Paper-Thin Hymn
Part 2 - Paper-Thin Hymn
Several weeks back, just after he had begun to date Twilight, Caramel had come across a peculiar phrase in a book. As Twilight read to him, he had been given pause by the book as it mentioned “the feeling of having your heart given back to you.” He had asked her to reread the passage several times, but with each repetition the meaning escaped him more.
Now he knew—more than that, he felt it. He had offered his heart up to another, and had it rejected. Four little words had broken Caramel’s world more than anything else could have.
I’m sorry, Caramel… No.
He sat in front of the roaring fire, staring blankly at the perfect mare who had just rejected his marriage proposal. His mind was simple white noise, echoes of Twilight’s words bouncing around his head.
“I—uh, you—what?”
Twilight hung her head in shame at his pain. “Caramel, I’m sorry. I really am, but it—it’s just not right yet.”
“What’s not right? I don’t understand,” he pled, his voice cracking in sympathy with his heart.
“Believe me, I do want to be married to you, but not for the wrong reasons.”
“I just, I mean, I only want…”
She met his gaze, both of their eyes slightly watery. “Caramel, I’ll take it back—I’ll marry you tomorrow—just tell me honestly that this proposal has nothing to do with what Daisy and Lily said to you yesterday. Please tell me that didn’t motivate you to do this.”
Caramel’s heart sank into his stomach. “H-h-how,” he stammered quietly, “how could you know about that?”
“After you left last night, I was almost heartbroken. I couldn’t figure out why you kept turning me down, why you kept leaving every time I invited you to stay. I was about to go to bed when Rarity stopped by.” Twilight sighed unhappily. “She told me that she saw you get yelled at by those two.”
Caramel scowled. “Oh, so your friends are checking up on me now?”
Twilight narrowed her eyes right back at him but kept her voice soft. “It’s not like that, Caramel, and you know it isn’t. I trust you with all my heart. Rarity was just worried about you, and she thought it was something I should know about.”
He winced. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry…”
The unicorn scooted close enough to pull him into a hug, which he didn’t return. “Hey, I understand how you feel. Up until last night, I had almost convinced myself that you didn’t want me anymore because I was pregnant.”
“Twilight, no! Of course not! If anything, I—”
She put a hoof to his lips, silencing him. “I know, Caramel. I knew the whole time, but I still doubted, even though I shouldn’t have. But after Rarity told me what had happened and how it seemed to trouble you, it all began to make sense. I had a suspicion that you might do just what you did tonight.”
A look of pained confusion flashed across Caramel's face. “So, wait, you planned to turn me down? I really don’t understand! What is so wrong about wanting to provide for you, wanting to make things right?”
“Nothing, love, nothing!” Twilight hugged him fiercely, as much to assure him as to give herself time to keep from crying before looking back into his eyes. “Caramel, I love you so much, but starting a marriage out of obligation is never the right way. If there’s even the slightest doubt that you had a choice, if you feel like you need to marry me, then there’s a chance—no matter how small—that someday you or I would regret it. We could regret the marriage—or even the foal who prompted it…” she said softly, rubbing her belly self-consciously. “I won’t let that happen, Caramel. I promised Rainbow Dash, if nothing else.” Twilight nuzzled her coltfriend tenderly along his jawline. “When you and I commit to each other, I won’t let anything come between us.”
Caramel sat, still in his haze, only sporadic thoughts passing through to meet his brain. He looked down at the mare who sat holding him, both of them equally on the verge of tears. He put a tentative hoof around her. “I love you, too, Twi,” he said quietly.
She looked up at him, a sad smile on her face. “Someday, the time will be right.”
“When?”
“I don’t know yet, but when it’s right, we’ll know.” She felt Caramel slump slightly in her hooves, so she backed off, letting him go. “I’m going to bed,” she murmured. “I know the mood is totally gone, but if you’re not too upset with me, I’d still like to share my bed with you tonight. Even if just for the company.”
He nodded, closing his eyes as he received a soft kiss on the cheek. Caramel listened to her hoofsteps fading out on the padded stairs, instead turning to stare into the now-dying fire. He looked around for a poker or some implement to stoke the fire with, but his search came up empty. With a grimace, he poked quickly at the logs with his hoof only to back off quickly, shaking his hoof as he felt his fur start to singe.
“Woah, woah!” Caramel turned as a decidedly masculine voice came from behind him. The logs in the fireplace glowed blue as they shifted about, and another log floated in to join them on the hearth.
Shining Armor sat down next to the earth pony. “Thought you were gonna hurt yourself there. Sorry about not having a poker. House full of unicorns and all that.”
“Oh,” Caramel said, his eyes shifting uneasily at the nearby stallion, “of course.”
The royal stallion glanced over at him several times. “Are—are you scared of me?”
“Um… sorta.”
Shining laughed. “Why? Because I’m a prince?”
Caramel shook his head. “No, because you’re Twilight’s big brother and you probably hate me now.”
