Chapter 1
In the dead of night, a young mayor made her way up a hill several miles from her hometown.
The lake by Whyte Tail Woods wasn't oft-visited. Scenic as it was, beneath the lake's surface lay an abundance of hungry leeches that made swimming or fishing quite impossible. Those few who did bother to visit it rarely did so at night, since the lake's only real attraction was how beautiful its water would be under blue skies.
So why, the Mayor idly wondered, was she visiting now? The moon was high in the sky, and Ponyville would in just a week or so be buried under snow. It was cold, and she was tired.
As she reached the hill's peak, though, she was reminded of her purpose. A purple earth pony mare sat at the very top, staring intently through a tripod-mounted spyglass.
Mayor Mare cocked her head. “Cheerilee?”
“Eek!” Cheerilee gave a jolt and fell onto her back. She looked up, now lying right before Mayor Mare, and gave a guilty smile. “Oh! Good evening, Mayor!”
The Mayor scowled, offering Cheerilee a hoof. “Exactly what is going on up here?”
“Oh...” Cheerilee took the hoof, getting back up. She went back to staring through the spyglass as if nothing had happened.
Mayor Mare waited a moment, then stomped her hoof. “Cheerilee!”
“Oh! Sorry.” Cheerilee didn't look away from the spyglass. “I just can't risk missing anything, Mayor.”
“Missing what?” Mayor Mare peered over the lake in the direction the spyglass indicated. She could scarcely even make out the opposite shore.
Cheerilee looked up for a moment, then stepped aside. “Here, take a look.”
The Mayor closed one eye and leaned down.
Looking into the spyglass, she was able to make out the other side of the lake and a good ways beyond. But whatever she was supposed to be looking at was completely blurred out. The spyglass's range simply wasn't great enough.
She was reaching up to adjust the lens when she felt something grab her hoof. She looked up to see Cheerilee glaring at her. “Don't.”
Mayor Mare frowned. “But the lens can't make out a thing. You need to use a stronger—”
“That's the strongest setting there is.” Cheerilee gently pushed the Mayor aside and resumed her vigil. “And this is Twilight's telescope. Whatever's out there, this is the best we'll get.”
“Whatever's—” Mayor Mare rubbed her weary eyes. “Cheerilee, what are you looking for?”
Cheerilee didn't look away this time. “Sparks.”
Two Hours Ago...
The world was dying.
Cheerilee looked around, choking on ash and smoke. She heard screams, but couldn't see their sources. She saw the silhouettes of hundreds of pegasus ponies far above—but nothing more, for the smoke obscured all else. They were flying towards something massive.
She ran over hot cinders—the very ground was aflame, but it barely hurt her—and found herself at the doors to the schoolhouse. After a moment's hesitance, she opened the door.
Inside were four alicorns, a draconequus, and an ancient unicorn she recognized from her more obscure history books: Starswirl the Bearded. They looked at her for a moment without saying a word.
Starswirl cleared his throat. “If you hadn't taught them of the battles I fought,” he rasped, “none of this would have happened.”
Her eyes widened. “I didn't know!”
“You knew that material was too dark for foals,” Celestia said. “Why did you stray from standard curriculum?”
Cheerilee cringed. “I—I didn't know—”
“You should have. Are you not a teacher?”
“The significance is minimal.” Twilight raised a hoof, scowling. “If we want to appease the creature, we'll need to make a living sacrifice.”
“Agreed!” Discord said. “Somepony find Big Macintosh!”
“No! That's not—oh.”
Cheerilee lay alone in her bed. There was no apocalypse. No fire. She lay still for a moment, then opened her eyes. Her little bedroom behind the schoolhouse was dark. The clock showed it was close to midnight.
She considered going back to sleep, but not for long. Her dreams had a habit of lingering, and she had no wish to continue that little fantasy.
