Chapter 4: Unforseen Consequences
Gordon woke up slowly, not fighting consciousness nor forcing it. He first let his sense return one by one. I need to stop falling unconscious, before I make a habit of it, he thought ruefully. Then his sense of pain returned, a deep ache in his chest rising like a dog begging for attention. and I really need to stop breaking things. Finally, Gordon felt awake enough to turn his attentions to the outside world. He opened his eyes, and was confronted by a large, semi-uniform tan color; he shut his eyes, thinking he was hallucinating… again. Gordon was confused for a moment, realizing he had seen something very similar before. He remembered a college dorm party, waking up with a lampshade on his head. He opened his eyes again, determined to find out exactly what was going on, but he couldn’t move his hands, no wait, his whole body. His head was stil mobile, but the rest of him was trapped, as if someone had decided to wrap him in a… locked-down HEV suit, he remembered suddenly, again feeling the all too familiar rush of images and senses as the rest of his memory returned. He wondered how he was going to escape the damned suit. As his mind searched around for a way out, he suddenly realized the corners of his vision were glowing orange. He focused on the orange, some familiar shapes entering his view. It was the suit’s HUD, but he needed the helmet for that. He was thoroughly confused now, questioning his own sanity. Gordon probably would have started an argument with himself about his own sanity, if it weren’t for the blinking orange question mark that appeared in the center of his view. The question mark then disappeared, being replaced by a large wall of dull orange text:
Welcome to the HEV suit MK IV protective system. This unit has been upgraded with the Neural Interface Update. This adds multiple functions to the original model, including thought-recognition software, a database query based on thought, a HUD displayed using neural probes wired into the occipital lobe via the spinal cord. This unit also recognizes the thought of use of weapons, upgrading your weapon selection system to recognize and guide you to the weapon you want before you touch it. Included in this software update is the Higgs Field Manipulator Unit (HFMU), allowing for some basic telekinesis and other minor changes in the Higgs Field. Warning, the HFMU uses a large amount of power, and only has a small power unit on board. Use of this upgrade will drain suit power proportional to the change in the Higgs Field. However, it does not drain from the reactive armor batteries, and thus the replenishing power of the suit itself. Remember, you must maintain at least 10% of power to allow for power regeneration. Otherwise the suit will be unable to function, and will shut down. An external source of power will become necessary for continued use. An update to the HUD displays suit power in a percentage above Reactive Armor Power. The HMFU device is controlled using the updated Neural Interface currently installed within your suit. This message can be redisplayed if you think “Neural Interface Help. Suit Lockdown Lifted.
Gordon almost fell over as the suit released the locks on itself. It took him a moment to completely regain balanced. He reached up and removed the tan thing, which turned out to be a lampshade, and was faced with a large, bobbing, pink mass of hair.
“HI Again!” it shouted, the form of a pink pony took form beneath the hair. “I see you awoke. Do you remember when /I asked about cookies? Well, I got a few here, baked them while you were sleeping. What did you do anyway? My friends are in the other room, sleeping too, but I stayed here cause I felt my knees a ‘twitching and my tail a’ bobbin’ and I knew somepony would wake up soon, and as my friends just fell asleep, the only person I thought it could mean was you, so HI, have a cookie” Pinkie Pie said, all in one breath. Gordon just stood there, staring, as she seemed to produce a tray of cookies from her mane. She offered him one, or rather stuffed it in his slack jawed mouth. Gordon chewed automatically, but when his tastebuds began screaming in the ecstasy of the gooey chocolate cookie. He couldn’t help the sound of enjoyment that flowed around the delicious, masticated lump in his mouth. Pinkie broke into a massive smile, widening with each expression of enjoyment from Gordon, until it began to border on the creepy. Gordon finally swallowed the morsel, and looked over towards Pinkie.
“How did you make theses? These would get Calhoun to buy me beers for a week!” He exclaimed.
“Well, I just took 3 cups of flour, 2 cups milk, ½ cups chocolate chips, and a GaBILLION cups love! Who’s Barney and what’s beer? Is it like bits?” Pinkie was bouncing in place, as if she had drank four pots of coffee brewed with Redbull instead of water. If she did, Gordon thought, she would probably gag at what was really in Redbull… The electrified toxic waste took overkill to a whole new level.
“Well, Barney is one of my friends, a security guard,” Gordon said, adding ”Still owes me a beer, the bastard,” under his breath, “and beer is, umm, an ‘adult’ drink.”
“Like Applejack’s special cider? I had some of that once and, Geez, I had a horrible headache the next morning. Oh, hey, I think I have some of that here with me, hold on.” Pinkie said, turning and seeming to put her hoof into a pocket Gordon couldn’t see. Then she faced Gordon again, a barrel bigger than her balancing on her back.
