• Published 8th Apr 2013
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Friends have Issues - Killbles



Just because you're friends doesn't mean everything works out all fine and dandy. Soarin is going to learn that being a little more than friends brings new issues... many new issues.

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Why does it always have to be...?

Friends Have Issues

Chapter Three: Why does it always have to be...?




“Rainbow Dash.” Soarin said wearily, knocking slowly on her front door.

“Soarin.”

“Rainbow Dash.” Soarin huffed, watching a drop of icy water run off his nose.

“Soarin.” She mocked. Soarin could hear her taunting hoofsteps on the other side of the door as she pranced around facetiously.

“Let me in.” He grumbled, shivering slightly. Finally giving in to his request, the door swung open to reveal the bemused face.of Rainbow Dash.

“You’re soaking wet.” She said.

“Yes, thank you. I realised. I also noticed the sun is hot and that you're a pain in the arse.” Soarin said dryly. She smirked and threw a towel in his general direction.

“I’m going to guess this is your fault?” Rainbow asked, gesturing to the pouring rain outside.

“Oh yeah, sure. If Lightning Dust hadn’t been chatting with me all morning I would’ve totally seen it coming.”

Rainbow lifted an eyebrow. “Sarcasm?”

“No, genuine.” Soarin grunted, ruffling his mane with the now damp towel. “She’s very distracting.”

Rainbow looked at him suspiciously but before she could voice whatever thoughts she had on the matter Soarin held up a hoof to forestall her. “Don't worry, I’ve only got room for one dangerous and overbearing bitch in my life.”

“Overbearing bitch?” Rainbow asked in mock surprise.

“Is there any time when you're not being an overbearing bitch?”

“Maybe if your head wasn't stuck all the way up your own arse, you'd know.”

“Is it my fault that your cooking smells so bad that I need a few minutes of relief?”

“Like you've ever been to one of my dinners. You're always so busy lying about on clouds and playing with your dick to actually show up on time whenever I want to do something with you.”

“You should consider it someday.” Soarin scoffed. “Maybe then you'll learn how to please a stallion instead of fumbling around like a blind man in a maze.”

“Your father didn't have any complaints when I rode him like the cheapest ride at the carnival.”

Soarin bit his lip, unsure of what to say. He desperately tried to stifle a laugh, noticing that Rainbow Dash was doing the exact same. Her words hung in the air for a few seconds before Soarin found his voice.

“You know you’re amazing, right?"

“I know.” She said back with a small, cute, smile.

Soarin looked her with mock disgust. “Typical” He said, throwing the damp towel at her face. “Feeling better?”

“Great.” She said, muffled by the towel covering half of her face. “It’s like I’m a totally different mare.”

“Fantastic, guess I wasted my time getting this for you then.” Soarin said pulling a crinkled sheet of paper from under his wing. He held it in front of her face she should read it.

“A doctor’s appointment?” She asked, the smile falling off her face and being replaced with a deep scowl.

“Yup, you're great and powerful medical expert recommended him. They weren’t that busy so I got an appointment for you tomorrow.”

Rainbow glared at the sheet of paper as if her look alone could make the damp slip burst into flames. “I don’t need to so see some stupid doctor.”

“Well you’re going.” Soarin snapped. “I took the time to get you a spot and got drenched on the way here so I think you’re obligated to.”

“Now who’s being the overbearing bitch?” Rainbow huffed.

“That’s Mister Bitch, to you.”

“Alright Mister Bitch, I’ll go to your stupid doctor then.” She said, turning around and picking a small letter up off the hallstand. “Something for you.”

Soarin grabbed the letter and looked at it curiously. “This is addressed to my place, why is it here?”

Rainbow looked at ceiling innocently. “I may or may not have gone through your mail this morning.”

“Seriously?” Soarin deadpanned.

“No the mailmare is just sick of the fact you haven’t bothered to tether your house to the ground yet and just dumps your mail here instead of going on a ‘Where’s the house gone?’ trip every morning.”

“Oh.” Soarin said embarrassedly. He cautiously plucked the letter from Rainbow’s hoof and perused the front. Neatly stamped writing sat in the centre and in the top corner the logo of the Equestrian Weather service sat proudly.

“What’s this about?”

“Wouldn’t have a clue.” Rainbow said back, looking over his shoulder as he gingerly pried the letter open.

“Dear Soarin, we are delighted to inform you… blah blah blah.” Soarin muttered, flicking through the useless padding that so commonly filled executive letters. His eyes flickered back and forth a moment before finally settling on a single line.

“What?” Rainbow asked, noticing Soarin’s brow furrow in confusion.

“They’re putting me in charge. Of Ponyville.” He said in confusion. “You wouldn’t know anything about this would you?”

Rainbow stammered or moment. “Well I had to put in a… urgh… recommendation for a new supervisor and well I guess I may have just chucked you on the top there.”

Soarin blinked slowly. ”Why?”

Dash’s mouth worked up and down for a second. “I don’t know! I just did.”

“You thought putting me, a relatively inexperienced worker, in charge of an entire town’s weather service was a good idea? I think Thunderlane would’ve been a better choice.”

“Well I didn’t expect you to get all uppity about it,” She snapped. “Thought you would’ve been happy.”

