spines was eating a sandwich when she disappeared... What was on your sandwich?"
"Um, some Cram?"
"... fake-meat stuff?"
"Yeah!"
"Funny. Here, we call that Spam."
"That's... kinda dumb," Spike said with a shake of his head.
Dusk sighed. They were quickly losing focus. "Okay. Great. It seems that you've made some sort of spatial sandwich, and your 'jumps' are most likely paired with other sandwiches that are similar. How many bites did you take?"
Spike thought for a second. "Uhh... two or three?"
Dusk nodded to himself as a parchment and a quill began to hover beside him. "That just strengthens my theory. Spines only just made the sandwich, and had taken only one bite. So, in order for you to get back to your own world, you'll need to eat more of the sandwich."
Spike's stomach growled, as if delighted to hear this. "Eh heh... I can do that."
Spike looked around for the sandwich his counterpart had made. Seeing it on the ground, he picked it up and brought it to his lips. "Okay, here goes..." He closed his eyes, and sunk his teeth into it. He dropped the sandwich almost immediately, his cheeks bulging out as his inner flame came to life.
Letting loose a magical burp, he disappeared. In his place, an exact replica of him took form. The only difference was that he had purple eyes, and a bushy mustache, which he was currently twirling around a claw. "What's this, then? Where's my sandwich? Blast. Looks like Daring's gone and left me in the dust once again." Turning towards Dusk, he let out a small laugh. "Ah! Why, if it isn't Daring's little boy-toy, Professor Midnight! How's the princess, hmm?"
Dusk found himself staring at the neurons that made up his grey matter. Then, there was a fwump as he hit the floor. "Ah, I see that I scared him out of his wits. Oh? What's this? My sandwich? Thank goodness. I was still feeling rather peckish."
The scourge of the seas, the scoundrel of Saddle-Arabia, the very dragon who had tried and failed to capture Daring Do more times than anypony else, took a bite of the sandwich and disappeared.
"Woah, woah, waaaahhh!!!" Spike fell from the tree he found himself standing in. Luckily, something broke his fall. Something soft, and warm, and.... familiar?
"Rainbow Dash? Is that you?"
The semi-familiar mare looked at him with confusion before tackling him to the ground. "Alright, Spades, last chance. Where're my friends?"
"Spades? Who's that? I'm Spike! ... And I'm getting the feeling that you're not Rainbow Dash."
"... No, you're right. You couldn't be Spades. His eyes are purple, and he has a mustache. Hmm... You're one of his Hench-dragons, aren't ya? Yeah, you must be a... a spy! Where. Are. My. Friends?" Daring growled threateningly, before her stomach gave an almighty wail. She hunched over, pain evident on her face.
"Gosh, miss. I'm sorry. Here, let me help you." Spike jumped easily to his feet, and started looking around the clearing for anything edible. "A-ha! Here we go!"
Spike returned to the pained pony carrying an armful of a multicolored berry. Daring tried to back away, but her stomach seized up again, and she whimpered in pain. "Don't worry. These are safe to eat. Watch!"
Spike popped a handful into his mouth and chewed. Afterwards, his face grew a blissful look as he moaned with delight. "These are even better than I remember!" He offered some to the pegasus before him.
Daring cautiously accepted a small handful of berries, first checking to make sure they were, in fact, safe to eat.
Her eyes widened as the juices flowed over her tongue. So many flavors! Banana! Blueberry! Watermelon! Pineapple! All! At! Once! She greedily chowed down on the proffered berries, feeling them weigh heavily in her belly.
"Mmmmh...." She laid back down, closing her eyes as she slowly chewed the last handful.
"Heh heh. A friend of mine showed me those, exclaiming that there was candy that grew in the wilderness. She called them Sonic Rainberries, because the flavor smacks you so fast, you have to eat more than one to really enjoy it. I think you'd really like her. Her name's Pinkie Pie. She's sooo random sometimes."
As Spike chuckled to himself, Daring's eyes had snapped open. 'Oh, Creamy Crumb, you are sooo random!' She leaped up, spreading her wings to their full extent. She snapped her head every-which-way, once again alert.
