Ponies have evolved into anthro figures. The industrial period is developed because of a great new advantage that anthro figures have; hands. But right as life is thought to be great for everyone, the earth ponies revolt in a bloody war. We follow a defendant of Rainbow Dash, code named, "Ghost" as she fights for not only her life, but for the lives of all unicorns and pegasi.
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Slow down, son.
How do ponies evolve into an Anthropomorphic species over a single generation? What.
Edit: Anyway just finished reading. Trixie, uh... Trixie isn't sure what to say about this.
Too fast.
thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumblarge_440/1253840876m1TaM4.jpg
Sorry i did go through that really fast but i wanted to set a background where the real story could happen. This was all just setting the scene. Great feedback though! Thanks!
Yeah, it is going a little fast. You could make it a little longer, and a lot more descriptive. That would help out a lot. As for the rest of it, I have no problems with it. Seems interesting enough.
Final Verdict: Better than the last anthro I read.
Reads like a summary, not a story. An incredible amount of exposition. In fact, you might as well have just told us "John, you are the demons" and ended the damn thing at line one. Pace yourself. Reveal a small part of the setting and expand outward slowly, don't just vomit the whole thing in our faces, like an undigested lump of some unidentifiable glop. The difference being, the former is like a strip-tease, while the latter is like having a friend give you a closeup of their stomach contents in the same nightclub.
Great comments! I love them all! But this isn't the real story yet, this is all background. The real story will be paced and will have great character development. Thanks for the feed back.
hum nice story, not vary believable in some place's like all earth pony's being bad and all but still pretty good keep going