“I wouldn’t have just selected me simply on the basis that we’re dating.”

Rainbow Dash scoffed derisively. “You really think I’d have done something like that?”

Soarin opened his mouth to respond but quickly decided that silence was probably the best answer.

“Who is this?” He asked, quickly changing the topic. He pointed at the signature along the bottom of the letter.

“The Overseer.” Rainbow shrugged. “Just a fancy title for whatever nitwit is in charge. Whoever they are, they really like stroking that ego of theirs.”

“Pot, meet kettle.” Soarin muttered, folding the letter away quickly and tucking it under his wing before Rainbow Dash tried throttling him with it.

“Haha, very funny, Soarin.”

Soarin smiled nonchalantly. “I just say it as I see it.”

“Whatever, big guy.”

Soarin shrugged imperceptibly and stood silent for a few moments before yawning loudly. “I think I’m going to head home, if I can find it in this shitstorm.”

“You don’t have to go, you could stay the night here…” Rainbow said coyly.

“I appreciate the offer but you’re supposed to be sick and I’m dead tired after all this rain. Without your fat arse out there and this massive downpour we had our work cut out for us.”

“Fine.” Rainbow grumbled, obviously disappointed by Soarin’s lack of stamina

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Soarin huffed. “I’ll escort, no, drag… you to your appointment; you might not get there otherwise.”

“Just get out of here you jerk.” Rainbow said, throwing a few random bits of detritus at him.

“Alright, alright! I’m going!” Soarin said, the playful mood evaporating as a golf ball shaped object struck his ear. “Ow!” He hunkered down behind the door just in time to see a surprised looking tortoise fly past his nose. ‘Poor tank.’ He thought as he pulled the door closed and stepped back out into the deluge of water falling from the sky. Soarin looked up at the endless grey sky and sighed. Something seemed wrong with his life. He tried to place a hoof down on what exactly it was... Rainbow’s sudden desire for a child and the overt hostility she seemed to be showing him? Her unexplained illness? The unexpected and frankly unwanted promotion?

“No, I think it’s just me.” Soarin said to himself, squashing the thought that his life was slowly spiralling out of control like he would an annoying bug. “No need to make a big deal out of nothing. It’s probably just a phase.” He said, reassuring himself. “Nothing’s getting worse.”

A large hailstone careened out of the sky and shattered in front of him. He nosed the shattered hunk of ice, a worried cringe forming on his face. The roar of rain was overcome by the steady pounding of hail and Soarin shivered as he felt the temperature drop a few degrees..

“One day, I’m going to learn to keep by damn mouth shut.”

***

The next day came and with it, sunshine. The skies cleared and the residents of Ponyville enjoyed a pleasant, albeit chilly, day. Soarin had dragged Rainbow Dash to the clinic, earning a few new bruises at her initial resistance for his trouble. Had he not been there she would’ve undoubtedly skipped the appointment, most probably with the ironic excuse that she felt too sick to go see a doctor. On arrival, a bored looking receptionist had directed them to a side room where they, well Soarin at least, waited patiently.

Rainbow fidgeted nervously on the bed eliciting a hearty chuckle from Soarin.

“Relax.” He reassured her. “It’s just the doctor. You weren’t so jumpy the last time you were in hospital.”

“Yeah, but that’s different.” Rainbow grunted. “I don’t usually get checkups on account of that the fact I don’t need ‘em”

“Well, suck it up princess.” Soarin muttered as the door swung open and a unicorn with a dull white overcoat swaggered in.

“Good morning.” He said with faux cheer as he ran his blue eyes across his patient. He briefly looked down at his clipboard. “Rainbow Dash is it?”

“Yeah.”

“Great, I’m Doctor Spectrum. How are you feeling today?”

“Fine. So fine in fact that I don’t think I need your help.” Rainbow said quickly, eyeing a row of syringes the doctor had unravelled from a side bench with undeniable relish.

“Very funny, I’ll be with you in a moment.”

Rainbow opened her mouth to speak but before anything came out the doctor had already moved on. He turned around, a clipboard hovering in front of his face.

“Alright, name... Rainbow Dash… Sex… fairly obvious… Weight…” He shifted the clipboard over a centimetre and looked her down. “Eh… around 115 kilos.”

“115?! Do you think I’m fat or something?” Rainbow asked, clearly offended. Soarin quickly hid his smile behind a hoof.

“On second thoughts, 120 is probably more like it. Go check yourself if you’re that self-conscious.” Spectrum said unperturbed by her outburst. He looked her down again, eys scrutinising her curved form. “I might still be understating it a little actually.”

Rainbow glowered at the doctor and slipped off the bed and flew indignantly to the scales sitting in the corner of the room. She stood on the platform, the little red needle spinning around… and around.

“125. Well I guess I was off a little then. Forgot to count that inflated sense of self-importance you’re carrying around I guess.” Spectrum said with a completely blank expression. Rainbow scowled and returned to the bed.

“Any allergies?” He continued.

“Doctors.”

“Hilarious, I’m allergic to big headed pegasi. How about that?” He said smoothly. “Any medical history in your family?”

“No, but yours might have a history of broken jaws soon.”