"I only know one pony who's that random, and that's my friend Creamy! Do you know where she is?" She wrapped her forelegs around Spike's arms, rattling him as his eyes shook around like little pinballs.
"Oof, how would I know? I just popped into this world. I'm trying to get back to mine."
Daring wasn't fazed. She scooped up the baby dragon, spread her wings, and shot up past the canopy of the expanse of trees known as Everfree Jungle. "Well, you're gonna help me, anyways!"
Spike barely had time to think as he was suddenly airborne, a sandwich in his claws. 'Well, at least I got my ticket outta here...'
After an hour of flying around, the sun began to set.
"Nooo, oh, noo! Not now! I gotta find my friends!" Daring was getting a little tired. After not eating for a full day, one meal had not been enough. She started to sink lower in the sky, her head drooping as she panted.
"Look! A fire!"
Her head snapped back up and she looked around. Sure enough, there was a fire in the distance. The setting sun shone through the hazy smoke trail emanating from it.
"Woo!" Daring climbed a little higher in the air before snapping her wings to her sides, and plummeting straight towards the clearing.
She saw the dog before it saw her. Wap! Bam! Sokk! Kra-pow! Fwump. Thump. Fmp. Thud. The four Draco Dogs fell to the ground, their dragon masks falling off and shattering.
'Woah,' Spike thought to himself, 'That was awesome! I wish we could've done that when they ponynapped Rarity...'
He looked over at the group of six ponies, all gathered in a tremendous hug.
The Applejack lookalike still wore her same old hat, but her cutiemark had a turbine instead of a trio of apples. She had a pair of Aviator's goggles thrown around her neck.
The Fluttershy impersonator was... well, a guy. Not too strong of build, but definitely more likely to get in a fight than the timid pony he knew. His cutiemark was a white flag crossed with a javelin.
The male Twilight looked like Dusk, but... different. He had a similar cutiemark, but it also held a scroll. His eyes were also covered by glasses that seemed to flicker between dark and clear as the fire's light shifted across them.
Rarity's other was.... stunning. She wore a tight-fitting saddle with a couple of flasks and canteens, as well as a medicine kit. Her cutiemark looked more like Nurse Redheart's.
Pinkie's copy was... exactly the same. The giggle, the song-about-to-explode-forth expression on her face, everything. Well, everything but her cutiemark. It was a triangular beaker with some sort of liquid inside. As he watched, he swore that it changed color.
Daring tackled him as he was about to walk away, and brought him into the middle of the group. "Look who helped me find you guys! His name is Spike!" The others all looked at him curiously, possibly noting distinct similarities and differences between him and the dragon that they called an enemy.
"So? Can we keep him?" The purple unicorn shook his head.
"Sorry, Daring, but you know my rule..." Daring visibly sagged.
"Yeah, yeah... no dangerous or possible adversaries for pets..." Daring crossed her forelegs and harrumphed.
"And, of course, No snakes." The unicorn looked around. "Now, where is my whip and hat? Everypony knows I can't teach without that hat."
"Pfft, yeah, whatever you say, Midnight. Only adventurers need hats." Daring trotted up to the unicorn and nuzzled him.
He smiled. "Yeah, you're right, of course." He gave her a quick kiss before turning to the dragon before them, who was currently trying to remove the thought of that couple popping up in his universe.
"So... what to do with you..."
Spike snapped to reality. "Oh! I just take a bite of a sandwich dropped by a counterpart, and..." Putting the sandwich in his mouth, he took a bite, and started to chew.
His eyes watered, his Dradon's Apple rose and fell as he gagged. Then, he burped out a tremendous amount of green fire.
In his place stood a little boy in green-and-purple checkered shorts. The boy looked around. "Sis..?" He looked scared as, instead of a beach, he found himself standing in a deep jungle, surrounded by ponies. "Siiiiiiiiiiiiis!"
After many trials, Spike began to take smaller and smaller bites of the sandwiches he came upon. Until, finally...
