• Published 14th Mar 2013
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The Princess and the Human - Ausbrony



When an Alicorn Princess suddenly appears out of thin air, Will one lone human be able to deal with such an event? Well, he has nothing better do do.

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Drama, Disguises and Discoveries!

Chapter Three – Drama, Disguises and Discoveries.

It had been about half an hour since Kai had left and Twilight had already looked around every inch of his tiny apartment. She had made a few discoveries on her venture, like a collection of magazines under Kai’s bed that appeared to be female human anatomy guides. Once she had made her way back to the living room, she glanced at his bookshelf and could no longer resist. What kind of knowledge was contained within their pages? She would e the first pony ever to read about an entirely alien race. She giggled giddily at the thought of it and reached out with her magic to pluck one from the shelf, but a dull throbbing in her forehead reminded her that her magic was off limits for the time being.

She reached out with her hoof and made another startling discovery, her hooves simply could not grasp the books. She could pick up almost any object with them, like cutlery or scrolls, but here, her hooves simply slid along the books spines, refusing to take hold.

“Is it because Magic doesn’t exist here?” she wondered aloud and finally decided on using her mouth, being very careful not to get teeth marks or saliva on the precious paper.

It had proved to a tad difficult due to the book being tightly packed into the small space but eventually the stubborn shelf relinquished its prize and Twilight smiled widely as she settled down on the floor to read it. She looked at the cover and her brow furrowed, she opened the cover with her nose and flicked through a few of the pages to make sure. It couldn’t be! There was no way!

Her eyes scanned the pages and she triple checked, but the result was always the same. Foreign symbols she assumed were letters stared back at her. She got up and took an uneasy step back as she continued to stare at the book in disbelief.

“I-I can’t read it!” she stammered as her worst fears came to light. She placed a hoof to her forehead as she swooned. “This is the. Worst. Possible. THING!” and then she dramatically fainted on the couch.

Twilight lay there for a moment and then giggled. “That was kinda fun, no wonder Rarity likes doing it.”


***


Kai had spent the better part of an hour wandering the bustling Market City, but found nothing that could be considered useful as a disguise for Twilight. He paused for a moment as he realised what exactly he was doing. He was searching for a disguise so he could sneak a unicorn into the public library. This was by far the weirdest thing he had thought of and he frequented the internet! Nothing was weirder than the internet.

“I wished for something interesting to happen and I get a talking unicorn… someone upstairs has a weird sense of humour.” As he passed dozens of stalls selling their cheap, knockoff merchandise, something caught his eye. First was a massive Virizion plush for only thirty bucks, he wasted no time in grabbing that. Second was a small, faux fur coat. He sized it up and it was perfect!

“How much for this?” he asked the stall owner.

“For your girlfriend?” the old woman asked.

Kai blinked for a second, it would seem weird for a guy to buy a woman’s fur coat. “Uh, yeah…” he said, rubbing the back of his head.

“Aw, so cute.” The old woman smiled. “Tell you what, just for you… One hundred and twenty dollar.”

“A hundred and twenty bucks!?” that was rather expensive, especially for a fake that probably only cost two bucks to make. “How about sixty?”

“Ah, much to low. One hundred ten.” The Asian lady replied. She was driving a hard bargin.

“Eighty,” Kai countered.

“No deal, one hundred dollar, final offer!”

This was ridiculous, he wasn’t gonna pay a hundred bucks for that, but he didn’t feel like going back empty handed either. The coat was a fake, no doubt about that. But it was a fairly well-made fake…

“Fine,” he said. “One hundred and no more than that!”

The lady seemed satisfied and Kai eventually left the markets, now having a new Pokémon plush, a coat and a shopping bag of assorted things. “A little more than I expected, so that unicorn better appreciate this!” he muttered as he turned up the music on his mp3 player and headed back home.


***


Twilight sat on the floor and prodded the book with her hoof. This was no good at all, what use would there be in going to a library if she couldn’t read any of the books? She heard a sound coming from the door and Kai walked in, carrying what appeared to be a coat, a plush toy of some green creature and a bag. Kai looked at the alicorn and saw her eyes water slightly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he put what he was carrying down. “Did you hurt yourself?”

