Rasael
Joined 3rd Nov, 2011 ·
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Shipping 💖11,657 stories ·9,732 members
Clopfics11,528 stories ·15,804 members
FlutterDash1,422 stories ·2,583 members
High-Quality Mature Fiction597 stories ·3,080 members
Equestria After Dark511 stories ·2,102 members
- Rainbow Dash Shippings 255 stories ·161 members
Rainbow Dash is Best Pony2,999 stories ·1,064 members
- TheGreatEater's Buffet1,155 stories ·49 members
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DON'T GO THERE!!!!
Not normally a FlutterDash fan, but the mention of "lots of wingplay" made me curious. Always good to see other writers tackling that niche.
Anyhoo, I've only finished chapter 1 since I'm about to fall asleep, but I will give you my initial impressions:
Awesome.
I can visualize everything quite well, and the dialogue and action are very natural and well-paced. I felt like I was watching scenes from the show at several points - that's how well you've managed to portray the characters. I'm impressed. I laughed several times, and I'm very interested to see where this goes, clopfic or not.
I'll hopefully have more to share later today when I wake up and read more, but I'm already sold on the quality of your writing. Have a Fav and an Upvote.
But I will point out two things.
1: You need to put another line between the paragraphs. You seem to have it single-spaced instead of double-spaced, which makes it look a bit more busy and harder to read. May want to go back through when you get a chance and try to fix that, if only for aesthetic purposes.
2: I caught one typo.
Forgot the "to."
Oh, and one final thing.
I don't even care that "embiggened" is not a word. It works perfectly here. Besides, Shakespeare made up words all the time, and look how well that worked out for him?
2254822
Fixed the typo! And yeah, the formatting wasn't preserved properly when I imported it from GDocs. Huge surprise. I'm working on fixing it; the originals were all double-spaced properly. u.u
There. Formatting is fixed!
How does this not have more views? It was beautifully written. The characters were believable and the mannerisms were so spot on. Well played sir, well played indeed.
I must say before I continue.... D'AWWWWWWW
i usually don't like flutterdash but this was amazing i sorry but thats the closest thing that i can think of
regardless you sir deserve a moustache
2262178>>2260670
Believe it or not, I'm a huge AppleDash fan. But this got in my head and wouldn't let go until I wrote it.
2258058
Thank you, very much! That is awesome to hear.
damn you! why do you give me feels?! :
That was literally one of the best clopfics I've ever read.
Touching and original
OMG so adorable
! This story is amazing.
This was well done, better than most in my opinion.
excellent work
I read the first chapter so far. The characters are very believable in their interactions. Looks like it's all set up!
666 views:
i.imgur.com/YpOt8c5.png
>Commence read
wow... This is an amazing story. The characters - all of them - are really well written, and it's extremely cute (I also might have a weak spot for wings but whatever).
I don't know how others think about this, but to me, the actual cloppy part was only secondary to - or a logical result of - the first part of the story. It was also very well done.
My only point would be that I noticed a small spelling error here and there, and punctuation when transitioning from spoken text to description wasn't always correct. But not often enough to distract from the story. Fixed!
Very adorable cloppy chapter
Bravo, bravo. Very well written, and I seriously want to see a sequel.
Fantastic story, I really enjoyed it!
A few things I noticed:
Chapter 2:
Do I remind you of Gilda just because she was just the last person to give you a massage? (could change to "the last one")
Chapter 4:
She turned her head and reached up with a hand, pressing her lips to Rainbow's hoof (hoof)
Chapter 5:
and the mention of her favourite tortoise, the pet that Fluttershy had helped him find, made her feel even better. (her)
2314443
Always the details that slip through the cracks! I need to work on my proofreading. All fixed, thanks. :3
Very nice.
so good...
This was lovely.
After Hurricane Fluttershy, I very much wanted to explore how Dash's existence prodded Shy to be braver. YOu did a great job on that.
