The Sad Sad Life Of Poopy McScooperton

by Whalesbefreeyo

A Day with Pinkie

I'm impressed. You made it through the first 3 craptastic chapters of this crap filled story. Your resistant...I'll give you that. I'll break you though... Soon enough you'll give up. The bad writing will break you eventually...

I had no idea what to call this chapter
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Only two days had passed since Poopy received the news that Grampa McScooperton would be visiting. Normally Poopy would be riddled with anxiety, But his friend helped to quell that feeling. Pinkie bounced about, catching 10 feet of air with each leap. She and Poopy stood, at least Poopy did, in the fields next to the Edge of the Everfree forest. A large cottage sat behind them in a state of ruin. The grass that made up the roof was rotten and withering, it had to be more than twenty years old. Every window that wasn't completely broken was marked with grease and dust. The door in the front was held at an angle, its hinges slowly rusting off. Sharply different from the cheery green grass around it. No pony could imagine someone wanting the old beaten place; living in such a place would be near impossible. Despite the hideous run down cottage, the fields around it were a favorite of Poopy's. He had always been able to come here and find some peace away from the disapproving looks of his father.
Today Poopy brought Pinkie Pie here to show her the fields.
"It was the hugest most biggest rock I'd ever SEEN!. It made me think of a really funny story I once read about a mean ol' mouse and a cat, so I called it Tom". A few months ago Poopy would have given Pinkie a confused glance, but he had become used to her quirks in the intervening time. In fact he looked forward to seeing whatever strange topic Pinkie would bring up. She always had something odd and interesting to say, much more engaging than the boring lectures of the school teacher. Poopy could feel his eyelids rebelling against him every time the school teacher would begin to speak. With Pinkie he could easily keep interst in whatever babble she had come up with.
"Do you name every rock on your farm?".
"Only the special ones, like Tom", she spoke, catching a good twenty feet of air in her bounce.
"How can you tell if their special?"
"simple! My hairs stand up and then my eyes flutter and my tail poofs up", Pinkie told him as her body re-enacted every motion she mentioned.
"Whys it do that?"
" uhdunnaknow"
"oookay...." Poopy looked around for no real reason "sooooo...wanna play pirates?
The wind blew, silence was his answer. Pinkie stood in the soft grass, her face showed no expression. Slight concern grew inside Poopy. Pinkie would always answer immediately and with more energy than a the legendary sonic rainboom could ever produce. Instead she just stood there like the statues of Canterlot.
"Pinkie? are you o-"
A loud crack rang throughout the field. Poopy flew back into the eyes sore of coattage that sat in the fields. A Ball of hay had come from nowhere, smoke streaking behind it, and taken Poopy along for a ride with it. Poopy groaned as he lay on the dirty floor of the cottage. The hay ball rolled off of him and onto the floor, collecting dirt as it rolled. Poopy slowly raised his head toward the direction the hay ball came from. Pinkie stood about fifty feet from him , an eye patch draped over her left eye and a pirate hat on her head. Infront of her was a small pink cannon that she was currently stuffing hay into.
"Avast ye matey! Captain Pinkamena Diane Pie be taken over yer' ship!". A parrot flew down from out of nowhere and perched itself on her shoulder. "awwwwk taken over yer ship" it squawked. Pinkie lifted the eye patch and turned her head toward the parrot. " oh neat a parrot!". "Neat a parrot", it mirrored. Pinkie giggled at the bird.
Meanwhile Poopy ignored the bird and scrambled over to the dirtied hay ball. he puffed out his chest and began to beat it with his hoof. " You'll never take my ship ye dirty wench!". He lifted the hay ball over his head, dirt flaking off onto his head and snout. A tingle started up on the colts nose. "ah...ah..ACHOO!". A good 5 pounds of hay landed directly on top of his head. "ow" , the hay ball rolled off his head onto the grass, staining the colt's hair brown with dirt it had collected in the cottage.
Poopy ran a hoof across this head. A slight throb could be felt. The dirt in his hair sifted out as he rubbed the dirty brown spot in his hair. His hoof collected much of the dirt. "ick", he exclaimed as he rubbed the cottage filth onto the grass. Unfortunately the other pirate had noticed her opponent had let his guard down doing this.
"Fire mr. parrot!"