“Fantastic, I always wanted to see my grandmother’s smile even more lopsided.” He scribbled something down quickly. “Sexual history?”

“Plenty.” Rainbow snapped.

“Preferences?”

“Often.” She growled.

“Predictable.” Spectrum muttered. “On a rating of one to ten how good was your last-.” He was cut off as Rainbow punched him in the jaw.

“Focus.” She barked.

“Can’t get away with anything these days.” Spectrum muttered, turning to look at Soarin with a half raised eyebrow. “How are you still in one piece?”

“Guess I’m just lucky” Soarin replied.

“Or stupid. Pull out while you can.” The doctor warned, making Rainbow flush red with anger.

“I think it’s a little late for that.” Soarin said with a small smile that made Spectrum snorted with amusement.

“Right, now that’s out of the way, tell me what’s wrong with you. Quickly, if you don’t mind, I’ve got other more important things to do.”

“Like?”

“Go through my bosses’ desk, seduce nurses, and perform autopsies on living ponies. Y’know, the basic pleasures in life.”

Rainbow suppressed a look of alarm. “Are you serious!?”

“Deadly, now get on with it.”

Rainbow Dash glowered but listed out her symptoms while the doctor made a show of listening. “You weren’t paying attention.” She said icily.

“Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?” Spectrum asked, fishing a stethoscope out of a drawer and placing it against her chest.

“Okay, breathe in for me… and out.” He said. A look of satisfaction crossed his face momentarily and he quickly jotted something down on his clipboard. He moved the listening device around several times before nodding and placing the stethoscope around his neck. Apparently satisfied, he levitated a small needle over to her. “I’m going to run a blood test, hope you like needles.” He said, noticing Rainbow Dash eye the needle nervously.

“I’m right thanks.” She squeaked, edging away from the metal implement.

“Rainbow, don’t tell me you’re afraid of needles.” Soarin asked, amusement crossing his features.

“…Maybe?” She admitted as the doctor levitated it closer.

“You’ll barely feel a thing. Just… a little prick.” He assured her before jabbing the needle into her leg.

“OW!” Rainbow yelped.

“Oh, guess I couldn’t see well enough after you punched me.” Spectrum said flatly, jabbing the needle expertly into the vein. “All done.” He announced, removing the needle from the syringe and placing it on a small tray. He handed Rainbow a small jar. “I’m just going to run this down to the lab, would you be so kind?”

“Huh…?” She trailed off. She looked at the doctor with a confused look. “What’re you looking at?” She growled when she noticed he was staring at her condescendingly.

“A moron, apparently.”

“He wants you to pee in the jar.” Soarin put in helpfully, wisely restraining Rainbow Dash from leaping on Spectrum.

“I’ll leave you to it then.” The doctor said, giving her a disarmingly friendly smile before trotting off with the cart in tow.

“What a jerk.” She muttered as the doctor vanished around the corner. She looked at the little cup cradled in her hoof. “He can’t be serious.”

“Deadly serious.” Soarin said, mirroring the doctor’s earlier statement..

“I’m not taking a piss in this stupid thing.”

“Look, just do it. It’s not like he’s asking you hurl it at him while screaming or anything.” Soarin laughed, “Just do it and get it over and done with.”

“Fine, whatever.” Rainbow huffed, stomping out the room before Soarin could poke more fun at her.

***

“Well do you want to good news or the bad news first?” Spectrum asked. After what felt like hours of sitting in a small café across the road from the clinic, the doctor had finished his tests and was ready to break whatever news he had.

“Bad news first.” Soarin said. “Better get it out of the way.”

“Well the bad news makes more sense if I tell you the good news first.”

“Why’d you ask then?” Rainbow spat.

The doctor shrugged. “It was fun to make you think you had a choice in the matter.”

“Whatever. Now, out with it, egghead.”

Spectrum turned his head towards Rainbow Dash. “Congratulations, you’re pregnant. He prodded her belly grimly. “In there is a small little parasite, growing to one day ravage the world.”

Her eyes widened. “W-what?”

“You’re pregnant.” Spectrum said bluntly. “Do I need to repeat myself again?”

“Hold on doc.” Soarin gushed. “She’s pregnant?”

“You two are as thick as each other.” Spectrum moaned. “Yes, she’s pregnant.”

“B-but how?” Soarin asked.

“Look, when a mare and a stallion love each other very much they get frisky and a while later a little monster pops out, we clear?” The doctor deadpanned.

Soarin shook his head. “B-but when?”

“Nothing certain but I’d say you’ve had a bun in there from anywhere from a few weeks to two months.” He shrugged. “I’ll know more when I have a closer look.”

“Soarin, we’re going to parents.” Rainbow whispered excitedly.

‘Oh boy!’ Soarin thought sarcastically. “Great.” He said back dryly. “Fancy finding out just after you tell me you want to have a kid.”

Rainbow grinned sheepishly.

“You said there was bad news?” Soarin asked.

The unicorn looked a little amused. “Uh… yes. About that.” He fidgeted with his clipboard and pulled a sheet off. “When I was running the blood tests I just so happened to have Soarin’s on hoof as well… you have a very good store available here Soarin, hurting yourself all the time.” He smiled thinly. “It seems that your blood type doesn’t quite… ah… match up.”

