When a small, red bird escapes from Canterlot, Princess Celestia writes a letter to Twilight requesting for her to find her.
There is a problem however. Fluttershy follows one of her animal friends, a bear, and finds a little filly. Fluttershy takes her home and minds her, like a mother.
But she has a secret that only Fluttershy knows. And if anyone else finds out, the little filly might be in big trouble.
Book 1: The Secret of Cinder
Book 2: Changelings can Change!
Book 3: [Spoilers!]
Chapters (5)
wait..
did you just redo all your chapters?
2407456 She WHAT?!?!?!
Now I have to read all over again!!!
2407456 Nope. I just merged them and changed some grammar mistakes.
2410951 oh *shrugs* i never read redos of chapters ive already read anyway
2412405 It hasn't really changed that much anyway, only Cindy's bird form looks more like a phoenix hatchling now.
2415543 cool
I'm so confused as to why Celestia is acting like this. And what of Fluttershy? It seems very unlike her to disobey and stand up to the Princess
Still love it though
2420422 You'll see why Celestia is like this, in the next chapter.
cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/anchorman-well-that-escalated-quickly.jpg
Thanks for making the edits I suggested!
2424518 agreed
2424664 No problem!
I needed to anyway, you made the story better than it was 
I am a little surprised that a fiction of this length hasn't gotten more attention, I kind of thought it drew the eye rather nicely. You had a good hook, I'll give you that much, but the story itself leaves a lot to be desired. The beginning was good, you proved that you have a lot of ability when it comes to describing setting and character, a skill that I find rare and far between in fanfiction. I loved how well you demonstrated the personality of the OC, another skill that's hard to aquire. Of course maybe that's just me empathisizing with one of my own characters and seeing the familiar personality reflected, may be a little biased
But all fiction has one or two things to improve on, though yours was mostly in the writing. I noticed a few basic spelling flaws that could be done without. You always want to put your fiction through the spell check before submitting to avoid any glaring flaws. Also, you've got some work to do on dialogue transistions between characters, the lines were blurred between who was speaking more than once. Protip: Make sure you keep each character's dialogue to it's own paragraph. It isn't a bad thing to have a lot of paragraphs if it makes the overall story neater and easier to read. And one more important negativity, don't change the size of the text in the middle of the story. It gives a cartoonish influence thats fit more for comics than literature. Also, your element of mystery was a little off. You provided the idea of the secret, but revealed it quickly through convenient circumstance. Things like that should be slow to be revealed, usually not till toward the end of a story, and they should be a part of the natural storyline. For instance I don't think Fluttershy would find it odd that she compared herself to a bird, more pawing it off as a foal's imagination. Her turning into a bird would've fit in better as an accident, maybe from a shocking circumstance of some kind. And also, if she could fly she probably would've escaped the bear?
Gosh, i did just write a whole paragraph on negativities... That's not saying it's a bad story though. I like that you had the guts to bring out a decently thought out original character and give her a story. It interferes with the canon a little, but you did good. If you were to re-write this after getting a little more experience I'm sure I'd enjoy it.
I'll give you a 5.4/10, for creativity and guts. Just enough for the thumbs up.
-CC
2476250 I'll change those mistakes, and the reason why she didn't fly from bear was because:
)
)
1. I only thought about her as a bird in the second chapter (The first chapter was accually two small chapters at first, but I put them together and the story was called 'A Unicorn Called Cindy' Stupid name, I know
2. I've designed Cindy sometimes get so scared she can't move, and you'll see more of that if you read my new book when I publish it (You don't have to of course, I'm just saying.
The reason why I made so many mistakes is because I'm new to writing and I need a bit more work on it. I did this story mainly just for fun
2424518 dats what she said.
Thumbs up if you could read the smallest text there