• Published 8th Mar 2013
  • 15,747 Views, 1,635 Comments

The God Squad: Equestria's Most Wanted - defender2222



Season 2 sees Luna, Celestia, Tydal, Shining, Cadence and Chrysalis on the run and attempt to clear their good names. Needless to say, they are sidetrakced... alot

  • ...
49
 1,635
 15,747

PreviousChapters Next
I Bless the Rains Down in Zebrica

"Fluttershy, you can't do this!"

The yellow pegasus merely continued to work on the potion she'd gotten from Zecora; it needed to be stirred just right or else it would spoil. The bubbling caldron let out hisses and pops as she moved the wooden spoon through the viscous liquid. Twilight and Hairy were struggling against the tight ropes Fluttershy had bound them with, trying desperately to escape the terrible place they found themselves in.

Actually, if one wanted to be truthful, it wasn't that terrible at all. In fact, it was rather nice; Fluttershy had rented a room at the Four Seasons for this little kidnapping. They each had their own bed (Fluttershy claiming it wouldn't be right for her and Twilight to share a bed till after they were married), and the balcony gave them an impressive view of Neighagra Falls. The staff had been very nice, serving them all breakfast in bed, providing complimentary plush bathrobes and even giving them each a massage (how that one stallion had managed to work out all the kinks in Twilight's back, despite the fact that she was tied up, she never knew). All and all it was a lovely vacation... save for the fact that they had been kidnapped by a quiet pegasus who wanted to use a potion to get Twilight to fall in love with her.

"I wish these ropes weren't enchanted," Hairy said, struggling to break free.

"I wish I'd taken up Fluttershy's offer to go to the bathroom before we began all this," Twilight said, regretting that second cup of coffee she'd had (which was odd... Twilight never drank two cups of coffee at home...)

Fluttershy smiled to herself as she ladled out some of the potion. "Don't worry Twilight, now that I've added the roofies my magic brew is ready. One sip and you and I can be together forev-"

"STOP!"

Fluttershy frowned, looking at Twilight... who had been the one to cry out stop. "Yes?"

"Uh..." Twilight weakly grinned.

When the alicorn could think of nothing Fluttershy continued on her approach, the ladle of potion hanging out, inches from Twilight's lips.

"STOP!"

This time it wasn't Twilight who called out to them. The three of them turned, their jaws dropping.

"Big Macintosh!?!"

"Eeyup," the stallion said, trotting over to them through the opened door (Fluttershy knew she should have locked that). "Can't let ya go through with this, Shy."

"I won't let you stop me, Big Macintosh, sir." Fluttershy blinked, then blushed. "Oh! I hope that wasn't too forceful."

"T'wasn't, Shy, but I still can't let ya go on. This ain't right."

Twilight nodded. "Thank you! I've been trying to-"

"Quiet, homewrecker!" Big Mac snapped, before drawing Fluttershy close (and failing to notice Twilight's confused look). "Fluttershy... I've stood by and obeyed them fancy brain doctors’ orders but no more! They told me I had ta let ya'r brain heal on its own, to not force the issue, but its been three years... I'm sorry, darlin', but I can’t hold my tongue anymore!"

And with that, he kissed her hard.

"Wow," Hairy said in surprise as Fluttershy struggled for a moment before giving in to the hair-curling kiss.

Fluttershy pulled away and blinked. A look of amazement and wonder crossed her features, as if she had been blind and at long last could see. She looked up at the large red stallion and brushed her hoof along his cheek. "I... I remember... we were going to the Running of the Leaves... there was that chariot crash... Mac, I remember!"

Big Macintosh's eyes shimmered with tears. "And... ya remember me?"

"Of... of course I do..." She stroked his check and sniffed, ashamed of herself and her actions. "How could I have ever forgot you, my wonderful husband?"

"WHAT?!?!" Twilight and Hairy screamed.

"What a twist!" Wall Breaker said as he walked by the open hotel room door.

"Breaker!" Misty called out from the room next door, "come back to bed!"

The God Squad: Equestria's Most Wanted
Episode 18: I Praise the Rains Down in Zebrica

"Me Cadence... Cadence..."

"What is your wife doing now?" Luna asked, taking a sip from her flask. After Tydal and Shining had returned from the crazy human world (which Chrysalis repeatedly swore should have an entire movie made about it with songs and everything) the group had decided to really buckle down and focus on the task of getting back to Equestria and preventing Tydal's army from ravaging the land with blood and death.

To that end, they had stolen the Mirror of Worlds as well as the antique shop's cash register. The purloined bits had been then used, thanks to Celestia's bargaining skips, to purchase a small amphibious chariot. The plan was for them take the boat down the many rivers, passing through Beavaria and the Inland Sea before reaching Zebrica. There, it was a quick zip down the Nile to reach the ancient palace of Zebrabay, home of Zeena, the Lady of Zebrica, goddess of the earth... and Tydal's big sister. Tydal had assured them that Zeena would be able to reach Zecora, who would, in turn, contact Twilight and Merida and work out a temporary truce until Tydal could return to his Keep and end the threat once and for all.