"aaaaaawk, Fire", the shoulder sitting parrot squawked then whistled.
Another loud crack rang out in the feild. The familiar sound forced Poopy to look up. He was face to face with a poorly put together clump of hay and dirt speeding toward him. The clump was only a foot away from his face when he peered up at the cracking sound, giving him to time to react. Poopy felt it all hit hard against his face. The feeling was similar to when his father would smack his hoof against Poopy's face as punishment.
Poopy's body arched back ward and fell against the soft grass beneath him. He slowly opened his eyes. The world was spinning blur and for second it appeared there was a pink hippo shooting flames out of its mouth. Poopy blinked a few times allowing his vision to return to normal. Pinkie was gathering more junk to fire. Sticks, grass, leftover hay, it didn't matter what it was, the filly was grabbing it and shoving it into the cannon.
Poopy made a scramble for the first hay ball. The dirt covered ball sat a few feet from the position he'd flown back from. Quickly grabbing it in his hooves, he lifted it above his head and threw as hard as was possible for his colt body. a loud thud echoed from the underside of Pinkie's cannon. Pinkie now stared directly into the barrel of her own cannon. The smile disappeared from her face.
Once more a loud crack rang out in the field. Pinkie was taken along for a ride with the ball of dirt, grass, and hay that flew from her cannon. It dropped her a good ten feet from where she was standing. Any other filly might have taken a minute to get up and moving again, but Pinkie wasn't any other filly. The pink filly shot up in the air then landed perfectly on her hooves, now brandishing in her mouth a wooden sword out of nowhere. "Oh foh, Thas thow ith iff!", she shouted unintelligibly because of the sword.
"Charfe!!!", she screamed, running toward Poopy, her eyes completely shut tight. Poopy casually stepped out of the way as Pinkie ran clean through the wall of the cottage. Poopy stared at the hole momentarily then leaned over to look into it. "You okay?. no answer.
The colt trotted in front of the hole made by the hyper pink filly. "Pinkie". A pink blur rammed into him head on. "Surrender to Captain Pinkie!". Pinkie now held had him pinned down by his hoofs. To any pony passing, especially those with unsavory minds, the scene may not have looked as innocent as it really was. Such a pony did pass by.
" Oh look, the loser has a girlfriend now". Poopy growled immediately recognizing the voice. The feminine tone belonged to none other than Ponyville's rich snob filly Golden Spoon.
The sun beamed across Golden Spoon's glasses. Her golden mane shone in the sun, the conditioner in her hair making her mane smooth and silky. The rich pony smirked then frowned remembering the task at hand. "Look I don't need to talk to you, just the rock farmer".
Pinkie instantly rose up from space in front of Golden Spoon. Golden was obviously disturbed by the Pie's proximity. Backing up she told Pinkie " I need someone to plan out my cuteceneara. the usual planner is sick. The other losers in class say you plan the best parties, so prove it. Pinkie felt her lower neck poked by a hoof at the last three words.
She smiled " Okey dokey lokey! oh wait, I gotta plan Poopy 's party"
Golden Spoon moved her eyes to Poopy who was still laying as if he were pinned down by Pinkie. Looking back to pinkie she asked " That loser? Tch. You two really are together"
"Together?" the pink filly tilted her head a good 120 degrees in confusion. "We are not!" Poopy shouted in the background.
Golden spoon scoffed. " Look I don't care if you two losers want to have babies or not... Just get my party ready. okay?". Pinkie giggled. "Say Please!"
Such a request was met with a harsh glare. Golden Spoon leered at the pink Filly. How dare she ask her to do such a thing. She was like Royalty in Ponyville and she demanded to be treated as such. "No...." Golden Spoon spat venomously. " Gotta say pleasy weezy lemon squeezy with cherry on top. Pinkie hugged herself and giggled. " Look rock farmer! Just plan out my party! do it or I'll have my daddy shut down your stupid rock farm!". Pinkie's smile disappeared. She fell on her rear and looked up at the Spoon weakly. "O..okay". "Good, Don't disappoint me rock farmer... Oh and dont make it as lame as your other parties. Its gotta. be. the. BEST...". And with that the monster of a filly trotted away from the pair.
