Cleansing
Follow Your Heart
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic © Hasbro & Lauren Faust
By: Blue Spark
/)\*Chapter 3*/(\
Cleansing
I opened the door and there stood Mom, a shocked look on her face but it quickly turned to concern when she saw me.
“Spencer? Are you really okay?” She asked quietly.
“I'm fine.” I said off handedly as I made my way to the bathroom next door.
She sighed. “Spencer, I know this is all incredibly strange but you need to calm down. Just look at yourself.” She motioned to the hallway mirror.
I complied and nearly jumped back in fright of what I saw.
I was an emotional wreck, if it wasn't for how I'm currently acting you could see it in my eyes. What were probably once beautiful teal blue eyes were now angry and bloodshot, almost stormy in color. Bags hung underneath and my face was red from the tears that I just cried. My mane, instead of chocolate brown with stripes of dark blue, was now a disheveled wreck. The colors that you used to be able to tell apart were now merging together and had a sort of blurring affect. Tufts of mane stuck up every this way and that while the fur on my arms was partially wet and matted. Despite the lack of use of them, my wings weren't much better; feathers stuck out in some parts and they looked ruffled up, giving me a look like I was on edge.
I looked like I could fit in quite well with the rest of crazy town.
I stared there, looking at what I had become and sighed. A good few minutes in the shower will hopefully change this and will also give me some time to think clearly.
“I look like I just visited Arkham City...”
Surprisingly, Mom actually got the joke but I think the laughing is a bit much.
“I don't see what's so funny.” I deadpanned.
“You need to relax, Spencer, things will end up alright in the end. You'll see.” She came down and gave me a hug.
It took me a moment but I tentatively reached my forelegs around her and returned the gesture. Soon, I felt myself relax fully and let her warmth envelop me. We remained like that for a second before I decided to ask a question that has been nagging me.
“Did I go too far?”
“Huh?”
“With Axel. Do you think I shouldn't have blown up like that?” I left her embrace and stepped back, gesturing to myself. “I mean, I know I shouldn't have said those things and believe me, I'm still mad, but should I have gone and done it another way?” I fidgeted for a moment, biting my lower lip and shuffled nervously.
My Mom stood up to her full hight, dwarfing me by a couple feet and seemed to be deep in thought.
“Well... He shouldn't have have kept a secret so personal and important like that hidden from you, although you shouldn't have shouted or said some of those things either.”
I felt my ears lay back as I stared at the ground.
“Truthfully, though, I blame hormones. I don't think you would've done that if you were, well, still you.”
I froze slightly when I heard the word.
“H-hormones?” I squeaked.
“Oh yes. I hate to admit this but most girls are more emotional then men so it makes complete sense. Truthfully, you actually pretty light on him for a girl. Now if it was me...” She gave a devilish smirk. “That's a secret.”
I shivered slightly but tried to keep my emotions under control. Now knowing that I was more emotional was a helpful hint and I might be able to stay in control better.
“Why are girls so emotional?”
“Because we're better than men.” She shrugged and grinned at me as I actually laughed, which was rare even when I was human.
“Ha Ha Haaa... Good one, but now I need to take a shower and get ready for school.” I began to walk in the bathroom and began to close the door.
“Are you sure you want to go? More or less, can you still even shower?”
“I gotta, it's senior year and it's too late to start screwing it up now.” I sighed as I closed the door. “Do you think you can get my lunch and maybe some breakfast ready please?”
“Alright, if your so insistent on this.” I heard her footsteps getting fainter as she was walking away. “But be quick! You're already late as it is!”
I gave a shout of confirmation as I finally took a deep breath and began to get myself ready for my morning shower.
Hopefully this wont be as hard as trying to descend stairs.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
As it turns out, trying to take a shower isn't as hard as going down stairs like I thought.
It's much MUCH more harder.
Most people would think that the problem would be trying to turn the water on or getting in the shower. Well, that went by fairly quickly. I hopped in the tub easily enough and it took me only a moment to use my mouth to close the shower curtain and it was only a matter of seconds of me nudging the lever that determined how hot I wanted the water to be with my muzzle to get it at a comfortable temperature. Once I was satisfied with the heat coming out of the faucet I hooked my hoof underneath it and was able to catch some resistance on the nozzle. I brought my hoof down and after a second of loud gurgling from the plumbing I had water going into the shower head and it began to sputter to life. Soon I had it raining down on me.
Things were going pretty smoothly so far. The water felt great, it was as if all my worries were just washing away. My sore muscles were loosening up and I felt my face lighten up as the dried up tears went down the drain. I finally decided to take this moment to clarify that, if by some miracle I was still a guy but looked like a mare, and sat down, spreading my legs to get a look at...
…
Is it supposed to look like that?
