Meeting family, suppress strange thoughts.
Friends have Issues
Chapter five: Meeting family, suppress strange thoughts.
Soarin groggily opened an eye, groaning quietly as the smell of garlic washed over him. “So much for one drink.” He muttered to himself. Lightning Dust had been quite persuasive and after a few hours and drinks later it hadn’t been hard for her to convince him to eat dinner with her… in Manehatten. Why? Soarin had no idea why, but it had seemed like a good idea at the time. A surge of panic shot through him as he heard the rustle of sheets next to him. The sudden thought of all the things he could’ve done while drunk swam into his head and it was with a great amount of fear that he turned his head to see who had joined him.
“Oh thank Celestia.” He breathed quietly when the form of his pet falcon swum into focus. “You scared the shit out of me.” Soarin added, bopping the bird gently on the head.
“Whaddya want then?” Soarin slurred.
“I think he wants food.”
For the second time that morning Soarin’s sheets nearly turned brown. He spun around.
“Rainbow Dash, don’t scare me like that!” Soarin spluttered, looking around in panic to see his girlfriend standing in the doorway. She trotted in, an amused smirk plastered on her face.
“Where’ve you been?” She asked, wrinkling her nose up as the smell of garlic lingering around Soarin reached her sinuses.
“Now that’s… that’s a good question. Soarin admitted, scratching the side of his head. “I think I was in Manehatten last night.”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened in surprise, the smell of garlic momentarily forgotten. “What were you doing there?”
“Trying the cuisine it seems.” Soarin gagged. “I think they like a garlic a little too much…”
“Why did you go to Manehatten?”
Soarin cringed. “I was with Lighting Dust…” He said softly.
“Who else?” She asked, sighing slightly.
“Err… Just Lightning Dust.” Soarin said, shuffling his hooves sheepishly
Rainbow Dash sighed and rubbed a hoof over her face. “Well… you’re making friends at least.”
“You took that better than I expected.”
“Look, you can play with the other kids as much as you like as long as you keep the touch-feely stuff out of it.” Rainbow said, finally deciding that Soarin’s odour was safe enough to approach without risk of death. “I mean, Lightning Dust wouldn’t be my first choice but…” She screwed her nose up and fell silent.
“What are you doing here?” Soarin asked finally.
“I wanted to talk to you…” She trailed off and looked at ceiling. “About yesterday. I would’ve talked to you sooner but you were off with Lightning Dust it seems.” The way she said her former wingpony’s name clearly she wasn’t as pleased as she was letting on.
“I recall you telling me to get my head screwed on right.” Soarin remarked coldly.
“Yeah.” A grudgingly apologetic look crossed her face. “I was wrong, I wasn’t thinking straight. I wasn’t the one who was thinking about us… just me.”
“Just like usual.” Soarin said, surprised she had apologised so quickly. Usually if somepony waited for Rainbow Dash to admit she had been wrong, they would have to wait a very long time.
“Hey, I made a mistake, no need to jump down my throat.” Rainbow growled.
“Sorry.”
“I’m going to get a paternity test.” She said grudgingly. “I wish you’d just trust me though,”
“I do trust you; it’s just that when you have something as delicate as this… I’m probably just a bit paranoid.”
“A bit? I thought you were going to bite my head off yesterday.” Rainbow joked, sliding onto the bed next to him the amusement that had flashed across her face vanishing in an instant. “I just wish things were…”
“Simpler?” Soarin suggested.
“Yeah.”
“Well look on the bright side, how much worse could it get?”
“Soarin…” Rainbow growled dangerously.
“Oh yes, we get to mention to your dad that you’re pregnant!” Soarin said with faux cheer.
Rainbow Dash shuddered visibly. “That’ll end well.”
“I’m looking forward to it.” Soarin smiled.
***
“Changed my mind. Not looking forward to it.” Soarin whimpered in a fashion which removed any trace of dignity he had. He and Rainbow Dash stood before a door, while not distinctly different to any other door Soarin had seen, seemed more imposing than the gates to Tartarus. Nestled high in Cloudsdale, the house presumably belonging to Rainbow’s dad greatly resembled her own. The cascading rainbow falls that tumbled off the front porch was a stark contrast compared to the white and light greys that made up most of the surrounding architecture. The last few days had past in a blur but the joke he had made with her seemed fresh in his mind. He shuffled nervously as Rainbow trotted casually up to the door.
“I thought the sarcasm was implied.” Rainbow jeered.
“Mostly, but there was a shred of sincerity there. Was, being the key word.”
“You’ll be fine! Just don’t let him get too close to your jewels, he might rip them off.” Rainbow laughed.
Soarin gulped nervously, unsure if she was serious of not.
“Just whatever you do, play it cool.”
