Neopolitan Complex
"Hey Twilight?" Spike called out cautiously, entering the throne room. The normally empty room was filled with scrolls and parchments, making it nearly impossible to even tell where one was going. "You in here?" Spike picked up a scroll, looking it over. “The Camel Sutra? What is-HOLY COWS!”
“Spike?” Twilight called out.
The baby dragon quickly tucked the scroll in the pocket of his uniform. “Twilight, is that you?”
"Of course, Spike!" Twilight said happily, poking her head out from a stack of documents. She flapped her wings, sending several scrolls rolling away from her."What do you need?"
The baby dragon shifted, the steel helmet he wore (part of his uniform that noted him as the captain of Twilight's guard) sloped down so that it nearly covered one on his eyes. "Well, no pony has heard from you in a few days and we were getting worried that you had gone nuts and were building a doomsday weapon or something."
Twilight chuckled. "Oh Spike, you all worry too much! I have been busy researching Equestrian law."
“…can’t you just be building a doomsday weapon?” Spike pleaded.
“No Spike.” Twilight began to happily swim through the scrolls. “Why are you so worried, anyway?”
"Why?" Spike asked, confused. "You are a princess... you basically just stand around looking nice and making all the poor ponies jealous... and you might raise the sun and moon. If you are feeling really adventurous you and your capricorn brother will go off and hoof-punch some changelings. You don’t actually do anything."
"Spike Spike Spike Spike Spike... that might be how things were under Princess Celestia and Luna... but I for one want to do things differently."
“And by differently you mean completely the same, right?” the baby dragon asked hopefully.
“…no Spike.”
The baby dragon frowned. "Ok... but maybe you should focus on more pressing matters.”
“What could be more pressing then zoning laws?”
“I don’t know… maybe you could do something about the capricorns? They are setting up this Doomsday Clock near Manehattan and keep singing 'No more princesses or the slut, now we'll kill Twilight's firm butt'."
"They think my butt is firm?" Twilight glanced over at her rear. "How nice of them! I took up Pilates-"
"Twilight! Now is not the right time to think about your butt!" Spike exclaimed.
Twilight leveled a hard stare at her #1 Assistant.“It is ALWAYS the right time to think about my butt.”
"I think they are planning an invasion."
The princess shook her head. "Spike, there is no need to worry about that... when I get a moment I will come up with a plan to prevent that, if it comes to pass. But for now, I am working on improving so many other things... did you hear about my idea to triple revenue for the country?"
"Yeah, about that..."
~MC~MC~MC~
Fancy Pants frowned as he opened the door. "Yes?"
"HELLO!” Rollypolly exclaimed. It would have been threatening if the dalek wasn’t wearing a girl scout’s uniform. “BUY COOKIES!”
“Do you have any thin mints?”
“ONLY TRIFOILS!”
Across the street, Fancy Pant's neighbor let out a yelp. "Abner! Abner! A dalek is trying to sell cookies to Fancy Pants!"
"Gladys, would you stop over reacting!" the stallion complained from his armchair. "First you whined about Mrs. Stevens being a witch even though she was clearly an Earth pony, now this? Have you taken your medication?"
"Ha ha!" Wall Breaker laughed as he walked by the window. "References..."
The God Squad: Equestria's Most Wanted
Episode 7: Neapolitan Complex
Celestia murmured in approval as she walked around the Loafa, taking in the great works of the masters. Some of the world's finest art was located in the famous building, preserved for all time. It was protected by all manner of anti-theft deterrents and art lovers from all over the world were able to breathe a sigh of relief that such precious treasures would be safe from anything-
"Cadence, no!" Shining screamed, using his magic to pull the pink alicorn away from a painting of fruit she was pawing at.
-save, perhaps, from the whims of an alicorn.
"I wanted to do the Scratch-N-Sniff!" Cadence complained, trying to break free from Shining’s grasp.
"These aren't Scratch-N-Sniffs!" Shining exclaimed.
“They aren’t?”
“No, sweetie, they aren’t.”
"... I'm out!" Cadence exclaimed, throwing her hooves in the air. "These nudes aren't nearly interesting enough and if I can't scratch the paintings and then sniff them... then what is the point?" The love goddess lifted Sweetie Belle up and placed her on her back. "Come on, I am going to teach you how to pick up stallions."
“I’m not that strong,” Sweetie Belle stated.
“Oh, you will be,” Cadence said with a giggle. “You are never to young to learn the sacred art of slutitsu.”
Rarity frowned. "Princess, I would prefer-"
"Huh," Shining said, looking at a metal plate that was hung below an abstract sculpture, "according to this description, the artist believed that this piece would make two ponies fall in love just by staring at it."