“But but but but….” Gordon said, his brain realizing the complete impossibility of what just happened. The ‘magic’ that the unicorn had was believable, backed with a semblance of science, but this was impossible. “Wha how…. Uhhh…” Gordon continued to blabber, then just stopped, his brain leaving his body to put all of its work behind untangling what just happened. His suit’s Neural Uplink picked up on his query, beginning to analyze what had happened too. The word ‘Loading…’ appeared in the center of his HUD. Sparks began to fly. Pinkie just backed up, giggling, then went back to her friends who were sleeping in the other room.
_____________________________
“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”
Twilight shot straight up, becoming instantly awake as the shout echoed through the treehouse. Her friends woke up with her, rubbing bloodshot eyes. The only person who was still sleeping was Spike, a small lump under the blankets in his basket. Twilight surmised that Spike had moved it here after Pinkie decided to make a new ‘lamp’ in the bedroom. She gave Spike a roll of her eyes, and then pranced up the stairs into her room. Gordon was standing there, blubbering to himself. A few new scorch marks were visible on his suit., and a purple lampshade was on the floor next to him, rolling slowly away.
“Umm, why are you screaming at 8 in the morning?”
Gordon eyed her his eyes full of confusion. “But it was just past midnight. Pinkie came in and began talking to me, gave me a delicious cookie, and then she… she…”
“Don’t think about it,” Twilight warned, realizing what happened, “last time I did, I burst into flames.”
Gordon looked into her eyes, looking for any sign of a jest. He didn’t find anything, but he couldn’t be sure. He had only been here a few hours, I think, and was unable to truly determine pony expressions. His suit chimed in, saying quietly in his ear in its mechanical, feminine voice. “Time since previous anomalous teleport: two days 1 hours and 3 minutes.” When was that feature added? Gordon thought, his suit once again chiming in “You have had the Neural Update installed for: 7 hours and fifteen minutes.”
“Great. Now I can’t even think of a rhetorical question without some smartass answering me.” Gordon said with a sigh.
“What? I didn’t say anything.” Twilight replied in confusion.
“You didn’t hear.. Oh, right, Neural Interface. Wired directly into my Cochlear nerve I bet.” Gordon thought aloud again.
“Huh?”
“Nevermind” Gordon shook himself, noticing a large sound emanating from his abdomen. “You wouldn’t happen to eat breakfast in this dimension, would you?”
“Umm, yes, we do in fact. I was just about to have Spike make breakfast.”
“OH OOOH OOOOOHHH!!! Can I do it?” Pinkie’s voice echoed from the kitchen. “I can make PANCAKES!” This exclamation was met with sounds of excitement from the library itself, as the rest of her friends, who had went back to sleep after noticing that Twilight was already up and on to the problem. Even Spike’s voice was heard, saying something along the lines of “Rarity, umm, your coat looks nice this morning,” in a garbled, sleepy, nervous voice.
“Well, I guess that solves that problem,” said Twilight, “You don’t want to miss Pinkie’s pancakes, they are by far the best I’ve had, and that includes Spike’s!”
“Yeah,” Gordon said, “umm, I’ll be right down.” Twilight walked out the door, leaving Gordon alone. Gordon was lost in thought, sitting down on a near by bench. so far, I’ve gone through Hell, and back, jumped dimensions multiple times, beat countless aliens to death with a crowbar, launched a rocket, blew up countless things, killed a large number of both the US and the Xen armies, and, on top of that, stole a multi-billion dollar investment from the US government. And now I am either hallucinating, unconscious and dreaming, or have just completely and without much qualm have accepted magic, mythical creatures, and talking horses. Perhaps it’s the fact that he has seen way too many improbable and impossible things in the recent days that he has stopped questioning. Or I’m completely bonkers. Insanity, Is that you knocking at my door?
Gordon paused for a moment, mentally correcting any mistakes found in his mental list. Yup, still insane. I need some Oxycodone. At this, words again flashed across his vision.
Warning, use or contemplated use of dangerous, narcotic, or illegal substances can be extremely debilitating to user health
Great, now my suit is trying to argue with me. I am definitely insane. Now where’s the damn options menu…
_______________________________
Twilight walked out to see her friends grouped around a large table that had somehow fit into her library, despite being way to large for any of the entrances. She had a feeling some pink pony had a hoof in it, but she ignored it and sat down, the delicious smells of cooking wafting from the kitchen. Dash was animatedly telling a story to Fluttershy, who was slowly sinking farther and farther under the table, gasps and ‘eeps’ being almost whispered as Dash continued. Applejack was sitting perfectly awake, talking to Rarity, who looked like she needed a strong cup of coffee. Spike was sitting next to Rarity, sneaking peeks at her whenever he thought nopony was watching.
