Life in Equestria
Chapter 2
Life in Equestria
The Principal's office of the School for Gifted Unicorns rarely saw a lot of use. That was one of the lesser consequences of the principal also being the princess. The school was administered by lesser unicorns in lesser offices, and if the Princess was particularly impressed by a student's progress then she would summon them to the palace to congratulate them on their hard work, possibly give them a tour of some of the more interesting areas. The word around the school was that the only time Princess Celestia ever used the principal's office was when she wanted to call a student out on the carpet for misdemeanours.
And so Breaking Dawn trembled as she stood in front of the office door, the Royal Guard on duty outside looking past her as if she wasn't even there.
It wasn't my fault, she thought to herself, it really wasn't, she has to believe you.
But she to wonder, having gone to that well so often in the days now gone when she could have gotten away with anything, whether the Princess actually would now.
The door opened with a creak. "Come in, Breaking Dawn," Celestia said, her voice devoid of that maternal warmth which until recently had suffused her every interaction with her erstwhile protege.
Breaking Dawn tiptoed into the office upon a sheet of thin and cracking ice.
The office was as sparse as she had expected it to be: a plain, bare desk, a simple chair, an unadorned window and thin curtains. The sun would start to set soon, possibly as soon as the Princess was done with her, but for now the light still shone. It did not stop the office from feeling close and oppressed.
Celestia stood with her back to the door, her back to Breaking Dawn. In the light that came through the window she shone as brightly as her celestial orb, and indeed the light in the room seemed half to come from her and not the sun itself. Dawn was half-tempted to close her eyes and soak up those glorious rays. She and the Princess had been apart for too long.
But it was not just light she was radiating, disapproval strong as the sun's rays rolled off of her, all directed towards Breaking Dawn.
"I have been told that you got into a fight this afternoon," Celestia said, her voice chill and crisp as the first frost of winter.
"I didn't start it, she did," Breaking Dawn said loudly.
"Even where that an excuse, which it is not, Professor Give Working and several students saw you strike Moondancer in the middle of the hallway," Celestia replied. "None of them said anything about her hitting first."
"She was insulting me, teasing me," Breaking Dawn said. "And she wasn't the only one, Lyra Heartstrings was doing it too and she was the first one to start yelling for the teachers after I hit Moondancer. But she shouldn't have said anything, I wasn't doing anything to her. All of them, they all make fun of me now because I'm not your student any more. None of them can do half the things that I can and they were all jealous of me-"
"That's enough," Celestia said, the frost having melted a little. She turned to face Breaking Dawn head on, "Even if what you are telling me is true, that does not excuse the use of violence as a response." She sighed, "I am afraid that this is my fault."
It isn't your fault,Breaking Dawn thought. You've been deceived by that thief, Twilight Sparkle. She's tricked you, fooled you somehow. If you were yourself you never would have sent me away.
"When you were my student, I indulged you. Too much. I fear that the treatment you are now receiving is what many students consider to be your reward for that indulgence. That does not make it right, any more than it makes your response right, but I hope you understand that I cannot simply put a stop to it with a single act of magic. I have asked the teachers to watch out for it happening, but I am afraid they are as likely to watch out for you attacking others as being bullied yourself," Celestia said. "Perhaps you should leaving the school, transferring somewhere else─"
"No," Breaking Dawn shouted. "You want me to leave? But you said that I was gifted, talented, destined-"
"I should not have put so much pressure on you, so young," Celestia said. "Especially when I might have been mistaken, as I was."
"Do you really want to get rid of me?" Breaking Dawn said, tears welling in her eyes. "Just because you have a new toy to play with?"
"I do not want you to go or stay," Celestia said, "the choice is yours."
"Then I'm staying here," Breaking Dawn said. "I'll show you, I'll prove I'm still everything you thought I was, I'll be better than any of them! I am better than any of them!"
"Then you will sit a double detention on Saturday afternoon, as punishment for your act," Celestia said. "You will write an essay on the ethical considerations and social norms which render the use of violence prohibited in normal circumstances. And I have also been told that your essay on Charm Theory is overdue."
Breaking Dawn looked down at the floor and remembered the days when she wouldn't have been called out on something like that.