The unicorn chuckled and backed off, settling easily into one of the large, soft armchairs. “You know, I actually had a plan for this visit. I was all set to give you a hard time, do the big brother thing. And then Twilight announced that she was pregnant and you were the father. Oh, wow…”
Caramel winced. “Yeah. I thought you were gonna jump over the table and kill me…”
“I considered it.” Caramel gawked at Shining. “Oh, trust me, I thought about it. I wanted to drag you into the street and beat you senseless right then and there, but like the wonderful, intelligent mare she is, Cadance made me stop and think first.” He sighed, leaning back into the chair. “I still wanted to talk to you, but she said we needed to give you two some space. While we were upstairs, Cadance told me just one thing. She said, ‘Go easy on him, Shiny. They’ve got it. I can see it all over both of them.’”
“I don’t quite follow…”
Shining chuckled. “Cadance’s specialty is love. She can sense when two ponies are truly in love, and in some cases she can actually help those ponies realize it for themselves. I told her days ago that if she interfered here, though, I’d be rather upset.” He sighed overdramatically. “Of course, that news did throw a wrench in my plans—can’t play the angry big brother now that I know my sister’s truly in love.”
Caramel stared into the fire and mulled over Shining’s words. The two stallions lapsed into silence, less tense and more at ease with each other.
“Shining,” Caramel asked at last, “what is love?”
Shining Armor grinned. “Filly, don’t hurt me?”
“Oh, why would you bring that up?” Caramel chuckled. “I swear, if I never hear that song again…”
“Heh, yeah.”
“Seriously, though. There’s gotta be something I’m missing.” He looked over at the married stallion. “Twilight just turned me down.”
“What do you mean, turned you down?”
“I asked her to marry me, and she said no.”
Shining Armor leaned forward. “What, seriously? Why?”
Caramel gave Shining the overview of the conversation that took place earlier that night, and the results thereof. Shining sat amazed, shaking his head slowly.
“I swear sometimes, that filly…” he muttered.
“Am I wrong, Shining? Did I screw it up?”
“Caramel, there’s a lot of things I could tell you about love and marriage, and most of it really wouldn’t make sense right now. Frankly, most of it you just have to experience for yourself. For what it’s worth, I agree with my little sister; it’s not wrong, but it’s just not quite right yet, either.”
The earth pony gritted his teeth in frustration. “But what does that mean?”
“What would you do if Twilight called it off?”
“Wait, what?” Caramel asked, floundering from the change of topic.
“I know you’ve had the thought, because all stallions think it at some point, especially those like us, who know our mates pretty well outclass us: ‘Someday she’s gonna realize that I’m not that great and leave. Someday she’ll wake up and see that she could do so much better than me.’ Am I right?”
Caramel nodded his head sadly. “Yeah, it’s true. She deserves much better than me…”
Shining Armor got up and walked over, lightly punching a hoof into Caramel’s shoulder. “Hey, cheer up. Just the fact that you realize that says there’s hope for you. But just as a hypothetical, what would you do if that happened? What if she said she wanted to end your relationship?”
Caramel let his gaze fall back to the floor, staring at nothing as he pondered. It was the blackest scenario he could imagine. It had played out in his head many times before, but he had never yet considered what his response might be. “Well,” he said hesitantly, “I guess I’d want her to be happy, no matter what. I guess I’d have to let her go.”
“And that’s how I know that it isn’t right yet.” Shining put up a hoof to forestall Caramel’s question. “No, I’m not going to explain it. When you can figure out what I mean for yourself, then you’ll know if the time is right, too.” He put a brotherly hoof around Caramel’s shoulder and sighed. “Look, Caramel, I can’t believe I would ever tell anypony this, and it’s only because I love Twilight dearly. If I’m any judge of my sister, she feels terrible over what she said to you. Right now I’m sure she’s lying in bed, probably crying over how she hurt you, and I can’t stand that thought. So what you need to do is go be with her. I know you’re confused and hurt, but don’t think that she doesn’t love you. Just go, hold her, and let her know it’s all going to be okay.”
“Wait, did you just tell me to get in bed with—”
“Ah la la la la,” Shining interjected, closing his eyes and shaking his head in a juvenile “can’t hear you” gesture. “No, do not talk to me about that. I just know that you can make her feel better, and you should. I mean, yeah, I know that you two have already been”—his face twisted slightly—“together, obviously, so I can’t really say much. Just don’t make my little sister hurt any longer than she has to over this.”
Caramel felt his heart warm as he gave Shining a sheepish smile. “Thanks, Shining. For everything.”
“Hey, don’t mention it. Really. Don’t. But I’m glad to help.” He dropped his hoof back down and started walking towards the stairs. “Besides, I get the feeling that it won’t be that long before we’re brothers anyway, so why not?”
Once again left alone, Caramel thought over the night so far and the emotional ride it had been. At the start, he had been so sure that he loved Twilight more than anything, and now he felt uncertain as to what that even meant. Everything that used to be clear was muddied and indistinct now, but one thought remained in the forefront of his mind.