Yep, I was a mare. I had the -er, packages mixed up, so to speak. I sighed in defeat as the fact of being a mare finally hit me. I would have to deal with the whole menstrual cycle and period thing... Even after two years of health class I barely understood what that stuff is but I'm pretty sure it would hurt.
“Come on Spencer don't think about this now, you need to focus!” I said to myself as I slapped myself on the cheeks a couple times.
I sighed as the water kept raining down and started to get to work on cleaning myself.
This is when the trouble began.
Have you ever tried to grab soap? Well, of course you have; you got to clean yourself somehow! You know how sometimes it gets really slippery and stuck to the surface it's on so in order to pick it up you have to use your hand like a claw. The problem for me now was that I didn't have hands. I tried nudging the soap and with enough force it made a loud *Pop!* as it became unstuck. Sadly, though, because of the amount of force I had to push on it it launched itself into the tub and across the floor of it, making it all slippery. I tried to place a hoof down gently on the soap to get it to stop but I only made it move again. Eventually, in about the span of 30 seconds, I had the entire bottom of the tub coated in soap.
So you'll have to excuse me when I accidentally slip and hit my face into the wall.
God this was the worst shower ever... But maybe this isn't so bad? I mean, I can't really pick up soap so what if I... Oh, yep, its working.
Since I couldn't actually pick up the soap I thought that maybe rolling in the already lathered tub would work instead. It actually did but it felt really weird, especially when when my wings brushed up against the wall. Once done with getting myself all soaped up I decided to pay some attention to my wings.
Now, I know I'm not some avian expert but I think they actually looked pretty okay. Beside the odd feather that would stick out here and there they looked sorta clean. I decided to try and see if they still hurt so I tried to reach out to one with a tentative hoof but I pulled back once it felt like something just stung me. I guess that means that feeling is about to come to the limb so I tried moving them. It took a while but I eventually found the muscles on my back, I think they're below my shoulder blades, connected to my spine. I tried to test some of the muscles but it was too hard, all I seemed to get in response were a few twitches at most. Maybe when I'm not water logged? Could be that I'm too heavy right now...
Well, once the soap was finally rinsed from my body I tried to use the shampoo, which was slightly easier that the soap. Good thing we had it in a pump because I don't think I'd be able to grab the bottle. I actually used my hoof as a little cup, since I noticed it actually dipped a little bit on the inside, and was able to apply it to my mane. It was hard at first since I didn't have my fingers but after a moment I had gotten the hang of it and was able to rub some of it in my mane. Once I was done with that I let the water rinse me out and turned the shower off. Despite how much I loved how that water felt I needed to hurry.
I hoped out of the tub... Well, tried is more the proper term... While jumping out of the tub I missed the shower mat completely and landed on the tile. Since I wasn't expecting to land on such a smooth surface I slipped and fell again! How many times today now? Oh I dunno, a lot!!! This is turning into a running theme...
I grumbled as I stood up and walked onto the mat and looked at my towel.
What now though? I can't grab it with my hands. Maybe if I hooked a corner with my hooves? Worked with the shower, why not here?
I reached a hoof out for my towel and in a deft motion pulled it from the hanger is was on. As it slid down I placed myself under it so it landed on me. I shook a little to get it spread out on my back. Once that was done I...
I...
What do I do next?
I really don't know how to do this without hands.
I sighed again as I decided to try roll around the towel to hopefully dry myself off by using my weight to squeeze the water out. It sorta work, but instead of completely drying me off it just rubbed my fur into odd angles, sticking out here and there. I was a lot less wet but I wasn't dry exactly either, I still could feel the water in my fur. Finally, I decided to just try and shake it out and it actually worked surprisingly well. A glance at the bathroom mirror told me that most of the water was gone (and now on the mirror) and my fur was actually looking normal despite still having parts of it sticking out in random places; at least my mane and tail weren't plastered on my body anymore. All that I really needed to do now was comb my hair. I'd go into more depth but lets just say that after trying to pick it up and accidentally stabbing myself in the mouth on my first try I eventually had my hair the way it should be.
The way it should be when I was human, that is.
I soon exited the bathroom and began walking down the stairs but my hoof caught on a piece of my mane. Since my hair is always straight down I decided to skip all the fancy stuff and just comb it a bit and be done; as the end result it became the perfect length to get tangled in my hooves. Thing is though, falling down the stairs really hurts so you'll have to guess that while I was descending down the stairs that I was now cursing my extremely long locks.
“God Thud! dammit! Thud! Stupid piece of Thud! I swear to god I am going to Thud! Thud! Thud!...”
I lay there for a moment, contemplating why god has deemed that all stairs shall rain his unholy fury upon me, when I hear Mom calling from the kitchen.
“Are you all right Spencer?”
“Yeah...” I groaned.