“What does that mean?” Soarin asked

Spectrum looked at Rainbow Dash. “It means that your girlfriend here, more likely than not, got her milk from another milkman.”

The room went dead silent, even the clock on the wall seemed to stop ticking.

“Explain.” Soarin said softly, exchanging a quick glance with Rainbow Dash.

“When two ponies breed there are certain ‘combinations’ that can occur. Certain blood types go with other blood types to make… well certain blood types. “He coughed quietly. “The blood type of your child is a very rare combination of your two types. It would be much more likely for the father to be of a different blood type than yours, Soarin.”

“But it’s possible?”

“Yes, but very unlikely.”

“Well that’s good enough for me.” Rainbow snapped, leaping up with the grace of a drunken ox. “Now if you don’t mind I’ve got some ponies to break the news to.” She walked halfway across the roof before noticing Soarin hadn’t budged. “Coming?” She asked.

“Yeah, just give me a sec.” Soarin said emotionlessly. ‘She couldn’t of, could she?’ He thought as he watched her trot out. ‘Right?’

‘Right?’

“Something troubling you?” Spectrum asked, noticing Soarin’s shocked expression.

“It’s a lot to take in, sorry.” Soarin said rubbing his temple slowly. “First I’m a father and then I’m not a father…”

“Probably not.” Spectrum corrected.

“Can you find out for sure? I mean, don’t you have... what is it... genetic testing or something?”

The doctor bowed his head. “We do… however I don’t have samples from either of you. Additionally, we have quite a backlog to get through first. I’d say it’d be a couple of months at least before we could get back to you with results.”

Months?!” Soarin exclaimed.

Spectrum nodded. “Look, you get me those samples and I’ll see what I can do about that test Maybe I pull a few strings for the lab boys and speed things up a little... ok? This is obviously important to you, more so for you than her it seems.” He added, jerking his head in the direction Rainbow Dash had gone. "Almost as if she doesn’t want you to find out…” He trailed off at the venomous look Soarin was giving him.

“Don’t even suggest that. She’d never do that to me.”

Spectrum smiled thinly. “Then why do I sense doubt in your voice? Perhaps she is not as… virtuous as she would seem?”

Soarin blinked, the unexpected statement from the doctor unsettling him. Why was he feeling doubt? Why didn’t he completely trust her?

“I’ll get you your samples; you just get me that damn test.” Soarin growled.

“Come on, Soarin!” Rainbow yelled from the foyer.

Spectrum looked pleased. “Good, now get going before you end up with your head off, pregnant mares tend to be a bit… moody, to say the least.”

Soarin cringed and cantered out of the room. Rainbow regarded him suspiciously as he trotted towards her, her magenta eyes narrowing slightly. “What were you talking about?”

“Nothing.” Soarin lied. “Nothing at all.”

***

"Wow, what a jerk! They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away... you bet I'm gonna be eating my apples from now on." Rainbow said disgustedly.

"Yes, a real charming fellow." Soarin muttered distractedly.

You alright Soarin? You seem... dead."

“Look, Dashie…”

“Yeah?” She inquired, tilting her head slightly to look at Soarin better. Her mood had drastically changed for the better after they had left the clinic, Soarin noticed. She almost seemed happy about the news.

“Doesn’t this all strike you as a bit odd?” Soarin asked, stopping in the middle of the cobbled street.

“This being..?”

“You being pregnant, a clear sky even though nopony is clearing it and…” He bit his lip.

“Spit it out.”

Soarin hesitated, looking around at the vibrant colours of other ponies passing by. “What if Spectrum is right, what if I’m not the father?” He asked in a hushed tone.

Rainbow gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “I’m sure you are; it’s nothing to worry about. Call it a gut feeling.”

A surge of frustration rose up in Soarin. “You don’t get it do you? You might think it's all fine and dandy, but I have to live with... with..."

“What?” Rainbow asked, scowling at a passer-by who seemed to be taking an interest in their conversation.

“What if you’re wrong?” Soarin asked bluntly. “What if you-.”

“You don’t trust me?” Rainbow interrupted.

Soarin looked at her gravely. “Not entirely. No, wait. I-.” The rest of Soarin’s response was cut by Rainbow punching him solidly in the face. In retrospect, Soarin realised that probably wasn’t the best thing to say.

“H-how dare you?! You think I’d go off an-and sleep with another guy? You think I’d become a… a slut?!”

“That’s not what I said.” Soarin said, immediately switching to damage control mode.

“Then what are you saying, huh?” She asked scathingly.

“Go back to doctor and get a paternity test. If you’re so certain of yourself there should be nothing to worry about..”

“Go back to that arsehole? Not a chance.”

“Please?” Soarin begged.

“What if I don’t want to?”

‘Then you’re being a stubborn bitch!’ Soarin thought, grimly realising that was pretty much par for the course. “I don’t think that’d be the best thing for our relationship.”

“I don’t think your attitude is the best thing for our relationship." She mimicked "I can't believe this! The first thing you do when we find out we have a kid is accuse me of cheating on you? Real smart! Maybe you should go back to that idiot and get him to check if your head is screwed on right.”