"Get it done, Dawn," Celestia said sternly. "That will be all."
"Yes, princess," Breaking Dawn said quietly, turning towards the door.
"I am sorry," Celestia said.
"Of course you are Princess," Breaking Dawn replied.
***
Life in Equestria shimmered. Life in Equestria shone. And Princess Twilight Sparkle knew for absolute certain that everything was going to be fine.
She flew through the air over Canterlot, past the city limits and the new palace that they had erected for her, following the mountains southwards toward Ponyville. She kept a gentle pace, the passage of the air feeling like a breeze upon her cheeks. Everything beneath her was like a toy, like a model world painstakingly assembled, painted and laid out for her enjoyment.
Flying with wings, she had decided, was even better than flying in a balloon or something. Just for the vista alone, for the whole world spread out beneath her feet with nothing to stop her from reaching out and taking it.
"Not bad, Twilight," Rainbow Dash pulled up alongside her, flying on her back with her forelegs tucked behind her head. "Not bad for a rookie anyway. Now what do you say we kick this up a notch?"
"Rainbow Dash, I'm still learning how these work, I can't just go zooming off creating sonic rainbooms," Twilight said.
"Aw, come on Twilight, Tank can fly faster than you're going right now."
"Tank crashes," Twilight reminded her.
"Yeah, fast," Rainbow Dash said. "Come on, I'm right here. What could happen."
"I guess so," Twilight smiled. "Let's do it."
"All right!" Rainbow yelled, pumping one hoof as she flipped over into a more usual flying posture. "Because if you want to be a serious flyer, the most important lesson to learn is... speed."
Rainbow accelerated from 10 to infinity in 0.00001 seconds as only she could, leaving her distinctive rainbow trail behind her, both invitation and dare to Twilight.
Twilight began to beat her wings with renewed vigour, pushing them harder and harder, faster and faster. She started to accelerate, and the feel of the air rushing by hair changed from cool breeze to tempestuous winds.
"That's it Twilight, come on!" Rainbow Dash yelled out.
Twilight was breathing more and more heavily, her wings beating faster and faster. The air passage was a hurricane upon her face now, pushing it out of proportion and blowing her cheeks backwards. But she had Rainbow Dash in sight now, and the pure thrill was rushing through her blood and filling it with such passion. She had never felt anything quite like this. It was so exhilarating. No wonder Rainbow liked speed so much when it made you feel so alive. As the land passed by in a blur beneath her she felt as though she was walking on the tightrope between life and disaster, and yet she felt no fear, for it felt as if she possessed the keys to heaven itself and nothing and nopony could touch her.
"Agh!" there was a sudden terrible stabbing pain in Twilight's left wing, and her progress came to a jarring, juddering halt as Twilight began to fall towards the ground. Her wing wouldn't move, wouldn't respond, it only throbbed with pain and stabbed when she tried to move it. One wing alone wasn't strong enough to lift her. Twilight tried to calculate if her reverse gravity spell was strong enough to counter her massive downward momentum, but it was hard to think straight when the ground was coming straight towards her very fast.
"Twilight," Rainbow Dash swooped down to tackle her from the side, wrapping her hooves around her body and hauling as hard as she could. "It's okay, I've got you."
But she hadn't gotten Twilight as securely as that. They were still descending downwards too fast in spite of all the furious flapping of Rainbow's wings.
"Twilight!" Fluttershy flew upwards towards them, gasping for breath as her yellow face paled with shock. "Oh my goodness, what happened? Are you okay?"
"Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash said loudly, "a little help."
"Oh, yes, right," Fluttershy gasped, and she put her legs around Twilight and together the two pegasi lowered Twilight gently down towards the ground, just as they had in their very first adventure together when they had ventured through the Everfree Forest in search of the Elements of Harmony.
They bore her down to what pony-folk were already starting to call the Twilight Palace, the new place built on the outskirts of Canterlot, and set her down upon the carriage landing strip in the courtyard. Applejack was waiting there for her, her hat set back upon her head and her face a picture of concern.
"You okay, Twi? And don't say yes, because if you were okay you wouldn't be needing Rainbow and Fluttershy here to carry you home like a new wardrobe. What happened?"