I get up and make my way over to the table and hop up on a chair. The chair, luckily enough, was rather large so I could just sit on it as if I was sitting on the ground. The back of it was made of vertical bars that connected to a rim around it to make the frame of it so I stuck my tail through one of the openings instead of sitting on it. Truthfully, I was quite comfortable. The other person (Or that would actually be pony...) at the table was Terry and he had a bored look on his face.
“How much longeeeeeer?” He laid his head on the table and was looking at the kitchen with a pitiful look and some of the most adorable eyes I've ever seen.
Mom came in a second later holding a couple of bowls of something. I just hope that whatever it was was edible, I was quite hungry.
“I just finished so you two can eat now.” She said as she the bowls down; turns out they were full of lettuce, chopped carrots, radishes and an apple that stuck out as a sore thumb in the entire veggie mix. Truthfully, it looked delicious, which is weird because I usually have a high protein diet consisting of sausage, eggs and toast in my mornings. Course I was human then and I probably wouldn't be able to even digest half of that stuff now.
Terry gave a little squeal of happiness as he dug right in. Literally. He just, dunked his head right into the bowl and started eating; no silverware, no table manners, nothing. I had to keep a hold of myself from going all out too but I had an important question before I could indulge myself.
“Where is everyone?”I asked Mom. Seriously, there's no one here...
She talked while still focused on whatever it was she was doing in the kitchen; probably making her own breakfast.
“Well, Paul and Jason had to hurry out or else they would miss the bus. Axel and Conor went to their job, Conor taking Chase with him so he could go to day care. Dad-” I cut her off before she could continue.
“Whoa, wait... What? He took Chase with him so he could drop him off at daycare!?” Mom nodded in confirmation. “What the-” I cut myself off, remembering that Terry was still here. “crud... Seriously, hasn't he thought of this as a bad idea?” Really, this was stupid. What if the day-care refused to take Chase or they somehow hurt him!? A lot of bad stuff could happen without him realizing it.
My Mom let out an exasperated sigh. “I told him that as well but he said that he has a friend that can guarantee that Chase will be safe and happy while Conor is at work.”
“So... I guess that works?” I shrugged, unsure of the situation. I mean, I guess Chase will be safe; most of Conors friends are actually guys that left the army so whoever is taking care of Chase probably has some kind of combat training I would think. I decide to continue on with my original question, motioning for Mom to continue on.
“Well, as I was saying, your Dad is currently at work and since I don't think Terry should be going to school or staying at home alone I'm taking him with me when I go grocery shopping today. I already called his school and told them that he will be sick.”
“I don't think-” She cut me off with a wave of her arm.
“Enough talk, eat! I can tell your hungry and we're already late as it is!” She motioned to my salad and I complied by grabbing my fork and shoveling the greens into my mouth.
I hear a clatter and turn to look at my Mom as she stares open mouthed at me as I'm chewing.
“Murmph?” I swallow. “I mean, what? What's wrong?”
“How are you doing that?” She asks incredulously.
“Doing what?”
“That!” She points at me again.
“I have no idea where this is even going...”
“Oh cool! You already got the magical hooves thing down!” Terry exclaims excitedly, pointing to my hoof..
“What do you mean by...” I pause as I stare at my hoof, or at least what's in my hoof.
By some strange, weird force, the fork I'm using is somehow currently attached to my right hoof and I'm holding it normally as if I would hold it using my hand, except now I had no fingers so it looked like it was stuck there by itself. As the realization suddenly dawns on me gravity takes hold of the fork and it drops onto the table. I stare in amazement as I lift my hoof up to my face and I slowly smile.
“Well that's pretty cool, and explains quite a lot of brony theories....”
“Please tell me that wasn't some strange pony magic.” Mom sighs as she brings a hand up to her forehead to rub her temples. “I don't think that I can handle it if some weird magic just suddenly starts happening for no apparent reason and all the furniture comes to life while everyone turns into exotic plants.” She says sarcastically.
“Um... Kinda? I dunno... There are a lot of theories as to how ponies pick up stuff with they're hooves.” I raise my hoof up to give her a clear view of what I was talking about. “Some say that even though only Unicorns can channel magic everypony has a small ammount of “inner” magic within them, kinda like some sort of passive magic that's always going on. This could mean that some of those theories are correct and that everypony has the ability to “magically” pick up objects with their hooves.”
She nods but throws in another question. “What do you mean by “everypony?”
Terry lifts his head up from where he is eating and decides to answer this time. “It's basic pony term- terma- termalgony.”
“Terminology.”
“That's what I said.” I roll my eyes to this VERY familiar comment. “Anyway, ponies say stuff differently, instead of everybody we have everypony. Instead of... um...” He pauses to think but shrugs a moment later. “Well I know there's more but I can't think of any right now.” He then lowered his head again and continued eating.
