• Member Since 23rd Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Sunday

The Night Aegis


T

The Pegasi of Equestria have a long and proud heritage, stretching back to the days of Commander Hurricane. While much of those traditions and values have faded and become blurred with their unity with their cousins, some traditions, values, and even grudges never disappear.

The family of Stratus Prism has just suffered a harsh blow by fate and life, as they seek to overcome their grief they natural make wishes of the heart to a world they believe does not hear them. Until one day, it seems the world has in fact responded to their pleas.

Follow as a young Rainbow Dash and her family forge a trail of rainbows into the skies of Equestria, in the name of honor, family, friendship, love, and perhaps the future.

NOTE: rating may change with later chapters. / Collaboration with Obsidian Quill for some chapters, thanks bro!

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 14 )
Comment posted by Namara deleted Mar 8th, 2013

Amazing writing for a first timer! I'm going to keep a close eye on this story.
Can you use my OC for one of the Wonderbolts? My avatar pic is her and there's more on my dA. Her name's Blue Streak.

*throws tear gas and flash bang grenades into the bunker, walks in with gas mask on. A machine gun with armour piercing rounds in his hand* time to get to it :rainbowdetermined2:

This is a pretty awesome story, I don't see any mistakes, typos or grammar,
The story itself is amazing and I look forward to more
*puts gun away* oh and sorry about the flash bang grenade I got a little but ahead of myself

Not terrible, though I couldn't make it through the whole chapter. You made one very big error I can never just over look and keep reading.

You have two characters speaking in the same paragraph. You do not do that. Ever.

It doesn't matter if this is your 'first fic' or you're 'new at writing' as it is a detail covered in English classes. Grade School English classes.

...As you can plainly see it's an issue that greatly frustrates me.

If that one thing was cleared up I could probably enjoy this fic just fine.

Oh, and don't drop that 'I fixed it in later chapters' excuse. Unless you actually go back and fix older chapters then you haven't learned the most important lesson of all, a good story, like a good building, is only as sturdy as it's foundation. The foundation is laid in the first chapter... and if it isn't up to par then why should a reader venture further?

2287498 Dude calm down, while the advise is good there is no need to blow a nitpick out of proportion. :twilightsmile:

Shinning Armor.

Shinning Armor? He kicks people in their shins?
Shining Armor is the correct spelling :facehoof:

2328154

Doh! :facehoof: Thanks for the heads up Rainbow I really appreciate it.

I hope other than that there were no other errors. Hope you all enjoyed the latest.

2328612 yeah this chater was awesome but it had a little something :rainbowdetermined2: missing

2328671 If you mean RD, don't you worry she is just finishing SFC and will be back for the next chapter.

An interesting story. Not as many spelling errors in this chapter as the others and the story structure is quite good. I am quite curious to see more of Flutters and Dash but I was led here due to the Romance tag. I am also wondering if the other sleepers all took on the looks of foals who died from nearby families, without that kind of connection I don't see many people randomly taking them in.

Why do you hide in that bunker? *loads bunker buster missile onto f-18 super hornet* tell me!

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