Equestria Boys
"Wow," Twilight said, her horn glowing as she grabbed a cigarette and brought it to her lips (this being a kids’ show, however, it was a candy cigarette). She was laying in Celestia's bed, a sheet draped over her. She stared up at the ceiling with a happy smirk on her face (it would have been more happy if there hadn’t been a mural on the ceiling depicting an angry Celestia waving her hoof with a cartoon bubble saying ‘Sex is a sin!’). "Wow," she repeated.
"Yeah," said Hairy Grabber, The-Griff-Who-Lived, defeater of He-Whose-Name-Has-A-Lot-Of-Dashes-In-It, and overall ok poker player. He too was lying in Celestia's bed, a thin film of sweat covering his body as he basked in a post bow-chika-wow-wow glow. "Thanks for not freaking out when I began crying."
"Thanks for letting me do that think with my ear," Twilight stated.
They were two heroes that fate had saw to bring together. One was a newly made Equestrian princess, having received her wings and powers only months ago. The other was the future savior of Griffland who was fated to fight Moldywart in a grand magical battle that may or may not take 7 books and 8 movies to depict. They both had suffered and seen amazing things... they had loyal friends and mysterious, cryptic mentors that enjoyed trolling them. They were the masters of ancient powers and the idols of many. Truly this was a moment of destiny between the two of them.
Take a guess if it remains all peaceful. Seriously, go ahead…
Ok, made the guess? Great.
"Eh, excuse me?" Fluttershy said, poking her head into the room. She blushed at the state of their undress (why she did no one knew, since she was also naked... and almost always was naked) but pressed on. "I know you are busy with things and such but... well...would you mind terribly if I kidnapped you both and subjected you to a series of strange masochist rituals in a plot to make Twilight fall in love with me?"
"Huh?" the two said, just as Fluttershy threw a net over them.
"Thank you," Fluttershy said politely, yanking on the end of the net, synching the two up tight and slowly dragging them out of the bedroom.
“FLUTTERSHY!” Twilight shouted. “Stop this.”
“Uh… no, sorry, I can’t.”
"Guards, help!" Twilight shouted.
"Should we help her, sir?" the guard known as Sharp Point asked Commander Spike.
"If we do then we are heroes," Spike said, tapping his chin. "On the other hand, if we don't then we get a half day... and this is Friday so we can have a 3-day weekend!"
"SPIKE!" Twilight screamed as Fluttershy continued to drag them away. “You know you are suppose to be working this weekend helping me study that ancient text on boring things!”
"Who wants to go to the beach?" Spike asked, pulling out some sunglasses.
"YEAH!" the guards proclaimed, abandoning their posts.
"...some guards," Hairy muttered.
Twilight sighed. "I got them cheap since I bought in bulk-"
"Hostages can't talk," Fluttershy said sweetly as she dragged them out the door.
"...yes they can!"
"Oh... well, it doesn't matter because I am still kidnapping you. Yay."
The God Squad: Equestria's Most Wanted
Episode 15: Equestrian Boys
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
Tydal rubbed his forehead, checking for any bumps, and scowled. "What the hell is your problem, Shining?" The captain, took a breath, held up his hand, wiggled his fingers, then returned to his screaming. "Oh... that." Tydal inspected his fingers, brow furrowing in confusion. "That’s interesting… been a while since I was human. Why am I gray?"
"AAAAAAAAAA!!!"
"No, I don't think 'AAAAAAAAAA!!!!' is the reason," Tydal said dryly.
He walked over to the mirror that was hanging in the office Shining and he had landed in, twisting this way and that as he inspected himself. His face was just as gray as his hands and his head was topped with green hair that was styled just like his mane normally was. A small green goatee adorned his chin and his eyes were still a striking blue even though his pupils were round instead of their normal slits. He was wearing a long charcoal-colored jacket that went down to his just below his knees and under this was a light gray t-shirt and green camouflage pants. Lifting the hem from the expensive looking hiking boots he was wearing, he found that his ankles were quite green though, strangely for him, not scaled at all. He rubbed his neck and found that his gills were missing too; not just sealed up like when he was land but completely gone, just like his horns.
"Huh, that's different," he said dryly, "last time I was a human I was all creamy peach and pink. Now I look like a cross between that form and my glorious capricorn self."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
"Anyone ever tell you that you’re a horrible conversationalist, Shining?" Tydal balled his hand into a fist before flexing his fingers out as wide as they could go. He bounced on the balls of his feet and rolled his shoulders as he tried to get a sense of what this new body could do. "I cannot recall what it is about these fingers that I like so much."
"AAAAAAAAAAAA-"
SMACK!