I sigh but nod at where he was getting at. “We're going to have our own pony society at this rate.” I say before I try to pick my fork up again, but doesn't seem to work anymore.
“Screw this!” I shove the fork away and start eating like Terry, which isn't quite so bad now that I'm doing it.
I can hear Mom trying to stifle a laugh in the background but I ignore her. I'm running late and I need to hurry; that previous conversation did not help one bit time-wise. As I finish up all that's left is the apple and I get an idea.
“Hey Terry, check this out.”
He looks up from where he's nibbling at his apple and Mom looks as well. Very carefully I lift my apple from the bowl with both hooves and toss it into my mouth where I instantly bit down. They stare wide eyed at me as I'm chewing the entire apple, core and everything, while I try to describe the new flavor I'm getting at the moment. Truthfully, it's incredible! I now understand why I sometimes see ponies eat whole apples in the show. The core that contains the seeds is a little sour but when you get through at to the seeds they have an incredibly sweet taste, almost like candy. I swallow the entire thing and grin at him as he tries to do the same with his but only seems to fit half of it in.
“Wow! This tastes so much better!” He says after swallowing before putting the rest in his mouth.
Mom just shakes her head at this and smiles. “I'm not even going to question how your mouth got bigger than it should have been just now...”
“Cartoon physics?” Terry says while chewing.
Mom shoots him a glare and he quickly heads off to do something else.
“Well, I'm done and ready to go; do you have my backpack ready?” I ask.
“I packed it up like you asked but I'm not sure if it'll be too heavy for you or not...”
I begin to climb down on the chair when I feel a resistance on my shoulder. I look up and see Mom standing there smiling a fake, sweet, smile and I could tell she was planning something from the look in her eyes.
“Uh, Mom? I kinda need to go now?”
“I'm afraid I cant let you go out like that Spencer, you're indecent! Besides, you hair isn't in the proper position anymore and I should really fix it.” She pulls out her hair brush from behind and I can finally tell what she's up to.
She wants to mess with my hair.
Well, actually, that would be “fix” my “mane” but either way it's people touching it and I'm not a big fan of that.
I hold my hooves over my head and cover my hair while cowering a little, trying to get away from her evil grasp.
“My hair's fine! It looks like how it always does!”
'
“But that's the thing, you're not supposed to look how you always did! Despite how much you want to be a boy, you aren't, and I think that a little sprucing up of your hair wouldn't hurt at all.”
“If you look at the show only Pinkie Pie and her siblings have straight manes and that's because they're always depressed.” Terry pips in from somewhere behind me.
I swear to god if he keeps edging her on I'm gonna whack him with my Lego breaking hooves!
“See? You don't wanna look depressing in public, do you?”
“If it makes people leave me the hell alone then yes!”
“Too bad!” She says almost too cheerily and holds me close while she started to brush my hair.
“Noooooooooooo! My masculinity!” I cry out.
“Okay, Spencer? Enough fooling around, now sit still while I brush your hair.” She says in her commanding tone.
I grumble a few choice words but begrudgingly sit still for her.
She sighs and continues brushing my hair, talking all the while. “Look, I know you don't like it but you're going to have to at least look nice! You don't have any clothes to wear anymore but we can at least pretty up your hair.”
“I don't want to look pretty! What does looking pretty have to do with anything!?”
“Because you have got to be presentable for school and since you're a girl now!”
I'm about to protest but get stopped when she comes into my view with sad, pleading eyes.
“Please? Do this for me? At least while it lasts?” I soon realize the real reason for this whole ordeal.
The reason we have so many family members is because Mom always wanted a girl. She kept trying and trying and trying but all she seemed to have are boys. Eventually, Dad finally got her to stop trying by giving the helpful piece of advice that it will be almost impossible to pay for all of our college funds, even with their two high paying jobs. She begrudgingly gave up but I know she still always wished for that daughter she'll never have.
That is until today.
God, the things I do for family...
I sigh and nod slowly and she continues to brush my mane in a more gentle way. I could feel the way how she separates each strand with the brush and aligns it to how its supposed to be and... It feels wonderful. I love it, knowing that my Mom is right behind me and making me look nice makes me feel calm, and peaceful.
It makes me feel safe, despite the current situation.
I played a mental record scratching to a stop as my thoughts as they began to derail.
What the fuck!?
Seriously, just calm down. This is just the girl crap that Mom talked about earlier. I don't actually like the hair brushing... It's just... Me being turned into a pony! It's just like dogs, they love to be petted, same can be said for cats, hamsters, lizards and horses.
Seriously, a pony is a horse except smaller, right?
I hear a slight 'ahem' and a light tap of my shoulder snaps me out of my trance and I see my Mom giving me a funny look.
“What?”