“Cool? I’m bloody freezing.” Soarin whimpered as Dash knocked on the door several times. An eternity seemed to pass before the door swung open to reveal a male Pegasus. He was well built and a short cropped rainbow mane flowed down his neck. Soarin was momentarily taken aback as the figure fixed an intimidating golden eye on him.
“Dad!” Rainbow squealed, leaping onto her father as if she was a foal again. All indications of the rough and tough persona that Rainbow Dash maintained were dismissed as she wrestled playfully with her father.
“Darling.” The stallion said back in a voice that reminded Soarin of sandpaper. His eyes swiveled back to Soarin. “Who’s this idiot with the mullet?”
“Dad, this is Soarin. Soarin this is my dad, Rainbow Jet.”
“Nice to meet you, sir.” Soarin said. ‘Meeting girlfriend’s family. Suppress strange thoughts.’ Soarin thought suddenly. ‘Just play it cool, it’ll be fine. Just don’t say anything stupid…’
“I suppose this is your boyfriend eh?” Jet rumbled. “What’ve you got to say for yourself then?” He asked Soarin.
Soarin stammered, put on the spot. Unsure of what to say, he blurted out the first thing that came to his head.
“I have licked your daughter’s nipples.”
“Really?! That was the first thing you had to say?” Rainbow fumed. Soarin could see she was struggling not to laugh as she admonished him quietly. “I’m sure that’ll leave a great first impression.”
“I panicked.” Soarin said, following her and Rainbow Jet further into the house. Thankfully, Rainbow’s dad hadn’t decided to pull Soarin apart limb by limb, merely snorting in amusement at Soarin’s strange outburst. After a few more awkward words he invited them in, leading Soarin through an interior layout he found very familiar.
“You built your place the same as your dad’s?” Soarin whispered.
Rainbow Dash smiled meekly. “Guess I loved this place a bit.”
Soarin rolled his eyes and let out a quiet snirk. “Figures.”
Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “I love my dad.”
“’I love you daddy’, who’d say such trash?” Soarin chuckled, mimicking Rainbow’s expression upon seeing her father.
“Hey, cut it out.” Rainbow protested
“You two fight more than a pack of rabid fans at a Justin Beaver concert.” Jet interrupted coldly. “And I know, I had to go to one of those things.” He shuddered.
“We’re just messing around, dad.”
“Whatever.” He grunted, directing the two of them to a fully set dining table. “Make yourself comfortable, I’ll be back in a sec.”
Soarin released a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. So far so good. “Your dad is a bit of a… uh…”
“Blockhead?” Rainbow put in helpfully.
“Well that’s a polite way of putting it.”
“Nah, he’s a complete darling. He just doesn’t like you.” Rainbow said bluntly.
“You can tell already?” Soarin asked.
“Well considering that’s his reaction to anypony I bring around… yes, I’d say so.” Rainbow said with a small smile. “Calling you an idiot with a mullet is probably the nicest thing he’s ever called somepony straight off the bat.”
“It’s not a mullet and it’s not stupid.” Soarin said gruffly, running a hoof through his mane.
“Close enough.” Rainbow said with a small shrug.
Any further conversation was made pointless as Jet trundled back into the room, a shallow pot balanced on his back. Thin tendrils of steam rose around the edges and the mouth-watering smell of roast vegetables filled the air as he placed it gingerly on the table.
“Help yourself.” Jet muttered, dropping into a chair and serving himself a large portion of green salad. Soarin and Rainbow Dash wordlessly complied, dishing out food onto a set of worn plates. Jet looked on silently for a moment before talking.
“I remember you, Soarin. You’ve been with my daughter before, haven’t you?”
“Yes, back when he was a Wonderbolt, dad.” Rainbow said firmly.
“How come you never introduced me to him then?”
Rainbow shrugged. “Didn’t need to.”
“You two broke up.” He said crossing his hooves, giving Soarin the idea he had liked it better that way
“Yes, we did. It was mutual.” She added quickly for Soarin’s safety.
“Well it didn’t seem that way when you came and bawled your eyes out all over my nice clean floor.” He snapped, making Rainbow Dash flush red and bury herself in her meal. Realising his daughter had nothing more to say, he turned to Soarin. “Come back for round two then, eh?”
“Your daughter has a rugged charm.”
“Stop talking shit.” Rainbow interrupted messily, spilling a few lumps of carrot on the table.
“Oi, you watch your fucking language missy. I didn’t raise you to be a badmouth”
“Hypocrite.”
“Grumpy old bugger.” Jet corrected, chomping down on a potato. “So how’d you two meet again?”
“Oh you know, a bit of this… a bit of that.” Rainbow Dash said nondescriptly
“Yeah, you could probably write a story about it. It’d be pretty awful though.” Soarin added.
“You’re not a comedian, boy.”
“No sir, I’m not.” Soarin affirmed, almost happy with the awkward silence that followed. He felt Rainbow Dash tap his leg and looked over at her curiously.