Twilight shook her head and looked back at the book. She pointed at it and sighed before showing the offending literature to the human. “I can’t read it!” she explained. “Not a single word.”

Kai took the book and looked it. It was a light novel he had bought a few weeks back. “Well that’s odd!” he said. “We speak the same language, but written language is different?”

“I noticed that your clock is different too, I don’t recognise the numbers on them.” Twilight sighed and looked at the floor. “I can’t believe this, if only I could perform a translation spell then it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“So I take it that your magic still hasn’t returned?” Kai asked. Truth be told, he really wanted to see some cool magic.

“Kind of,” Twilight replied. “But I would have to perform it on every book, twice no less. As I would have to cast it once to translate it into Equestrian and then again to switch it back.”

“Okay, I can see that being a problem.” Kai said. “So what did you want to do then? If you can’t read the books then… wait, maybe I have an idea.”

“What is it?”

“Well you can’t read the books, but I can. I could read them to you.” Kai offered. “It’s kind of a roundabout way of doing it, but at least you’ll get the information you want.”

“I suppose…” Twilight didn’t want to have to get him to do that. “First she interrupted his everyday life because she miscast a spell, and then burdens him further by living with him temporarily, and now he would read everything to her? Magic caused this problem in the first place and now a lack of magic kept adding to it. But he had a point and he did have the knowledge to read what was written…

Wait a moment, that could be a viable solution.

“There is a way for me to learn your language.” She said, “but you may not like it.”

Kai just got curious however. “How? If it helps you out…”

Twilight shook her head. “I can access your memories and copy your knowledge of your language… but it’s a huge invasion of privacy and I will be able to see all of your memories…”

“I see…” Now that was a problem. He didn’t exactly want this odd creature rummaging around in his brain…

“I’ll try my best to only access the knowledge I need, but it’s asking way too much of you.” Twilight should have never suggested it. Kai had been nothing but nice and extremely generous to her so far and she had a sinking feeling that he would…

“Well as long as you try your best to stay out of my personal memories, I guess you can try your unicorn mind-meld thing.”

Twilight shook her head. “No, I should have never suggested it. Just forget about it!”

“Hey, I said I would and who knows, you might even learn more from that then you would books.”

Great, just make the idea even more enticing why don’t you? “But I-. “

“Look, I haven’t got anything to really hide and my embarrassing memories are far and few,” Kai said. “You said so yourself that this was the easier route right?”

“Alright,” Twilight conceded. “This shouldn’t take long.”

The alicorn walked over to the couch where Kai was sitting and climbed up to sit next to him. “This won’t hurt a bit, but we’ll both have a bit of a headache afterwards.” She gently placed the tip of her horn against his forehead and closed her eyes.

“Are you ready?” she asked, giving him one last opportunity to back out.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Kai replied.

Twilight began to cast the spell and her head began to ache in response. Her magic reserves were nowhere near full yet, but there was enough to do this. Her head had a steady beat, which seemed to match her heartbeat, but then she felt something and as soon as she opened her eyes, everything went black.


***


When she awoke, she took a single look around and gasped in surprise. All around her were bookshelves, one that seemed to stretch on forever…

“Where am I?” she whispered as she looked around. The shelves reached high into the sky, a sky she could not see. “These shelves are taller than the castle… how is this possible? Am I in another world again?”

“Not quite,” a familiar voice said from behind her. Twilight quickly turned to see Kai standing there.

“Kai? What’s going on? Where are we?” Twilight was seriously confused.

Kai chuckled and spread his arms. “You're such a smart pony, surely if you just think for a moment, you’ll figure out exactly where you are.” And then in the blink of an eye, he vanished into thin air.

“W-wait! What?” Twilight spread her wings and attempted to fly, but for some reason, she couldn’t. It was like the appendages were there for decoration. “Okay, okay, just calm down Twi. He said that if I think about it, I’d know where I am…”

“In a place you shouldn’t be!” a stern voice called out as she saw Kai striding towards her. “Get out now!!”

Wait, why was he so mad at her? Did she do something wrong? Did she mess up the spell? Just before Kai reached her, an arm shot out of the darkness and grabbed him as another Kai emerged.