Twilight grinned, though it came out as more of a grimace through the pain in her wing, "You know, if I could ever prise you away from Sweet Apple Acres you'd make a wonderful steward with that mix of caring and command."
"Well thank you kindly Miss Princess," Applejack said. "Now stop changing the subject."
"Relax, Applejack," Rainbow Dash said as she hovered overhead, "Twilight just sprained her wing is all. It'll be back to normal soon, and you just need to learn not to push it too hard before its ready."
"Uh huh," Applejack said. "And why precisely was she pushing it too hard, Rainbow Dash?"
"I didn't, I mean," Rainbow looked abashed as she scratched the back of her head. "Sorry, Twilight."
"You don't need to apologise, Rainbow Dash, you didn't make me do anything," Twilight said. "I make my own decisions."
"Maybe, but I'm sorry anyway," Rainbow said.
Fluttershy squeaked, "Oh, in all the worry up there I completely forgot. I flew up to give you a message, Twilight. Princess Celestia would like to see you at once."
***
If there was one thing Twilight disliked about her new royal status, it was the amount of time that everything took. She couldn't just walk - she was in no state to be flying after all - to the palace the way she would have done before. She had to inform her temporary steward, a mare on loan from Princess Celestia until she appointed her own steward, that she would be going out and how long she thought she would be gone. Then she had to wait for an escort to be assembled from amongst her guard - they too were transferred from the Royal Guard on the understanding that she would refresh the company with her own recruits as needed - and so when she finally did get to leave her own home (sort of, the palace still didn't really feel much like home but Twilight felt rather guilty about that fact) it was to the sound of trumpets as the bronze gates were opened, and she was followed out by two files of ten iron grey unicorns in gleaming armour, and proceeded by two white banner-mares shouting for everypony to clear the road for Princess Twilight Sparkle.
"Come on, Twilight," Spike said as he trotted along at her heels, "aren't you at least a little proud of all of this?"
"What do I have to be proud of, Spike?" Twilight said. "My wings, my crown? Yes, I am. I earned those. But the guards, the banner-mares? I was given those whether I wanted them or not. Now I know why Princess Celestia flies or teleports everywhere."
"Make way, make way, for Princess Twilight Sparkle," the banner-mare shouted, and ponies all along the street bowed and pressed their noses against the ground as she passed.
"Like that," Twilight said. "Why do they have to do that? I'm still me."
"My guess?" Spike said. "If they became princesses they'd want everypony to bow to them as well."
"Hmm." Twilight murmured, "It just doesn't feel right. I'm not Celestia, this robe doesn't fit me like it does her. I'm not even Cadance, and she was allowed to let the ermine cape slip every so often. Why can't they just treat me like Twilight Sparkle?"
"They treated you like dirt when you were Twilight Sparkle," Spike reminded her.
"Someponies did, Spike, not all of them," Twilight said gently. She sighed. "You know the real reason I haven't gone back to Ponyville yet?"
"I thought it was because you were too busy."
"I am busy Spike, but not that busy," Twilight said. "The truth is, I'm afraid to go back there. What if everypony in Ponyville starts bowing to me like this, and treating me differently just because I'm a princess? I don't know if I could bear it."
"Your life is so terrible," Spike said.
"Spike!" Twilight said loudly. "Sympathy!"
"Sorry, Twilight," Spike said.
"Next time you eat too many donuts and start singing the blues over Rarity then don't expect a hug or a kind word from me," Twilight said.
"Aw come on, it was just a joke," Spike said, as Twilight proceeded on her way with her nose in the air. "Come on, Twilight, lighten up."
They passed through the streets of Canterlot to the royal palace, where trumpets sounded to herald the arrival of the new princess. The Royal Guards saluted her at the gate, and the doors were opened to great fanfare.
"Ugh," Twilight groaned. "This is almost as bad as the time the cannon and the fireworks went off every time I took a drink of punch."
"That was an ancient tradition, Twilight, you said yourself it went all the way back to Princess Platinum."
"And not even Princess Platinum ever observed it, so why did they have to start now," Twilight said.
"Because you didn't tell them not too?" Spike suggested with a shrug.