‘I’m gonna tell him.’ Her face said. Soarin nodded hesitantly, better to get it out of the way.
“Dad… There’s probably something I should tell you.” Rainbow said nervously.
“Yeah? What?” Jet asked, taking a measured sip of water.
She locked eyes with Soarin quickly before turning back to her father. “I’m pregnant.”
A cold spray of water covered the table as Rainbow Jet gagged violently. Regaining his composure with remarkable speed he fixed his now menacing eyes on Soarin.
“I see.” He said coldly.
“Dash, go make a cuppa for me, I want to have a chat with your boyfriend.”
“Sure thing, dad.” Dash said, giving Soarin a cautious look as she left the room. An uneasy silence descended upon the two stallions.
“So…” Soarin said, an awkward smile appearing on his face.
Jet fixed a piercing glare on Soarin. “You better wipe that shit-eating grin off your face.” He snarled. Soarin stared at him agape as he slowly stood up and walked around the table. He yanked Soarin out of his chair and stared him down. “You think you can mess around with my daughter? You think you can just get her pregnant and waltz off into the sunset?” The old Pegasus made a disgusted noise deep in his throat. “I know your type. Get in quick and then get out even faster.”
Soarin looked him incredulously. “Wha- no!” He stammered. “I wouldn’t just leave her. Look, this news was unexpected, unplanned for. I never wanted this to happen, not so fast.”
“Bullshit, you’re a dirty liar.” Jet growled quietly.
“You think I did this on purpose?”
“I wouldn’t past yer.”
“Look sir, I’m not going to just ditch your daughter because of this. I’m not going to waltz off into the sunset as you said just because she’s having a kid. Can you just accept that at least?”
Jet glared at him suspiciously but dropped him back into his chair with a grunt.
“How the hell can I accept it? Some stupid looking prick with a mullet fucking my daughter, I’ll mess you up so hard you’ll have shit pouring out your nose for a week.”
Soarin grimaced, not doubting for a moment that the stallion couldn’t back his threat up. “Look, I’m in love with her, I’m not going anywhere.”
The stallion seemed to take a step back and looked down shamefully. “Yeah… She seems pretty fucking keen about you too, Sancho.”
“I’ll be good to her.” Soarin said, relieved that he finally seemed to be getting a grip on the conversation.
Jet’s head snapped up. “You better be fucking good to her or I’ll skull-drag you down to the swamp by your stupid mullet and feed your fucking tonsils to the cane toads.”
“Alright.” Soarin said, defensively trying to divert the conversation somewhere else.
He glared sternly at Soarin and moved back to his original chair. “You’re really keen on her aren’t yer?”
Soarin nodded slightly. “Yeah.”
Jet looked down at the table, deep in thought. “Alright, fuck it, you’re in.” He said slowly before fixing a harsh glare on Soarin. “Now don’t you tell anypony about this talk right? You do, you’ll be one sorry little featherhead.”
Soarin nodded quickly.
Jet bowed his head and sighed. “I’m trying to look after her. Make sure she finds a decent bloke who’s gonna look after her and stick with her.”
“I will.”
“I’m sure you will, you seem like a decent bloke. She wouldn’t have stuck around with yer otherwise.”
“She’s a hell of a mare.” Soarin chuckled.
“Yeah, she is.” Jet said, cracking a small smile.
“Sir-.”
“Jet.” The stallion interrupted. “You can drop the fancy talk.”
“Uh... Jet… if you don’t mind me asking… I mean…” I looked up at the ceiling before deciding to go in head first. “I’ll be blunt, why are you so protective of Dash?”
Jet scratched his head thoughtfully. ““I’ve raised her by myself from when she was a just a little foal. Without her mum around, she became like me; rough and tough… wouldn’t take nonsense from anypony. She wasn’t like any other filly around here; they were all interested in looking pretty and talking about boys. She wasn’t into that at all.” Jet paused for a moment. “Guess I rubbed off on her a little too well. You have no idea how much she was bullied and harassed by the other kids for acting too much like a boy. Told her not to worry about the little shitheads but deep down it hurt her. Hurt me too, having to see her come home every second day with tears running down her face and a whole bunch of new insults thrown at her.”
“That’s awful.”
“That’s life mate.” Jet muttered cynically. “I’ll admit I got a bit protective of her, probably drove away a few of her first dates.” The stallion chuckled deeply. “Those blokes weren’t good enough for her anyway. Point is, she deserved better. Better than what I gave her at least. I just wanted to make sure she got what she deserves.”
“I see.” Soarin said quietly. He fell silent as Rainbow Dash drifted back into the room with a trio of steaming hot mugs. “Thanks.” He added as she placed one in front of him.
“So… what happened to Dash’s mum? If you don’t mind me asking, that is. Dash told me she left when she was born, right? Where is she now?”