Soarin resisted the urge to hit himself and massaged his right temple gently.

“It’s always something wrong with me, isn’t it?” He said coldly. “Never anything wrong with you, is there Miss Perfect?”

“Soarin…”

“No, just stop there. Just go home before you say something else stupid. I’ll talk to you later, I need some time to think.”

“Where are you going?” Rainbow asked, slightly hurt.

“I’m going for a walk."

***

“Wow, you’ve really got issues.”

Soarin looked up at the unexpected interruption of his brooding. Since leaving Dash, he’d walked through the centre of town, past the town hall and finally Sugarcube Corner. Even the delightful smells of baking cakes and mouth-watering sweet treats weren’t enough to lift his sour mood.

“Heard all that, huh?” Soarin asked.

“Uh, yeah.” Lighting Dust said, floating down from the dark cloud she had been lazing on.

“How long have you been following me?” Soarin asked.

“Since I saw you and Rainbow Dash leave the clinic.” She answered.

Soarin shrugged his head; at least she was honest.

“That’s kinda creepy.”

“I know something good when I see it.” She said confidently. “So what’s up between you and her?”

“Nothing is 'up'.” Soarin said tersely, “We had a small argument about a matter that is of no concern of yours.”

“Sure you did.” Lightning Dust said, smirking slightly and waiting patiently for Soarin to spill the story. A look of annoyance crossed her features as Soarin remained stubbornly silent on the issue.

“Alright then, have it your way.” She said when it became clear Soarin wasn’t going to tell her.

“I will.”

“So watcha doing then… all out here by yourself… on such a nice day.” She asked, the confident smirk that always seemed to grace her face returning.

“Walking.”

“Mind if I join you?”

Soarin shrugged. “Don’t see why not.” He said, continuing his slow walk down the street, Lighting Dust falling into step beside him. They walked through town together, Lightning Dust seemingly happy to keep to silence. Suited Soarin fine, he wasn't in the mood for idle chit-chat.

“So what do you do for fun around here?” She eventually asked as they passed a familiar looking clockwork shop.

“Play with gizmos…” Soarin muttered under his breath, veering off the cobblestones and peering through the front window. After a moment's consideration he pushed the door open, the small bell attached to the wooden portal ringing cheerfully. Lightning Dust pushed past him and looked at the array of gizmos and gadgets littering the displays with genuine interest. Her yellow and gold tail swishing excitedly as she ran her eyes across the intricate devices.

‘Eyes up.’ Soarin chided himself, reluctantly overcoming the urge to enjoy the sight a little longer.

“What is this place?” She asked, picking up a complex yet familiar looking device in her hoof.

“I wouldn’t touch that if I were you.” Soarin warned.

“Why?” She asked, playing with the clockwork device. “Aah!” She yelped as the gizmo fastened itself around her foreleg and squeezed painfully.

“That’s why.” Soarin sighed, badly concealing a look of amusement at her expense.

“Blasted ponies and your curiosity! Always the Crusher, isn’t it?” A familiar voice huffed, stomping through the shop and promptly releasing Lightning Dust from the contraption. “I should really put that damned thing somewhere else… oh, hello Soarin.”

“Doc.” Soarin said with a polite nod.

“Doc?” What are you doing here?” Lightning Dust asked, rubbing the spot the aptly named Crusher had crushed.

“My brother runs the place; I help out when he’s not around.” The brown Pegasus explained, tucking the Crusher away under a cabinet. “So, what brings you two around to my neck of the woods.”

“Walking.” Lighting Dust said sourly.

“Oh yes, the most tiresome and boring of activities.” Doc said with a dramatic flourish. “One would wonder why we bother at doing it at all.”

Lightning Dust snorted loudly and flapped her wings twice before swaggering off deeper into the shop.

“Finally.” Soarin said, letting go of the breath he had been unconsciously holding.

“She’s trouble.” Doc agreed. “Especially for you.”

“What do you mean by that?” Soarin asked.

“You can’t keep your eyes off her for one… Is there something between you two..?”

“What? No!” Soarin said hastily, cursing the perceptiveness that Doc habitually displayed. "Nothing between me and her whatsoever. I wouldn't touch that with the broadside of a barn."

Doc shrugged slightly. “If you say so.”

Soarin exhaled quietly and quickly ran a hoof through his mane. “Doc, I got a problem…”

"Besides your instinctual fascination with Lightning Dust's rear end?"

"Shut up! I mean a serious problem."

“I’m a weather jockey, not a doctor.”

“Well no, I mean… It’s Rainbow Dash.”

Doc’s ears perked up. “What about her?”

Soarin glanced around quickly to make sure nopony else was within earshot. “She’s pregnant.”

“Oh… uh… well, congratulations I guess?”

Soarin let out a quiet huff of exasperation. “Argh! I don’t want a kid and it’s not even mine!” He paused for a second. “Probably.”

“And? What do you want me to do about it?”

“Offer advice, be there to help a friend in need and possibly have a place to stash a body.”

“Wait, what?”

“The body part was a joke.” Soarin muttered dryly.

“No the ‘friend’ bit. I’m your friend?”