Wingplay is my fetish. Contrary to normal thinking, that just makes me a super picky asshole about it. I loved yours.
Also, docksex was fun. Not sure about have that much hair folded over up ins, but it was unique, so points.
That was the most detailed, unique, and pleasant to read way to preen I've ever... well, read.
Anyways, that was fantastic. The background characters were just that, background characters. Nothing distracted me from what was going on. The only aspect that seemed weird to me was Fluttershy's knowledge of how to use Rainbow's dock. Even then the scene was nothing short of beautiful to me.
I did end up catching a few possible errors, so expect a PM soon.
Hm, this was a deliciously light and sweet read. Thank you.
Do you plan on writing more in this direction?
Oh, this is nice. Would love more story to it, but nice all the same.
Good cloppy bit, nice pace, good mooshy bit, fitting characters.
You've done well.
Not only is that cover image ridiculously adorable, but this is one of the better written fics on this site. Just the right combination of daww and clop to make it enjoyable, and I couldn't see any spelling or grammar issues. Thumbs up and favorite from me
Absolutely phenomenal piece. I love that the story focuses more on the feelings than the actual acts themselves. Also, well done showing that side of Dash that is rarely seen. I tip my hat to ya.
this time indeed!
Fluttershy was so intense! Loved it!
This managed to sum up most of the reasons I like Flutterdash as a ship. Also, I liked how you did "clop with emotions," which is best clop. Bravo, sir/madam/fido!
This is not what I was expecting. unlike most writers you focused more on the emotions as opposed to the all out sex you get in normal clopfics. Im surprised that I actually enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading your other works. <3 flutterbug <3
I've never really been a fan of Flutterdash, being an Appledash fan myself, but this story was absolutely fantastic. The mannerisms and thought processes fit so well that I had no problem picturing the story in my head. I can't recall how many times I found myself laughing, both at situational humor as well as whatever you call that giggling feeling you get when reading stories like this (or at least I find myself laughing at some romantic situations in stories due to empathizing with the character's nervousness). I also loved how you had Fluttershy working on being more assertive. All this, combined with the great emotional scenes, make this one of my all time favorite fan fictions I have read so far.
I actually just now made an account because I wanted to comment on this story and favorite it, so if that doesn't let you know how much I liked the story I don't know what will.
And on side note, this absolutely needs more views! 
(Fluttershy demands it)
Also, I couldn't help but wonder, how much research did you put into preening and wing anatomy? I knew the basic gist to follow what Fluttershy was doing, but I would be lying if I said that I understood the details enough to understand half of the details you put in regarding it.
My goodness! So many comments to reply to. Apologies in advance for the wall of text, folks. In return, thank you for the wall of text. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I mean it when I say I appreciate all the feedback.
2328004 That was something I wanted to explore, too! I thought Fluttershy deserved it. The show's gone to great lengths to show her growing as a character, and I wanted to follow where they're pointing. Fluttershy has remarkable strength, when she's confronted with something she wants badly enough. I'm glad the wing-fetish bit appealed; as someone who has a number of niche buttons, it was a fun thing to write about, and I'm glad it satisfied.
2331540 The dock thing was something that occurred to me at the last minute. I will leave how she knew about it as an exercise to the reader.
2336093 No comment.
2368964 2391421 2411859 When I'm with other people, I find myself valuing more the intimacy of being with them and how that makes me feel, rather than the carnal aspects of it so much. I like to try and put that into my writing, because I find personally find it very fulfilling and I think all sapient creatures have that need in one form or another. It's just rarely addressed.
2415997 Ah, more research than I'd care to admit, but less than you might imagine. I knew what I wanted to do (inspired by an experience I had), but finding the vocabulary was important because I knew that the people who
"Hey, that's a pinion, not a primary!"
clop toreally enjoy this stuff would appreciate the details most, and I didn't want to jar them with something that they'd goThat's...that's happened to me enough times.
