I'll think of something to say here someday.
Pony Warfare1,530 stories ·2,303 members
Twilight Sparkle12,265 stories ·4,749 members
Writers and Reviewers Institute for Technical Excellence302 stories ·46 members
Twilight Sparkle, Celestia and Luna are transported into a strange alternate Equestria, the Land of Always Summer, where the day lasts forever and a terrible queen rules with an iron hoof.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good gracious, 10,000 whole words? Heheh, well that certainly made for an awesome read! It stretched on at a few points, but with the amount of suspense I was feeling at the thought of Glint actually pulling a double face really helped to hold the suspense heavy and all that.
Can't wait to see where this here story's going to go! You've been doing a really awesome job so far.
I've been following this story on FF.net since Chapter 1! I can't wait to see what happens when Twilight and Celestia meet their evil counterparts from Eternal Day World. And I wonder, what will Luna's reaction be when she sees an evil version of her sister? So many fun and fantastic ideas to play around with! I'm eagerly awaiting Chapter 5.
Well I've been waiting for this chapter since I started to read this story, just to see what Celestia's reaction to the new world would be. I think you got her spot on, seeing that she will get home the hard way... by going to war. This is going to be epic ~ Celestia's Paladin, Ex Solis et Lunae, Providentia et Prospera
I think you're doing a very good job of writing Celestia. Since we don't know much about the real Celestia, the distance you're giving allows readers to fill in empty spots with what they want to see in her.
Pure awesome
I see Celestia in here as a general/tactician sort ,with a hint of badass to kick some tyrant
Wonder how Luna will be, freaked out that no moon is there maybe
To answer you first point, yes I'd say that was your weakest part of this chapter, the fact that Power Scoop did not only have answers for all her question but was willing to share with someone who was a complete stranger seems a bit far fetched, especially considering the totalitarian nature of this Equestria. With all the suspicions people are liable to have, I think Power Scoop would've been unlikely to be so forthcoming.
I actually liked the mechanism you used to show what Celestia learned on the street. I agree full convo's would've been long and likely boring
Grim Celestia seemed well written, she strikes me as possessing a shrewd intelligence befitting an immortal princess. That said, I'd actually prefer more looks into her psyche, I mean the fact that an alternate her caused this just begs for a look at how she responds not only in actions but emotionally as well. Even for her I think it would be very hard to stay focused and detached.
Oh also, this story just keeps getting better, the last two chapters are my favorite! Keep it up.
Oh, hay! New chapter, different site! Very much a DO WANT from me.
So we have Twilight gathering up the Alt versions of her old friends, a theoretical magisist behind bars, and `Tia planning Regicide. ...oh, and Luna wasn't doing so well, eather. AJ being an outlaw was not unexpected. Rarity being a double agent ALSO made sence. Anti-Sparkle was about the only way she COULD have been in a Daymare Sun run universe. That just leaves the fastest flyer on the planet, the Pegasis who acts like an Earth Pony, and the wildcard that is Pinkie Pie. Oh, Pinkie... Will she have reality warping powers? Will she be an assassin for the revolution? Full-on CUPCAKES cerial killer? Stuck in a mental insitution? Hiding in plain sight with a bleached blonde mane, whited out fur, and a pair of realistic looking fake wings? Really, there is just NO END to the different ways to use an Alt-Reality Pinkie Pie.
...and now the long wait for the next chapter. *Sigh*
10609 I'll bet you any amount of bits that Rainbow Dash is the Blue Bolt mentioned in the gossip. Also, you forgot 'stern, boring rock farmer' as a possibility for Pinkie.
10592
See, I don't find it that unlikely that a pretty girl could get a drunk, horny idiot to spill some beans, especially if the information isn't exactly on the level of state secrets anyway. The contrived part, to me, is that she found the right idiot so easily. I agree that this wasn't handled as well as it should have been though.
In any case, how Celestia feels about her counterpart is going to be a pretty big part of the story, especially at the end.
10609
Oh, Pinkie's a wild card all right. You're right about that. But alas, I must say no more!