“Yes, you are my friend. And as sad as it is to admit, probably the only one I have in this forsaken town.”

“What about Rainbow Dash?”

“She’s more than a friend you dolt.”

“Bloody well hope so, she’s got your kid.” Doc said optimistically.

“I love your optimism.” Soarin snarked.

“I’ll deck you.” Doc threatened. “No, couldn’t do that to a friend. Am I really your friend?”

“Yes, you are.” Soarin hissed, trying to steer the conversation back on track. “What should I do?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? You always know something or have some idea that you pull from your arse.”

Doc shrugged apologetically. “Sorry, nothing. Maybe you should just roll with it.”

“Roll with it?” Soarin asked hysterically. “Rainbow could’ve cheated on me and gotten pregnant!”

Doc shrugged nonchalantly. “Do you really think she would’ve?”

The question made Soarin stop and think for a moment.

“Come on now, think about it… does she seem like the type of pony to do that?” Doc pried.

“No, probably not.” Soarin admitted, logic and reason finally coming to the fore.

“Well there you go, now stop dancing around like an idiot and take your medicine like a show pony.”

“But what if you’re wrong?”

Doc blinked. “I assume you’re being proactive about this, getting a paternity test etc.”

“Yeah, trying to.”

“Well wait and see what that says. Instead of imagining I’m wrong, imagine I’m right and realise that you’ll hurt your relationship for no reason." He sighed empathetically. "I can appreciate your concern but I think you might just be worrying about this too much.”

Soarin stamped on the floor beneath him. “Yeah maybe.” He admitted.

“Good lad.” Doc said encouragingly. “Now where’s Lightning Dust gone off to? Don’t want her poking around too far.”

“AHH!”

Doc exchanged an amused look with Soarin. “Sounds like my cue.”

***

“That place is nuts!” Lighting Dust exclaimed, shooting a vicious glare at the clockwork shop over her shoulder.

“To be fair, that one said ‘Do not touch’.”

“That’s like a magnet though. Sign says ‘Do not touch’? What am I going to do? Touch it, of course.”

“You’re an idiot.”

Lighting Dust snorted and broke into a slow trot. “Coming?” She asked, slowing back down to Soarin’s snail-like pace.

“Where?”

“Pub.”

“Bit early for a drink, isn’t it?” Soarin asked.

She shrugged. “It’s five o’clock somewhere.”

Soarin shook his head disbelievingly. “Then go have your drink.”

“Have you ever been somewhere and had a drink by yourself? It’s absolutely depressing.”

Soarin thought back to the day he’d been discharged. He had to admit she had a point. “Suppose so.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” She protested, lowering her head and barging him along the street.

“Alright, alright. No need to be pushy.” Soarin said, reluctantly following her lead.

“Better.” Lightning Dust purred contentedly, brushing up against Soarin in an attempt to hurry him along. He felt a jolt of energy shoot down his spine as her flank bumped up against his. ‘It’d be lying to say that I’m not enjoying the attention.’ Soarin thought, moving over awkwardly a little to break the contact. ‘But I feel bad that I am. Guess this what a guiltily pleasure is like…’

“So Soarin, what’s it like living here? Boring as I imagine?”

“The work keeps it interesting. What about you? Living in town I imagine?”

“Yeah, scrounged together a place on the south side of town.”

“That’s near my place… most of the time.” Soarin said embarrassedly. “Still can't find a spot I’m completely happy with yet. Haven’t seen your place around though.”

‘It’s on the ground. It’d love a cloud house but I don’t have the time or experience to put on together.”

“I’m sure the team wouldn’t mind helping you get settled in, I’m sure we could bang out a decent place for you in a day.” Soarin offered.

“All of you? Even Rainbow Dash?”

Soarin’s smile faded a little. “Yeah she probably wouldn’t be too thrilled. I honestly wish she’d drop whatever she has against you.”

“I hate her, she hates me. The status quo remains unchanged.”

“I thought you were starting fresh. Clean slate and all.”

“You really believed that shit? She ruined my life and then took a proverbial shit on it. You think I’d just forgive that so easily?”

“So you’re out for revenge then?” Soarin guessed.

“I’m not evil.” Lighting Dust stated. “I just want to get on with my life… and if I so happen to inconvenience her while I’m at it, all the sweeter.”

Soarin scrunched his face up. “And you do remember that I’m dating her, right?”

“Oh yeah, sure, go tell her. See if I care. She already knows.” Lighting Dust said dismissively.

“And why can’t you just be friends?” Soarin asked.

“Because Rainbow Dash, being the stubborn, righteous twat she is, will never forgive me for letting her precious friends come to harm. What’s the point in trying to make amends if she’s just going to slam me back into the dirt? Look, I just want to get somewhere in life and if that means I have to muscle my way in, so be it.”

“And you’re going to get that by pushing clouds around?” Soarin joked.

Lighting Dust pouted in an adorable fashion. “Well the Wonderbolt’s aren’t exactly willing to take me back so I have to start somewhere.”

“And you just happened to come here? Happy coincidence.”

“It wouldn't be my first choice, believe me. I was getting desperate and when the position opened up I practically jumped at the chance.”