Poopy force himself up from the grass. He really didn't want to get out of his position but Pinkie needed someone to be there for her. "Sorry she said that", He sat next to her. "Its not your fault Poopy. She's just a big mean meanie pants...", The pink filly said forcing a smile. She couldn't stand the idea of her family losing her farm, especially not if it was her fault that they lost it. The Pie rock farm barely got by as it was. It wasn't Like Sweet Apple Acres, which had successfully monopolized the entire apple industry in Ponyville. The Pie Family Rock farm was just a small time rock farm. They only got by on business deals that allowed the rocks to be used to make cement.
Pinkie sighed and looked up her ridiculously named friend. " I don't really like her. Am I a bad filly willilily for that?"
"Why would you ever ask that?"
"because I don't like Golden Spoon. Maybe I'm just being a big old meanie pants myself."
"No you're not, Golden Spoon is just a rich jerk. Maybe she'll be better in the future, but right now? no. She's just a jerk right now."
"Do you think she will?"
"Will what?"
"be a better , good ol' happy nicedy nice pony in the future"
Poopy looked at the grass, doubt in his eyes. " Maybe, I think of her like I do my dad. He's not happy with me right now but I'm going to keep trying to make him proud. Hopefully I will.
"What's this have to do with Goldy Spoon?", Pinkie cocked an eye brow
" Getting to that. I'm thinking that maybe if you act kind, as you usually do, around her she might lighten up and stop being such a bi- meanie."
"Wait what about you?", Pinkie moved her face closer to his.
"Eeeeeh. Im gonna leave it to you. It would work much better with you" He rubbed the back of his head with his hoof and bashfully looked away. " I'm kinda the school loser". Pinkie frowned. She hated when Poopy called himself a loser. She had been around him a enough to see that he may not be perfect (outside of the mythical Mare. E. Syue, what was?), but he was at least a kind little colt that cared about others.
"You're the pony everyone likes to be around, so it would much better if you did it. Besides I'm not as forgiving as you are" he nervously chuckled.
Pinkie giggled and smiled wide once again. "Thanks Poopy". "Welcome", He responded with a smile just as wide as hers " Glad to see there's something I'm not a complete failure at. Maybe I'll get a 'helping friends out cutie mark'". She giggled again. "Maybe". She rubbed her head against his mane "Hy the way Poopy. You aren't a faily pony, no matter what anyone says"
The pair sat in the soft grass watching the clouds roll by. Poopy felt happier than he ever had. Pinkie made him feel happy, happier than anything else ever had. Inside, Poopy felt something strange. He couldn't tell what the feeling was, but he liked it. All he knew is that it made him want to snuggle up against Pinkie's Pies poofy mane.
Pushing the feeling aside Poopy asked his friend, "Sooo where'd you get that cannon?". " I made it, it was super duper easy!", Pinkie casually responded. Pinkie was far smarter than Poopy when it came to things such as math, his mortal enemy. If she even began to talk about it the McScooperton would undeniably sit there confused with every word that came out of her mouth . He had no idea how Pinkie produced the cannon, but he was sure it involved the cursed number system that was math. Poopy had no desire to hear a ramble involving calculus so he ended the conversation with a simple "Oh.".
unbeknownst to the child ponies, a dark blue colt hid behind the cottage. His mane was like that of the candy store owner pony Bon Bon in that it was two colors. White and light blue made up the colors in his mane. On his flank sat the image of a opened bobby pin. He was Pokey Pierce and he loved to party and pop stuff. Pinkie was the best party planner in Ponyville, and that got Pokey's attention. He'd been watching Pinkie for a few months. The more he watched the bouncy pink filly the more he started to like her. By now he had a small crush on the Pie. Today would be the day he told her how he felt. As he moved from behind the cottage a shout sounded out throughout the field.
" Pinkamena DIane Pie!"
Pokey, startled by the sudden shout, fell over onto his side. Poopy jumped into the air and landed on his back.
Sue pie slowly walked up to the ponies . "It's time to come home. You have chores to do.". She spoke in a almost monotone voice. "Can Poopy come along? pleeeeease", Pinkie's eyes grew wide and shiny.
Sue sighed. It was impossible to resist her daughters puppy eyes routine. "Only if he's willing to do some work". Poopy blinked. " Well. Pinkie's gonna throw me a birthday party, so i guess it would make us even". Margaret smiled and turned to head back to the farm. "Come along children". The colt and filly followed Pinkies mother. Behind the cottage the sharp horned colt stomped his hoof. "Shoot...so close this time". He walked away feeling a bit dejected ( he felt better when he saw a balloon).