Twilight shook her head; between the kettle drum, the trumpet, the cannon and the rocket she had gone to bed that night with a splitting headache that had lasted her the rest of that week. Her friends hadn't faired much better.
Her friends. They had all been good enough to stay on with her in the palace for the last month and a half since her coronation, but they could not stay in her palace forever. Soon they would want to return home. Twilight was surprised that Applejack had not asked already. Would she go with them? Or would she stay? She so wanted to return to Ponyville, but how could she, not knowing what she might find. The obeisance of strangers, however burdensome, she could endure. The sight of her friends crawling on their bellies like serpents before their dread king she could not.
Is this how Princess Celestia has always felt? Twilight thought, remembering all the times Celestia had tried, never with total success, to put other ponies at their ease with her. Did she always want the ponies to treat her like anypony else?
A grey unicorn guard in the silver armour and blue livery of the Palace Company bowed respectfully, and beckoned courteously for Twilight and Spike to follow him through the marble corridors of the palace. He led her to the throne room, where Celestia was dictating notes to one of her scribes.
"And then dispatch twenty guards to greet them at the harbour, along with a welcoming committee led by Blueblood. Actually, no, not Blueblood we are trying to extend the hoof of hospitality after all. Ask Sir Fancypants and his wife to lead the welcoming committee, greet them off the ship and escort them here in comfort. I shall make him a member of the Order of the Silver Fleece."
"Sir Fancypants already has his Fleece, Your Highness."
"Really? Well then offer to make him a Knight Commander of the Order of Clover and Star Swirl," Celestia said, "I know he doesn't have one of those. Ah, Twilight," the Princess' face lit up with a bright smile, her regal eyes shining as she got up from the throne. "That will be all for now, dear."
The scribe bowed, "As you wish, Your Highness."
As the other pony left, Celestia walked down the red carpet to meet Twilight and Spike halfway down the room, "Soon I fear I shall have to create some new orders of merit, the rate I have to keep awarding honours. There is nopony in all of Canterlot does anything but in expectation of reward. Sometimes I think of moving the capital to Ponyville, except that in three generations all the ponies there would be corrupted just the same, and I could not bear that. Forgive me Twilight, princess or no I have no right to offload my petty worries upon your shoulders."
"I am at your service, Princess Celestia," Twilight said. "Whatever I may be now, that won't ever change." She had noticed that, since her coronation, Celestia was more willing than before to take Twilight into her confidence, even though she had not been remiss in that previously. It flattered Twilight, but she also felt the need to earn that increased trust through further services to Celestia and Equestria.
"Good," Celestia said. "Because I do need your help with something. Some zebra ambassadors are on their way even as we speak from Quaggai and Grevyia. I do not need to tell you what a rare and historic occasion this is."
Twilight nodded. The zebra states to the south were insular and shrouded in mystery. Quaggai had been penetrated only to a very small degree by pony explorers, while the Empire of Grevyia was so famously hostile to outsiders that little was known about it beyond that it existed. A few ponies had penetrated the southern lands, but barely and upon sufferance. Both lands were fertile breeding grounds for the plots and settings of Daring-Do novels and the like, but none of the wild speculations of the pulp authors was underpinned by any kind of hard evidence. That both these secretive states had actually consented to send ambassadors to Canterlot was nothing short of miraculous, and the possibilities for the advancement of knowledge were tremendous.
"Just think of all that we could learn from them," Twilight said. "About their culture, their history, their magic."
Celestia nodded, "And of course there are possibilities for trade also, as the Chamber of Commerce never ceases to remind me. I shall be relying upon you to help me, Twilight, to shoulder some of the burdens with Luna and myself so that this great opportunity does not slip through our grasp."
Twilight faced her old teacher, who had taught her so much and always believed in her, with as much as certainty as she ever had when answering questions on magic in their private study sessions, "I won't let you down." I won't let myself down either.
"I never believed you would," Celestia replied with an easy smile. "Now, the ambassadors are sailing on a Quaggai steamer due to dock in Manehattan in two weeks time. When they arrive in Canterlot I shall expect you to be present at the reception in their honour, but before that I need you to research as much information as you can about these two countries, all the archives of the royal library will be open to you."
"Well if there's one thing I really know how to do, it's research," Twilight said. "Piece of cake."