“Suppose.” Soarin said pragmatically before falling silent. He couldn’t help but feel a little sympathetic for Lightning Dust. She’d been in tough spot for a few years for something that wasn’t entirely her own fault and then when she finally had managed to get back on her hooves, her reception had been somewhat… lukewarm, to say the least. They walked on in silence, Soarin so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he barely avoided crashing into Lightning Dust’s rear end when she stopped in front of him.

“This is the place. There’s this mix I made up the other day you’ve got to try out.”

“I was planning on just skipping the drinks, last thing I need right now is to start playing the ‘Take a drink when you’re sad’ game.”

“Aww come on you wuss.”

Soarin gave her ‘The Look’, a cross between ‘Really?’ and ‘I’m an adult, trust me, I know what I’m doing with this fork and that toaster; so please, piss off.’ It was a look he’d perfected on account of the sheer regularity he used it.

“Come on, just the one.” She said with a small pout. “My shout.” Lightning Dust added enticingly, adding a small amount of chin wobble.

“Alright, fine.” Soarin sighed, shrugging in weary resignation. It was hard to say no to a free drink and even harder to say no to that face. They trotted inside, the dark walls and half drawn curtains creating a dim yet pleasant and cosy atmosphere. Lighting Dust pointed an empty booth before whisking off to the bar to presumably hassle a barman to create whatever vile concoction she had invented. Suddenly feeling very alone, Soarin slid himself into the plump cushions and let the low murmur of the bar’s few patrons fill his ears. He considered contemplating the meaning of life but ultimately decided he wasn’t drunk or mentally unhinged enough to even start comprehending it to more than two digits. He was snapped out of his daze as a stubby glass filled with a sandy coloured liquid slid past his nose. A moment later the teal body of his new companion fell into the seat opposite him, a similar glass cradled delicately in her hoof.

“What’s in it?” Soarin asked, peering through the cup sideways.

“Stuff.” Lightning Dust answered vaguely. “Try some, it’s pretty good.”

Soarin took a sip of the concoction she'd bought him and nodded appreciatively. She was right, it was good. The faint taste of banana and some sort of rum lingered on his tongue and played havoc with his sinuses.

“Very nice.”

“I thought you’d like it.” She said, leaning back into the soft chair and sighing happily. She eyed Soarin carefully over the rim of her glass. “We should do this more often.”

“What?”

“Sit, talk, drink. You’re good company.”

Soarin smiled thinly. “I can see where you are going with this so I’ll nip it right in the bud. I’m already in a happy relationship and I’m not interested.”

Lightning Dust chuckled softly, concealing her disappointment under a guise of mirth. “You’re very fast at jumping to conclusions, Soarin.”

“Let’s just say I don’t quite trust you intentions.” Soarin said with deliberate care.

“Look, I just want somepony I can have a drink with and talk to openly.”

“I’m sure there are many other ponies who would fit the bill much better than me.” Soarin said, taking another sip of the rum-like concoction. He had no intention of denying Lightning Dust a drinking buddy... provided that's all she really wanted, but he reasoned that if he at least made a show of resisting it initially his conscience would feel a little cleaner.

Lightning Dust shrugged. “Maybe, but I know you. We’ve had a few jaunts in the past and I know you can be a bit of fun to be around.”

“Suppose so.” Soarin conceded. “Just promise me something okay?”

“What?”

“Tell me what’s in this drink.”

“Another time.” Lighting Dust said, her mouth curling up confidently. Something behind Soarin seemed to catch her attention. “I’ll be back in a sec, don't go anywhere.”

“Suits me.” Soarin said as she stood up and vanished around a corner. ‘She’s trouble.’ Soarin thought, silently echoing Doc’s sentiment.

‘Then why are you here?’

‘Because she seems like a bit of fun to be around.’

‘Yes, fun. Have fun when she starts groping around and making moves on you. I’d like to see you weasel out of that, genius.’

Soarin took another sip of his drink and told the rational part of his mind to shut up. He could have be friends with a mare and not be romantically involved with them if he wanted to.

‘Exactly.’ Soarin thought, looking around the tavern boredly, a few patrons vaguely registering as somepony or other he had been introduced to. A familiar stallion caught his eye and with a jolt of surprise he recognised it as Thunderlane. Even more surprising though was the fact that Thunderlane was looking right back at him, a stupid look plastered over his face. Recovering quickly, Soarin waved him over; the brown stallion fumbling awkwardly for a moment before complying.

“Hey Thunderlane, what are you doing here?” Soarin asked as he approached the booth.

Thunderlane’s eyes dropped to the table and flickered between the two glasses. “I could ask you the same thing.”

“Drinking. With Lighting Dust. For fun.” Soarin said, gesturing for Thunderlane to sit where Lightning Dust had been.

“Because that won’t get you in trouble.” Thunderlane mumbled, sliding a tray with two drink onto the table.

“They both for you?” Soarin asked.

“They are now... the intended recipient already has one, along with company as well it seems.”

“How wonderful.”

Thunderlane buried his head beneath his hooves and nodded dourly. “Not what I was expecting.”

“Real smooth.” Soarin remarked, taking another sip of the strong drink Lightning Dust had bought him. “I suppose you don’t always get what you want.”