While reading this chapter, I was listening to "NJ Falls Into the Atlantic" by Senses Fail. The lyrics + this story + the time = awesome!
Oh I'm loving this now!^_^
It's really great!^_^
A good fanfiction!^_^
Looking forward to more too!^_^
Please update this soon, yeah?!^_^
Great start! makes me want to introduce Brainy Bright to my left hoof.
Solid pacing. Twilight apparently remembered she can teleport this time. Although, couldn't she just teleport further than that if she were to put effort into it? She could've easily teleported all the way to that city, right?
5746
is right. Seems a bit ruthless, doesn't it though? Is that stallion he's talking to Big Mac? Or am I completely over thinking it?
5396 Yes, how would that battle go, hmm? Day vs. Twi, and Celly vs. Celly... Luna trying to decide which is her true sister... hmm, seems like a good plot! I'd read it!
5199 Wooooo! this has been enticing, absolutely marvelous! I can't wait to see what happens farther down the road!
10584
allthingsheartandhome.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/moon-pies1-489x487.jpg
Mmmmm... who wants moooncakes!?
10619 G'dammit! You stole my assumption! And I bet that Pinkie's somehow a part of the military.
17212
I like to think Twilight hasn't mastered long-range teleportation yet. (Also, that would break the plot a bit.)
17213
Maybe!
Oh wow... I've almost completely forgotten about this story, which makes it a nice surprise that it got updated!
Cheers!
To answer your questions:
no,i dont find it to bothersome to read,maybe shorter chapters and more updates would be better ,but this way you cover a lot and thats at least as good as waiting for more when reading less,and more time means more getting into it and feeling the story
Celestia having taken several levels in badass surely would easily find Twilight if she knew where to look,so wasnt to surprised there.
And Rarity is ,Rarity lol, maybe her job changed but shes still she and thats whats important for Twilight to feel her.Good job,just like with Applejack.
Cant wait for next chapter, sounds like Luna will have a adventure there heh.
I for one love large chapters, so either way is fine with me as long as you can maintain consistent quality.
As for Celestia, She seems fine to me. Not many stories actually have her in a role that does anything(Likely due to her power), yet in this case she has a clear counter and because of that can actually work directly against the antagonist and not instantly win.
Rarity was also done quite well, though I find it odd that Sweetie Belle doesn't exist while others like Big Macintosh and Applebloom do, especially with Twilight directly mentioning the oddities of the counterparts existing despite widely divergent timelines. It sounds like whatever reason you have for keeping them so similar(EoH?) would try and force more similarities. Perhaps an idea for later?(With the problems that entails what with cross generation puppeteering and all)
This story scares me. I don't know why...it's odd. Like that unsettling feeling you get when you KNOW that something is wrong in a bad way and not in a funny way. Like walking across a frozen lake and you can feel the ice lowering beneath your feet even though there's no sound of it cracking.
This is not to say that I'm not enjoying it. It's very good.
I wonder were pinkie is in all this? Maybe still on the rock farm. or insane?
i dident even remember i had this story in my watch list until i did see it... Loved it only had a hard time reading about Twilight pretending to be Daylight sparkle. (but thats just cause i keep seeing her all stresed inside my head.)
As said on EqD...
Author: How much of a bother do you find 10,000-word chapters?
Me: I find them too short. Does that count?
41245
Completely agree on that statement. Can never have too much of a good story!
WE REQUIRE 20,000 WORD CHAPTERS!
THIS IS A MASTERPIECE!
I LIKE USING CAPS!
Ho, boy. This is going to be confusing for Twi.
I wonder if they'll run into the Sliderz, lol.
I am officially hooked to this story.
Its like reading a book rather than a fan-fic. I suddenly wish that Cauldron Lake was a real place. (Alan Wake reference)
I'd ship this story there in a heartbeat.
My only complaint is that it ended.
This story is so masterfully done that I stayed up almost two hours later than I should have reading it. IF there's a MLP story contest, you should submit this.
In the Mirror Universe, it's ALWAYS gotta be a goatee. :P
To answer the questions:
-Pacing seemed fine to me.