"Ow!" Shining complained, cupping his now red cheek with his hand.
"Backhanding people!" Tydal said with a grin. "I knew it would come to me!"
"What the hay was that?!?" Shining complained.
"You were screaming like a little bitch so I needed to snap you out of it. It was either that or slit your throat."
"You don't have a tail anymore," Shining said with a slight smirk. The moment the words left his mouth as knife appeared in Tydal's hand.
"But I am still quite dangerous," he said, his blade retracting back into his sleeve. Tydal stepped over to the desk that sat in the middle of the room and began to rummage through it. "Let's see here..."
"What are you doing?" Shining hissed. "Stop that!"
"No."
"What do you mean, no? You can't just go poking your nose into other pony's-"
"People's."
"What?"
Tydal shrugged. "They say 'people' here. Or I assume so. The last time I was human they said ‘people’. I admit I wasn’t so colorful that last time but I can’t imagine the vocabulary being different just because of my skin pigment." He grabbed a rubix cube and began to fiddle with it. “I wonder if this will unlock the gates of hell…”
"Ok, you can't just go poking around somepeople's-"
"Ones."
Shining blinked. "What?"
"Someone."
"But you just said they said 'people' here."
"Well, they are people but they don't shove the word behind everything they can like you stupid arrogant horses. Somepony, everypony, anypony, gag me. They also don’t name everything with those pathetic pony puns. Really, you all think capricorns are arrogant?"
“You named your capital city ‘Tydal’s Keep’.”
“Meh.”
Shining sat down in a huff, arms crossed over his chest. He took a moment to look himself over and truly see what he was wearing and what he looked like. His long blue hair hung down to his shoulders, curling slightly at the ends. He had on a blue shirt that matched his hair and a red varsity jacket with his cutie mark emblazed on the left side. He vaguely remembered that the trousers he was wearing were called 'jeans' and he had a set of comfortable shoes on his feet (he glared at said feet in disgust; long flat appendages with stubby toes on the end... how disgusting).
"Tydal?"
"Hmmm?" the former capricorn said as he dug through some of the drawers.
"How do you know everything about this place? And why aren't you freaking out?"
"As I said, I was a human once before," Tydal stated, pulling out some beef jerky and taking a bite. “Got turned into one a few thousand years ago… that’s how I met my Merida.”
"That's right, your wife was a human."
Tydal nodded. "Merida will be mad she wasn't here to experience it... she still gets annoyed at the lack of fingers." Tydal wiggled his. "I never really saw the appeal but I get why she would mourn their loss. I mean, she can still use that bow and arrow of hers but she I forever going on about it not being the same with magic.” He took out a wallet and began to thumb through it. “Still, I did point out that considering she could have been like her mother and turned into a bear-"
"Could you please stop stealing other pon... people's things?"
"I'm not," Tydal said.
"Yes you are, I can plainly see you rummaging through that desk."
"Ah, but it isn't stealing if it is mine!" With that Tydal flipped up the nameplate that had tipped over during their arrival. In big black letters in declared that the desk belonged to 'Dean Tydal'. "It appears I am the head of Mareatine University."
"You're the head of a college?" Shining let fly a full body shudder. "I mourn the children of this world."
"Ha bloody ha!" Tydal snarked, sitting down behind 'his' desk. "I wouldn't get too cocky, Shining." Tydal motioned for the former stallion to look in the mirror and Shining let out a choking gasp as he saw the Mareatine U logo on the back of his jacket. "Looks like you go to my school." Tydal steepled his fingers. "Now... how would you like to end up on double secret probation?"
"Would you knock it off?" Shining groused, standing up and making his way to the door. "We need to figure out a way home!"
Tydal sighed. "Amazing, you are a stick in the mud in two worlds. Truly one for the record books." He began to look at all the different gizmos on his desk. "I wonder which one of these signals my army to attack."
"You are a college dean; I seriously doubt you have an army."
"Dean, General... they are basically the same thing."
"No... no they aren't."
Tydal poked at a strange box on his desk. "Yeah, they-"
"Did you need something, sir?" the intercom on his desk asked (well, not the intercom but the person/pony using it... though at this point a sentient intercom wouldn't be that big of a shock).
"Uh..." Tydal said, looking at the intercom.
"Say something!" Shining hissed.
Tydal scratched the back of his head, giving a weak smile even though the intercomm couldn't see it. "Uh, everything's under control. Situation normal. Uh… everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?”
"I'm good, father," the voice answered.
"...Misty?"