Spike picked up the sandwich as mechanically as he had ever done so, about to take a bite. Then, he heard a giggle. A distinct giggle. He looked around at the Library, which looked much the same as it had in every other world, but... there were two fish tanks. One held a sea pony with Lyra's visage, the other an Octopus with Octavia's. He was home.
Twilight was unconscious. "Twilight!" Throwing the last of the offending sandwich away, he hurried to his 'older sister's' side. "Twilight, are you okay? C'mon, wake up!" He shook her gently, and she started to stir. "Huh..? Wazzah? Spike..? What happened? I had the weirdest dream..." Twilight trailed off as she tried to remember what had just happened. All she could find in her memory was a tall girl with a mustache, a cape, and shorts. She shook her head to clear it; she had obviously spent too much time reading Spike's crazy Naan-ga.
"I'm just glad you're okay, Twilight..." Spike hugged her right foreleg as a big smile spread across his face. He decided not to tell her what happened. She'd either make him stop reading his comics, or, worse, believe him.
He just wanted life to return to normal.
A pair of giggles behind him gave him pause. 'Well, as normal as it can be...'
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Yes, yes... I know. I didn't change the bridge's name because there's not really a better name for it, right? What, the "Galloping Gate Bridge"? Nope.avi
Not doin' it.
Bahah..
Spam is good though
I was like:
fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/234/9/3/i__m_a_filly_and_what_is_this_by_lootascoo-d47j5mp.png
193208 Yeah.... Spam's okay, I guess... But do you know where the brand name Cram comes from?
I'm
ing the very fabric of reality with the next chapter. 
Well.... maybe. We'll have to wait and see.
193401
Of course.. I played Fallout 3 into the ground..
I got the entire GNR tracklist in my iTunes library..
i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/003/619/Untitled-1.jpg
193444 .... Why d'you got forever alone in thar? I have the entire GNR soundtrack, as well as the violin songs from (Abigail? Amanda? Agatha?) the old lady and her quest. I also have some other songs from FO 1, 2, and NV. I love 'Ain't that a kick in the head'. Is good song. You not alone. We stand together as listeners to the greastest music in this autotuned wasteland...
I lol'd. Like, sooo many times. These are hilarious, and I can't wait for the next chapter.
230629 Thanks! Trying to work some CMC action in there, but...
It's gonna be a while...
231449 CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SCIENTIFIC TEST SUBJECTS! YAY!
encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQZwhuKGy9K3Qe2mrcCUPXLF49GskNor_pbDw3EhfsXj-4B79Ps
231461 Och, mein Gott...
Awesum beyond gramar ünt spelling.
266685 Grazie!
I...eh...what? Cool! Spatial misadventures, also, TASTE DA RAINBOW!!!! AND MANY MORE
. Hilarious chapter dude, even greater with the infamous gender-bendered world. Shall see you on the next chapter.
My mind is so full of fuck... and I LOVE IT!!!
Great chapter, man!
545356 lol, thanks!
I was feeling pretty.... 
... when I wrote it. Just like all my other chapters and fics! 
545364 Oh, don't worry! The sea ponies will come back full force in chapter three!
Dude, this is totally
and
570292 Thanks! I've got chapter three under way, so I might get it in by next week!
571161 can't wait!
573194 neither can I!
I have even less than no idea what's going on, but ah'm lovin' it!
... Alright, so it hasn't been updated in a while, but I'm still tracking this mate.
899533 Thank you for the comment!
I got no ideas! 
Trust me; I wish I could update.
948509
It's... It's Pinkie... The 4th Wall shattering pie...
Excellent story, my good Sir.
On that positive note, I hereby demand MOAR!!!!!!!!
962041 Don't worry, mate! I'm working on chapter three, as much as possible. It's gone through three scraps and two rewrites so far. I keep all that I like, and soon, it'll be a masterpiece! ... Eh, not really, but still.
Sooooo.....don't trust Spam? And I can agree Spike and Twilight being brother and siste rbut I like them being romanticly paired more and I despise when people make them mother and son....hate it. On another note, wonder what Tavi ans Vinyl would think of this? And the CMC as test subjects? RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!