Shining Armor was right about one thing: Caramel knew Twilight felt terrible, and he couldn’t stand to think about that any longer than necessary. In the end, that made up his mind for him.
He checked to make sure the fire would die down safely and left the room, walking softly up the stairs and to the door at the near end of the hallway. The door swung open silently, but the shape under the covers still stirred as he entered.
“Caramel?” came Twilight’s tired, slightly strained voice.
He didn’t answer. Instead, he simply walked to the bed, pulled back the sheets, and slid into the bed against her back, putting his hoof around his marefriend and pulling her as close as possible. In the darkness, he heard her sigh happily in his grasp, as though a week’s worth of tension had just been released by his presence. In Caramel’s head, all the noise and confusion seemed to die down as he nuzzled up against the back of her neck, feeling the loose wisps of her mane against his nose.
This is right, he thought. This is enough for now.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, sniffling quietly as the remnants of her tears glistened in the darkness.
“I still have you,” he murmured in her ear. “And I still love you.”
As the train made it out of the mountains and into the plain that led to Ponyville, Twilight couldn’t get the morning’s breakfast out of her head. Perhaps it was to be expected after the events of the previous night, but the morning had been a flurry of mixed emotions and responses. Caramel had been very quiet, and, despite his repeated assurances that he wasn’t mad at her, Twilight knew that her rejection was weighing heavily on him. Conversation at the table had been subdued but without the tension of last night. Her father had made it a point to give her a hug and apologize for his reaction. He had taken Caramel aside to speak privately with him as well, and they had ended with a smile and a friendly hoof bump, so things seemed patched over between them at least.
What had truly surprised Twilight were the attitudes of Shining and Cadance. Shining had been very friendly with Caramel, making her think that they had gotten the chance to talk. The lack of bruises on Caramel made her wonder, but maybe Cadance had gotten Shining Armor to calm down before they met. From Cadance herself, Twilight almost felt a sadness directed towards her. As Twilight had left the house, hugging her family members goodbye, Cadance had held her tightly and said she wished she could fix things.
Twilight glanced over at Caramel. He wasn’t asleep like he had been on the way to Canterlot, but he was just as silent. He stared out the window, but she could tell that he wasn’t focusing on much of anything. The blankness of his face gave away nothing to most ponies, but the simple absence of his usual emotional expressions told Twilight that he had a lot on his mind.
She cleared her throat softly, just enough to break through to Caramel. “So,” she said hesitantly, “I guess you got a chance to talk to my brother, huh?”
He nodded. “Yeah, he came down after you went to bed.”
“Did he—I mean, how did it go?”
His chuckle sounded forced. “He didn’t beat me, if that’s what you’re wondering.” Twilight rolled her eyes, but inside she heaved a silent sigh of relief. “We just talked,” Caramel said.
“What about?” she prodded gently.
“Stallion stuff,” he said noncommittally.
Twilight stifled the urge to beg for more details, knowing that Caramel wasn’t in a mood to talk. His silence was beginning to worry her, though. She knew that apologizing yet again would only exasperate him, but the need to do so was becoming a bit overwhelming. Twilight was a scientist and an academic. She felt an innate need to fix and understand things, but Caramel wasn’t something she could fully understand. They were so different at times that it scared her, and she continually had to fight the urge to pry into his life. The more she relaxed and let him be himself around her, the more he opened up, but patience wasn’t one of her strong suits.
The worst part by far was the growing influence of her body, especially the way the hormones in her bloodstream were making her act less and less like herself at times. She woke up irritable, even though the morning sickness had started to ease lately. There were mood swings, and her passion and her desire for Caramel could just as easily be matched by bitterness or defensiveness, with little to no warning. Maybe he’s just being smart by not staying over, she thought wryly.
The train pulled into the station, and ponies of every color moved to retrieve their luggage from the overhead racks and under their seats. Twilight set her bag on her back, gently cinching the strap around her midsection with her magic, and she and Caramel joined the crowd to walk off the train and onto the platform.
Outside, Caramel hesitated, his gaze shifting indecisively between the paths to Twilight’s home and his own. She leaned up against him. “Hey, do you want to get something to drink before we head home?”
He sighed quietly, a slightly pained expression showing through at the corners of his eyes. “I dunno, Twi. I think I just need some time alone to think things over.”
“Oh,” Twilight said, her face falling along with her spirits. “Yeah, I understand that.”
Caramel leaned down to nuzzle her gently. “I’ll see you soon, though. I love you,” he said.
“I love you, too,” she responded, smiling in spite of the mood.
Twilight stayed and watched him trot slowly away, his head low and his ears down, before she set off in the opposite direction, knowing her posture was probably a pretty close match for his. She kept telling herself that Caramel was telling the truth, that he just needed some time to sort through his feelings and he’d be back soon. Even so, her mind seemed to delight in making her consider all the worst scenarios.