The door to his office opened and Tydal's daughter stepped in. She too was humanified, with her straight pink hair hanging in her eyes. Her makeup was very dark, with dark eyeliner and black lipstick. She wore a tight black top with a see-through mesh shirt over that and her pants were so baggy that she could have fit another person inside. She chunky black combat boots clunked against the floor as she walked over and placed an hand on Tydal's forehead, the many skull rings she wore gleaming in the fluorescent light.
"Are you feeling ok, dad?"
"Fine fine," Tydal coughed, trying to cover for the confusion he was feeling. It was one thing to wake up and find himself a human... it was another thing to discover that his daughter was also human and seemingly didn't notice. "As I asked, how are you? Feeling like you are the same species?"
"I'm doing well... I wish Coral hadn't partied so hard last night, of course. But luckily Sea Foam was able to cover for me at the restaurant so I could cover for her here."
Tydal nodded, remembering Sea Foam well; she was one of Misty’s friends and worked in the kitchens at his Keep. "Yes... well, I am thankful that you could pitch in and help your sister."
Misty leaned in, whispering, "Is Shining Armor managing to get Alpha Sigma Sigma in check?"
"I... uh..." Tydal stammered, his poise shattered in the face of so many questions to which he had no answers to.
He was saved from answering by the door to his office slamming open, revealing several frat boys standing there bouncing on their heels.
"Are you done yet with our President, Dean Tydal?" a blue 20 year old with a ring in his nose and a bluetooth in his ear asked. He stood nearly 7 feet tall, was built like a brick wall, and was wearing a black t-shirt and, for some reason, a tie. "Iron Will needs Shining Armor ASAP!"
Another one nodded. "Yes, and even though I look exactly like Abed from Community, I am clearly Wall Breaker. References. Meta. Tvtrope."
Shining flashed his 'frat brothers' a nervous smile. "Well, I don't know if I can get away at this time... I am sure the dean-"
"Take him," Tydal said, waving Shining away.
"What?!?" The former stallion screamed.
"Get out of my sight before I give you double secret probation."
"Tydal!" Shining cried out as his frat brothers dragged him away.
"...well that was fun, who wants lunch?" Tydal said, rubbing his hands together. “We eat animals here, right?”
Misty frowned. “Uh… of course. Everyone does.”
“Love this place.”
~MC~MC~MC~
"Hey, hey!" Shining cried out as he was half-dragged out of the administrator’s building. "I can walk on my own 4 hooves, thank you!"
"Dude, are you drunk again?" another frat brother asked.
"YOU SHOULD NOT BE DRUNK!" Iron Will screamed in his face. "WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK YOUR CLASSES YOU FLUNK!"
Shining wiped the spittle from his face. "I am not drunk; I just don't want to be carried across the campus." He checked over his jacket, making sure it was a-ok (he might be in a strange world and in an even stranger body but that didn't mean he had to look like a slob). "Now then, could you please tell me just what is so important that you dragged me out of the dean's office?"
"Dude, we just want to make sure you are ready for the big party!" The frat brother wrapped his arm around Shining.
The captain wrinkled his nose, the scent of BO, weed, and shame filling his nostrils. "Do I know you, hippie?"
“Of course, dude!” Hippie Hipster stated.
"Iron WIll is wondering if you have picked out your chick yet!"
"My chick?" Shining said in confusion.
"Course, dude!" the stoner said. "You know Fancy Pants is claiming you are gonna bum out on your tubular bet."
"Are you just randomly stringing words together?" Shining said in confusion. "What bet?"
Wall Breaker shrugged. "Just your standard college frat boy bet. Fancy Pants has bet that you can't find a homely girl, give her a makeover, and make her look gorgeous. We all know you are going to pick a chick that is very sexy she just hides it with a ponytail and some glasses and frumpy clothing. When you remove all that, getting her hair down and forcing her to not wear glasses, she will be super attractive and you will be able to have a romantic adventure with her."
"I can't believe I'm saying this.... thank you Wall Breaker."
"Cool... cool cool cool."
Shining rubbed his chin in thought. "So, I need to pick out a mare... uh, I mean woman... and give her a makeover?"
"Don't worry!" Iron Will proclaimed. "We already picked out the perfect one for you!"
Shining turned, looking at the pink-skinned college girl who was trying to make it to class with her arms loaded down with books. She wore a frumpy gray dress, her hair was in a bun, and she had on a pair of thick nerd glasses. She was hustling along, obviously fretting over something.
"CADENCE?!?" Shining screamed.
"Really, did no one see this coming?" Wall Breaker asked.
~MC~MC~MC~
Tydal was waiting for Misty to place their order (and wondering if he could trick Celestia in letting him build one of these ‘McDonalds’ in Canterlot) when he felt a smaller body bump into him.