Instead, Cheerilee got up and went to the window. She opened it and leaned out, taking a deep breath of frigid night air. The air cooled her nerves somewhat. It had been a stupid dream—the product of yet another angry meeting with the school superintendent the day before—but an upsetting one nonetheless. She would wait a minute or so to get it out of her system, then go back to bed.
She looked up at the skies, sighing. It was a lovely night. She had a view of the land beyond the Unicorn Range, and—
She started. What was that?
The teacher squinted, staring at the horizon. A minute passed with nothing but stars and darkness.
Then she saw a little flicker. Small and short-lived, but unmistakable. An orange glint in the distance.
Cheerilee kept staring. After a moment, the flare returned. It was larger this time, though still very small. Then it happened a third time, even larger.
Cheerilee waited. The horizon was still once more. Making a quick decision, she reached over to the coat rack and grabbed her coat in her teeth.
She kicked the door open and rushed out.
“I know it sounds crazy,” Cheerilee whispered, still staring through the spyglass, “but it just...sort of called me. Something about it makes me, well...” She searched for the right word. “...scared.”
“Scared?” Mayor Mare's voice contained more than a hint of skepticism.
“As if...something's happening.” Cheerilee took a shuddering breath. “And when I got to Twilight's house to borrow her telescope, she was nowhere to be seen. And neither was the telescope! Just an empty tripod and this old spyglass.”
Mayor Mare didn't say anything.
Taking a chance, Cheerilee looked up. The Mayor looked...not skeptical. Concerned. “I haven't seen her or Spike since last week, Cheerilee. Nor Fluttershy, or...any of them, actually.” She frowned. “Perhaps you're right.”
Cheerilee went back to the spyglass. “I hope I'm not. Maybe it's just some sort of anomaly. But—” She stopped. Her eyes widened as she stared through, then looked up with her naked eye. Beside her, the Mayor seemed to have gone stiff. “What in Celestia's name is that?”
A single point in the sky had exploded into a burst of brilliant colors. The rainbows spread out in all directions, even shining faintly over the lake. For a moment, Cheerilee felt optimism. The blast was beautiful.
Then she heard the explosion. It was like a great blast of thunder, dazing her even from their distance. It was then that she recognized what this thing was, and it was at that moment that the light faded away and the sky went dark once more.
“A Sonic Rainboom,” she heard Mayor Mare say, voice filled with awe.
Cheerilee looked back through the spyglass. She could still see the colors, though they were blurry and fading fast. Soon the image was nothing but fuzzy gray once again. She looked over at Mayor Mare and pointed off toward the explosion's source, unable to speak.
It seemed the Mayor was also, for the first time, at a loss for words. She closed her mouth, giving a harrumph.
They were silent a moment. Then they turned back to the lake.
Several minutes passed. Cheerilee kept staring through her spyglass, and the Mayor just kept watching with her own eyes. Neither of them spoke.
“Hey!” somepony shouted.
Cheerilee didn't look up. “Vinyl!” she heard Mayor Mare say. “Octavia!”
“What's going on?” she heard Vinyl demand. “I wake up to find Tavi here right at my door telling me to find my old binoculars. Y'know, the ones my, like, great-great-great-uncle left me. And she leads me all the way, not even explaining—”
“Ahem. I did explain, Vinyl.” From the sounds of things, Octavia was not a morning pony. “I am aware that you would not be awoken by a foghorn activated directly outside your bedroom window, but I noticed a strange explosion. Given that this lake offers one of the few points at which one can see over the Unicorn Range—”
“Alright, alright! Geez, it's way too early to have to listen to one of your rants.”
“Too early? You stay up this late every other night!”
“Yeah, I stay up. I don't get up.”
“Please, everypony!” Mayor Mare said. “We are trying to observe this.”
“What's this?” Vinyl Scratch snapped.
Cheerilee kept her eye trained on the distant blur. “Something's happening.”
“That's right,” Mayor Mare said. “We saw—”
“No,” Cheerilee said, her voice getting unsteady, “I mean something's happening. Right now!”