"And, while the ambassadors are here, I may also need you to chair meetings such as the Chamber of Commerce or the Canterlot city council while Luna and I are busy with the negotiations," Celestia said. "That is, if I don't decide to have you join me in the negotiations yourself."
"Princess," Twilight said, a tone of awe entering her voice. "I'm honoured that you have this much faith in me but, chairing the national commerce meeting? The city council? I don't- "
"You are a natural leader, Twilight, that is why you bear those wings," Celestia said. "You are wise and insightful, and that is what is most required of a princess."
"But I don't know anything about commerce," Twilight said.
Celestia laughed, "You will find out, Twilight, that being a leader is far less about possessing all knowledge and more about trusting the ponies who do possess knowledge to serve you well. The rest of leadership is motivating them to do so."
"As you say, Princess," Twilight said. "I'll get started right away."
"And Twilight," Celestia said, "have you made a decision about your living arrangements for the foreseeable future yet? Will you be returning to Ponyville, or staying in Canterlot more or less permanently?"
Twilight hung her head, "I don't know, princess. I really want to go back to Ponyville. Apart from anything else, all my friends will go back there eventually: they've stayed with me so far, but they all have jobs and lives that can't wait forever. But I'm worried that- "
"That you will be set apart by your new status?" Celestia said. "That your crown will have created a void between you and the other ponies? That life will not be as it was?"
"Yes," Twilight said, her voice a soft and mournful groan.
Celestia was silent for a moment, her own expression turning downcast, "I cannot counsel you from experience in this matter, Twilight. When Luna and I took the twin thrones of a land shattered by Discord's tyranny, we knew that it was a lonely road we were embarked upon. Our only consolation was that we had one another to share both path and burden with. And then Luna became Nightmare Moon and even that was denied to me," Celestia looked away for a moment, blinking rapidly as if to hold back tears. "But I accepted it, because it was the right thing to do. I cannot tell you that nopony will look at you differently now, I cannot say that everything will be as it was, but I can say that if you hole yourself up in your palace then all your fears will come true. But if you have faith and trust in the friendships you have made in Ponyville, I think they may surprise you with their understanding."
And so, when Twilight returned to the palace, she gathered her friends together in the main ballroom. Purple and lavender colours dominated the wall hangings, curtains and carpet, often with gold or crimson trim. A crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling, while statues of Star Swirl and Clover stood at the foot of the stairs leading up into the living quarters.
"Princess Celestia has asked me to stay here a little while, to help her with the arrival of the zebra ambassadors," Twilight said. "I want to tell you how grateful I am, from the bottom of the heart, for all the help that you've given me this last month. I told you that I couldn't have become a princess without you, and I couldn't have survived as a princess without you.
"But just because I became a princess doesn't give me the right to keep you from your lives. You're all free to go back to Ponyville. I'll be back there as soon as I can, as soon as Princess Celestia can spare me," Twilight smiled. "Just don't let out the library just yet okay?"
There was a pause, as her five friends looked from one to another. It was Rainbow Dash who broke the silence, "You know Twilight, when we came here I arranged for Cloudchaser and Thunderlane to take over Ponyville's weather while I was gone. I'm sure they can handle a few more weeks without me. But I think we all know how you'd fall apart the moment I was gone; probably go all crazy with stress again."
"That only happened two times," Twilight said indignantly. But then she smiled, recognising the loyal impulse behind the mocking tongue. "Thank you."
"And just what were you planning to wear to meet the ambassadors from Imperial Grevyia without moi here?" Rarity asked, raising one eyebrow archly. "The very idea of you attending a reception for our honoured guests wearing some gauche, mass-produced trash from the likes of Per Una, it's just horrifying darling. I absolutely insist that you let me make you something fitting for a princess."
"That's very generous of you Rarity, but what about Carousel Boutique?"
"I'm sure I can do plenty of business here in Canterlot," Rarity said. "After all there must be plenty of ponies who'll need new clothes before the arrival of our zebra friends."
"I'd like to stay and meet the zebras too, can I? Can I?" Pinkie Pie asked, bouncing on her hooves. "Meeting new friends is almost as much fun as helping out the friends you already have, right?"