“Oh… oh, I’m sorry!” the teenager said, her red, puffy eyes streaked with tears. Her red hair hung limp around her orange face and she shuffled nervously, unable to meet Tydal’s eyes. “I… I’m so sorry, I didn’t…”
Tydal took out a hankie. “There there, no need to cry little one. Are you ok?”
“Yes.” The girl wiped her eyes. When the former capricorn just kept staring at her she sighed. “No… no, not at all.”
Unable to say no to a sobbing female (it was those big damn eyes that quivered with tears!), Tydal motioned for the girl to join him at a nearby table. “Well, maybe I can help.” He held out his hand. “Lor…I mean Dean Tydal.”
The girl held out her own hand, shaking his. “Shimmer… Sunset Shimmer.”
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So, this happened.
I have not seen the movie, have no desire to at the moment. That doesn't mean I won't mock it like everything else.
This is, by the way, a prequel to the movie: this fic takes place between the events of the third season and the movie.
I knew Tydal would have to have some kind of scholarly role... I thought about making his the superintendent but I like the idea of him being the dean of the local college and Shining goes to his school. Human Tydal is based on an image I did a while back, find it in my blog.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
*Explodes out of joy*
Not sure if I should be happy to see what havoc Tydal could cause in his role or should I be frighten he is in such a role.... Still should be fun to see what mess Shining and Tydal have gotten into.
Please make them into movies, PLEASE!
So, lemme get this right, Tydal has an Assassin's Creed type hidden blade?
2892788 Ah so this takes places before "Equestria Girls", I would've never guessed.
(Oh and FYI Hasbro and the writing staff say it's not cannon.)
2892947
Correct, though his is a dagger, not a hidden blade.
2893054
Well, its canon for my world!
WOAH WOAH WOAH!!! Time out! *A referee pony comes out and blows a whistle on my behalf* Thanks, bub.
Um... I thought the Harry Potter-esque Griffen went by the name "Hairy Grabber", not "Trotter"?
Heck, he was called that back in Chapter 11 *and I am sure it was Grabber in all the other chapters too*.
Edit: Yay! You fixed it!
2893071
Oh, so kinda like how Connor's is a pop out knife/regular hidden blade?
2892788 Personally, I would've expected either this or he would be a psychotic janitor like the one in Scrubs.
DEMON LADY! >:U
Awesome!
dang... what is the rest of the squad up to? possibly getting drunk i suppose
2893244 That was called a pivot function ~C.Spirit
KILL HER WITH FIRE; KILL BITCHSET BITCHER WITH FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, "...well that was fun, who wants lunch?" Tydal said, rubbing his hands together. “We eat animals here, right?” Misty frowned. “Uh… of course. Everyone does.” “Love this place.” Best fucking line ever. 
Oh ducking hell, fucking ducking crossovers...ARGHHHHH!!! WHAT THE HELL MY BRAIN IS MUSH NOW
...Fluttershy scares me.
Well, I'll break out the body bags, cause there's no way this will end well.
2893054
Not canon to FiM proper, maybe...More like a side story, I'd figure.
And nice knowing ya, Sunset Shimmer.
NOT.
In the words of my father, 'Shit just got real'.
2899317
I should have put below "get back to writing" since Picard said at the risk of being rude
so is this before EG? if so, I blame Tydal for turning sunsetshimmer into a psychobitch. if it's afterwards the sadface makes more sense though
So, where are things going now? I'd say Crazyland, but this fic takes place in the capital of that nation already. With that in mind, which of the neighborhoods will we be seeing next?
2893259 Dr. Jan Itor, at least from what I've read on TvTropes, seems rather cool.
Alpha Sigma Sigma? as in 'ASS'?...
i can't breath-eathe... 
Ok, I wanted to do this the previous chapter, but I somehow forgot
Soooo....
YOU CAN CALL ME NAMES BUT I'M DAMN IN LOVE WITH MISTY, THIS NAME IS SO SEXY OHMYGAWD
*goes back to reading the fanfic*
Hmmmm...not the best chapter and not all funny, oh well, reading on.
So it's Tydal's fault Sunset Shimmer stole Twilgiht's tiara? Go figure.
I swear the Fluttershy from the opening is the one from Friendship is Witchcraft.
4015475
Better her than Shed.Mov Fluttershy.
4570545 "Hey! Hey! Hey! Stay out of my shed!"
Welp, Shining's in trouble.
What?
That works.
HAH!
HAH!
Humanized. Also, interesting design.
You would.
Oh Cadence...
Figures.
I did.
Oh boy.
Kill her, kill her with fire!