“Who wants PANCAKES?” yelled Pinkie, slowly moving through the door as a pile of pancakes on her head began to bend slowly backwards, being impeded by the doorframe. Then with an elastic *pop.* the stack almost brushed the ceiling of the library, wobbling precariously on her head. As she walked towards the group, she seemed to slip, causing all the pancakes to begin to fall, however she somehow managed to get two to fall on everyponies’ plates and the rest to land in three stacks in some plates in the middle of the table. Everypony clopped their hooves at her performance, causing her to go into a wild bow before tumbling into her seat.
“Lets eat!” cried Spike, already wolfing down the pancakes in front of him. The rest of the ponies followed soon after, eating the delightful pancakes at a steady rate. All of a sudden, Pinkie twitched, her tail began to swish back and forth, he knees knocked together, and her left eye developed a twitch.
“EVERYPONY DOWN!” cried Spike, noticing what was happening as he reached for another pancake. Immediately all of the ponies looked up, looked at Spike, who had already thrown himself at the far wall, then they saw Pinkie’s behavior and followed Spike’s example. Pinkie remained where she was, staring at the center of the table, a look of extreme concentration on her face.
KKKCCCHHRRTTZZAAAPPP!
A large ball of green, arcing magic appeared on the table, almost identical to the one Gordon appeared in, yet it only contained a small, tan creature that resembled mix between a furless rabbit and a grasshopper. Most of the friends shrieked as it appeared, Fluttershy going so far as to dive into a nearby pile of books,. Pinkie just stood there, looking at it.
“Aren’t you sooo cute,” she said in a patronizing voice one would use on an animal.
_____________________________
Just a few more adjustments and there we go. No more answering questions not directed at it. Isn’t that right, suit? Gordon thought.
“Assessment of current user settings accurate” It replied in its electronically synthesized voice.
“Now for breakfast,” Gordon thought aloud, scratching t his head. “I wonder how lon—“
KKKCCCHHRRTTZZAAAPPP!
Gordon heard the sound from the room below, one he recognized as the warning something just teleported in uninvited. He grabbed his crowbar and burst through the door, heading down the steps two at a time. He saw the headcrab on the table, he saw Pinkie leaning close to it, moving her mouth, but he couldn’t hear her over the sound of his pounding heart. beat it with a crowbar, beat it with a crowbar, beat it with a crowbar was all that ran through his mind. He raised his crowbar into an offensive position, but he fell at the last moment, the second to last step giving in to the combined weight of his suit and his momentum, causing him to crash down onto the floor. Pinkie turned her head just as the headcrab jumped.
Once more Gordon felt as if time slowed down. There was no way he could kill the headcrab before it got Pinkie. He couldn’t reach his gun. His crowbar was flying in the opposite direction. There was nothing he could do. He saw an orange glow by the crowbar as it stopped its motion, then it turned and sped like an arrow towards the headcrab in mid-lunge.
The whole thing exploded at the force behind the crowbar, dousing Pinkie in its green blood, and splattering everything else in the room. The crowbar stayed where it was, floating in the air. Gordon got up, his sense of time back to normal. He walked over to the crowbar and picked it up, the orange glow ceasing when he did. He noticed that the suit’s power level had gone down to 92%. He surmised that he just witnessed the HFMU in action, and was pleased by the result, but his pleasure paled in comparison with his rage.
“I should have KNOWN I was being followed. Every single time my paranoia goes away, something like this happens. That’s WHY I never listened to those damn shrinks ‘ Your just being paranoid Freeman, aliens aren’t shooting at you with lasers Freeman, the mailman isn’t trying to—’”
KKKCCCHHRRTTZZAAAPPP!
He was cut off by another headcrab teleporting in.
“YOU JUST HAVE TO INTERRUPT MY MONOLOGUES DON’T YOU!” He shouted as he began to smash the headcrab without mercy. “I CAN’T FINISH A SINGLE—“
KKKCCCHHRRTTZZAAAPPP!
KKKCCCHHRRTTZZAAAPPP!
KKKCCCHHRRTTZZAAAPPP!
KKKCCCHHRRTTZZAAAPPP!
“DAMN YOU FUCKING FACEHUGGERS. DIE DIE DIE!” He attacked each new crab with reckless abandon, smashing them with his crowbar.
KKKCCCHHRRTTZZAAAPPP!
KKKCCCHHRRTTZZAAAPPP!