Vinyl stared, jaw dropping. The horizon was changing colors—with blinding speed. She couldn't tell where green ended and blue began. It was blinking so quickly it hurt her eyes, and Vinyl normally had a pretty good tolerance for blinking lights.
It was only happening on a relatively small area on the horizon. The same area Cheerilee's spyglass was pointed at.
“What in Celestia's name?” Octavia was whispering, though Vinyl wasn't sure why. “That...I don't understand.”
The lights were blinking faster now. Suddenly, Vinyl gave a jolt.
She heard laughter.
She looked at her companions. They all looked similarly discomforted. Only Cheerilee remained focused.
Vinyl slapped herself in the head, hoping to somehow knock the laughter out. Unsurprisingly, she only succeeded in hurting her head. The laughter went on as the blinking grew faster.
“Vinyl,” Octavia's voice was trembling, “I know that laugh. You do, too.”
“What?” Vinyl closed her eyes, trying to focus on Octavia's words. “That's crazy. It's...oh, buck.” Her eyes opened wide. “Discord!”
As if in response, the laughter stopped. A moment later, the flashing colors were consumed in what looked like an explosion of darkness. The shadow spread, blotting out all light until the colors were completely gone.
“Uh...” Vinyl took a deep breath. “I don't wanna alarm anypony, but...isn't Discord supposed to be on our side now?”
“If that is so,” Octavia said, taking a step away from the hill's peak, “then what, exactly, made whatever he was doing cease?”
Vinyl was starting to get nervous. She looked at Cheerilee, who remained focused on her spyglass. “Hey! What's the big idea, teach? What are you doing out here?” She leaned in, eyes narrowing. “You must've been here before that explosion if you had time to get your little telescope set up. What's going on?”
“Vinyl, really.” Octavia rolled her eyes. “Enough.”
“I don't know anything,” Cheerilee said. “I just saw something earlier. Sparks on the...the, um...” She looked up. “...that. But much smaller.”
Vinyl looked. A great pillar of flame had risen up, though it was just a small little orange line from this far away. It rose all the way above the clouds. After a moment, another appeared. Then another. And another. Finally, there were around fifteen.
“I see something!” Cheerilee said. “They're just little specks beneath the pillars. They're...I think they're the source!”
Vinyl strained her eyes. She was having trouble—years spent wearing The Shades had left her eyesight rather stunted. She certainly couldn't see the specks Cheerilee was talking about. She did notice when the lines went diagonal, though, all pointing to a single point of darkness between them.
And she noticed when they started winking out.
After a few moments, all that remained was a single pillar. Unlike the others, this flame was a bright emerald green. It lingered, though it seemed to be getting smaller and smaller.
“What do you see?” Mayor Mare asked.
“Nothing.” Cheerilee sighed, withdrawing from the spyglass. “Just the fire. If there's a speck to match it, it's too small to make out.”
They watched in silence as Cheerilee returned to staring through the spyglass. A minute passed and the final beam finally vanished as well.
“Hey!” Vinyl and her companions—sans Cheerilee—looked over. A gray pegasus was hurtling towards their location, clutching a long, dark tube. She appeared to be flying very, very fast. She waved a hoof, eyes wide. “Gangway!”
Vinyl grabbed Octavia's mane in her teeth—eliciting a shout of disapproval—and leaped out of the landing area. They rolled down the hill as Octavia revealed a vocabulary that impressed even the jaded DJ P0n-3.
They finally stopped rolling. At the same time, they heard a crash from above.
“Oops. My bad.”
“Ditzy Doo!” Octavia snapped, getting to her hooves. She made her way up the hill, 'accidentally' knocking Vinyl back over in the process. “What is the meaning of this?”
“I brought Twilight's telescope!” Ditzy held up the tube, eying it mournfully. “I think it broke on the way, though.”
“Hold on.” Mayor Mare took a step forward, frowning. “How did you get that?”