"I'm sure that all my critter friends can get by for a little longer on their own," Fluttershy whispered.
Twilight smiled, "You are all the very best friends that anypony could wish for."
Applejack cleared her throat, "Twi, I hope you know how much I'd dearly like to stick around and help you out like I've been doing. But I'm worried I've been gone from the farm too long already, I can't ask Big Macintosh to work Sweet Apple Acres all by himself forever. I mean, I know that you-"
"It's all right, Applejack," Twilight gently took Applejack's hoof in her own. "I understand. That was why I told you all that you should go home back to Ponyville. Although I'd love it if you could stay, I would never judge you for having your own life and things that need to be done in that life. And though you can't be here in person, I'll know that you're always with me in my heart."
"But you'll come back for the zebra party right?" Rainbow Dash said.
"I'll try my best," Applejack said. She pushed her hat back on her head. "Well, I'll see ya round pardner."
Twilight nodded, "See you soon Applejack."
"Aww, group hug!" Pinkie yelled, and both Twilight and Applejack felt themselves pulled into the warm embrace of the others; and Twilight Sparkle was warmed inside and out by the certain knowledge that, though they might on occassion be separated by great distance, in spirit their friendship would remain bound together by ties stronger than steel.
***
"You're firing me?" Breaking Dawn shrieked. "Firing Me? Just who in Celestia's name do you think you are?"
"I think that I'm your boss, in fact I know it," Mr Price said coldly. "Or at least, I was."
Breaking Dawn took a step backward, fury rising inside of her like a serpent once asleep now roused by the feeling of someone stepping on it. It coiled and writhed in her soul, hissing and spitting at the smug, self-assured look on Mr Price's face, at the way her co-workers wouldn't look at her, at the customers who muttered about her making a scene. Well she was Breaking Dawn and by Celestia she would make a scene if she wanted to.
She glared around her, and several of those ponies gawping found excuses to duck behind clothes racks or busying themselves looking at socks.
"You know what, fine," Breaking Dawn spat. "You want me gone, I'm gone. I was always too good for this place anyway."
"Like you were too good for all the other places you worked before this? The places you got fired from?" Mr Price said. "I don't know why I kept you on as long as I did unless it was because I felt sorry for you."
"I don't want your pity!" Breaking Dawn snarled, and a burst of orange magic fired from her horn to strike her former boss in the mouth, sealing it up. One of the cashiers gasped in shock as Mr Price moaned in a feeble, futile attempt at speech.
"That's right, it's my turn now," Breaking Dawn said. "You think you can fire me, you little maggot? You think you can insult me and I just have to take it. There are only two ponies in all of Equestria I'll take that from, and you aren't either of them. So you know what? I quit. I don't need this job, I don't need your pity, I don't need ANY OF YOU! You're all mindless drones and you're going nowhere."
She walked out the door, pausing to steal a fiery red scarf on her way out, "I'm Breaking Dawn! And one day everypony is going to know my name!" Dawn undid the spell on Mr Price before she slammed the shop door behind her.
It was only when she was around the corner, certain that none of them could see her, that bowed her head and let the tears fall.
***
The house in which Breaking Dawn lived was modestly sized, and modestly furnished. It was not poor, not with three ponies living in it, but it wasn't lavish either. The coffee table was flat-pack self-assembly, the walls were painted white because that was the cheapest colour in the shop, the oven was second hand from Cherry's mother, the olive green sofa, threadbare and fraying with tufts of stuffing poking out of the cushions, had been donated by Razor's gran.
"It's okay," Razor Wind said, as Breaking Dawn lay on the sofa with her head in Razor's lap, still sobbing. "It's okay. You don't need that job. We can make rent with what Cherry and I earn, right Cherry?"
Cherry Blossom, a white pegasus with a mane of pink striped with intermittent creamy flashes, poked her head into the living room from the kitchen, "Oh, certainly. Why, Chef Culin even talked about promoting me to sous-chef today."
She fluttered over, her tail flowing gracefully behind her as she landed in front of Dawn and Razor and put a gentle hoof upon Dawn's shoulder, "But none of that matters compared to what you've been through."
"I don't understand how everypony can be so mean," Breaking Dawn said. "She said, she told me that I was special, she said that I'd do great things one day, she promised. So why doesn't anypony else seem to see it?"