“GAAAHHH!” Finally, there was only one left, which he smashed into the ground, his eyes almost glowing with rage. There was a bright flash of white light, unlike the flash of green that accompanied the teleports. He whipped around looking for the source, his eyes falling on the shellshocked, panic-stricken ponies in the corner, covered in a fair amount of green blood. His rage drained from his eyes as he looked at the ponies. They were staring at him strangely, very strangely. He stared back, his eyes finding something different about them. Then he saw it, each pony had a new tattoo on their flanks. Twilight had what could only be described as sparkles, Applejack had three apples, Rarity had three diamonds, Rainbow had a thundercloud with a rainbow-colored lightningbolt coming out of the bottom of it, Pinkie had a bunch of balloons and confetti, and a small pile of shaking books had a butterfly visible from the small lump of yellow and pink sticking out of it.
As he stared, he noticed something else. Each one of the ponies weren’t just looking at him, they were looking at his… ass? He looked down too, to see what was wrong, and saw a small circle of clear suit, ad in the center, a small, cartoonized crowbar was visible. He wondered how that had happened. He looked around at the ponies, realizing something that had absolutely no relation to the problems at hand. I’m holding my crowbar completely wrong. If I just tilt it 5 degrees to the left, and hold it just a few more millimeters up the handle like… so He adjusted his grip I can increase both my efficiency and the devastation of my attacks…. Where the hell did that come from?
“Umm… Well, it seems you have an infestation…” He said in a strained, sarcastic tone, attempting to break the silence in the green-splattered library.
“Y-yeah…. I, uhh, k-kinda noticed.” Twilight said in an equally strained tone.
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I can't tell you how much I love this story. But I have something for later in the story if you want. Since time goes faster on earth then it does the pony world this brought up a couple questions. Maybe since Gordon didn't kill the final boss in XEN maybe there could be a global crisis on earth. Witch causes deaths out the wild zoo. But some how the human race manages just fine some how and begins to clean up the mess. But far away in a different universe, the Combine or Universal Union see this as a chance to take over earth. This leads to the 7 HOUR WAR. When the combine capture the black mesa team they force them to tell them were freeman is. But, all they can do is give them is freeman's portal location. So the combine ship out towards ponyville and Gordon Freeman... Oh p.s. Every time I heard Gordon talk after him mentioning drugs right before breakfast. I could not help but read it like Ross Scott from Freeman's Mind....... :D
2266991
Well, after struggling through and translating your... *ahem* grammatical errors, I see your point, in fact, some of your ideas were already in my mind. Thank you for your input.
P.S. That was the general idea. That's also where I got most of the yelling fit from at the end of the chapter....
P.P.S. It's Wazoo, not 'wild zoo'
P.P.P.S. How do the combine even know of Freeman? They only found out about him AFTER he began to get noticed by the officials...
please tell me they will be soldiers, maby even commander shepherd please
2267320
What? How did you... GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!
*whispers to self* don't think about it, don't think about it... he can't read your mind. you are safe... Ohm Ohm Ohm
2267333 your never safe...
2267703
A pale man in a blue suit walks up to you, a briefcase in his right hand. His blue, piercing eyes reaching yours. He speaks in a strange voice, enunciating the wrong syllables.
"If you have truly peered into the mind of one such as him, you would finds yourself shattered. The horrors contained within could drive even my employers to insanity. You have a choice, or a semblance of one, in your fate. Continue down the... path that you are, or give up, leave and forget the whole incident. I would hate to have to inform my employers of such a... breach ...in the security of the timeline. If you continue on the... road ...you now lead, you must prepare yourself for unforeseen consequences."
With that, you see the man disappear in a door of complete white, the words "It's Time To Choose" echoing out. The choice is yours alone to make.
2267952 Ok you win..... for now.....
2268715
And I didn't even have to bring out my secret weapon.... MUHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
....... Ok, definitely an alternate universe me. I don't do drugs, and its only paranoia if your wrong.
I like where this is going.
Pinkie Pie's a bit OOC. I would expect Fluttershy to be the one describing the headcrab as "cute". Heck, with Fluttershy's ability to tame almost anything, I wouldn't expect the headcrabs to be much of an issue.
Still, Freeman's reaction to them was priceless. Definitely the kind of juice you want on this thing. MOOOORE!
Oh, and, get rid of the massive introduction the suit has to the new unit. That's definitely a giant pile of salt. You can still have it in the story, but break it up, or better yet, summarize it.
As much as I don't like onomatopoeias, they seem to fit in this ridiculous story.
Getting better, you can see your improvement as you go along.
Driving the animals out of their holes. To bury them six feet below!
(If you haven't noticed, I'm giving you the lyrics to a Sabaton song, one verse at a time.)
2713248 sabaton, panzer battalion
Someone's watched Freeman's Mind... :D
2277491 I kinda like that you, plus the fact that your human with a cutie mark on your ass
The mail man isn't what?
gordon says calhoun
then pinkie know his first name is barney.
cant tell if syntax error or pinkie sense...
7496350
Oh yeah I remember that, I haven't watched Freeman's Mind in a while