Rarity was instantly at Shining's side. "How very interesting!"
The stallion glanced at her from the corner of his eye. "What about your sister?"
"What sister?" Rarity asked, 'accidently' bumping her rump against his.
Chrysalis rubbed up against Shining's other side. "You know, if you like this sculpture I could buy it for you, once we have access to our bank accounts. I'm rich, you know."
"You are?" Rarity asked. "I couldn't tell, what with that ratty mane style of yours."
"This is what is vogue," Chrysalis said with a sniff. She looked at Rarity like the white unicorn was some goo she’d stepped in. "You obviously wouldn't know what was hot if it burnt your nose... I can tell from that style your mane is... there are grannies that would look at that and think it was old fashioned."
"Well, when you save money by never taking baths, it is easy to pay for fancy mane-stylists!" Rarity shot back, pressing harder into Shining.
“This is just my natural musk! Unlike you I don’t need to bath in perfume to hide the smell of a rotting pu-“
"Can't... breathe!" Shining whimpered, eyes nearly popping out of their sockets as the mares pressed tighter against him.
"I see your family isn't enjoying the exhibit." A stallion moved over to talk to Celestia, flashing her a playful smile. He was maybe an inch or two shorter than the average stallion, but next to Celestia he looked like a dwarf pony. He had a poofy mane and wore an elaborate jacket, full of medals and ribbons that proclaimed his success in battle. What was most eye-catching about him was the fact that his coat was multishaded: his head and shoulders were a chocolate brown, his middle creamy white like vanilla frosting, and his flank and tail was a strawberry pink.
"A pity," Celestia said with a sigh, ignoring Shining’s sobs. "I so wish they would come to enjoy the arts as much as I do."
"One can do little to change the minds of fools... no offense."
"None taken."
"I am glad to hear that, Princess Celestia."
The sun goddess was surprised. "You know who I am?"
The stallion laughed at her shocked expression. "But of course! Only a fool wouldn't recognize you." The stallion placed his right foreleg inside the left flap of his jacket. "Pardon me for not introducing myself... I am Neapolitan Blowhard."
"The famous Prance commander?" Celestia said, raising an eyebrow in surprise.
"But of course!" the stallion said with a smile.
"The only citizen of Prance to actually WIN a battle instead of being brutally slaughtered or surrendering at the sight of an opponent?"
"...yes," Neapolitan said glumly, a bit of his boastful air pushed out of him.
"It is a pleasure to meet you," Celestia said, bowing her head so she could whisper in his ear. "And a pleasure to have a pony to discuss fine art with. I must admit I was afraid I was the only one in this museum that was enjoying the arts."
"Well, if you wish to see some lovely pieces, I have some at my private chateau. Would you care to accompany me?"
"I don't-"
"BLANK FLANK, BLANK FLANK!" Rarity screamed.
"At least my flank is all natural!" Chrysalis charged. "I've seen less plastic in a recycling plant!"
"Stay away from my Shining, whore!"
"He's mine, bitch!"
"Wait, what now?" Shining said. “I’m not-“
“BUTT OUT!” both of them screamed.
Celestia quickly turned from the feuding mares. "Let's go now, alright?"
~MC~MC~MC~
"Explain to me again why I have to solve this cryptex?" Tydal said in annoyance. He glanced up at the arrival and departure board, wanting to get a move on before he missed his train. He had a long journey to the ocean and he was already grouchy over the fact that every other pony got to have fun in Prance while he had to go… even if he was leaving purely to stop a mass genocide he might have kinda sorta caused.
The security pony sighed. “It is an arcane law, sir. Now then, your passport?” Tydal rolled his eyes in annoyance as he pulled out the passport Chrysalis had made for him (turned out the changeling queen was an old-hoof at sneaking across borders). “Alright, Mr. Steve…huh? Your last name is Faust-Allen?”
“What of it?” Tydal grunted in annoyance. “My parents aren’t married so I have to hyphenate.”
“Right right. Have you solved your cryptex yet?”
Tydal smirked. “Well, I have-A MIME EATTING A BAEGETTE!” The guard turned around, only to whip back towards Tydal when he heard a smashing sound. “Opened!” Tydal said happily, handing the guard the broken cryptex.
“Good, now you just need to solve the anagram inside.”
“…I am growing more and more convinced that this is all just one big con.”
The guard laughed, stroking his pencil-thin mustache. “No no, sir! This is all part of our noble Prance tradition! This is no different than our love of black and white art films that make no sense or how we are required, when seeing a black cat with a white paint on her back that makes her look like a skunk, to rape her!”