Jet shot a venomous look at Soarin. “Wouldn’t have a clue where she is now. She was one of them adventurous types. Always moving around, never still for long…” His voice dropped. “She could be dead for all I know. Not that I’d care, bitch had it coming.”
Soarin raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t get along with her?”
Jet scowled angrily. “I met Rainbow’s mother at a party. She was beautiful, eyes just like Dashie’s. We… had a fling; in retrospect I can see why it was so easy to get her in the sack.” He admitted shamefully. “Next morning she was gone. I didn’t hear from her for a while. Next time I see her she’s just out of hospital with Rainbow here. Says she can’t look after a child and dumps her here with me.”
“So Rainbow Dash was an accident?” Soarin said, forgetting Rainbow Dash had re-joined them. Before he could react she leapt on him and pinned under her, an indignant look on her face.
“An awesome accident.” She snapped crossly.
“Yes, an awesome accident.” Jet said to appease his daughter. “I still haven’t forgiven her for abandoning Dash here though; her mother had no trace of loyalty about her.”
“Rough.” Soarin choked as the copious weight of Rainbow Dash pushed down on his lungs. “Please get off me?” He begged her.
“No.” Rainbow Dash said firmly, sitting on his belly triumphantly.
Soarin winced as she sat on him harder. Jet trotted around the table with an amused look on his face. “Moral of the story, if I find you’ve run off or hurt Dashie in any way I will find you…” His voice dropped dangerously. “And I will take a pair of steel pliers and I will crush your balls.”
“Noted.” Soarin wheezed fearfully.
“Alright you’ve had your fun, get off him.” Jet said, tugging his reluctant daughter off of Soarin. “Come on, before he starts enjoying it. I’ve just had the carpet cleaned.”
“Daaad!”
“Look darl, I’m all for supporting you and such, but if you’ve developed some strange fetish for sitting on stallions, enjoy it elsewhere. Please.”
Rainbow grumbled but clambered off Soarin, clearly disappointed that her father was backing him over her.
“Thank you.” Soarin coughed, standing up shakily and up righting his fallen chair. Dinner past quickly, Rainbow Jet warming to Soarin a little but at the end of the evening he still seemed colder than a northern blizzard.
“I’ll be keeping an eye on you.” Jet warned before he and Rainbow Dash had left. “Stupid mullet...”
They lingered at the front door for not a moment longer, Soarin eager to get away from Rainbow Dash's father.
“So, what did you think?” She asked eventually.
Soarin turned slightly paler than usual. “Oh your dad? Lovely guy, I’m sure he’ll be delighted to be a pall bearer at my earlier than expected funeral.”
***
The flight back to Ponyville from the lower reaches of Cloudsdale was thankfully short, the drifting city being closer to Ponyville that usual. Rainbow Dash led the way, betraying no sign of flight difficulties from her pregnancy; something Soarin was very glad about. he’d have to put up with enough moaning and complaining when her flight ablates were hampered. By the time they had reached Rainbow Dash’s house nestled high above Ponyville a dull aching throb ran along Soarin’s wings, a lasting reminder of his accident some time back.
“You alright?” Rainbow asked, fumbling with the key she hid under the door mat. “Hey, Soarin. You okay?” She repeated, a twinge of concern in her voice.
“It’s a bit quiet isn’t it?” He asked, brushing off the question and looking down off the edge of the house’s platform at Ponyville. “Seems like nopony is in town."
Rainbow shrugged, finally getting the key in the lock and pushing the door open.
“Wonder where everyp-.”
“Surprise!”
“Happy surprise-you’re-having-a-foal party!”
Rainbow Dash and Soarin recoiled in shock, eyes wide and ears flattened against their head as the booming voice crashed over them. The owner of the voice giggled and bounced over to them, the obnoxiously bright shade pink of her coat and mane hurting Soarin’s eyes. Behind her a crowd of ponies cheered, jeered and threw well-intentioned insults to generally welcome the couple.
“Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash yelped. “What are you doing?”
“What I do best, party!” Pinkie said cheerfully, oblivious to the fact that Rainbow Dash mightn’t appreciate what looked like over a hundred ponies crammed into her house. As Soarin looked over the crowd he noticed a mixture of earth ponies and unicorns standing on the clouds; a few that hadn’t already started drinking occasionally glancing down in a nervous fashion.
Soarin pulled Pinkie aside as Rainbow Dash tried to take in the vast redecoration that had been undertaken on her living room. Daisy chains of streamers crossed the walls and it seemed as if the roof had been replaced by balloons of every colour imaginable.
“Pinkie, there are earth ponies here.” Soarin muttered; half expecting most of the guests to fall through the floor to a messy death.
“So?” Pinkie asked, slipping out of Soarin’s grip as if she were covered in oil.
“They can’t walk on clouds.” Soarin pointed out, grabbing hold of her again.
“Oh don’t be silly, everpony can walk on clouds! You just sprinkle a little dirt on it first, everypony can walk on dirt.”