Reaching the farm Poopy opened his eyes in disbelief. The farm was one of the dreariest places he'd ever seen. Nothing decorated the large patch of land in front of him. There was no grass, only stones. Everything was shaded with a grey. Even the trees looked a bit grey. Any pony who had to live in such a place would surely suffer depression from the sheer bleakness of it all. The only thing that had some sort of color was the house and even that was a grey shade. Poopy had been well aware his friend lived on rock farm but this was not at all what he was expecting. It was a huge contrast from Pinkie pie, who was as happy and hyper as could be.
Pinkie bounced her way to a large stone halfway under the ground. "Hiya Tom!. The stone received a warm embrace from the pink filly. Poopy gaped at the huge rock "that's Tom?? "Yeppy Weppy", Pinkie replied to her friend as she climbed on top of the large mass of stone. " We can't get it out", the filly said with a smile still strangely on her face.
At that moment The door of the house slammed open. Clyde pie, an orange-lightbrown colored pony, set his hoofs onto the dirt. His mane was a medium gray. side burns running down his face, a rare trait in ponies. On his flank was a cutie mark of 2 pickaxes. "Alright girls, get the shovels. We gotta find some new rocks."
"Come on Poopy!". Pinkie Bounced inside the house. The remaining Pie family followed their only pink family member into the house. No sooner than a minute later did they all return with shovels in their mouths. Pinkie somehow held two within her mouth.
"hyeh yu guh puhfpy". she spat out the shovel onto a the dirt. a few string of saliva sat on the shovel's hilt. Poopy brushed dirt onto the hilt turning the saliva to mud. "thanks Pinkie", he said letting a semi-uncomfortable smile. His hoof brushed off the mud the shovel. Each member of the Pie family spread out to dig out the rocks hiding in the dirt. Poopy looked at Tom, the Rock stuck deep within the Pie's farm. He doubted he'd be able to do this, but he wanted to at least try.
The brown colt moved to the large piece of hardened earth. It towered over him casting a shadow onto his face. It would probably take at least three ponies to lift this behemoth of a rock. His shovel was pushed into the dirt around the stone.
Clyde pie looked over at the volunteer helper. The stallion shook his head . There was no way anypony, much less this colt, who could move the rock. " hey kid! dont bother trying. That rock won't move". Dirt flew into his face as soon as his sentence was finished. "Ptoo! watch where your throwing the dirt, child. I rather dont like it in my fa-"
Clyde eyes widened in surprise. Dirt was flying in all directions around Tom. "Well I'll be..". Sue pie came to his side , surprise in her eyes as well. "fast child" she uttered. "Boy is fast as 5 ponies with that shovel". Pinkie looked at her friend and smiled, " oooooooh dirty wirty ". Somewhere A young filly named Rarity was muttering the words "Filthy dirt" and shuddering for reasons she didn't know.
The Pie family stood, now all huddled together, with their eyes firmly on the titanic rock. Before their eyes the impossible had happened. Tom had been unearthed by, of all ponies, Poopy McScooperton.
Poopy was covered sweat and dirt, laying in a hole of his own creation. He panted in exhaustion. Unfortunately for the colt there was a small problem, the hole was too deep for him to climb out of. Poopy coughed and moaned " A little help here".
Clyde chuckled and looked at his pink daughter . He pushed his head to the side commanding Pinkie to move. "get him out of there", he cheerfully told his daughter. Pinkie giggled and jumped into hole.
"HIya Poopy"
Poopy groaned. " Hey Pinkie..you're stuck here now too ya know"
"NO I'm not, I got my Hay cannon!" she shouted producing said cannon out of thin air.
"Oh crud...", Poopy moaned. He knew what was coming next.
Pinkie rolled him up onto the barrel of the cannon. "Ready!?", she chirped
"just be gentle" her friend replied in defeat.
The crack of the cannon was heard throughout the farm as Poopy ascended into view, riding a hay ball through the air. Luckily ,Poopy managed to land in a patch of soft dirt. he gave a small grunt as he hit the ground.
Pinkie squealed with joy as she soared through the air on a ball of hay, Landing next to her friend. "Let's do it again! let's do it again!"
"No..." Poopy slowly drawled
"Awwww" Pinkie whined. Her eyes diverted to the colt's rear. "Poopy! check your flank!"
Poopy slowly turned his head to see. On his flank was a big spot of blank nothing, the same as it had always been. "There's nothing there"
"Idunnaknow" Pinkie shrugged, "I thought you might have gotten a shoveling cutie mark"
"guess my special talent isn't shoveling", Poopy huffed.
"NOPE!" Pinkie declared with a smile. "I'm sure you'll find your super duper special wecial talent soon though", she said as she wrapped his hooves around Poopy"
Poopy, while very appreciative of the hug, just coughed in response. " That was some impressive shoveling child" said the orange-light brown pony as he looked at Tom. Poopy, his eyes lids feeling heavy, couldn't help but smile lightly. He had finally done something right in his life. "Im sure your father will be proud". before falling into slumber, Poopy prayed to Celestia his father would be proud.
Sue Pie smiled. "Isn't that just cute". Clyde, however, was busy focusing on the dug-up stone.
Tom had been unearthed, a impressive deed in itself, but actually moving the stone out of the ditch it now sat in would be impossible for just one pony. Poopy had only been unable to unearth the massive rock, he and the Pies were far too small to actually move it. Clyde chuckled to himself as he watched Pinkie jump around her friend. " Gonna have to get Rubble to break this rock"
Author note:
1. As I said I'm gonna keep Poopy from becoming a Mary Sue. If that takes mapping out his childhood through 8 or 10 long chapters than dang it that's what I will do!.... soooo how am I doing with that anyway?
2. For all you who want Golden Spoon to die in a fire...weellll.. ..bad news. She won't. She gonna get off scot free. Why? Shes rich, The rich get away with horrible things BECAUSE their rich. yes it sucks but that's just how it works. Besides this is the SAD SAD life of Poopy McScooperton, not The Revenge Of Poopy McScooperton.