“…say what now?”
“Rape!”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Why would you-“
“Rape is legal in Prance! It even says it on our flag.” The guard hurried over and grabbed the Prance flag, which depicted a skunk wearing, of all things, socks (yeah, that is weird, but when a pony does it all of you are drooling…perverts). Underneath the skunk were the words ‘Le viol est légal en Prance’.
“No, I get that… I mean why do you want to have sex with skunks.”
“…I… don’t… know. We have always done it! It is-“
“Tradition, yes yes.” Tydal sniffed. “You sleep skunks… that explains the smell. Now then, I’ll be on my-“
“You still need to solve the anagram, sir.”
The sea god rolled his eyes. “Fine.” Using his magic, he grabbed a pen and quickly scribbled a note. “There, can I go now?”
The guard frowned. “The answer to the anagram ‘So Dark the Con of Mare’ is not ‘I’m the Juggernaut, Bitch!’.”
“Oh, but it is! Take a closer look. You’ll that when you move the letter S here, you-“ Tydal grabbed the guard’s head and smashed it against the security checkpoint terminal. “Police can’t (censored) with the Juggernaut…” Tydal sang as he trotted towards his train.
Stats
Page generated in 0.395 seconds
Total duration
911 users online
1,084,300 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
REFERENCES!
Not enough Luna. Needs more Luna.
LUNA!!
Since this is a shorter chapter, I give you this as a gift: i36.photobucket.com/albums/e26/defender2222/littletydal_zps889f21df.png
Please use wisely
So Wall Breaker is related to Phil Ken Sebben. Good to know!
Hilarious chapter as always. Though I am worried about what will happen to Sweetie Bell.
2379605
You got my hopes up and crushed them. When I saw the name of the picture was little tydal I thought someone had a fanart of him as a colt
2379545
Out of interest, what is the Abner reference?
the god squad has the ultimate weapon against discord
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDQvMDUvMDhfMDlfMjRfNTYzXzI4ODc0NV9fVU5PUFRfX3NhZmVfc3dlZXRpZV9iZWxsZV9kaXNjb3JkX2hlYXJ0X2F0dGFja19obm5uZ181MTA0OWEwNTdmMTIzYjU5N2IwMDA2NDkucG5nIl1d/288745__safe_sweetie-belle_discord_heart-attack_hnnng_51049a057f123b597b000649.PNG
Awesome chapter! I can't help but feel bad for Shining. Why doesn't Cadence try to win Shinings love again?
2379752
Yet the fight she and her friends had were causing Dischord to break free...
2379822 it would be a death by diasweetes//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Sweetie_Belle_lolface.png //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png
2379704
Check out my blog... that pic already exists.
2379822
Because she already knows he loves her... why fight for something you know is yours forever? Cadence is confident like that.
2379642 I was just thinking of Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law's Phil when I read that line (even said the sentence out loud in his voice).
I just have one question for this chapter. Where was Luna during all this? Seriously she's the whole reason the god squad came to be.
2379955
She is currently with Sticky Hooves. Don't worry, we'll see her in the next chapter.
2379957 I think I've forgotten who this "Sticky Hooves" is, unless I didn't.
2379976
Sticky Hooves is the head of the thieves' guild that Luna met last chapter
I will never unsee Tydal as the Juggernaut.
2380275 Oh yeah now I remember.
I take it this means no Sly Cooper references?
/
I think Rollypolly would do a better job selling cookies if he had a Cyberman/Cyberpony teamed up with him. They would become the best cookie selling team ever.
2379804
Sad thing is, in this fic he only wants one, whom wants everypony and everyOne..
2381206
Pretty much. Cadence is addicted to sex but she is loyal and loves only Shining Armor.
As for the divorce, that will be covered soon enough.