“I'm done brushing your hair but you were just zoning out.” She the puts on a smile as another thought occurs to her. “You were liking it, weren't you? I thought so, every girl enjoys getting her hair done.”
I shake my head to pull myself together and respond to her question a little too quickly. “No way in hell, I hate it when people touch my hair.” Half lie right there, the proper term would be 'used to hate it'. “And besides, it's a mane, not hair. I technically have hair all over my body at the moment.”
Thank god there is no such thing as mind reading...
She shrugs but I suspect that she thinks I'm lying, which I sorta was. I hop off the chair and go into the hallway to look in the mirror. My hair looked as it was this morning, very long and smooth with some ruff parts of it sticking out here and there. It looked pretty rugged despite being so long. Terry was right, I sorta did look like a mix between Rainbow and Fluttershy; well, for the mane at least.
I sigh and go over to the coat hanger to grab my coat. I try hooking it on my hoof but there wasn't really a loop or anything to hook it through so I try grabbing it with my teeth. That didn't work either as the coat still wouldn't budge.
“Why do you need your coat? It's perfectly fine weather today.” Mom said as she grabbed the coat with her hands -god do I miss hands- and brought it down to my level which I grabbed with my mouth..
I blush a little and mumble something with the coat still in my mouth while as I directed my eyes anywhere but her.
“What?”
*Ptooie!* “I said it's because I'm a girl now.”
“I don't get it.” She stood back up with a raised eyebrow.
“Well... since I'm a girl I have a... you know... a...” I couldn't bring myself to say I by she motioned to me that she knew what I was getting at. “Well, because of that and I'm not wearing any clothes my... thingie isn't... covered...” I said the last word as a whisper and looked down to my jacket.
Mom gasped and I looked to see that she was blushing, almost as bad as me, but she got the picture.
“Oh my, I never thought of it like that... I never really payed much attention because of your tail.”
I nodded.
“Yeah, the fur and tail gives... some natural coverage but... yeah, I don't really wanna take that chance.” I nudge my coat forward with a hoof to indicate it. “My coat could at least cover most of myself and the only way they could even have a chance is if they were deliberately try to see, um, my “stuff”.” Extra quotation marks on the “stuff”.
“Here, let me help you with that.”
I nod and soon I was wearing the sickly green jacket, though it remained unzipped so I could still take it off. It was fairly old, belonging to my Grandpa who passed away a few years back. He was one of the few people that I got along fine within my family besides my siblings and parents. The jacket was worn from all the combined use of it from both him and me. It was pretty big too, even when I was human, so it easily covered my form like a cloak. It would almost look like Zacora's except that mine is puke green, doesn't have a hood and has two long tunnels of fabric for my forelegs to go through. It also, thankfully, cover my rear end so it made me feel much better.
“Better?” Mom asked.
I smiled up at her with more confidence and nodded.
“Yeah, I'm ready.”
She turned around and went to the front door, purse in hand, while I turned to pick up my backpack but frowned. It was huge, as usual, but I wasn't so sure if I could lift it up and put it on my back. On a day like today it weighs around 20-25lbs; trust me, I weighed it when my back started to hurt at some point during the first few weeks of school.
Terry passed by me and gave a curious look but went by to stand by the front door where Mom stood. I eventually just shrugged and, grabbing the bags handle strap, began to drag it along the floor to the front door. When I finally made it to the door Mom just sighed and took the bag from my mouth in a deft motion and began to walk out the front door, leaning to one side. I mumbled out a word a thanks and we made our way to the car.
“Hey Mom?” Terry asked.
“Yes sweetie?” She replied, her tone sweet, but I could tell that it was strained due to how long it was taking to get out of the house and from the weight of my backpack.
“Why is it so important to cover Spencer's “stuff”?” He asked, oblivious as to how important the question was.
Mom and I stopped in our tracks, she nearly dropping my bag and me almost face planting into the driveway. We turned to stare at him, completely forgetting that he could have heard the conversation, and he returned our gaze with the biggest puppy dog eyes I've ever seen.
“Uhhh...” My mouth hanged open as I tried to think of an excuse. I could also feel a blush beginning to creep up on my cheeks as well which did not help the situation at all.
“You'll learn when you're older.” Mom said as she turned around and opened the car door for him.
Terry put on a pouty face as he shuffled his way over and hopped into the back seat. She closed the door and I stared at her in astonishment.
She looked over and raised an eyebrow.
“What?”
I sigh as I make my way over to the shot-gun door and wait for her to come over and open it.
“How were you able to just ignore that look? I mean, that might have been the most adorable thing I have ever seen!”
She laughs as she opens the door for me and I hop inside. A second later and she hops in the driver seat, tossing my bag into the seat behind me.
“You should know by now that a mother is immune to all tricks that her kids try to pull.”