What if I pushed too hard and now he’s too heartbroken to come back? What if he thinks I’m too high-maintenance now, or that I’m too demanding? What if I only get that one chance? She turned onto the final street, making her way towards her home. Was it really worth breaking his heart for my fears? Who’s to say that either of us would ever regret being married anyway? Did I— Is that Fluttershy?
Her thoughts derailed, Twilight trotted up to the library just as Fluttershy turned away from the door, apparently having just tried to determine if Twilight was home or not.
“Uh, hi, Fluttershy,” Twilight said, trying to keep her voice quiet.
The yellow pegasus still jumped slightly, spinning around with a quiet yelp. “Oh, goodness, Twilight, there you are. I was just coming by to return a book, and I wasn’t sure if you had gotten back from Canterlot yet.”
Twilight unlocked the door and welcomed her friend inside, not bothering to flip the sign in the window from “closed.” Fluttershy pulled the book out of her saddlebag and held it up in her mouth. “Thanks,” Twilight said as she took the book and reshelved it.
“Um, are you okay?”
Twilight tried to summon up an easy smile. “Yeah, why?”
Fluttershy frowned. “Really?”
“Okay, no, not really,” Twilight admitted, her smile falling away.
“What’s wrong, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked, sitting down on a bench and patting the space next to her invitingly.
Twilight found a bench of her own and brought her friend up to speed on how the day in Canterlot had gone. The pegasus nodded and occasionally hmmmed along with the story, but she kept silent as Twilight spoke.
“… So now I’m trying to convince myself that I haven’t ruined everything,” Twilight finished with a sigh, looking up to meet her friend’s gaze. “Have I screwed up? Am I asking for too much?”
Fluttershy wrung her hooves, biting her lip slightly in concentration. “Well, I don’t really know Caramel that well, so it’s hard to say, but I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting things to be perfect.”
“But things are never perfect, so isn’t that irrational?”
“Oh, my,” Fluttershy blurted, scrambling to keep up. “I don’t think we should stop hoping for it, though.”
Twilight slumped, her head on her hooves. “I hurt him so badly. I’ve never seen him so withdrawn before. What do I do about it?”
“Do you trust him?”
Twilight glanced over. “How do you mean? I wouldn’t suspect him of doing anything wrong, certainly not just because of this.”
Fluttershy shook her head. “No, I mean do you trust his heart? Do you believe that he can follow it even after being hurt?” Twilight remained silent, frowning as Fluttershy went on. “I’m probably not the best pony to tell you this—maybe Rainbow Dash would be better—but part of loyalty is trusting your friends to make the right choices.”
“So, by worrying so much about Caramel’s feelings, I’m selling him short?”
“I suppose you could look at it that way, but maybe it’s easier to describe as ‘don’t push him before he’s ready.’ Just be there when he needs you. Stallions need space when they’re hurt. It’s the same way with most male animals, actually,” she said, growing more confident as she spoke about her passion for animals. “When a male animal is hurt, they won’t want to come to me for help as readily, and if I insist that they need it, they just pull away more. If I allow them to come to me for help when they’re ready for it, they’re more likely to come sooner.”
Twilight nodded. “I suppose I am thinking more like his mother than his marefriend…”
“You’re worried, and he’s in pain. It’s perfectly natural. Just remember to let him find his own way when he needs to.”
“You know something, Fluttershy?” Twilight said with a relaxed laugh. “You’re a lot more helpful to talk to than my reflection.”
Caramel wasn’t very sure of anything anymore. He barely slept at all that night, tossing fitfully in the grasp of dreams he couldn’t understand and couldn’t hang on to. When morning came, he was grateful for the distraction of the workday, and set off for Sweet Apple Acres.
He had discarded his cloak in favor of a tighter-fitting vest for use against the cold. Even in the brisk winter air, the movement it afforded him was much more suited to his job. The sun helped as well, and he didn’t feel the bite of cold as he trotted onto the farm’s expansive campus.
On an ordinary day, he probably would have been chuckling, going cross-eyed trying to stare at the plumes of his breath misting in front of his face, but today his gaze was miles distant. The empty branches of the orchard seemed to clutch at the scattered clouds as he walked down the frozen dirt path towards the farmhouse.
In front of the home was Applejack, fighting the water trough in front of the outdoor pump with a small hatchet, breaking apart the ice so the animals could get to the water inside. She straightened and set the axe down, shaking the splashed water from her face as she heard the steady crunch of Caramel’s hooves against the snow and dirt.
“Mornin’, Caramel. How was the trip?”
He stopped short of the trough, stamping his hooves to loosen the snow that had tracked onto them. “Oh, it was all right,” he grunted.
Applejack cocked her head as she looked up at him. “That’s it? How was her family?”
“They were… caught off balance,” he said diplomatically. “But they came around after we got to talk. I think they like me okay—or at least okay enough that her brother isn’t going to have me killed.”