2379752
Sweetiebellema121
2379957
defender2222
2382507
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDMvMjUvMTZfMzRfNTNfOTEzXzI3OTE1NV9fVU5PUFRfX3NhZmVfc3dlZXRpZV9iZWxsZV9jdXRlX2Fkb3JhYmxlX2FzX2Z1Y2tfNTEzZmJjYTBhNGM3MmRlYWI4MDAwMGRmXzUxNTA3Y2EzYTRjNzJkN2I3NjAwMTRmMV81MTUwN2NhM2E0YzcyZDdiNzYwMDE0ZjIucG5nIl1d/279155__safe_sweetie-belle_cute_heart-attack_self-ponidox_adorable-as-fuck_513fbca0a4c72deab80000df_hnnng_51049a057f123b597b000649.png
OH GODS I LOST IT ON THAT ENDING
Damn, Shining get's all the mares, one an Element and the other a Goddess and Queen
I HAVE to see how Cadence teaches Sweetie how to get at stallions
Poor Spike, he's a boss and he is still darfed by Twilight...who is now a Goddess and co-ruler of Equestria
2382531 OH GODS THE LOVE, THE LLLLLOOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
2382709
//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png
2382804 Sweetie Belle is best CMC member
And I know I heard your name before
2382843 that she is//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDQvMDUvMTdfMzdfMzZfNDhfMjg4OTMyX19VTk9QVF9fc2FmZV9zd2VldGllX2JlbGxlX2hlYXJ0X2F0dGFja19taW5lY3JhZnRfNTEwNDlhMDU3ZjEyM2I1OTdiMDAwNjQ5XzUxNWYwYmQ4N2YxMjNiN2FmMzAwMGY0Nl81MTVmMGJkODdmMTIzYjdhZjMwMDBmNDcucG5nIl1d/288932__safe_sweetie-belle_crying_cute_adorable_heart-attack_minecraft_ask-the-crusaders_adorable-as-fuck_artist-jan_51049a057f123b597b000649_515f0bd87f123b7af3000f47_515f0bd87f123b7af3000.png
2382962 OH GODS, THE FEELS, THE FFFFEEEEEELLLLSSSS
2382992derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDEvMjgvMTJfNDRfMTlfOTI4XzIyNjI4MF9fVU5PUFRfX3NhZmVfc3dlZXRpZV9iZWxsZV90dW1ibHJfYXNrX3RoZV9jcnVzYWRlcnNfdGVkZHlfYmVhci5wbmcucG5nIl1d/226280__safe_sweetie-belle_tumblr_cute_happy_heart-attack_ask-the-crusaders_artist-jan_teddy-bear_51049a057f123b597b000649_sweetiebetes.png derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDMvMTUvMDRfMTFfNDlfODYyXzI3MDk1Nl9fVU5PUFRfX3NhZmVfc3dlZXRpZV9iZWxsZV9oZWFydF9hdHRhY2tfc29uZ190ZWRkeV9iZWFyLmpwZyJdXQ/270956__safe_sweetie-belle_heart-attack_ask-the-crusaders_song_teddy-bear_51049a057f123b597b000649.jpg
2383001 THAT'S IT, GOING INTO HEART ATTACK FROM CUTENESS, HOPE YOUR HAPPY!!!!
2383011derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTIvMTIvMTQvMjBfNTJfMTdfNzMzXzE3OTk4OV9fVU5PUFRfX3NhZmVfc3dlZXRpZV9iZWxsZV9pbWFnZV9tYWNyb19jdXRlX2hlYXJ0X2F0dGFja19kaWFiZXRlc19zd2VldGllYmV0ZXMiXV0/179989__safe_sweetie-belle_image-macro_cute_heart-attack_51049a057f123b597b000649_diabeetus_diabetes_sweetiebetes.png
2383019 THAT'S IT I'M OUT OF HERE, I'LL WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER
2379730
It's Bewitched
2384324 Ohhhh I get it now, should have known with the opening song. Thank you!
This story just keeps getting better and better, big ups from me!
Admit it, this entire story is really about Shiny's plot to get himself a harem, isn't it?
2379841
diasweetes - the younger brother of Diabeetus. Let's hope Pinkie doesn't catch him too.
2380441 Except that Daleks and Cybermen don't get along....at all!
*Begins to prepare any number of comments regarding Prance's historic lack of ability to get themselves into the in the Win column...*
Never mind...
Great chapter, loved the opening and the ending but also seeing Chrysalis and Rarity argue over Shining.
2386477 I beg to differ.
You must elect Neapolitan blowhard As the president. My best friends oc is named president blowhard
If you ask I shall provide you his art
Oh, I almost forgot. Who wants to bet that next chapter will be something like Luna, the Master Thief vs. Celestia, Napoleon's fair Maiden.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/479/243/906.png
2387018 a comic is one thing I'll give you that, but cannon of this particular shows begs to differ.
Still, Discord could change that particular relation, for his amusement.
.
Twilight leveled a hard stare at her #1 Assistant.“It is ALWAYS the right time to think about my butt.”
I have to agree on that part...
Story of my life. They're always out of thin mints. ALWAYS.
You mean she didn't freak out when Mr. Stephens was replaced with a completely different pony after 5 years of marriage?
2381549
So ifyou hurt Shining Armor, she will make you wish you weren't born, remind you she knows 4physical deites personally, and they will make whoever hurt her husband's life hell.
I still want to know what the answer to the anagram is!