“I just don't get how you're able to deal with it, I don't think I would be able to if they pull faces like that...” I trail off as I stared out of the car window as Mom pulled the car out of the driveway.
“Oh don't worry, you'll get you're “Mother's Intuition” when you have children of your own; though child labor might have something to do with it.”
She catches my look of horror when she looks over in my direction and bursts out laughing.
“I'm joking, I'm joking! I'm sure you'll be back to normal at the end of the week.” She smiles and starts to pay attention to the road as she puts the car into drive.
I shoot her a worried glance before I look back out the window. Truthfully, I'm not sure if I'll ever have a chance to turn back, but if I do I sure hope it happens soon; too much drama going on for my liking at the moment.
I miss it when my only problem in the world was having to study for three tests on the same day...
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Love it
e : I propably missed it, but could you please show us how does the main character looks like in his pony form? And what his new name will be, lol...
2465690 Unless I'm reading it wrong I do believe the main character is a female.
Amazing story though, and I look forward to new chapters. I did notice at least one error in there though.
Ahhh... magical hooves. Been mulling this idea in my head for a while, just how much "pony magic" to put in. I can picture Spencer and Terry eating like that. It's like, revolting and adorable at the same time, hehe.
That awkwardness demonstrated by Spencer with the clothes thing was great. Makes me wish I had added more for Sam, heh. Practically no errors, you've done very well.
Sorry to hear that things are so busy, but I know that feel. I've made next to no progress sadly... hopefully I can make some time soon...
2465690
I do have one that I made in pony creator but I might want to tweak it.
Also, I plan on doing one for Terry and Chase as well.
As for names, well, as you can tell from the previous chapter, I based it as a female version of my OC.
My main OC's name also happens to be Blue Spark...
Anyway, if I was to name this character then I do have a name for her as a pony.
I've had this story idea for her (Dunno if I'll ever write it...) and I always fantasized over her being called 'Aquamarine'.
So yeah, female 'Blue Spark' is called 'Aquamarine'.
Not sure if they would/would not have the same cutiemark though...
2482832
You, my good sir, are not reading it wrong.
The main protagonist has indeed been genderbended.
Also, an error, you say?
Spill it! I would really like to know so that I may fix it if it is a major problem.
2483059
Glad you're liking it even more so far!!! :D
Also, quite ironically, some awesome and not so awesome things happened on my B-Day yesterday...
Okay, awesome stuff down, I had a lot of fun and got a lot of cool stuff!
Bioshock Infinite Premium Edition
Dead Island Riptide
MLP: FIM Season 1 on DVD
3 cases of Mountain Dew
And so much more!!!
I also got some really nice speakers for my computer!
And now for the bad, slightly ironic part...
I took my computer to school today because I wanted to work on my Senior Project (Which I need to graduate High School) but when I brought it there it refused to work.
It would freeze while it would try to turn on so it's kinda useless now...
I think it got an electrical charge while I was in my Dad's car when he drove me to school due to the seats being VERY fuzzy.
If an electrical charge gets too high for a computer then the motherboard could short out and the computer would be broke.
This is what I think happened...
Anyway, I can't work on it anymore but I can still probably save the hard drive and what's left on it (If I really am right about what's causing the problem...) or I could take it to a computer place that I volunteer at and they could help me fix it.
Either way, I'm kinda stuck.
The only reason I am typing now is because I am using my Dad's laptop but it doesn't have any good typing programs on it.
I'm afraid I can't work on the story for a while.
Positive is that I am volunteering Saturday at the computer place so I could get it fixed then.
Least I have my Playstation 3 to pass the time, as well as some new games!
2464862>>2465690>>2482832>>2483059
I just want to thank all of you for all the support and praise that I am receiving!
And also...
Do any of you have any idea why the first couple of days after I upload something, nothing happens, and then much later I suddenly get LOADS of feed saying that people are favoriting my story?
Seriously, I should make a pole for this.
When do you guys even receive/read my story anyway?
Just curious.
Aquamarine Spark... that's adorable
2483622 Truthfully, you actually pretty light on him for a girl.
Ok I have no idea what you are trying to say here.
Hopefully this wont be as hard as trying to descend stairs.
"won't" not "wont"
It's much MUCH more harder.
Take out more, though I also thought you might have done this on purpose I don't know.
while as I directed my eyes anywhere but her.
Try "while I directed my eyes anywhere but at her."
I couldn't bring myself to say I by she motioned to me that she knew what I was getting at.
'But' not 'by'
It would almost look like Zacora's except that mine is puke green,
Zecora
Terry passed by me and gave a curious look but went by to stand by the front door where Mom stood.
Take out the first 'by'
I mumbled out a word a thanks and we made our way to the car.
a word "of" thanks
That's all I got.... wow took me a good 30 min. to find all these but I hope this helps.