Soarin’s jaw fell open. “The- the dirt would just- ju…” He regained control of his mouth. “That’s not how clouds work, Pinkie.”
“Well obviously you don’t know much about them then.” Pinkie said, bouncing free from Soarin’s grip over to the still stunned Rainbow Dash. A series of rapidfire exclamations and congratulations poured from her mouth, unintelligible to anypony but herself.
“She’s mad.” Soarin muttered.
“Barking.” A voice said to his right. Soarin looked up, unsurprised to see Lighting Dust and Thunderlane. Behind them Cloud Chaser and Flitter were chatting up a pair of earth ponies who seemed distinctly less comfortable with their surroundings than the pegasi did.
“Oh, hello.” Soarin said.
“You didn’t tell us Rainbow was having a kid, Soarin.” Lightning Dust said, looking a little disappointed.
“Yeah, this is fantastic news. Congratulations” Thunderlane beamed.
“You have my condolences.” Lightning Dust said, gently rubbing a hoof down Soarin’s back. Her hoof lingered a little longer than was necessary and was only chased off by a questioning look from Soarin and a dirty look from Thunderlane.
“She’s joking, I’m sure you and Rainbow are both delighted.” Thunderlane said, placing himself between Lightning Dust and Soarin.
“Looks like half of Ponyville is here.” Soarin remarked, ignoring the mutinous look on Lightning Dust’s face. “Didn’t realise I was that popular.”
“Well you were a Wonderbolt…” A voice said to his left. Soarin turned to see Twilight had appeared on the other side of him. “But I think they’re mostly here for her.” She added, nodding her head through a gap in the crowd were Rainbow Dash was surrounded by four other mares he had regularly seen her with.
“Of course.” Soarin said matter-of-factly. “I didn’t expect to see you here, princess.”
Twilight gave him a small smile. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world. Rainbow Da- all my friends are very dear to me, this is a big thing for her.”
“Suppose.” Soarin agreed, watching the four mares continue to fuss over Rainbow Dash.
“Soarin, I want to ask you something.” Twilight said suddenly.
Soarin made a worried sound.
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious. I was just wondering if you’d be interested in filing in for Rainbow Dash tomorrow evening.”
“Uh... what?”
“Oh right, she agreed to help me with a few experiments…” She trailed off. “Now that she has a foal though, I don’t think it’s a very good idea.”
“Is it dangerous?”
“Shouldn’t be, no.”
“Shouldn’t.” Soarin echoed before shrugging. “Sure why not.”
Twilight let out a small squee. “Great! I’ll go let Rainbow know. Thank you so much Soarin.”
“Don’t mention it.” Soarin mumbled as she trotted off with a spring in her stride.
“Experiments?” Thunderlane asked.
“Wouldn’t have a clue, can’t be too bad can they?”
“Well, the number of times I’ve seen her tree fly past my cloud…” Thunderlane muttered, clearly hesitant. “Hold onto your balls buddy, she’s a bit wacko.”
Soarin snorted in amusement and looked around the room. “Is Doc here?”
“Nah, he’s doing something down in town apparently.” Thunderlane answered.
“Pity. Any drinks?” Soarin asked.
“Pinkie set up a table over there, brought an entire tavern with her by the looks of it. Still haven’t figured out how she got all that stuff up here.”
“Don’t bother; you’d get an aneurysm thinking about it.” Soarin chuckled, threading his way through the crowded house to where Thunderlane told him the drinks were. He was surprised to see Lightning Dust follow him.
“Haven’t you got better things to do than stalk me?” Soarin asked.
“Not really, no.” She purred, butting the mailmare out of the way so she could walk next to Soarin. “Where’ve you been?”
“I was with Rainbow Dash, met her dad.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“Well he didn’t rip my legs off, so I think it went fairly well.”
Lighting Dust laughed quietly and poured herself a well measured glass of some sweet smelling rum. After a moment of consideration, Soarin poured himself a glass as well, savouring the smell of the drink before taking a small sip.
“Wanna come and sit with me for a while?” Lighting Dust asked.
“That’d be nice but I should probably stick with Dash.” Soarin said, looking around for his girlfriend. “I might see you later, ok?”
She mumbled something miserable sounding and vanished behind a monstrous white Pegasus with the smallest wings Soarin had ever seen.
“Find Rainbow Dash.” Soarin muttered to himself, unable to see more than about half a meter in any direction. “Easier said than done.”
***
Three hours later he still hadn’t found Rainbow Dash, only briefly catching glimpses of her before she mysteriously vanished again or was stolen away by some other partygoer. Soarin staggered to the edge of the party slightly frustrated and deafened after somepony with a booming voice had pulled him aside and invited him to talk with his equally loud friends, He had barely escaped their grasp during a gap in the conversation and as he rubbed his ringing ears, the prospect of sitting down with Lightning Dust was looking like a much nicer than it had before. He pushed past the local teacher who was laughing raucously at some awful joke and stumbled upon Cloud Chaser who by now had a leg draped around the neck of the stallion she had ben chatting to before. Neither her sister nor Thunderlane were anywhere in sight.