Ditzy waved a hoof and gave a weak giggle. “Oh, I saw all these...uh, sparks, and I thought I should get a better look. Ms. Sparkle'd been nice enough to give me her telescope last week right before she left, so I took it and—”
“Where did she go?”
Octavia took the telescope from Mayor Mare and peered through it. Unfortunately, Ditzy's crash-landing had rendered it completely unusable.
“Um...she didn't say. But I told her I liked to watch stars sometimes, an'...” Ditzy frowned. “...um, she said I could borrow her telescope, since she might not be back for a while. Or, um, ever.”
She scratched her head. “An' at first, I just figured...y'know, probably just...well, I kinda made myself forget it.” She looked around, eyes rolling in opposite directions. “What do we think's going on?”
“We aren't certain.” Octavia tossed the telescope over her shoulder.
She heard an “Ow!” and a crash from lower down on the hill.
“Between the sparks,” Cheerilee said, still staring through her own spyglass as if Ditzy's crash hadn't occurred, “the Sonic Rainboom, that laughter and those pillars...”
“Yeah, plus the whole red thing.”
Octavia blinked. “I beg your pardon?”
Ditzy's right eye rolled upwards. “Y'know. That.”
Octavia looked up. Her heart stopped.
The moon had turned red. And not just rust-red—it hadn't dimmed at all. Its light had turned to the color of blood.
Little shapes were flying off of the moon.
Ditzy wasn't sure she was really seeing them or not. Sometimes her eyes played tricks on her. Once, they'd made her think there was a raging bull several miles away. In reality, it had been several yards away. That had been a bad day.
But sometimes her eyes seemed to let her see more than other ponies saw. Shapes were flying off the moon. Like wriggling tadpoles, or tiny insects. They were pure white, and there were hundreds of them. They'd left the moon by now—indeed, they'd cleared it long before Ditzy had arrived at the lake—and were flying straight towards the point at which everything seemed to be happening.
Ditzy glanced at the others. They were still focused on the moon. Why couldn't they see the real action?
She looked back to the horizon as the white shapes arrived. A bubble of darkness emerged, and the shapes began colliding with it. Most of them instantly vanished. A few shattered against it. Some seemed to get through.
The bubble reminded her of the burst from earlier that had swallowed up the flashing lights. At the time, she'd been relieved—the lights had been triggering her epilepsy. But now she was starting to wonder whether the darkness was such a good thing after all.
Ditzy sighed. There was no way to know, and she wasn't one to obsess over what she couldn't change. The action was many leagues away, and she was in quiet Ponyville, next to...
She glanced over. What are they arguing about now? Vinyl Scratch was levitating a large branch in the air, at the end of which clung a disconcerted woodpecker. Octavia was trying to take the branch away, and Mayor Mare was shouting something indistinct.
Ditzy was very good at tuning ponies out.
She looked between her companions and the horizon, then waved a hoof. “Hey, everypony! Look at the stars!”
They had begun to glow brighter. Ditzy had a feeling that that was no hallucination. Judging by the shocked murmurings that followed, her sense was correct.
Cheerilee looked to the sky, then back to her spyglass. The strange burst of darkness had gone. For a moment it had seemed like there was something else—specks of white shattering against the gloom—but perhaps that had only been a trick of the light.
Speaking of which, the stars were definitely intensifying in glow. Cheerilee scolded herself on letting Ditzy, of all ponies, notice them first. She'd been too focused on the blurry image in her spyglass to see what was right over her head.
“They don't appear to be ceasing,” Octavia whispered. “Their luminance continues to increase. What could be causing this?”
“I'm really not sure,” Mayor Mare said. “Cheerilee? Do you see anything?”
“I'm...afraid not.” Cheerilee looked up from her spyglass, scowling. She turned, crouched, and bucked the spyglass, tripod-and-all, off the hill and into the lake. She stomped her hoof. “That spyglass has yet to show me a thing. I don't know why I bothered bringing it.”