“Hey, calm down. She didn’t know this would happen~,” the second Kai said with a wide smile. “And seriously, how can you get mad at something so cute~?”

Before Twilight could say anything about the absurdity of all this, a third Kai appeared from behind one of the bookshelves.

“Hey guys, c’mon.” he said with a lazy drawl. “Can’t a dude get a little shut eye around here?”

“Three Kai’s? What’s going on around here?” She looked back to the bookshelves and noticed something. Rather than titles on the books spines, it simply had a date and a time. “What is all this?”

“A bit slow to catch on there love?” a fourth Kai said with a thick British accent. He wore a monocle and sported a fine top hat. “Though since you’re here, fancy a spot of tea?”

“Tch! No-one wants your damned tea! Just get the little horse her knowledge and get her out!” Angry Kai spat and stormed off.

“Don’t mind him.” Kind Kai said with a warm smile. “He’s a little grumpy without his coffee~”

Twilight put her hooves to her head and groaned. This didn’t make any sense at all, well to Discord it might… but the alicorn was utterly baffled.

A fifth Kai leant against one of the shelves and said nothing, while British Kai tried to get him to drink from a dainty little teacup. A sixth one approached and he had a lab coat and a thick pair of glasses. There was a circular symbol on the breast of the coat and the word ‘Aperture Laboratories’ next to it.

“We must hurry things along before any damage is done.’ He said, pushing his glasses up. “Miss Twilight, you performed a mind link spell in order to gain some specific knowledge correct?”

“Yes, but how did you-?”

“For some reason, perfect synchronicity was achieved and the minds of both you and Kai were joined. You currently reside within Kai’s Mindspace, just as he currently resides in yours.”

“Mindspace? You mean this is-“

“Correct!” Smart Kai responded, cutting her off again. “You are currently within Kai’s mind and we are all aspects of his persona, different traits of his personality if you will.” He placed a hand on his chest, looking quite proud. “I represent his latent Intelligence, that one over there is his Kindness.” He pointed to the ever-smiling Kai. “That one is Anti-socialism and that one is for when he feels like being British.” He motioned towards the silent Kai and the top hat wearing one. “And the one you met earlier is his Anger…”

Twilight nodded as she looked around at the different Kai’s. “Okay, I think I get it now… but I still don’t get how this happened.”

“A mystery for us all, I assure you,” Smart Kai responded. “Perhaps you will discover it eventually, but for now we have work to do.” He pointed off to the maze of bookshelves. “The knowledge you seek is located under ‘General Knowledge, Section L’” he explained. “I have important studies to do, so one of the other Persona will show you the way.” And with that he vanished, leaving her alone with Kindness, British and Anti. Lazy was fast asleep in the corner.

Anti stood upright and began to walk down the hall, stopping briefly to look back at Twilight.

“Well this is a surprise~” Kindness said. “Anti never helps anybody, you must be special… or simply that even he can’t resist your cuteness~”

Twilight blushed and followed after him. They left the others behind as they walked in silence for a while, until Twilight decided to speak.

“So um…” she desperately thought of a topic to speak about. “What are all these books?”

Anti remained silent as always and Twilight hung her head in defeat. Then he said in a barely audible tone. “Memories.”

Twilight jumped at the sudden break in silence. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Memories,” he said again in a tone that would make Fluttershy’s seem like the Royal Canterlot Voice. “Every second of every day. Ever since I was born.”

Twilight took a breath as she looked at the shelves. They stretched on and on and seemed to be thousands of stories tall. “I wonder if this is what my Mindscape looks like.”

“Who knows,” Anti said and then suddenly stopped. “Here.” Twilight gazed up at the bookshelf, which looked like all the others. “This one here?”

Anti nodded, but said nothing more. Twilight walked up to the shelf and then realised she had no idea what she was looking for. She couldn’t read the spines of the books and without the aid of her wings; she couldn’t reach the higher shelves.

“Now what do I do?” she wonder aloud. There was a sound and suddenly a large book fell from high up above, hitting the floor with a heavy THUD! Twilight jumped in surprise as the book was almost as big as she was.