"Not quite everypony," Cherry said. "Razor and I are here for you, no matter what."
"That's right," Razor Wind said, stroking Dawn's fiery mane with one grey hoof. "We won't ever leave you, not ever."
"Promise?"
"That's a Razor Wind promise, that means you can take it to the bank," Razor Wind said. "Come on now, there's no need to get so upset about what those losers think. What do they know anyway?"
"But they said─"
"You trust us, don't you? Don't you think we know you better than they do?" Razor said. "You are awesome amazing girl, and don't let anypony ever tell you different." As Breaking Dawn lay there, her tears staining the inside of Razor Wind's thighs, Razor Wind started to sing in a soft tone almost like a lullaby.
You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine,
You make me happy,
When skies are grey
Cherry Blossom joined in, her soft voice taking up the second verse.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you,
So please don't take,
My sunshine away.
Breaking Dawn could feel Razor's hoof moving through her main, could feel Cherry's touch upon her and she smiled faintly, "Thank you."
"Anything to make you feel better," Cherry Blossom said. "I'm making your favourite salad for dinner."
Breaking Dawn closed her eyes, shutting out all the world but her own thoughts, "It's all her fault."
"Princess Twilight Sparkle?"
"Don't call her that!" Breaking Dawn said loudly. "That was my life, my promise, my destiny. She stole everything from me: the rewards that should have been mine, the respect of Princess Celestia, the acknowledgement of the people, it was all meant for me until she took it. And I have to take it back."
Razor Wind frowned, "How do you mean?"
"She took everything from me," Dawn said, "stole the world from beneath my feet and didn't even care. I'll never be anything until I can take it back."
Cherry frowned, "What are you going to do?"
Breaking Dawn sat up, and climbed off the sofa onto her hooves, "She took everything from me, I'm going to take everything from her. And when she is lying helpless at my feet Celestia will realise that she made the wrong choice. But I can't do it alone."
"I've got your back whatever you decide," Razor Wind said. "You know that, right?"
"I don't know," Cherry said. "This all seems kind of mean."
"I need you Cherry," Dawn said. "I always needed you. Please, I'll never need a favour as much as I do now."
Cherry frowned, "But you're talking about hurting ponies..."
"I'm not going to hurt anypony," Dawn said. "Just take them down a peg or two. I promise that they will all be fine when I'm finished with them."
Cherry Blossom nodded, "Then whatever you need."
Dawn smiled, "Bless you both. More precious gems than I deserve."
Razor flapped her wings to lift up to the ceiling, "So what's the plan?"
Breaking Dawn looked at the photograph above the fireplace, the picture of six ponies in the prime of youth and happiness when the world was bright and it seemed that nothing could stand in their way or come between.
"It will take more than the three of us," Dawn said. "I need to put the whole gang back together."
Stats
Page generated in 0.021 seconds
Total duration
714 users online
1,071,084 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This is really exciting and I can't wait for an update. You have a couple of errors but they could be fixed if you gave your story a read through before posting it. Hope that you continue this and I'll be waiting for more.
You should get some nice picture.
People are more likely to click on your story if your picture is interesting enough. For some reason.
Just saying since this deserves more views than it has been getting. In my opinion anyway.
Hmmm. Has potential. Added to Twilight's Library.
2348877
Thanks. I thought you'd be a lot longer getting to this considering how much stuff there is in the incoming folder.
2349127
np. And theoretically I should work from the back, but with 58 in there, I just decided to read as many of the short ones as I could and took care of 8 of them, most of which were somewhat recent.
One would think that with the number of admins we have now, we could get through the incoming section, but in practice it seems like I'm still doing a good deal of the approving myself...
This review was brought to you by Authors Helping Authors
Vengeance of Dawn
Grammar 8/10 There are some omitted words and sentences that could use a little re-writing.
Pros: Your use pf present tense in the first chapter was well done and a good way to summarize past events. Your characterization and dialogue are both very well written. Your pacing is good too, but between the part where Fluttershy delivers Celestia's message, and Twilight complaining about the guards, you might want to add asterisks, it feels like a scene change.