2483680 I found it when it was first posted in rule 63 but I didn't bring myself to read it for a while.
And the only reason I can think of for the explosion of favs is because you said it was a lot like and will intermingle with "Love and Tolerance" so some might have thought it was a HiE fic, since some thought that about "Love and Tolerance" and there is a small chunk who are not fans of HiE fics.
(I say while rainbow dash stands on top of the comment box.)
2484540
Aquamarine Spark...
Never thought of it like that...
I like it!
2484871
This so helpful, thank you!
Only problem is the part about Zecora...
Maybe I wasn't clear but I was actually talking about Zecora's cloak, not Zecora herself.
I might need to go back and change that bit so others understand it better.
Also, the reason for why my story gets suddenly popular makes sense.
I'll make sure to keep that in mind in the future.
Furthermore...
I didn't know there was a Rule 63 section.
Huh...
Note for future reference... If someone has to look around beyond your Synopsis and Main Tags to find out what your story is about... Maybe a Synopis rewrite is in order...
Or at least an addition... The current one feels more like Purple Prose or Poetry more than a description. Which although nice is telling me very little about the story itself. Which makes things harder to sift through to Fics I want to read as of this moment.
... Not that it will keep me from reading it... But It could be better...
For example... My Own Fic that had the beginnings made after several soft drink binges, and is generally able to elicit from me (while trying to write it) the response of... Erm...
[youtube=ct72rlVULew]
And yet I still managed to make the Synopsis Sane... For the first Sentence before running off on an insanity warning.
"Rainbow Dash Saves Luna's Life and So they Start a Hero's Guild."
...
Man, I must sound so critical...
Not that I won't read this fic, I'll probably read it later after I've done some other things, but I should probably check out that Other story you mentioned first.
2485313 Oh no I understood you were talking about her cloak but you spelled her name wrong.
2486467
Oh, yeah, I see it.
Sorry, didn't notice the difference between the e and the a until now.
Easy to mix those up sometimes...
2485626
Synopsis...
Do you mean like the description?
Yeah, I probably need to change that...
You see, I'm really bad at that kind of stuff and I don't know how to approach it.
Hence, why it seems kinda fancy because I put way too much thought into it.
If you haven't read "Love and Tolerance" yet then I highly recommend you do but so far there isn't much difference what order you read them.
The story hasn't gone long enough for both universes to collide yet.
*Ahem*
cdn.motinetwork.net/motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/0809/your-and-youre-your-you-re-grammar-nazi-demotivational-poster-1220600636.jpg
With that out of the way.
sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-calm-and-use-correct-grammar-2.png
2508485
I would but my computer doesn't have auto grammar correct.
2508654 doesn't have to, that's what your brain is for and with a story that has as much potential as this one does it's obvious you've got one. You just need to train it is all. Hence my showing you your mistake.
2508714
I know what proper grammar is but it's easy to miss it sometimes.
If people pointed out mistakes throughout the story as they read, that would be very helpful.
I think I'm getting addicted to these sorts of stories- might even have to make my own at some point.
Anyway, on a note relative to your story,
Wow! You did a really good job on this, I love the way you portrayed the family and their reactions. So many times the MC is a single dude living on his own, a few years out of the nest, aka the typical portrayal of a brony.
Now, back to the part that does not have to do with this story in particular.
I'm seriously considering doing a GB HTPOE story similar to this one and Love and Tolerance, but not quite the same universe. Do any of you beautiful, wizened, intelligent authors of the genre (Or Samaru) happen to think that you could lend a helping hoof with it? If I'm gonna write something, I want to write it right.
2518056
You know, flattery will get you nowhere with most people.
Luckily, I am not most people.
I'm not sure if I would be qualified but I am willing to help.
If you need more input you should also talk to TOOS0BER.
Anywho, I have loads of ideas and as long as it's not my writing I can notice if parts of a story seem weird easily.
So, my final words are;
What of my assistance dost thou require?
(I swear to god all of this attention is getting to my head and I LOVE it!!!)
2518650 It's more the reactions that I think I may have trouble with. I'm unsure how to write a character's reactions in a natural way that wouldn't come off as copied off of you guys, or First Pony View(No way am I gonna be able to write that detailed). You've made yours successfully, and I am asking of you how you did it. Did you take how you believe you would react to the situation from yourself and twist it to apply to the character, or did you think about how the character would react directly by thinking about their backstory and emotional mindset? There seem like so many ways to accomplish this, and I have no idea which could yield the best results. Have you any ideas, Author?
Also, flattery isn't something I try to do as a form of persuasion. Honestly, I just usually use that when speaking with any entities that I have placed upon a certain nonphysical pedestal that I use to remind myself that they are deserving of such praise. In my own words that I thought up myself,
Being as polite as possible to every person you meet is something you should always do, for you never know how influential they may be to your own life.