Anti motioned towards the book and then walked off, leaving Twilight all alone. She walked over to it and opened the heavy cover with a hoof. At first, nothing happened. But then the pages began to flip by themselves, as an unseen, unfelt wind blew them. The book began to glow brightly as Twilight closed her eyes to shield herself from the blinding light. Once it died down, she looked back towards it and gasped. She could read it!

She looked at the other books and could clearly understand the numbers and letters on the spines. Nodding to herself, she began to walk back the way she came and then her hoof struck something on the floor. A dusty tome was just lying there.

“What is this? She wondered inquisitively and knelt down to pick it up, only to have dust enter her nose and she sneezed, the book flew open and her mind clouded.

The rain just seemed to keep on pouring as a younger Kai stood in front of a large gravestone as a pair of coffins was lowered into the ground. Faceless people all watched and whispered as he stood there silent.

“Poor guy, losing both parents like that.”

“Poor my foot, he inherited a small fortune.”

“Some people have all the luck huh?”

“He didn’t shed a tear during the service, did you notice?”

“Even now, he looks like he doesn’t have a care in the world.”

But more than the memory, Twilight felt the emotion behind it, anger, sadness and incredible loneliness. He felt angry at the parents that left him behind, anger towards the insensitive souls that whispered behind his back and the wish that it was all a horrible nightmare.

“This is… oh,” Twilight knew she had just witnessed something private and truly heartbreaking. She shouldn’t be here, and with a flash of light, she found herself back in the Mindscape.

“Get a good look did you?” a voice said and Twilight saw Angry Kai looming over her. “You gonna laugh at me too, think I thought that my parents death was nothing!”

“No, I-“

“Save it!” he yelled, causing Twilight to flinch. “Time I put an end to this stupid little story!” he raised his fist, only to be hit by another Kai, this one wearing a dashing red scarf and cool, triangular sunglasses.

“You okay Twi?” he asked, checking the distraught alicorn. “Just leave this punk to me!”

“But, I didn’t mean to-“

Brave Kai suddenly knelt down and hugged her, causing the alicorn to blush and stammer. “I know, don’t worry about it okay, everything will be alright.” He turned his attention back to Rage Kai and took a fighting stance.

“Who the hell do you think I am!?” Rage Kai yelled and launched himself at Brave Kai. The two collided and exchanged blows at a lightning fast pace, each blow sounding like a thunder crack. Brave Kai leapt back and clenched a fist. “Get out of here while I hold him off!” he said to Twilight as she nodded and began to run for her life. She could still hear voices as she ran.

“Falcon… PAWWNNNCCHHHH!!” there was a deafening explosion as the shockwave for the distant attack sent Twilight hurtling down the corridor.

She landed to see Kind and British Kai looking over her. “Are you okay love?” British asked as Kindness helped her to her hooves. She looked back down the hall where she could hear the high octane fight still raging, now apparently a John Woo style gunfight.

“Don’t worry about them~” Kind said. “They’re always like that~”

Four more Kai’s appeared and linked hands with Kindness. “Let’s get you back now, okay?” he turned to the others. “Ready to go, Loyalty, Happiness, Honesty and Generosity?”

Wait! What did he say? Twilight looked up to see the five Kai’s give her a smile and in an instant she found herself back in his living room, laying on his couch, while Kai lay sprawled on the floor.

“Ohmigosh! Are you alright?” Twilight fell off of the couch and crawled over to the human, who groaned in response. “I can’t…”

“Huh?”

“No more,” he groaned again. “I can’t eat more cake!”

Cake? What the hay? Twilight suddenly giggled as she helped the human sit up. “Well that went completely and totally wrong.”

“That… was weird, even by my new standards.” Kai said, rubbing his head. “You are the craziest pony I know.”

“No Pinkie is much stranger,” Twilight retorted. And who was he to talk? His head wasn’t normal by any definition.

Kai thought for a moment, “Okay, yeah. Pinkie is much weirder, but you’re still a close second…” he suddenly clasped a hand over his mouth, realising what he had just said.

How did he know about Pinkie? The she remembered Smart Kai’s words.

“For some reason, perfect synchronicity was achieved and the minds of both you and Kai were joined. You currently reside within Kai’s Mindspace, just as he currently resides in yours.”

“So you saw my memories?” Twilight asked him.