“Hey Cloud Chaser, where’s Lightning Dust?”
“Ohh hey Soarin.” She slurred. “Want a cookie?” A half-eaten cookie was thrust towards his face.
“No thanks, do you know where Lightning Dust is please?” Soarin said, brushing the cookie away from his face.
“I think she went outside, don’t know why she went out there, all the good stallions are in here!” She giggled before kissing the stallion she was leaning against sloppily. Soarin muttered a quiet ‘Thank you’ before scuttling away as quickly as he could. Forcing his way back through the crowd, Soarin finally made it to the front door and shoved it open quickly.
“Ow, son of a bitch!” A voice cried as the door slammed into something fleshy. Soarin looked around in alarm but failed to find any sign of whoever he had accidentally opened the door on. Shrugging he looked around for Lighting Dust, spotting her quickly perched on the edge of the cloud mass that made up Rainbow Dash’s front yard. Skirting around one of the large rainbow filled pools he plonked himself down next to Lightning Dust.
“Hi.”
“Oh, hi. How are you holding up” She asked, her eyes unfocused.
“Uh, fine?”
“Because I’m drunk!”
“Lovely, might want to ease up the booze a little then.” Soarin said apprehensively, eyeing the half dozen empty glasses that were littered around her.
She seemed to sober up a little. “I was bored and lonely.”
“What, with all those guys in there? A good looking mare like yourself shouldn’t have any problems finding somepony for the night.”
Lighting Dust grinned and flushed a light red. “Yeah, well, I didn’t. So there. Just like always, I’m a failure.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true though.” She moped. “I’m useless. Get kicked out of my dream job, parents tell me to piss off, never had friends… what good am I? Can’t even get a stupid stallion to talk to me.” She sent a glass spinning off into the night with a careless swipe of her foreleg. “Bloody useless.” She finished. Soarin hesitated before draping a wing over her back reassuringly. She seemed to cheer up a little.
“Well… uh.” He stammered, unsure of what he could say to cheer her up. “I don’t think you’re useless.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I guess. I think you’re pretty cool.”
She looked at him for a moment before her drunken mind decided he was being genuine. “Thanks, that means a lot.”
“You’r-.” Soarin muttered before he was cut off as she firmly pressed her mouth against his.
“Mghphrh!” Soarin choked as Lightning Dust kissed him firmly. His eyes opened wide, shocked and surprised by the intimate show of affection. They stayed locked together for several seconds, Soarin’s body stunned into a stupor. It was only a good second later when he realised he was kissing her back that he managed to overcome his surprise and shove her off him.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Soarin asked, injecting enough anger into his voice so it didn’t seem like he was letting her completely off the hook.
“Whoo you’re good.” Lightning Dust said, completely oblivious to Soarin’s frustration and embarrassment. “Want to go again?”
Soarin flushed red. The more primal side of his mind wanted to shove her face against his again and take her now and then. He chased the thoughts away, glad that in her intoxicated state didn’t realise the small signs that revealed his inner urges. “No.” He said crossly. “Go home, you’re drunk.”
Lightning Dust let out an amused sound. “You’re going to let me fly home like this? Alone?” She winked slyly.
Soarin groaned, forcing back down the primal urges that rose up in the back of his head. “No, stay here. And don’t do anything stupid.” He snapped, trotting off before she could try and seduce him again. He shoved his way back inside, looking around desperately. “Where is he, where is he…” Soarin muttered under his breath. “Where i- Oi! Thunderlane!” He yelled, spotting the grey stallion with an icepack held against his face. His voice lost in the crowd, Soarin pushed his way through the throng, emerging in front of a Thunderlane.
“What happened to your face?” Soarin asked, grimacing at the large purple bruise forming below his eye.
“Somepony hit me.” He said simply.
“Ouch.” Soarin said. “Look, I need you to do something for me.”
“Yeah, what?”
“Lightning Dust is outside, drunk.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I need you to take her home.”
“Why can’t you do that?”
Soarin looked around carefully. “She kissed me!”
“Did you kiss her back?” Thunderlane spluttered, a cross look appearing on his face.
Soarin looked around nervously again. “No! Maybe a little… yes.” He admitted. “I pushed her off though!”
“Fat lot of good you are.” Thunderlane sighed shifting the icepack slightly. “I suppose I can take her home.” He said, an unexpected trace of hostility in his voice. “Lucky bastard.” Thunderlane muttered as he trotted past Soarin.
Soarin watched him go, slightly shocked. Was Thunderlane angry with him? What had he done wrong? Since when had Thunderlane ever been angry about spending time with a mare? Soarin shook his head in confusion and spun around suddenly finding himself face to face with a livid looking Flitter.