Applejack chuckled even as she watched him intently. “And Princess Celestia? Didja get ta meet her?”
“Yeah, she was great. And different than I would have expected.”
“True, she ain’t really stuck to stereotype much.” His boss put a hoof to her chin. “So, to recap: You got to hang out with royalty, meet your marefriend’s family, none of the above wants to kill you, and the trip was just ‘all right’? What’s eatin’ ya, sugarcube?”
Caramel blanched slightly. “Who said anything about something being wrong?”
“Caramel, if you coulda seen yourself before ya left, you’d know there was a significant difference.”
He sighed, letting his false cheer drop. “Well, Twilight told me she didn’t want to marry me.”
Applejack stared at him like he’d grown a horn and wings. “Um, what?”
“I proposed to her, and she turned me down. Said I was proposing because I felt like I was supposed to.”
Applejack leaned against the trough unsteadily, her face flickering between confusion and disbelief as Caramel sat sadly on the ground, unconcerned by the feeling of his haunches on the snowy ground.
“So,” she began hesitantly, before the silence could get too awkward, “was she right?”
He sighed. “I don’t know, AJ.”
“Ya know why you’re with her, right?”
“Of course I do, I’m with her because I love her.”
Applejack smiled. “Is that why you want ta marry her?” Caramel opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by his boss. “Remember, you’re talkin’ to the Element of Honesty, here.” Caramel shut his mouth and thought hard instead. Applejack patted his shoulder with a hoof as she turned to leave. “You think it over, sugarcube. No reason to rush.”
Caramel watched her leave, his head swimming. He completed his tasks in a daze that day, as if controlled remotely by somepony else. He felt as if he were watching himself from the outside, not really comprehending what was going on. His mind kept revisiting the same question, over and over. Why?
As the sun tipped over its apex and began its downward arc, Caramel gave up. He hung up the shovels and rakes and wandered off to his own little corner of the work barn. In the corner was his kingdom. A workbench, covered in hoof tools and parts in need of mending, sat against the wall, and a small locker stood in the corner. There was even a bathroom with a tiny shower for his use as well. He clicked on the desk light and went straight to the locker, reaching in and pulling a notebook out of the saddlebags hanging inside.
He flipped open the cover, leafing through the thick, rough pages as he searched for a pencil with his other hoof. The small pad was filled with sketches, rough and complex both. Everything from machine diagrams to still life portraits covered the off-white paper, from sunsets captured in shades of graphite grey to a simple flower shown in almost excruciating detail to a rough sketch of Applejack and Big Mac tending to the fields.
As he neared the back, though, the subjects began to change, becoming increasingly dominated by a single mare’s face and outline. He stopped, putting the sketchbook down as he stared at the page before him, and the outline of a form he knew so well that lay on it. Caramel tried to distance himself, to look objectively at the crude drawing, to see what it might be saying to somepony else. What feelings did these simple lines contain? Was there love in his pencil strokes?
The page offered up no secrets to him, no advice. He grunted in irritation and flipped to a clean sheet, snatching up his pencil. He hovered over the empty page, holding the leaded tip short. He closed his eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath. What do I want most?
He released the breath slowly, allowing the pencil to begin scrawling across the surface. He sketched in short, emphatic bursts, tracing over lines dozens of times, as if forming the image out of marble instead. He chiseled away at the shapes, slowly bringing the image in his head to life. He saw Twilight’s head, held low, eyes closed. He paused, forcing himself to stop before he added details, simply staring at the nearly blank form. Where am I in this?
He started again, roughing in a second form behind that of his love, allowing his own body to come into the picture. He had never drawn them together before, now that he thought about it. Maybe he had been too busy holding her up as an ideal instead? It seemed in the drawing that Twilight was curled against his neck lovingly, and his head was tucked against her tenderly as well. He drew his own eyes closed as well, and paused again before details could be added.
I don’t even really know what I’m feeling here, any more than I know what she’s feeling…
Were they holding each other out of joy? Sadness? Was it a truly contented feeling or one filled with melancholy?
Caramel let the pencil drop from his hoof, the graphite leaving small, scar-like traces on the edges of the paper as it rolled to a rest. It seemed that the more he learned about Twilight, the less he knew about himself. Even his art seemed to attest to this fact, going from lifelike portrayals to abstract sketches over the course of their relationship. He knew there was something more to this sketch, though, something that eluded him, contained in the utterly simplistic line drawing. It was as if his drawing held some truth that he just couldn’t put his hoof on, and adding anything beyond what was already there would just obscure it more.
He gave a frustrated snort and shut the sketchbook, stuffing it back into the saddlebag and slinging the whole case over his back. He walked home the long way, wandering alone through the back fields and along the edge of the Everfree. He finally arrived at his apartment, walking up the stairs at the rear of Bon Bon’s sweet shop to the rented living quarters above, and stopped with his hoof hovering over the doorknob.