Cons: You've used "said" WAY too many times. Your dialogue is good, but you can convey a lot more emotions and feelings by changing said, to something else. "groaned, snarked, mumbled, etc."
Other than some grammar flaws and your use of the word 'said,' your story is off to a really good start and you've obtained a fave and like from me.
Please, feel free to review my story Sunset of Time, If you get the chance. I think you might enjoy it.
2358683 words to use...
chirped (if your desperate), squeaked, muttered, stuttered, exclaimed, shouted, yelled, whispered, thought out loud, barked, announced, sang, lisped, spoke (followed by speaker and a adjective), enunciated, thought loudly (telepaths)... and I'm out for now... updates with more words later!
2358683ohh wait!
garbled, whined, complained, complimented, etc. etc. (past tense of speech related verbs work!), addressed, hissed (instead of said with a hiss), uttered, sputtered, stuttered (oops), flattered.
2406557 What are you, a dictionary?
In all seriousness, this could be helpful for my own writing. But I think he gets the point. Thank you!
2406726 I'm not a dictionary
... Was in school and beyond bored
... .... ... Okay I'm a walking dictionary
2407223 It's alright, the first step in solving a problem is admitting you have one.
2407252 I write alliterative poetry in languages I don't even speak... Please help me...
2407285 hmm. Sounds serious. I recommend more ponies.
2407389 But... I it was for my fanfic "who am I, what is a "pony"?" ... Please enlighten me as to what stories might assist me in relieving my Delphiniac state! OMG I DID IT AGAIN!
2407407 Perhaps something incredibly boring? Like any of my stories.
Or political editorials.
2407487 Hey! SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER!... Wait I haven't read your stories yet...
2407498 lol.
I feel bad. we're cluttering up his comments. Perhaps we should move this somewhere else?
2407509 NEIN! He loves our comments! (until he says otherwhise) but if we have to we can go fill up the comment area of my story!... or wherever would be okay with you
2407857 Thank you, I know I am... OH you were talking about the story!
Yes, that's pretty good too.
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/183181/vengeance-of-dawn
Rich characterization, beautiful writing. This work is a masterpiece.
How ironic. Breaking Dawn gets into trouble by fighting Moondancer -- who is eventually a friend of Spike, the very same Dragon who Twilight Sparkle brought herself to Princess Celestia's attention by hatching. Though for the times to work out, Moondancer must also be highly intelligent and advanced in her studies. Which she might be -- Spike was after all raised by a supergenius, and seriously falls in love with Rarity, a genius. His taste in mares probably runs toward intelligent ones, and he's smart enough himself that a stupid mare would probably bore him in long-term social interaction.
Lyra Heartstrings always impressed me as being older than Twilight Sparkle. Her relationship with Bon Bon probably took time to develop, and I'm guessing she's lived in Ponyville longer than has Twilight Sparkle.
My assumption is that Twilight was about 4-5 year-grades ahead of her age cohort. In my chronology she's only 17 at the time of Luna's Return -- just out of fillyhood -- and close to gaining her culture's equivalent of a BS in Magic. What she does in Ponyville is her own eccentric way of getting the equivalent of a Masters.
Twilight in canon really should be recruiting or being assigned some subordinates to help her run her Castle. The structure is far too big for Twilight and Spike to take care of on their own. I wonder if the show will ever give her any staff, or the American prejudice against showing a heroine at the top of a hierarchy will prevent this from being made explicit?
Twilight would of course be quite comfortable with commanding Guards, as she has both been in many dangerous situations herself, and had previous vicarious military experience through having Shining Armor as a brother and hanging around with the Guards at the Palace. Her mentality is naturally that of an officer, and a highly-competent one at that, as she shows in "Dragonshy." Not sure how much the show realizes this, though.
I can already see that Razor Wind is Breaking Dawn's "Rainbow Dash," and Cherry Blossom her "Fluttershy" -- but without being their carbon copies in terms of personality. Which is good.
I've been looking for this story for a while.
I could use your help. I'm planning on an Equestrian History fic about the Civil War that took place after Luna's banishment and Celestia's prized student is a very pivotal character.
Mind if I consult you for advice if possible?
9579629
I hope you enjoy it.
Sure, I'd be happy to help.