Twilight's Pet Dragon

“Spii-iike! Spiiiiiike!”

Twilight trotted into her dormitory, casting her gaze about in search of her faithful dragon companion. Thanks to the full scholarship provided by Princess Celestia herself, the room was a luxurious two-story affair that contained a fully stocked library, one so large that both floors were required to accommodate it. As it was, there were plenty of places her dragon could be hiding.

She heard the scraping of little claws on marble before she saw him, an adorable purple and green ten-year-old baby dragon, scampering out of the kitchen on all fours. His eyes were bright with affection and his tongue hung out, ready to lick the living daylights out of her face.

“There's my little draggy-waggy! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?”

Spike hopped up on his hind legs to lather her face with his thirty-inch tongue. After ruffling his spines, she pushed him back down to avoid getting her mane soaked with drool.

“Okay Spikey, I have a job for you,” she said intently. Spike sat up and payed attention, more from the tone of her voice than words he couldn't understand. “I need you to find me a book. An old copy of Predictions and Prophecies. Can you do that? Can you doodat for me, huh boy?”

Spike once again reacted to nothing more than how she used her voice, bounding in circles and getting excited only because his mistress was riling him up.

“Find the book, Spike! Find the book!”

These words he knew. He took off into the library, approaching a stack of books and noisily sniffing them top to bottom in search of the one his mistress wanted. Not finding it, he ran to the shelves and sniffed along the bottom row, which was as high as he could reach without being trained to use the ladder. He wasn't coming up with anything, but he would follow his mistress's command diligently until he accomplished his task or was called off by her.

At the other end of the reference section, Twilight wasn't faring any better. She sifted through title after title and was growing increasingly frustrated as she consistently came up empty-hoofed. “No … no … no, no, no, arrgh! Spiiiike!

She heard her loyal dragon yapping for her attention and turned to see him scampering back across the library with a thick tome clutched in his mouth. She took it with a grin. “Good boy, Spike!” The dragon wagged his scaly tail, delighted to have done something right.

As the minutes dragged on, however, Spike grew anxious. Not only was he bored, but he could also see that whatever his mistress was reading was causing her distress. He whined, but she was too absorbed in her intense research to pay him any heed. Sitting down and pulling his hind leg up to scratch an ear flap, his little dragon mind wandered to a more preferable activity.

After what felt like a full minute of rambling about myths and darkness, Twilight gasped aloud. “Spike, do you know what this means?” She looked down from the balcony to see her companion clambering up the staircase toward her.

“It means,” she continued as he approached, “that we are on the precipice of disaster! The mythical Mare in the Moon is in fact Nightmare Moon. And she is about to return to Equestria and bring with her eternal night!”

Spike reached the top of the stairs and ran up to her.

“Spike, take a no—” Twilight turned to give her dragon another command, only to see him sitting up on his haunches like an otter, his arms draped forward in a begging posture, his leash held in his mouth.

“Spike, we don't have time for that!” Her pet whimpered quietly and gave his tail a few hopeful wags. It was too adorable for Twilight to do anything but relent. “Ugh, fine.” Spike yipped happily, knowing from many experiences that his mistress's frustration, whatever kind of frustration it was, always portended something good for him.

Twilight held the end of Spike's leash in her mouth and reveled in the warm sunlight that cast all surrounding greenery in a golden hue. Being Princess Celestia's prized pupil not only gave her a dormitory in one of the Canterlot Castle's towers, but also access to the princess's royal gardens. Unique fauna and flora that not every Canterlotian was privy to made their walks in this closed-off area far more enjoyable than they would be in regular parks. Had they taken walks in public, Twilight feared she would pass other ponies and be forced to talk to them. And there were several things she had no interest whatsoever in talking about.

The magic student giggled at the sight of her dragon sticking his snout into anything that looked interesting, even disappearing halfway under a rose bush while the spade at the end of his tail waved about.

“Spike, heel.” She tugged gently on his leash, making him obediently back out of the bush. He watched as she used her magic to levitate stick from the ground. Wagging it before his nose, she whinnied, “Play fetch! Play fetch!” He was jumping all over the place, getting excited and making false starts in preparation for the throwing of the stick. “Fetch, Spike!” She hurled and he ran. When he happily returned, he carried in his mouth the short end of the stick.

Twilight allowed several more tosses. She was getting impatient, desiring nothing more than getting back inside to address the critical issue of which her research had made her aware. When the sun reached its zenith, she decided enough was enough.

“Time to go, that's a good dragon,” she chirped. Spike allowed her to hitch him back up. Taking the leash in her mouth again, they proceeded back through the gardens toward the castle. “Oh! There's one important thing we forgot to do. This way, boy.”

She led her dragon over to a bush at the edge of the path. Making him stand next to it, she instructed, “Do your business.”

Spike paused for the first time that day. He looked up at his mistress with a measure of worry etched on his face and mild confusion in his large green eyes. Twilight could not appreciate how cute this made him look; all that mattered was that he was being disobedient. “Spike,” she said in a firm tone that suggested disappointment and punishment were in store if he didn't obey, “do your business.”