The sketch surfaced in his mind, the first time he had ever drawn himself and Twilight together. He really, really didn’t want to be alone right now. He turned and headed back down the stairs, setting his hooves on a path they knew well.
The sun was about halfway set when he arrived, the light warming his back as he rapped gently on Twilight’s door with a hoof. The door swung gently open, pulled by the telekinetic force of the mare inside.
“Oh, Caramel! How are you?”
Caramel’s heart jumped slightly at seeing the way her face perked up when she saw him. “You were right, Twilight,” he said softly. “My motives weren’t right. There’s so much about all this I still just don’t understand. I don’t really even understand myself, really.” He took a breath, letting it out slowly. “I’m not really sure why I want to be with you, I just know I do.”
Twilight beamed at him, her smile warming his heart. “That’s good enough for me,” she said, welcoming him in with a tender nuzzle.
Twilight curled up against her stallion, her head laid on his chest, listening to his breathing slowing as he drifted to sleep. The steady cadence of his heartbeat was comforting to the mare, making it all seem more real.
Caramel had told her that he didn’t want his staying the night to become a regular thing, that he wanted it to stay special to them both. She pulled her head back just far enough to look into his face, seeing the utter peace on it as he slept. There was no doubt it was special. Even though she wasn’t experienced in love, Twilight had talked to her friends and heard enough stories to know that Caramel was something a mare didn’t find every day. His touch was tender and loving, never forceful. He gave his affection, never taking for himself.
Even though she had turned down his proposal of marriage, his motivations had still been focused on her, misplaced though they may have been. Twilight couldn’t really figure out why the answer she needed to hear seemed to elude him so often. As outward as his emotions were, surely he could see that she just wanted him to love her for the sake of loving her? He never expected that all the things he did for her would buy her love, but he resorted so quickly to those way to show his love.
Still, though, she thought, he’s never had a problem showing his affection. The unicorn snuggled back up against Caramel’s side, the stallion twitching slightly in his sleep and wrapping a hoof around her back unconsciously. Twilight sighed happily as she let her eyes close. All those little differences between them never seemed to matter in moments like these. It made her sure that they could make it as a couple, that eventually, no matter what, they would be happy together.
It was a good thought to fall asleep to.
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Now that's better.
Did that really just happen? Really? In 2013, that just happened.
*sigh* You force my hand, Ottermatt.
Just awesome, loved this chapter. Keep up the good work
That was such a heart warming Chapter, Keep it up I can not wait for more.
So much d'aww. Really, dude, another fantastic, heartwarming chapter.
Thank you.
Good shit. Can't wait for more.
Update!!!
, i have never done this, commenting before i finish reading a chapter, but buck it this deserves it
i´ll comment once more when i finish reading the chapter
I squealed like a little girl when I saw that this story had updated.
KEEP GOING.
A good note to end on before the hiatus, rather than an intolerable cliffhanger. thank you.
just finished reading, i have never said this before, but i wish i could make a more intelligent comment about your story Otter, but i can´t in rare occasions i found a story so good that it just pulls me away from reality, my brain shuts and just let myself float away with the feelings from the story, honestly its a bittersweet feeling, because i love it and at the same time i wish i could express my gratitude over to the author and let him know how grateful i am
i loved everything from this chapter and if i dare to say, you don't give yourself enough credit, if this story is influenced by as little as 10% of the love you share with your wife, i would say you know about love more than people in their entire lives would wish to begin to know, and before i get side tracked, congratulations on your marriage (even if it comes a few years after
), but yes even as love comes in way too many shapes and forms, the one between Caramel and Twilight is one of the most warm i have seen so thank you for that.
d'awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww MOAR!
Well, that went better than I thought it was going to.
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Oh geez, I cannot believe you just did that.
2334746
Old memes don't die
2335257
They just fade away.
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True... don't be sad, have some fail gifs:
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everything went better than expected :3
Huh. I half expected the epiphany to arrive through him adding to the sketch Twilight holding their foal.
Eh. Still sweet.
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Even though I hadn't planned for it originally, that sketch will turn out to be important. And the eventual epiphany is so simple that I doubt anyone will even guess what it is.
Can I just say, this is one of my all-time favorite stories? I love this so much and look forward to the updates because I know I'll love them. Also, you've made Twilight/Caramel my second fave f/m twi ship.
There are so many powerful emotional moments to look forward to in this story. One that I hope happens though, is Twilight yelling at Daisy and Lilly, and not just because they deserve it. It would also be an outward expression of how confident Twilight is that their relationship will work. That and standing up for her stallion.
LOL this was a fluffy chapter. Lots of love and tenderness... Very fluffy. Looking forward to more
I don't know what to feel. I suppose I'll just feel everything then.
N'aawwrghhhhmmmrrrghhhNNNHRGUNnonignrsJNGIRBLARRGHH
I think... I think I need a cigarette now... I don't even smoke...
"I thought you said forever
Over and over..."