Comments

[Inkblu]

Maybe the Revenge of poopy McScooperton can be the sequel?

[Whalesbefreeyo]

198730

Hmmm maybe i could.
After thinking about it for a few days I thought of a way I could make it work, though it wouldnt really be a sequel. It would be a more of a Alternate Universe spinoff ( wow, saying that sounds egotistical on my part).
You may not like how it would turn out though, it would involve Pinkamena (aka Cupcakes Pinkie) and a rather insane Poopy.
I just think it would be fun to explore the other directions Poopy's life could have taken him.

[FlutterStar]

I actually like this fic
But i would like some more strang love plz

[Whalesbefreeyo]

270063
huh surprised there. cause this thing REALLY needs some work.
However I am working on Strange Love (which I'm retitling to Across the Cosmic Ocean cause it sounds cooler) at the moment

[ThePinkazoid]

This is amazinnnggggggggggg, keep it up or else

[Whalesbefreeyo]

272087
I will at a later date. I'm just busy with another fic right now

[ThePinkazoid]

272131
Ooooohhh is it the 'Strange love' one?

[Whalesbefreeyo]

272307
yep

[ThePinkazoid]

272384
well that works too xD

[Whalesbefreeyo]

272399
Yeah I shall continue to send Poopy's life down the drain sometime later, probably sometime after finishing chapter 2 of Strange Love

[FlutterStar]

Yay, both ways, i reallllly want some more strange love, but this fic can make me wait!
you are one good writer!