Surprisingly... the plan was working flawlessly. Tydal was the slowest of them all when he was in on dry land; he had agility, of course, but not speed. In the water, however, he had no equal, and had agreed to let them hitch him to the aquatic chariot, his godly strength allowing him to pull the vehicle easily. Shining had been thrilled, as it meant Tydal spent almost the entire trip under the water, snapping up fish and leaving him to sunbath. What few times he needed a break would see Chrysalis transform into a capricorn and take over, ensuring that the sixsome never had a moment they weren't rushing towards the palace.

"Cadence... me Cadence..."

Shining sighed as he watched his wife. "She's trying to teach that monkey to speak English."

"Question," Chrysalis said, raising her hoof. "Why do you call it English?"

"Huh?"

"This language... why English? What is an English? Shouldn't it be named Ponyese or something?" The changeling queen gestured towards Tydal. "I know our brother speaks Capricornia, which, along with Griffish, is the basis for Trottingham accents... and I speak changelese." Chrysalis threw back her head and let out a squeaking, chirping call. "But why English?"

"It is named after English Muffin, the first pony to ever catalogue our dialect," Celestia stated from her spot at the bow.

"...again, what is this English? I mean, who looked at a muffin and decided it should be randomly called 'English'?"

~Thousands of Years Ago~

"Thank you Doctor for helping me birth my son!" the tired mare panted.

The Doctor tried best not to throw up. "You’re... welcome." He had tried to tell them he wasn't a medical doctor but none of them would listen. “Sorry I threw up so much.”

"Would you like to name him?" the mare asked.

The time lord puffed up a bit, his sickness forgotten. "I'd... I'd be honored. Let's call him-"

"English Muffin!" Derpy said happily, holding the foal up for all to see.

"...what?" the Doctor said. "Why would you-"

"He looks like an English Muffin, doesn't he?"

"...no, he doesn't!" the Doctor exclaimed, but one glance at the new mother proved his arguments would be in vain.

~MC~MC~MC~

"So, how far are we on our journey?" Celestia asked, turning the map this way and that. "With how fast we've been going I've been unable to figure out what river we're even on."

"Let me check," Luna said, walking over to the front of the boat and flicking one of the lines leading to Tydal's harness, giving him the signal to slow down. As the boat took on a more leisurely pace Luna walked over to the railing and waved to some of the zebras that were gathered by the water's edge, filling their clay jars. "Excuse me, can you tell me what river this is?"

"It isn't a river!" a zebra called out. "It’s a lake."

"No, it’s an ocean!" another said.

"I think it isn't water at all, but a mirage created in the desert," a third said.

Luna frowned. "I am sure it is a river."

"Nope, no it isn't!" the first zebra declared. "So go away, green pony."

"I'm blue."

"No you're not!" the second one said.

"And you aren't a pony either," the third said.

"And I'm not a zebra!"

Luna turned back to her family. "We're on De Nile River."

The all turned when they heard a rim shot. "I taught the monkey to play the drums!" Cadence said happily, gesturing to the monkey (whom she’d named Humpers) and his tiny drum set.

"Ask them if we are anywhere near Zeena's palace," Celestia said.

"Excuse me!" Luna called out. "We are looking for the Lady of Zebrica's Palace. Are we near there?"

"There is no Lady of Zebrica."

"There is a lord though, but he's a turtle," one of the zebras said. "Just like the rest of us."

"And you are definitely NOT a mile upstream from it," the third said.

"Thank you... or screw you... honestly I don't know how to talk in this Bizzaro language." Luna went back to the bow of the ship. "Tydal!"

The capricorn, however, was too busy beating up a crocodile that had thought he was an easy meal. "Stop bludgeoning yourself!" Tydal shouted, striking the croc with the broadside of his fan tail. "Stop bludgeoning yourself!"

"Tydal!" Luna shouted again. "We are a mile from Zeena's palace."

"Right right." Tydal grunted, his tail lashing out and ending the battle. Luna leapt out of the way as the dead croc slammed down on the deck of the boat. "Watch him for me, would you? He is both my dinner and will be new sets of boots for all of us."

"So..." Shining said, eyeing the croc warily, "what should we expect from Zeena?"

Celestia shrugged. "She won't try to kill you, if that is what your worried about. Mother put most of the rage and aggression in Tydal."

"Zeena is... different though," Luna said, tapping her chin. "It’s hard to describe..."

"She makes Cadence look like a nun," Chrysalis said bluntly.

Cadence happily nodding in agreement, Humpers riding on her back. "I spent a month with her between 11th and 12th grade. She taught me everything I know about the secrets of pleasure."