-Chapter length isn't an issue for me either, shorter more frequent updates would be fine but I also find it enjoyable having longer chapters that I can really get engrossed in.
-Yes I think Rarity was showcased well
-Celestia didn't overshadow Rarity but her appearance was a bit abrupt, the pacing for her and Twilight reuniting would've felt better if indeed, you had included the letter in the previous chapter
My hopes going forward:
1. More Twilight and Celestia interaction- For being student and teacher there certainly isn't enough fiction out there just having them do stuff together. Being trapped in a foreign universe together it would be criminal not to show a good deal of interaction.
2. Luna- she hasn't had a chapter yet!
3. I'm hoping Brainy Bright is a fairly minor character going forward- Between Twilight, the rest of the girls, Celestia, and Luna there's a lot of ground to cover. That, and he just doesn't feel all that.....necessary?
46453
1. Twilight and Celestia are both going to be stretched rather thin and won't be spending much time together . However, I do hope to use them for a couple of really significant scenes.
2. You'll be seeing her soon.
3. I understand your concern, but I assure you that Bright is going to have a strong relevance to the overall plot aside from being the main characters' ticket home. At the same time though, he won't be having any more full chapters to himself. Most of his story will be covered by another POV character that hasn't been introduced yet.
Thanks for commenting - and everyone else too!
I love it so far. Definitely putting this on Story Alert.
I did find it a bit odd that Twilight Sparkle referenced a letter she had received that I don't recall reading about, but other than that nothing really struck me as erroneous. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this story, and I wonder what's happened with Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie. I almost expect one of them to be completely insanely different based on circumstances. Like... "Fluttershy - Imperial Dragon Tamer" the scarred one eyed badass.
I hope the situation back in their home dimsension hasn't deteriorated significantly in their absence. Having the Princesses and Celestia's Apprentice seemingly vaporized or banished to another dimension in a treasonous plot would surely cause a huge uproar. Though on the other hand, it's possible that they'd pop out mere seconds after they'd left and promptly conjure up some chains for everyone who was in on the plot when they return.
10,000 word chapters are fine to me. I don't mind if a story seems winding or meandering or anything. You're not writing a book for publishing, there's no editor who's going to say "Noone will want to read this if it's too long!" or an English teacher sitting there crossing out sentences as "Unnecessary" or "Too verbose." It's totally fine if you have more story to tell and so you just keep writing.
As for Celestia's involvement, it's fine. If anything I would wish she could stick around more, but I do understand her point. Normally it seems like a load of crap when someone refuses to help you for the sake of your own growth or whatever, but in this case, Friendship is an actual power which you can wield into battle against evil forces, and needing time and adventure for it to develop is a serious concern.
My only wish I think would be something that you're doing right anyway and I just wish about the character in general. Twilight Sparkle seems insufficiently confident to me, but it's that way even in canon. She's like the personal apprentice of the Goddess that rules her world and has for thousands of years, and she seems to be widely acknowledged as the third most powerful magical being in the entire world after Celestia and Luna. She doesn't seem to show it much. Arrogance is bad, but it almost seems like once in a while when something stands in her way, she could save time by just blasting it out of the way, or immolating it, or calling down a bolt of thunder and splattering it across the terrain.
I do hope that you do something interesting with the Elements of Harmony. In canon it seems like they were wildly underused. After their introduction, they just get stuffed in a jewelry box or something somewhere and they never really bring them out again, even though they're supposedly artifacts of great power. It seems like they should wear them around more to augment their own powers, or even just as accessories announcing the fact that yes, they are the guardians of truth, justice, and the Equestrian way.
52942
Thanks for posting such a lengthy and thoughtful comment.
The way I'm trying to play it with the alternate universe equivalents of the mane cast is to show them as being quite similar to the originals, and then gradually reveal subtle but significant differences. You might be noticing some hints already. But yes, at least one of them aside from Daylight Sparkle is not going to be what you'd expect.
I'm glad someone brought up the issue that things might not be going too well back home. This will be addressed in the story soon, but for obvious reasons, it won't be a major focus. If there were two or three or me though, I'd definitely also be writing a side-story covering how AJ, Pinkie, Dash, Rarity and Fluttershy deal with political intrigue in Equestria Prime and avert a civil war, or something.