Thunderlane gave Soarin a sidelong glance and muttered something unintelligible.

“Right.” Soarin muttered, happy enough to leave Thunderlane to his moping. If he wanted to hang his head and say the end of times was nigh, let him. Soarin had enough to deal with already without needing to be hold Thunderlane’s hoof as well.

‘Unexpected’. He told himself, ‘That’s what today was.’ Despite Doc’s reassurances, he was still uneasy about the whole thing. He could feel a pang of uncertainty grew in his gut again, what if the child wasn’t his? Would one of them just slink off into the shadows, never to be seen again? What if he was a terrible parent? What if...?

“So, how has your day been?” Thunderlane asked, interrupting his train of thought. “Anything interesting happen?”

‘What a remarkable question’ He thought slowly, ‘More like, what didn’t happen today?’ With deliberate slowness, Soarin turned to face Thunderlane. “I got a promotion, Rainbow Dash is pregnant and worst of all I’m meeting Rainbow’s father in a few days.”

Thunderlane snickered in amusement. “Good one, did I mention I’m the princesses’ cat?” Thunderlane joked, downing one of his drinks in a single gulp.

“Yes, a good joke.” Soarin said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I was actually being serious.”

Thunderlane’s expression darkened. “Oh… congratulations I suppose, enjoy the remainder of your short existence then.” He looked disappointedly at the dregs at the bottom of his glass before remembering he had a second one.

“What, you think that should be you?” Soarin asked teasingly, immediately picking up on Thunderlane’s crushed ambition. Thunderlane’s golden eyes locked with his, a trace of jealousy and anger flashing in his irises.

“Damn well it should be.” he growled. “I’m always getting passed over, always at the bottom of the pecking order, always the butt monkey. Then you show up and get both the girl and the money.” He snorted in disgust. “Some life this is.”

“Well considering we’re now both in the shits, we should be the best of friends.” Soarin said with faux cheer. “Which one of us is going to bend over and take it first? Me or you?”

Thunderlane grimaced and shook his head. “And I thought I was the immature one.”

Soarin smiled narrowly. Odd that he hadn’t considered Thunderlane one of his friends. Although occasionally obnoxious, the stallion was probably one of the more amiable ponies Soarin knew. The sudden tension gone, Soarin felt a little more at ease.

“Hey, Soarin... there’s something I’d like to ask yo-.” Thunderlane started before cutting himself off suddenly.

“I didn’t know we had a third member join our party.” Lighting Dust said, appearing over Soarin’s shoulder with a suddenness even Pinkie Pie would find impressive. “Hello, Thunderdrop.”

Thunderlane looked at the ceiling and flushed red; clearly wishing he was somewhere else.

“Nice to see you too, Lightning Dust.” Thunderlane said under his breath. “Yes, very nice to see you, Thunderlane.” He added in a remarkably accurate impersonation of the mare in question.

“Thunderdrop?” Soarin asked, looking between the two.

“It was an accident!”

“Sure it was.” Lighting Dust said snidely

“Accident!” Thunderlane insisted.

“Care to fill me in?”

“Wonderbolt academy, day 5. Team recovery drills.”

“Oh I remember those, big wheel thing that spins around and around.”

“Yeah that’s the one, catch is Spitfire’s crony was launching us two at a time so we could practice reforming after a spinout.”

“Lemme guess, Thunderlane crashed into his wingpony?” Soarin asked.

“Accidently!” Thunderlane interjected.

“Sure, you two just happened to end up like that on the ground together, right?” Lighting Dust jeered. “His wing pony’s name was Raindrop and after the ‘accident’ the rest of the class wouldn’t let them live it down. The name stuck.” Lighting Dust added for Soarin’s benefit.

“Yes, thank you for reminding me.” Thunderlane huffed, somewhat put out by the tale. “For the record, we stayed in touch after we left the academy and she’s just a friend.”

“Yeah yeah, sure sure.” Lighting Dust said, playfully elbowing Soarin in the ribs.

“I’m inclined to go with Thunderlane on this one, Dusty.” ‘Dusty? That’s the best you could do?’ “He’s shown great skill at maintaining friendships with mares he’s had prior, ah... encounters... with.”

Thunderlane make a rude gesture with his forehooves. “Fuck off.”

“Love you too.” Soarin said cheekily, surprised how laid back he was feeling after some playful banter and a drink. The concerns he had felt an hour ago had vanished in a haze of good atmosphere and pleasant company. “So, Thunderlane, what were you saying before Dusty interrupted us?”

“I swear if you call me Dusty one more time I will garrotte you with a spoon.” Lighting Dust interjected.

“Um… nothing. Don’t worry about it, not important.”

“When you put it like that it really doesn’t, spill it.” Lighting Dust ordered.

“Oh wow, would you look at the time?” Thunderlane said quickly, downing the last dregs of his drink messily. “Gotta go iron the dog, you know how it is. Sorry.” He said, vanishing faster than a basket of lollies on Nightmare night.

Soarin blinked slowly and watched as a single brown feather float slowly down to the tabletop, the only indication Thunderlane had been there at all.

“He has to do what to his dog?”

Author's Note:

Unacceptable, completely unacceptable.