“Oh, hey Flit-.”
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Flitter barked, pinning Soarin up against the wall.
“Whoa calm down! What’s your problem?”
“My problem? What’s your problem?” Flitter said incredulously. “You’re letting Lightning Dust waltz right in, so to say.”
“Sorry, what are you on about?”
Flitter laid a leg across the bridge of her snout and sighed. “Soarin I saw you with Lightning Dust before, you gotta understand… she’s just here so she can try to get in your pants… and you’re not doing anything to stop her!”
“I don’t have pants.”
“That’s beside the point!” Flitter snapped. “You can’t just shrug your head and ‘deal with it’, you have to take a stand, say enough is enough and tell her that you won’t take it anymore. You have a girlfriend who’s pregnant for Pete’s sake, you can’t just double dip on a whim.”
Soarin shook his head. “She was upset, she needed cheering up. Somepony to talk to.”
“So? You have responsibilities to Rainbow Dash!” Flitter snarled. “You can’t just go around kissing mares you find that are upset!”
“She kissed me!” Soarin protested. “What were you doing watching us anyway, mind your own damn business.”
“I’m watching out for you, you idiot. She’s a real piece of work and I don’t think she sees it the same way you do.”
“Look, I’m not going to do anything stupid, I know my limits and I know where to stop.”
“Ah but there’s the crux of the problem, does she?” Flitter asked piercingly. Soarin looked away, unable to make eye contact. “Thought so.” She said snidely.
“Don’t even think about coming and crying to any of us when you screw up; you brought it upon yourself you stupid bastard.” She snorted with disgust, letting go of Soarin and trotted back into the crowd.
“Yeah, thanks… bitch.” Soarin muttered under his breath. He let himself slid down the wall into an undignified heap. He lay there for a few good minutes letting the sounds of the party wash over him before hanging his head and slowly making his way outside.
“Soarin?”
Flinching in surprise, Soarin raised his head to see Rainbow Dash standing a few metres away. Even in the pale moonlight Soarin could easily see the look of concern etched onto her face.
“Oh, hi.” He said quietly before looking back across the deserted sky. She sighed quietly and trotted over to him. Without speaking Rainbow Dash snuggled up against him and ruffled is mane affectionately.
“Talk to me.” She ordered in a firm yet quiet voice.
“I’m not sure if I want to.”
Rainbow Dash huffed indignantly. “Look bozo, I didn’t come out here for the view or the opportunity to freeze my balls off, I came out here because I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine; I just needed to be alone for a while.”
“Listen Babycakes, you tell me what’s bothering you or I’m going to reach down your throat and pull your arse out in such a fashion that you’ll taste shit every time you swallow. Rainbow said sternly.
Soarin bit his lip softly. “Have you ever done something bad and then tried to justify it to yourself? Try to make yourself believe it was an okay thing to do?”
Rainbow Dash nodded slowly. “Yeah.”
“Well… I’ve done some pretty bad things lately… said a lot of stupid things to ponies I shouldn’t have and… I’ve really screwed up.”
“Well I’m still here aren’t I?” Rainbow asked with a trace of dark humour. “Can’t have screw up that badly.”
“Haven’t I?” Soarin asked, resting his head against hers. “I’m so sorry, please forgive me?”
Rainbow laughed softly. “I don’t know what I’m forgiving you for but you’re excused. Just this once.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome, you stupid, flawed, imperfect and good for nothing slab of muscle.” Rainbow said with a rib-destroying hug. “You’re my special stupid, flawed, imperfect and good for nothing slab of muscle and I love you very much.” Her hug tightened worryingly, leaving Soarin gasping for breath. “I’ll love you until the end of days, even when the last of the stars have gone out and the universe has faded to nothingness.”
“Bullshit” Soarin wheezed.
Rainbow laughed and shoved him roughly. “Nearly fooled ya.”
“Not for a second.”
“Whatever.” Rainbow murmured, lithely leaping off the cloud layer and landing on Soarin’s belly skilfully. She stared into Soarin’s bottle green eyes before giving him a very sloppy and dog-like kiss.
“You good now?” She asked after finally breaking contact.
“Yeah, I’m good.” Soarin breathed contently.
A twinkle lit up in her eye. “Come on then we’re missing a party.”
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"I have licked your daughter's nipples."
That is one HELL of an ice breaker.
Really Soarin? Opening with a line like that?
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1285_MdxSh.gif
And why did her dad's name change from Rainbow Jet to Roy?
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1606-Cheerilee_dizzy.gif
Excuse me, I've got a back-of-the-hoof delivery for a Ms Lightning Blitz!
Soarin, you are an idiot. He is going to screw this up isn't he? Dumb bastard.
I wonder if the kid is Thunderlane's from their brief fling.
2869740
Because I changed his name halfway through writing it and missed one. Herp.