"Wow," Shining said in surprise.

"Before Cadence came along Zeena was the unofficial Goddess of Love," Celestia stated as Tydal pulled the boat down the last mile of the river. "She's currently the Goddess of the Earth and Goddess of Fertility."

"Which is why she has so many kids," Tydal said, leaping out of the water and gracefully landing on the deck next to Shining. The current was now pulling them along and he had no need to be in the water. "So, as hard as this is going to be, do NOT sleep with Cadence unless you want a pink foal in 9 months time."

"11 months," Luna corrected him.

"Whatever." Tydal flicked his tail, sending droplets of water onto the deck. "Now, when we get there let me do the talking... Zeena and her little zebras tend to be skittish around other species and I don't know how they'll react to 4 ponies and a changeling." Tydal grimaced. "Truth be told I don't know how she'll react to seeing me."

"Why do you say that?" Shining asked.

"Well, I was a stone statue for the last 1,500 years. I sent her a warning message that we were coming but... well, we have some old grudges."

"Like the fact that you terrorized her when you were a baby?" Luna asked.

"Yeah, that," Tydal said rubbing the back of his head. "Plus, we disagree on childrearing."

"What do you mean?" Chrysalis asked as the boat began to take the final bend that would lead to Zeena's palace.

"Zeena subscribed to our mother's beliefs on children," Celestia said. "She has had many daughters and son and doesn't really bother to remain close to them. Zecora is the closest and even they have a strained relationship."

"I, on the other hand, believe that little ones need love and guidance," Tydal stated.

Shining let out a snort. "I can't believe you of all creatures is the one that subscribes to good parenting philosophies."

"Still waters run deep, Shining," Tydal stated, moving to the bow. "Alright, here comes her palace... if you see her zebras wielding spears get down and let Celestia and I deal with-"

"There he is!" a voice called out. "The Lord of the Mareatine lives!"

The sixsome blinked in shock as their boat completed the bend, revealing Zeena's palace. Lining the shores were hundreds of zebras, each waving a flag with Tydal's sigil (a tidal wave) on it. Zebras cheered and a band began to play (it was Flo Rida’s “Wild One”… an interesting choice) as the boat was hooked by several zebras standing on the dock. They dragged the vessel to shore and the cheers grew even louder as Tydal, Celestia, Luna, Shining, Cadence and Chrysalis disembarked.

"Well, they certainly seem shy," Shining said as zebras came up and placed necklaces made out of smoothed pieces of wood around their necks. A little zebra filly, barely old enough to no longer be called a foal, ran up to Tydal and hugged his legs, giggling in delight. The war god, though confused, reached down and placed her on his back, letting the little one play with his fin as he trotted up the steps of the palace.

"My queen," a royal cryer called out, "may I present your brother, Lord Tydal of the Mareatine, God of the Sea and God of War, Master of the Capricorn Race, Father of Coral, Misty, Celestia and Luna, the Bane of Discord, and Cursing Champion of Equestria."

Tydal strolled into the audience chamber, his family only a step behind. Zeena's palace was made of gray rock that had become moss covered over the centuries. Vines twisted up the columns and tuffs of grass wormed their way through the cracks in the stone floor. Overhead parts of the ceiling had crumbled, allowing light to pierce the chamber and create pools of light. There was an ancient feel to that place, as if it were some lost tomb that had only recently been discovered. Even the air felt heavy.

The Lady of Zebrica rested upon a throne made from the twisted, ancient branches of a plains tree, a few green leaves proving that the old bark still held some life in it. Her mane was twisted into a series of high braids that stuck striaght up from her head, each one wrapped in gold and ended with a tuff of black hair. Her tail was braided must as a school filly might braid their friend's tail, save for the fact that Zeena's tail had jewels and bits of gold woven into it. Upon her legs she wore some golden hoops and a set of metal bands were placed around her neck. Though she bore no traditional cutie mark her dark stripes seemed to form upon her flank the image of a tree rising through a crown.

"Tydal..." Zeena said, her voice deep yet feminate.

"Zeena," Tydal said with a slight nod. "You still owe me five bits. Now, considering the rate of inflation-"

Zeena leapt forward, hugging him tight and refusing to let go. It was only Tydal's magic that kept him from bucking the zebra filly on his back up into the air. "I... I dreamed of this day, baby brother."

The old goat waited before finally reaching around and patting her on the back. "You really thought Discord could keep me down? He got in a lucky shot... so did I." He pulled her away, looking at her carefully. "Now... why all the pomp and circumstance? I know you don't like me this much."

"You’d be surprised how much can change in a few thousand years... even to those of us that live forever." She paused, considering her words carefully. "But... you are correct." She glanced over at the others. "I need your help."

"Of course you do," Shining muttered.

PreviousChapters Next