1544303 DERPY!!!!!! Thank you brother.
My head hurts.
1696322 Then my job is complete.
1812834 Woo~ Yeah, Sciencegasm tends to lead to not caring.
1812995 Studios? 030
Alright, to start I will give my opinion of this story: Hilarious. Now, on to the review.
Chapter 1:
Critic: I will refrain from bringing up all of the things wrong with the laboratory etiquette and continue on since this is meant to be comedic.
Critic: I don't think it needs to be repeated that Twilight isn't paying attention.
Fictional: I see where this is going.
Critic: Must... resist urge... to slam head... into desk.
Fictional: I am curious if I'm the only one who thought Twilight was about to eat them.
Fictional: LET IT BEGIN! Hahahaha.
Critic: Nooooo. SLAM
Chapter 2:
Fictional: This
Fictional: You went there... wow.
Critic: What did it just say!!!!
Fictional: This just got 20% funnier
Critic: Why? SLAM Why? SLAM Why? SLAM
Critic: I can sympathize with this.
Fictional: It would seem that I will be finishing this up, Critic just threw himself out a window. He should be fine, we only live on the second floor so he'll make it. I'll update you once he's out of the hospital. For now though, on with the review.
Fictional: Now this character deserves his own story. Especially with the environment you threw him in, that would be awesome.
Fictional: A hilarious story that I have nothing but praise for. Thank you.
2421719
I'm glad you liked it! My idea for chapter three, which I commissioned Art Inspired to help me with, is pretty much to have the CMC do something that gives Celestia Solar Wind, which causes the sun to go erratic. It's... it's just not happening, though. 
I love your critiquing style, by the way, especially since it's like a riff but more helpful than roast-like.
Ah, yes... Spike the Human boy, in the Daringverse. Ohh, that'd be an awesome fic.
And actually, the characters in Vacation is Elation actually first were shown here, if not named. Daring's group. Of course, in this they're a lot less.... evil. And stabby.
2421781
Oh it can get bad if I'm not impressed with a story, believe me, the last story I reviewed really didn't work for me and I couldn't think of much to say for it. If you don't believe me have a read for yourself it's all here
2421806 Ha!
((Sorry, would have responded quicker, but I'm in the middle of a battle of wits with someone who believes having mental disabilities is an excuse for terrible writing skills. I have more disabilities than he does, and my writing is usually quite impeccable. Not all the time, mind you, but I can at least hold a conversation without making ten spelling errors per sentence [exaggeration]!))
There is just so much win going on with this story, though I can see that it would be hard to keep things this crazy and fun.
2441968 Aye, I've been trying to get a third chapter out, Ah sweah!
Mah life's jus' not bein' very timely fer me. 
2442124
It's all right, I would honestly prefer a good well thought chapter rather than two or more hurried pieces that would probably just make me lose my interest entirely.
Write when it feels good so the stories good.
2442149 Aye.
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2452079
~AYE!
Nice. A Sandwich gets turned into a dimensional loop-gate. I'm glad that provisions were apparently made to relink the gate to itself....
2547862 Yes, now let's just hope he got rid of the sammich completely, so no one else gets sent on this terrible trans-dimensional trip.
2548788
Surely mindswapping your worst enemy into someone else couldn't be a bad thing, could it? :P
It's possible that twilight would store it again. It could be useful? Maybe?
2572428 Well, since it's not a mind-swapping sammich, I don't see your point.
2573052
Urp, I misspoke? For example, if you shoved a bit of the sandwich down the throat of some enemy, say King Sombra, he'll switch out and perhaps the one that replaces him would be better.
2577196
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2578247
That is certainly epic. Although he definitely seems unhappy at how many candles are present on that cake.
2588982 Well, he did miss 1 000 of his Birthdays...
...........I've got nothing to say other then.....
....The hell did I just read??
3792634 well, you see, when a daddy author and a mommy author love each other very much, and it's three in the morning...
smartass....
....still funny though