After an experiment goes wrong in her basement, Twilight Sparkle finds a hidden door and her and her friends explores what is on the other side…and finds something the Princesses had thought lost forever long ago.
Chapters (1)
Lunarmon
Joined 25th Jul, 2012 ·
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I like the premise of your story. I don't think I have seen somepony download their mind and
become what is essentially an android.
You will however get down votes from what I think is the result of translating from Danish syntax to English. If you contact some of the writers on this site you will find someone who will be able to help you edit your work to eliminate this. Also do not trust spell check as it doesn’t care if it is the right word only if it is spelled right. Once again good start and I will be watching for updates.
B.D.
I agree with Bronzedragon. I love it though. Update soon!
This looks like a good story, I couldn't finish this chapter because of the terrible grammar though.
Sorry
Excellent story, horrible grammar/spelling. Let's take them separately:
Story: this is the first time I've seen an MLP story with computer technology that wasn't a crossover or alternate universe story. I'm glad to see a story with this storyline, and am looking forward to the next chapter. You might want to watch the character-specific FIM episodes again to improve your portrayal of the mane six, as they seemed a little off.
Grammar: I agree with BG's assesment. You need a really good proofreader for this story, and maybe an editor as well. Try the proofreader's group and the authors helping authors group for starters, and try to find people who like this type of story.
I did apreciate that you only included the romance characters in the tags, but you should probably add Celestia and the mane six as they seem to be crucial characters in the story. You might also want to look through the catagories again to see if there are any others that apply.
Overall, it's a great story. I'll definately be favoriting this story.
A faithful critic,
CanoLathra
The grammar doesn't bother me in the least, I really enjoyed this story and I hope that at some point you decide to continue it. :-)