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THANK YOU. Thank you so much for getting the reference. Oh man, I'm so happy right now, you don't even know.
2335626 i would laugh the good kind of laugh from the story of course, if at the end the epiphany is something like "holy crap we are gonna be parents"
i don't remember either of them having one like that, i remember Twilight freaking out about raising the foal by herself and how would she tell Caramel about it, but i don´t remember a moment when all of that passed and the world of parenthood falls on them, that could be the reason Caramel didn't draw a little foal in that last sketch, but also could be school messing with my head i don't make north from south right now 
Well worth the wait. Awesome work.
2335257 They just pop up unexpectedly and make me, at least, laugh at the reference.
...Goddamn that was awesome.
Thank you Matt! That was beautifull
There's no feels like the feels that come from an OTP
This fic is amazing 
I was getting so caught up in the story, when I finally got to the end, I'm like "FUCK!"
Amazing.
I've been wanting to leave a chapter review for quite awhile now... for one reason or another however, I strangely couldn't get my thoughts together: in the end however, I wanted to be able to say something about this chapter and write my feelings on it.
I think, in a sense, why I couldn't get my thoughts down for this (aside from procrastination and other things, of course), and I honestly had a hard time with this chapter...is that, to be perfectly perfectly honest, I lost my connection to it: I'm not sure what it was, but my first time reading it or so, especially the first half, I simply lost my connection to it, and I felt I wasn't able to say anything about it. I wasn't sure why, but thinking it through, I think the reason comes down to the fact that you are putting so much of yourself personally in this story - you make no secret of that, saying that within your blog posts, but reading this chapter, I really got a sense of that....things like, Caramel sketching and thinking of a drawing of Twilight and what is his place with her: most of this chapter was through Caramel's perspective, but the overwhelming impression I got was that he might as well be you -- obviously, I doubt you were interjecting yourself totally into the character, but reading this thoughts and actions, I can tell this is personal for you.
So why then was it hard for me? Because, really, I'm not Caramel...I've not in a relationship, nor have ever been one - and reading about how so much of this mature point in his relationship, is purely experiential and he's not going to learn and make sense of it any other way.....for awhile, it honestly made things difficult for me to think of something to say: Caramel is struggling because he, in some sense, is on his own...Shining told him, as have all the characters who help in this chapter, that Caramel and Twilight are simply going to have to trust each other, and trust that they will come around and do the right thing for the right reasons....on the face of it, this is simple enough --in a sense, there is nothing new here that I haven't necessarily heard in romance stories before, and I've been reading romance stories and fanfiction for, sheesh, something like a decade or so.....but whatever it was, or why, I briefly found myself disconnected from your story and the plight of the characters, and It made it difficult for me to leave a review because I didn't feel emotionally invested in it anymore......if Caramel and Twilight are going to have to learn and figure everything out themselves, in this mature point in their relationship, then how in the world could I relate given that I'm not even in a relationship at all in the first place, nor have ever been in one? It made me feel that anything I say will, in a sense, be superficial because I would be speaking from watching other people, stories, and essentially experiences that are not my personal own.
However, that feeling was brief - after all, I'm leaving a review right now, aren't I? The second half of the story, made it easier for me and I began to find myself being able to collect my thoughts again: As before, It's definitely palpable to me just how personal this story is for you, and that you are inserting yourself, in some way, into what's going on...maybe it's only because you've told us that, but even if that's the case, that knowledge is making me look at your story in a much more deeper and emotional way, which, as before, may have been why I found it difficult to say anything on it, given that the circumstances these characters are going through, aren't anything that I have ever done - once again, how can I relate to a character struggling with marriage, when it's so far away from anything I've ever been through? Nevertheless, even though there was a bit of an emotional disconnect, I still found myself enjoying it, of course, and I"m happy things seemed to end on a positive note....that Caramel simply wants to love Twilight, for no reason other then that...which, in itself, is the best reason: the most wonderful things a person can do, is to do them purely for the sake of it....that's what altruism even means - not doing it out of obligated, guilt, pandering to someone or something...simply doing good, for the sake of it, and Caramel wanting to be married and be with Twilight, not out of a sense of duty and responsibility to fix the "mistake" of making a child with her, but simply because he loves her and wants to be with her (and the very idea of the child even being a "mistake" is nonsense, of course)....he's certainly on the right track of things.
I like Twilight in this, I really really do
...her mentality, I have to admit, in the beginning, is very close to mine, and I like how she clues into the fact that marriage, really out of any sense of obligation or decision other then love, is setting up a miserable future....No, you can argue that you need to be realistic and can't carry a marriage, a relationship, purely on love (and in that sense, it's wonderful that they are not rushing into marriage - yes, they have a child, but they are spending more time getting to learn about each other before walking down the aisle), but she knows that once a sense of guilt, financial necessity, sense of duty or obligation or whatever....the point is, once something other then love is the fundamental reason why they are actually married to each other, it's only setting up a future of drama and stress -- No, marriage isn't easy (nor should it be necessarily difficult), but if they are even going to get married in the first place, she wants it to be for love and for the right reasons...not because they were suckered into it by one reason or another, and she's wise enough to realize that.