As usual, my sheer idiocy shines through... again.
EDIT: Cheesus, I missed about a dozen, how does one mess up that bad?
XKCD is a wonderful comic, and I knew exactly what strange thoughts would pop up.
And now he may never get to again!
You know, Flitter isn't wrong.
Shouldn't that be "Well I'm still here aren't I?"
2872358
Thanks, fixed.
'As usual, my sheer idiocy shines through... again.'
-Me
Soarin master of persuasion.
so awesome!..........but now we wait another month for next chapter...
2873288
The advantage of being on holidays means I can write more....
In theory at least.
*twiddles thumbs*
oh also.... i;ve always thought RD's mane looked like a mullet
not soarins lol
Worse case scenario
1) Soarin is going to screw this up
2) Rainbow Dash is not pregnant with Soarin's child, thus he feels betrayed
3) Lightning Dust actually got pregnant by Soarin
Rainbow Jet, huh? That name doesn't get used much....
2875317 or rainbow dash is having an alicorn
2883437
You sure? I was definitely sure Thunderlane being awkward near the end of Rainbow Dash's estrus in that one chapter. If all else, then something is definitely wrong.
This thing needs to be finished pronto, it's too damn good and addicting to be "incomplete"
Oh Soarin'. Ya great barmy pillock.
2939098
Yes let's!
As for anyone wondering why I haven't updated this, I am shamelessly distracted by a different (short) project and have chosen not to split my attention between them.
google.com.au/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&docid=iwdaqloqalvg3M&tbnid=MmLUvRGvhklwOM:&ved=0CAUQjBwwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fstream1.gifsoup.com%2Fview3%2F3447849%2Fboo-this-man-o.gif&ei=Y2ryUefXCsafkQXfzoCQDQ&psig=AFQjCNHl7JiKo9oXhBe0DTdJ2WwQsfw8fg&ust=1374927843223065
I dunno, even though I'm also an Aussie, it's still kinda weird reading all their lines in my usual accent
I can't wait for the next chapter
MORE! I'm craving for more!!!!
Soarin your a screw-up man! Get your scrawny arse away from Lightning Dust before you make out with her and get her pregnant! You have a damn girlfriend who is freaking pregnant!!!! What the hell is wrong with ya?! Leave Lightning Dust to Thunderlane, mmkay? He seems far interested in that bitch.
2869909
That's what I've been thinking since I heard about it. It's totally Thunderlane's.
And given how strange Thunderlane has been acting recently, I wouldn't be surprised if he knows that it's his, or at least strongly suspects. Granted, half the time I can't tell whether he's trying to seduce Lightning or Soarin, or just moping cause he still thinks he should be the one with Rainbow, so....it could be nothing....
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3247108
The only time my logic is flawed is when I decide to not use it.,
Alf Stewart reference. I'm in love!
Where's the next damn chapter?! I've been waiting for so damn long!
3602640 *month
Whens this comin out of hiatus?
Pleas pleas pleas update this story i am wanting to read more of this story its driving me insane not seeing an update
This can only get
betterworse from here.5461620 oh god glanced at first comment before reading and that's what I read
Please write more -.-
is this story still going
I'd like to take a moment of silence in memory of this story. It was a good story, one of the best, but alas, its time on Earth was cruelly cut short these two years ago. We can only hope that wherever it is now, it's being treated well.
RIP 8th April - 13 July 2013
6277648 Aye, may she rest in peace.
Oh Man. I'm so glad I found the sequel to Friend Have Benifits. I loved that story! Please do more. Please, please, please. This is such a good story I love it.
Right, let's start this formally.
I, Slycoopertr, being of semi-sound mind and decent health, hereby formally ask the author of this intriguing story if he/she has any intention of completing or updating the story in question. While a response is preferred, it isn't exactly necessary due the story not having been updated for nearly 3 years now. However, some updates to the progress and/or full cancellation of the fan fiction would be greatly appreciated. On the lighter side, I would like to know how you are doing and if everything is going well.
Sincerely,
Creepy Internet Weirdo (CIW) #4,201,369
I need a chapter
plssss plsss plsss update thiss pleeeeeaassseeee plssss plsssssssss
THERE WAS A SEQUEL TO THE FIRST STORY????
I'm still waiting for the update....I'll NEVER STOP waiting for the update!
8279173
I... will not start this story until I see it's actually continuing. If it's cancelled, I do not want to be disappointed.
could you please be undead long enough to finish this please? tiss one of the best stories on the interwebs!
Fanfictions never die!
Uh-oh, this little play bickering they do is gonna backfire.
Dash, you're very scary.
You've really built a sweet relationship between two very terrible, abrasive people. Despite being jerks, I really get the feeling they love each other. Like Dash being concerned for him and making sure he's okay. And this mounting tension with Dust trying to nose her way into Soarin's heart is very compelling.