Whether or not there are editors looking over my shoulder doesn't matter, or at least it shouldn't. I still want to do the best possible job, and the fact is that too much detail can easily lead to bad storytelling. One of my favorite book series - and something that has influenced this story as well - is George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire and it's starting to show exactly this problem. I've been as displeased as anyone with how meandering and wasteful its last two books have been, and I want to do my darndest to avoid this problem.
While Celestia is sticking to background machinations for now, don't assume that she isn't going to take center stage to do something really badass eventually. I don't much like how she tends to be useless or insignificant in many fics, so I have great plans for her.
As to the portrayal of Twilight Sparkle, I'm actually quite concerned that I'm not getting across her character very well. She just doesn't seem to show as much personality as she should. Showing her as fairly wary/insecure is more of a calculated decision though. I think it would be bad form from a storytelling perspective to have the protagonist be too self-secure right off the bat, especially when she is a stranger in a strange land and has a lot of dangers and unknown variables to consider. Getting stuck in an alternate universe is quite a daunting prospect, after all.
The Elements of Harmony are mostly just going to be the MacGuffins they always are.
Anyway, thanks again!
This story is fantastic, I did get a feeling some of the story was influenced by Game of Thrones/A song of Ice and Fire. Also I agree with your statements regarding the last two books, they were still good but they sometimes felt like the were waffling or just trying to be filler.
I enjoy your portrayal of the characters, and hope the next chapter might focus on Luna and how she feels with the absence of the Moon, or if she can still feel it's presence swallowed up inside the Sun... along with her Lunar counterpart but I'm getting all silly now and throwing out story ideas left and right
.
Anyways keep up the good work, I look forward to the next chapter
moar?
please...
still waiting
Pls don't be dead
NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
WE MUST HAVE MORE!!!!
...update O.o
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Mm, I can't help but agree with you on the worst chapter thing. It's actually quite hard to describe why too... Could be that for half or more of the chapter we are taken out of this war and brought to Luna having no idea where she is with no idea what's going on and doing nothing about it. Although in your defense the remaining half was very well done. You portray Luna's reasons for wanting to take down Daymare well. Eagerly awaiting the next.
Oh yea, Luna the badarse!
One sister has declared open war. One sister is doing espionage.
I'm a fan of action scenes myself, and it wasn't until I read that you had not liked this chapter that I began to consider the previous chapters in comparison to this one. Perhaps it feels a bit...hollow...because there's less build-up in comparison with the others. Where your other chapters were a walk to a trot, Luna goes from walk to run to a hurricane of anger. Not that I hold it against her, of course. I'd have shown much less restraint than she did.
-
For a bit there, I thought you'd died.
A question that's been buzzing in my mind for a bit: The bears that you mentioned in that earlier chapter (I think it was the first>) when the mirror was still intact, were they the Care Bears?
116046 Correction: One sister is doing espionage. The other had war declared on her.
Somepony just got a serious boost to the perk One Mare Army.
I must say that I enjoyed this chapter. It was a bit slower than other chapters, but it wasn't slow-paced. Makes no sense, but I'm saying it anyways. There were a few misspellings here and there, but overlook-able in the long run. Luna needs to use her RCV more often. FUS RO DAH!!!
Can't wait for update!
Ivanna see Twi and Day meet. Maybe get some light/light action, eh? Let's see who's the better fighter. And of course, Spike's evil opposite. I wanna see that, too. 
West Lander, signing off.
This was a good Chapter, not the best but pretty good. Nice to catch up with Luna and see her be badass.
116214
Yes, how well that emotional evolution works is one of my main concerns with this chapter.
If you like action scenes, you can look forward to the next chapter. I'm hoping to cook up a pretty substantive set piece there.
But anyway, yes, those were Care Bears. It seemed so... fitting. I'm surprised no one's done a crossover (or have they?)
116264
Rest assured, Twilight and Daylight is going to be a big thing eventually. Our heroes will have to work their way up to that though.