The Chapter
Miss Smiles
By The Psychotic Brony
It was 3:00 A.M. in Ponyville, and anyone who wasn't experiencing a violent sugar-high was fathoms deep in sleep, except, of course, for the local schoolteacher, Miss Cheerilie. Cheerilie was alone in the schoolhouse grading each of her students papers on rabbit behavioral problems.
"...B, C, A, A, F, D, B, D,... ohhhh... Z..." (Authors Note: "Z" stands for "Zuctual Stupid Foal")
When she finished grading, she took the papers in her mouth, and went to put them in the cabinet. When she closed the cabinet door however, she was startled by the sight of her personal least favorite student, Diamond Tiara, leaning on one of the desks on the other side of the room casting her an evil smug grin.
"Oh my!" Cheerilie said, "you startled me!"
"Yeeeeaaaaaaah...," said Diamond, "I do that with each of my step-moms whenever it's their turn with me."
"Diamond you really shouldn't be out this late at night." said Cheerilie.
"There are a lot of things that rich people shouldn't do, but do anyway without consequence." Diamond replied. "I'm just out enjoying the night life, looking through windows, pulling the legs of spiders."
"Oh-kaaaaayyy..." said Cheerilie "look, I have to be getting home now, otherwise I'm going to miss my usual 4 hours of sleep." She then started to walk toward the door.
"Okay," said Diamond "You just go about your business..." Then when Cheerilie was opening the door to the hall, Diamond Tiara's evil grin slowly intensified as she continues, "Miss Smiles..."
Upon hearing that name, Cheerilie stopped dead in her tracks, an expression of shock, fear, and unwanted remembrance, came upon her face. Slowly, she turned her head to Diamond Tiara.
"What did you just call me?" Cheerelie nervously asked.
"Well," answered Diamond as she took a file out of one of her bags, "At least, that's the name I have on this file I found in your desk drawers while you were out of the room showing Rumble to the water fountain. What took you so long anyway?"
"You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink." replied Cheerelie.
Flashback
Cheerilie and Rumble were standing in the middle of the school hallway, with Rumble looking quizzicly at the water fountain and Cheerilie laying on a nearby bench half asleep
"Any day now Rumble" She said
"I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna go it!" replied Rumble, "Just..., not, right, now..."
End Flash Back
"True," said Diamond, "Now lets take a looky-looky into the life of Miss Smiles, shaaaaallll weeeeeee?"
Cheerelie sat their helplessly as Diamond flipped through the file. In it there was a picture of a dark-blue earth-pony with a straight, brown mane.
"Hmmmm..." said Diamond, "let's seeeee..., Miss Smiles taught at Canterlot Primary for 8 years. How prestigious! Says here she loved each and everyone of her students as if they were her own children. But there was one student who she especially loved."
Sweat poured from the distraught school-teacher like rain.
"His name was Autumn Leaf," Continued Tiara, ",And he was casually seen talking with Miss Smiles. She was sonstantly helping him with his work, and eventually they started having private study sessions. It wasnt long after that until Autumn was constantly asking her to escort her to the restroom, or Miss Smiles asked him to go over one of his papers with her."
As a lump the size of a baseball formed within Cheerilies throat, Diamond Tiara flipped turned the page and her grin intensified.
"Now, this is my favorite part" Diamond said, causing Cheerilie to go wide eyed, "One day when Autum Leaf and Miss Smiles were gone to look over some papers, they were gone for a much longer period of time than usual. Eventually they went to her office to find out what was taking them so long. On their way there however, they heard some noise coming from the nearby closet. A bunch of the school faculty heard this too. And when they opened the door, THIS, is what they saw!"
Diamond then took a photo out of the file and quickly put it up to her teachers face, which made her recoil and start to breathe heavily.
Diamond looked at the photo and continued, "Of course, I had no idea what this has doing in your desk, that is, of course, until I saw her rather FAMILIAR looking cutie mark...."
Cheerelie was speechless as Diamond looked up at her.
"Wasn't hard to get THAT horse to drink, was it?" Diamond playfully asked.
In a fit of rage and panic, Cheerilie grabbed Diamond Tiara and pushed her too a wall, Diamond's evilly smug expression in no way changed.
"LISTEN YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!" Cheerelie screamed, "THIS WAS 10 YEARS AGO!!! I SPENT 4 YEARS IN PRISON, ANOTHER 2 IN PSYCHOTHERAPY, AND ABOUT 2,000 BITS FOR FUR AND HAIR DYE!!! I PAID FOR THIS!!!!!!"
"Not as much as you'll pay when everyone in Ponyville finds out who you really are." said Diamond Tiara calmly.
Her rage depleating, Cheerilie put Diamond Tiara back on the ground and took and a more calm but still angry expression.
"What do you want?" She seriously asked.
Diamond Tiara smirked at the question.
"You know what I want," she said.
The Following Morning...
"Okay class!" Miss Cheerilie announced to her room full of students, Allow me to introduce the new head of the school paper, Diamond Tiara!"
THE END
Fluttershy: "Don't worry Mister Spider, I'll find whoever did this to you."
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Pretty good for your first fic. I could not find any grammar mistakes or typos while reading, the jokes were good, and the characters were themselves. Well done. :)
Not really sure why there is a "SEX" tag when there was none, or at least none that was described enough to actually count. Sex was merely implied. The story was short and to the point and I like it. I do hope there is a sequel to this because the places this story can go just look amazing. Then again with such a short story it would probably be best to add more chapters instead of making a whole new story. Assuming this story will be continued of course.
In other words...
i.qkme.me/3qdez9.jpg
I'm not sure if that escalated quickly or not...
I rather enjoyed this story, although I noticed a couple of typos.
The Continued should be lower cased, and you put a comma right before the And. Also, it's not necessary to put Flashback and End of Flashback. It's italicized so it already stands out on it's own. But still this was a pretty good one shot.
2253557 No. You know what does kill puppies? The NPL (National Puppyball League). It's like Football, except instead of footballs, you use live puppies. It was started by the mafia in the 60's but has since grown into a legitimate sport. I think their first televised event will take place sometime late this year.
Not too bad overall, idea executed decently. Some grammar issues, mostly conversation related. Easily fixed/avoided once you know what to do. Biggest problem besides that is the number of typos. You'll probably want to proofread a bit more.
Oh, and spaced out author's note is annoying
Some of the grammar issues and typos:
Conversation punctuation is off throughout. Check here for some examples of how to handle conversations.
Cheerilee, not Cheerilie or Cheerelie. Also, you misspelled Autumn Leaf's name once as Autum Leaf.
Pretty sure that's supposed to be Rumble replying, not Cheerilee.
Missing the quotation mark before "allow".
Missing the apostrophe in Cheerilee's. Probably only want "flipped" or "turned", not both. If Diamond Tiara's eyes widen, it doesn't quite make sense because she knows what is coming, it is her favorite part. If Cheerilee did, it isn't very clear that the "her" refers to Cheerilee, plus the next paragraph has her eyes widening.
As others have noted, caps lock should very, very rarely be used. Got exclamation marks and words like screamed for a reason. But that's not why I'm quoting this bit. The numbers are why. Numbers that are a single word (included hyphenated ones like twenty-five) should be written as words, not numerals. So "ten", "four", and "two". And if it were me, I'd go with "two thousand" over 2,000, but that's me.
Hope that helps :)
This was pretty good. I think you could expand upon it, maybe write something about how the whole affair with the student went down.
Well done! It was foreshadowed but each reveal wasn't disheartening well balanced.