I want to end it right there, but It really was a wonderful chapter - I loved how everyone helped, in their own way (I suppose though I wish I knew what Night Light said, though we know at least is seemingly ended on a positive note), which made me think of Social Experiment...and in general, I love the focus on Caramel, who has, in a sense, hasn't been the main character....Twilight was the main character in the previous story, but here, it seems to be Caramel and it's a feeling that is growing stronger the more I read this. I know you are having real-life difficulties right now, but if you manage to ever update this story, I certainly will read it
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this wasn't bad...
That more or less sums me up at this point. Bravo.
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They just go to /b/ and regroup.
2462158
Eh, let's be honest, she's probably just using it as an excuse.
2358730
Not sure about the obligation bit there. I'm not necessarily recommending the opposite, especially since I have exactly zero experience in that department, but I don't entirely agree. The way I see it is that it's not say, getting married, on account of an obligation in and of itself that is the problem. The problem is when you treat the whole thing as an obligation without trying to love the person. If we go back a few hundred years to arranged marriage, the shortest path to misery is refusing to accept any part of it. Granted that some relationships aren't healthy, but refusing to even try to love someone will make an unfortunate relationship miserable. I am of the opinion that love is something people create, at some level, it doesn't exist all by itself. Lust and desire, yes, love, not so much.
2568910
This is a wise and mature sense you have. No matter what Webster says, love is a verb. It's all about what you do, and choose to do.
2568910
First of all, I want to apologize for the late response.
I have to admit, I was a little confused by your words, but I think I get what you are trying to say.
You are right -- Love, passion, whatever you call it... is something we create, something that is cultivated overtime, which can grow and won't last unless you take good care of it, to speak metaphorically. When it comes to marriage, I stand by what I say: that love should be the fundamental reason for why these two are together, because any other reason just sets up a future of misery. I named financial necessity, staying together out of the child's sake etc...it's important to identify what are the right reasons for being with someone, and being with someone out of a 'need' without actually feeling something for this person, doesn't bode well for the future.
But I can understand how my words can come off as arbitrary and myopic...and you're right in that love certainly can bloom if they'd only try -- perhaps two people get together because they had a child out of wedlock, and now try to stay together: it was a one-time thing, or at least that was the intention, but now the child is here and their futures are very different then what it should have been. This all seems pretty disastrous, but it doesn't necessarily have to be that way....because maybe the starting point for their relationship was rocky, but given their circumstances, there is an obvious incentive to make the most out of it....and things can turn out more then okay: perhaps the couple starts to love each other and this "mistake" turns out to be a wonderful surprise.
Or maybe not, and they won't even try for it....it really depends on the context -- there is the idealized way of looking at marriage, that I went too, and there is perhaps the "realistic" way that you went into when things don't go according to plan: a change in life that can turn out to be more then good, but largely only if you and your partner would actually allow it. Love should be the fundamental reason why two people are married to eachother in the first place, but if it turns out that is not the case, there is still plenty room for happiness and love if they are willing to try for it...things may have gotten on a rocky start, but it doesn't have to stay that way.
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Heh, it's okay. Most of the time, I'm not expecting much of a response, just to say whatever it is I have to say.
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It's good to run into familiar faces.
Perhaps we can search for the fabled Season 4 together...
Yeah Twi, I don't think Shy is gonna look at ya the same way after that comment.
“Shining,” Caramel asked at last, “what is love?”
Shining Armor grinned. “Filly, don’t hurt me?”
“Oh, why would you bring that up?” Caramel chuckled. “I swear, if I never hear that song again…”
Lol I see what you did there very funny 😁
Wow that was something else but I think it turned out pretty well so after Twilight rejected caramels proposal he was confused why and it looks like Twilight knew about what Daisy and Lily did and say to him from Rarity which that's good and she told him that this is not the way to ask somebody to marry just because of what somebody thinks of them and he thinks that he was obligated to do with because they have a child so he was pretty sad but good thing shining armor talk with them without try to kill him so that's good news for caramel and talks about how they will know if they're ready to get married or felt how much they care for each other and with that he stayed with her but they went back to Ponyville and things got a little awkward between them and once they got home they went to their separate ways feeling a little down when Twilight made it to her Library she saw Fluttershy and they both talk about how Twilight made a bad decision not giving his feelings for her and not only that Fluttershy gave a pretty good points what she has to do meanwhile caramel was on his way to Applejack's Farm and speaking of Applejack she talked to him about how the trip was but then he told her about what went down and it's almost the same thing what the Fluttershy said they just have to discover their way and find a way to make it work and caramel despite everything he really does care for her despite the rejection of The Proposal he really wants to be with her they just have to figure this thing out together and so they slept together in the library I will say this was a pretty nice chapter and I really like the romance between them