“Only one,” he admitted. “It was about the day you met your friends and defeated some bad pony called Nightmare Moon…”

“Oh!” well at least he saw a good memory. “I um…” she might as well tell him, and hope he wouldn’t hate her. “I saw one of yours too.”

“Which one?” he asked dubiously. Hopefully it was one that didn’t involve him browsing the internet for porn.

“It was… um, your parents…” Kai raised a hand and stopped her. He knew what she was trying to say.

“The funeral huh?” Twilight nodded and winced as she feared what would come next. “Well that’s okay, I guess…”

“Really?” she asked in disbelief. “But I thought that you’d-“

“Flip out?” Okay, both Mindspace Kai and real Kai had a bad habit of interrupting her. “I am a bit upset, but what’s done is done and I’m not going to hate you for it.” She reached for her and she flinched again, only to find that he was gently petting her mane. “So don’t worry okay!”

He looked into her eyes and there was a moment of serene silence before he spoke up. “So did you learn what you needed to?”

Twilight smiled and reached out for the light novel she had picked out earlier. “Spice & Wolf, Volume One by Isuna Hasekura.” She read aloud. “Does that answer your question?”

Kai clapped his hands and placed the book back on the shelf. “Nice! So are you ready to head out soon?” he asked, looking out at the darkening streets.

Twilight nodded and stood up. “Anytime!”

Kai then grinned, one that made Twilight shiver for some reason. “Well then let’s get your disguise ready!”


***


This was completely humiliating!

Kai had put the fur coat on her and a large collar around her neck. The coats arms went on her front legs and the sash was used to tie it around her wait to hide the overhang. A thing pair of woolly leg warmers of a similar colour went on her bag legs. He attached a lead to the collar and unlocked his front door.

“Just what is all this!?” she demanded. “I look like a dog!”

“That’s the idea,” Kai replied. “And since its dark, people will just think you’re a large dog instead of a winged unicorn.”

“Alicorn!” Twilight corrected him. “And this is completely undignified! The coat I can understand, but why a collar!?”

“That’s because it’s illegal to walk a dog without a lead.” Kai informed the princess. “And consider it petty revenge for spying on my memories~”

“You are pure evil,” Twilight growled. “And if it wasn’t for the fact that I feel like I’ve imposed on you enough…”

Kai nodded and smiled. “Okay, don’t worry. Now let’s go for walkies little Sparkle~”

He yelped as she zapped him lightly on the rear and then the odd duo left the apartment and towards the library.


***


Well that was a humiliating trip, but Twilight had been too busy staring up at the enormous buildings and strange inventions, like cars, to be concerned about her looks. But did that one old man have to pet her for so long? Her mane was all messed up now.

“Well I guess we made it without incident.” Kai sighed as he unlocked the side door to the library and let the two of them in. Twilight immediately removed the lead and huffed, there was no way she was doing that again… until she remembered that they had to return home. Damn!

All of that was soon forgotten though as she looked around the vast library. It was almost as big as the Canterlot Archives and it was all new knowledge to her or any other pony for that matter. She had no idea where to start, should she get a book on geography? Perhaps history? Science and Technology? So many books, so little time.

Then Kai said just about the best possible thing to her. “Just take what you want and I’ll see to it that they’re checked out under my name, that way you can read them at home.”

Twilight squealed with delight and flew over to the startled human, hugging him. She just as quickly darted off into the depths of the library, searching for anything and everything!

Kai chuckled at her kid in a candy store personality and headed off to get a book of his own. Maybe the new Skullduggery novel?

It was well after midnight when the two of them returned to Kai’s apartment, having a little over three dozen books in tow.

“Y’know Twilight!” he said as they climbed the stairs. “I think you could have left at least some of the library there.”

“Well I couldn’t take all of them,” she said, missing the joke. “There must have been thousands of books there.”

Kai sighed at the missed joke and opened his door. The two proceeded inside and Twilight wasted no time in opening a book and begin reading. Kai yawned loudly and lay down on the bed next to Twilight. “I’ll just rest my eyes for a moment and then….” The rest of his sentence trailed off as soft snores replaced it. Twilight smiled and pulled the blanket up to cover them.

“Thank you Kai.” She whispered and draped a wing over him as she flicked on the bedside lamp to continue reading.