I'm very glad that you enjoyed the read, though, and I'm very flattered you'd go to the trouble of making an account for the sake of this story. I appreciate it a great deal.
2417199 Damn, that's either good or bad. Well, I can hope. It really was a nice little story. Perfect to get away from those gigantic epics.
2417199 Intimacy is best intimacy.
Wow...
I'm in shock. This didn't have what most would consider a proper sex scene, and it's still better than most.
Though, I'll admit, I'm a sucker for good romance.
Bravo. Very excellent job.
The first chapter was pretty good. It managed to capture my attention and now I am squirming to read about Dash at the spa. I know that should be pretty good. I look forward to reading more of this. Keep up the great writing!
I am really liking the way you are characterizing Fluttershy and Dash. It seems so spot-on. I look forward to reading what else happens. Keep up the great writing!
That was a really nice scene that you just illustrated for us. Great job with that chapter there. I can't wait for the juicy stuff now. Keep up the great writing!
Pure amazing. Just incredible. So many unexpected feels... I'm almost crying here man!
That's ok, though. Cause this story kicks serious flank. Anyway, next chapter time!
*very late to the party* This was very well done, I must say. Noticed very few, if any, errors throughout all the chapters. I imagine that's because I'm so late to reading this and others pointed out whatever mistakes there might have been. The clop scene was... Well, it was probably the most unique I've read. I'd never heard of dock sex prior to reading this and it was a little odd, for a few seconds. Overall, I loved it and this story more than did my favourite ship justice.
five-ever.
As a rating, I give it a very solid 9.6/10.
Wow, i liked this a lot. One thing that I could never really get used to in your story was the feeling that I jumped into it without reading the prequel, that there has been emotional development that I skipped or something.
It wasn't bad, but it was slightly annoying. Anyway, that's missing from this and I really enjoyed all of it.
Keep up the good work.
2506290 I hadn't planned on writing anything more at all about Rainbow and Flutters, but this, for whatever reason, felt like something fun that I really wanted to write. I actually agree that the lack of emotional development is a little jarring, given the rest of the chapters. It probably should have been made it's own story altogether, with a ~six month gap between the last two chapters, but...clop. Welp.
2506548
That wasn't exactly what I meant. There was emotional development in the new chapter, or at least you can see that they've both changed for the better so far.
What I found annoying in the earlier chapters is that the whole Gilda emotional mess stuff kinda popped out of nowhere. It was just slightly disconcerting when you can't follow the the reasoning behind things. Though it made sense in later chapters so it went from bad to merely annoying at worst.
Also I do not approve of the standard wingboner, I get they might display their for courtship but the idea of the wings becoming stiff and upright just seems stupid. There are huge problems with the idea.
Biggest one, none of them would survive puberty. One little glance at a flank could spell death.
2506595 Ahh, I see what you mean. Yeah, I can see how that'd be a bit jarring that way. But, in my experience, past relationships really can broadside out of nowhere. Surprise! Minefield.
I actually agree about the wingboners, that's a considerable amount of artistic license. The idea of a wingboner is kinda hazardous! I tried to give the impression that it takes a considerable amount of .. 'stimulation' to provoke that sort of response.
2506635
Good point, but I still don't see an actual reason for the wings to go rigid ever. Of course it is kind of funny, at least until the boner part of the words gets taken a bit too literally.
Yeah, I've actually seen authors do that, it's....sad.
Always squee. Always
Wow. That's the best 'into the relationship' FlutterDash I've ever read. Most people get to the point where they admit their feelings, and the just stop. You went further; I appreciate that.
Also dildos.
2510008 Thank you! Seeing how a relationship develops into every day life is something I enjoy reading, so I thought I'd write something that I would like to see more of. :)
And yes, toys. Seriously underrated. Let's face it, hooves aren't great for a lot of things. If sex toys did not exist, it would be necessary to invent them.