2518747
Hmm...
So let me get this straight...
You're essentially asking how I come up with my story as well as my writing style?
Or at least something like that...
Like how I come up with the writing process?
Well, that's actually both simple and complicated at the same time.
My mind wanders a lot and when I usually read a fanfic I get ideas.
Eventually, I have the big picture of a story thought out, example is after reading TOOS0BER's "Love and Tolerance" and thinking a bit about the universe.
Then, I try to think of cool interactions that will make the story seem more lively or interesting, depending on the main characters feeling, attitude, origins, etc.
I'll come up with transitions between said parts and liven it up with some well placed humor and snide remarks and you eventually come up with what I've been giving everyone.
So, here are some step by step instructions that you could follow, keep in mind that this will all be in your head (I know it is for me) and it won't be finalized till you think more about it and start typing:
1. Concept: Where do you plan on going with this? What is the point of the story?
2. How does the story begin/end: It's good to think about this, even though you might not go with the same ending in the end it can still help you think of an awesome finisher along the way.
3. What are some cool scenes that you can include: Anything that is action packed, interesting, deepens character development or more should be filed away for later. These would be pretty big/important scenes in a story that will capture a readers attention.
4. How will you transition between said scenes: Essentially, this will be filler. You don't want crap, boring filler either. It needs to be interesting and keep hold of the readers attention. An example in my latest chapter is, well, the entire chapter. Things will get big when Spencer goes to school (SPOILER!) and I just decided to have some fun along the way until he gets there.
5. Think back to number three: Are you still going to stick with a certain big scene? Sometimes there might not be room or they could clash. This is also a good time to think of different ways to approach a certain scene. Think of at least two to three different ways you can do it at least you're not blindly going in and have at least a choice between what could be a good or bad idea.
6. Typing: As the thing says, begin typing your story.
7. Rethink ending?: Eventually, you may have an idea for a better ending and may want to change it or you're not happy with how you originally thought it out. It is better have a generalization in the beginning and mold something out of it by writing more.
8. Profit: Profit
Okay so yeah, these probably wont help you, but this is kinda how I go through my thought process when I want to write something.
It takes me at least a good few days before I have a solid idea of how a story can come out. Furthermore, character development will have a huge impact on chapters. If you think that the character wont do what you had originally planned out next then you're going to have to adjust it so that way it fits them.
I easily fix this by making almost every story I ever have an idea for a self-insert.
1. It would be pretty kick ass do do half of the things that I can come up with.
2. The main character will think similar to me so it will be easier to figure out what their next move will be on an upcoming scene.
The characters are tweaked a little so they aren't all copies of me but have a close enough mind set to know what they're thinking and what possible actions I could take by using their logic which will be similar, if not close, to mine.
Dunno if this is helpful or not or just plain confusing.
I'm still not quite sure what you're asking help for but if I'm doing it wrong then please be more clear.
Anyway, if you have anymore questions or are unsure about anything (which I'm pretty sure is about all of what I just write) then message me again or whatever.
Furthermore, knowing wether or not this was helpful would be good too, I think I was mostly rambling but I'm unsure...
Anyway, good luck and stuff!
So awesome!
2520309 Wow. That was much longer and much more in depth than I expected, thank you! I think it is safe to say that that is very, very helpful. I have a significantly clearer idea of how the story creation should go, enough to get started on the story itself. I thank you once again, and have a good day (or night, if you're reading this then.)
2521612
Glad that I can help! :D
I'm surprised that this isn't all confusing...
Hmn...Author I think you should do this Q/A session, and thus my question/s for you are...In the matter of a Twilight/Pinkie list...
1. How did you come up with the ideas, other than those of T00S0BER, In this fic?
2. To Spencer....what's your favorite fruit...and do you like Moon Tomatoes....*hands over a moon tomato* and the place where it comes from.
Cucumber: Do you 3 like?
How was your date?
3. To Terry....How was the shopping trip with your mother? Did you get new clothes?
4. To The Mother and the Father: How are you handling these changes?
5: To entire cast: Do you like mmmm Bananas?
Edit: Please answer these questions in Q/A
2559453
I'm glad someone thinks I should do the Q&A session but I need more people to go with it if it is to happen. I'll ask again next chapter if I should do it and if I get enough responses then it will happen.
2561713 OK...thanks for responding to this comment TFRTTC! ...hmn...I'm not sure if that works...Does it?
2561722
Depends...
Duh Duh Dun!!!
And your welcome. :)
2569472 *thumbs up here*
I retract my previous complaint from the last chapter. Now that I think about it, it makes TOTAL sense that he would explode.
Only one problem: you keep switching from past tense to current tense. You should decide on one of them and stick with it.