Spike wilted under her stern gaze and lifted his hind leg, relieving himself onto the bush. Twilight sighed contentedly and looked around the gardens once more, using the time to appreciate how wild yet organized it all was. The row of bushes her pet was currently fertilizing bordered a line of trees. Through their mahogany trunks and over an arrangement of hedges, Twilight could see a stone fountain spewing streams of water in stylistic patterns. The trees also provided the path they were on with shade aplenty. The studious unicorn admired the sparse beams of gentle sunlight that got through its branches and danced in golden dapples of light on Princess Celestia's white flank. Beyond the princess, a dazzling flower garden—

Twilight froze.

Her throat went dry and an unpleasant squeezing sensation clutched at her stomach as she panned her gaze back until she was making eye contact with a shocked and bewildered Princess Celestia.

Spike spotted her a split-second later. His pee stream immediately cut off.

The ruler of their country and wielder of two life-giving celestial bodies gaped at them, eyes wide, pupils shrunken to tiny black dots. She didn't move a muscle. Even the nonexistent wind that gave her aurora-like mane and tail constant motion seemed to have died down to a gentle breeze. She remained silent for nearly a full minute before, realizing the little bookworm was about to chew through the leash, she deigned to speak:

“Twilight Sparkle...” she wondered how best to word this, then rattled off as quickly as possible without sounding rushed, “I-request-an-audience-with-you-at-your-earliest-convenience.”

The princess then turned tail and swiftly exited the gardens. Twilight and Spike were left alone, staring after her. The dragon looked up at his mistress with a wry expression.

“I told you days ago we shouldn't take this outside.”

“THIS IS MY FETISH, SPIKE!”

~end~

Author's Note:

Comments: The formula for this story is an old trope, and the rumor that generated it is most definitely fake. I'm almost ashamed for having written it, but it's just a cheap joke that took me no longer than an evening. Besides, I'll compensate for quality (more or less) with my next fanfic.

Speaking of which, if anyone would like to recommend an available pre-reader or offer their pre-reading services for something with a bit more substance, I would be grateful.

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Comments ( 23 )

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chinlamp

chinlamp #1 · Mar 11th, 2013 · 1 · ·

I was expecting something made to make us angry. I was expecting something that we were supposed to rage at. After all, you made it sound like you'd had a knee-jerk reaction to the 'news'.

What I got instead was a tame retelling of the first couple minutes of the first episode with Spike as a dog, quickly deviating into an average dog owners life.

Then a punch line I really should have seen coming.

Short, tame, got a chuckle out of me at the end, not what I was expecting given the synopsis.

EmeraldDragon212

EmeraldDragon212 #2 · Mar 11th, 2013 · · ·

This is very funny. I think anyone who dislikes this rumor, will enjoy this jab at it.

The ending was especially funny.

Typhoon Blast34

Typhoon Blast34 #3 · Mar 11th, 2013 · · ·

i dun get it

Seether00

Seether00 #4 · Mar 11th, 2013 · · ·

That ending. LOL. What a twist.

Still Wearing Black

Still Wearing Black #5 · Mar 11th, 2013 · · ·

2249100 Yeah, I didn't exactly put much thought into it. At all. And I was sleepy. There's a reason it's less than 1500 words. Perhaps if the EG news turns out to be true and I can spare myself more time and passion to really work something out, I may write something in the name of genuine anger. I'll admit that this was more of a funny idea; my actual knee-jerk reaction happened on EqD with everyone else's.

2249223 2249679 Thanks for reading, y'all.

Imaginary Valued

Imaginary Valued #6 · Mar 11th, 2013 · · ·

Dear. Gawd.

Still Wearing Black

Still Wearing Black #7 · Mar 12th, 2013 · · ·

2251942 Thanks for the positive reaction ... and a favorite? Wow! I feel as though I've received a high five from Steven Spielberg for making a lame pun.

Smurf

Smurf #8 · Mar 12th, 2013 · · ·

oh my sides

Psykosis

Psykosis #9 · May 9th, 2013 · · ·

At first, I didn't really think much of this story. It was short and silly, and that was about it. After letting it settle in my brain for a day or two, though, I realized that it's actually really freaking hilarious. So, thank you for this wonderful masterpiece, you glorious man. Or woman. I'm not really sure.

Still Wearing Black

Still Wearing Black #10 · May 10th, 2013 · · ·

2550882 I'm glad you liked it enough to get as much entertainment from it as you did. It only took a few hours to draft, edit, and touch up. There are probably more things I could have done to increase the comical impact, but there you have it.

Aotrs Commander

Aotrs Commander #11 · May 19th, 2013 · · ·

*snerk*

Sadly, the hilarity of the punchline - which took me a few moments to fully sink in - doesn't quite make up for the fact that it appears the rumours are no longer rumours. (Though if were canonised - which will never, ever ever happen! - it very nearly might...!)

It's a good snicker at least, though!

Fido