“Well, you did see those specks by the fires,” Vinyl said. For some reason, a woodpecker was now perched on her head.
“Yeah, I guess so.” Cheerilee frowned, looking down at the lake. The tripod and spyglass had already gone under. “Maybe that was a little, um, premature.”
“It's three in the morning,” Mayor Mare said. She put a hoof on Cheerilee's shoulder, looking around. “I know you're all worried—and I am, too—but staying up all night watching for ghosts in the sky is not going to help anypony.” She shrugged, looking back toward Ponyville. “Perhaps we should all go to bed and discuss this in the mor—”
“Look!”
They all turned. A little gray unicorn filly was bouncing toward them and pointing toward the lake. She tripped, did a somersault, and kept running. “Look! Look! Look!”
“Dinky!” Ditzy trotted down to meet her daughter, frowning. “It's way past your bedtime, you know.”
“Sorry, sorry!” Dinky waved her hoof, still pointing. “But look! Just look!”
Cheerilee looked. For the seventh time that night, she did a double-take.
At first, it had seemed ordinary. The same dark horizon as ever—though less blurry, now that she was no longer relying on a cheap spyglass.
Then it flashed pink.
Then it flashed blue.
Then pink-and-blue, pink-and-blue. Cheerilee watched, mouth hanging open. Again, she heard laughter, but more pleasant this time. It, too, she recognized.
And because she recognized and liked the laughter, it was all the more jarring when it cut off. The flashes stopped.
Cheerilee stared at the darkness. A moment later, it started flashing red and cyan. That cut off faster. Then yellow and pink. That lasted a bit longer, then cut out as well. A solid orange held out a while, but slowly began to dim until it could no longer be seen. White and purple—instantly cut off.
Every time the flashing started, she felt an odd feeling of relief. Every time it stopped, that relief was replaced with sudden, inexplicable terror. She wanted to run. But there was nowhere to run.
“Mom,” she heard Dinky whisper, “I'm scared. What's going on?”
Ditzy began reassuring her daughter, though she didn't sound very reassured herself. Cheerilee watched the darkness.
They were all quiet.
Suddenly, a massive roar cut through the night. Even from their distance, the ponies were stunned for a moment by the sheer intensity of its rage. A tiny purple dot appeared, though Cheerilee could barely make it out.
The horizon began to burn.
These weren't the flickering flashes, nor the pillars. This time, the ground beyond had actually been set aflame. A line of emerald fire rising high into the heavens, completely blocking Cheerilee's view.
The roar was repeated. Cheerilee recognized it now.
“It's a dragon,” Octavia said flatly. She looked dazed.
The line of flame began to lower as darkness pressed down upon it. But the flame resisted. And the roars continued.
The contest went on for several long minutes. Nopony could look away, not even little Dinky. The flame would go down a ways, then flare back up, then go down further. It was obvious to everypony where it was heading.
A line of duller green light emerged and tore through the wall. The fire wavered, and darkness immediately crushed it. The roars stopped.
The group was silent.
“That doesn't look good,” Vinyl muttered.
Dinky disentangled herself from her mother's protective grip and made her way over to the hill's peak beside Cheerilee. “Miss Cheerilee?” she whispered.
Cheerilee glanced down. Her grim look softened. “Yes, Dinky?”
“What are we waiting for?”
“Hm.” Cheerilee looked over, and Dinky followed her gaze. Several shapes of light were appearing. Deep blue nearly blending in with the night sky, magenta, and a silvery blue, all seeming to contest green. Some also seemed to be contested by nothing—just darkness.
Dinky was good at making sense of things. She wasn't sure her ideas were always right, but she was good at coming up with them. Her mother was always saying Dinky had a great imagination.
Dinky didn't see a light show as the others seemed to. She saw some lights going up against others. A different shade of purple was making a bubble, but the darkness seemed to pop it. Dinky knew a lot about bubbles—her mother was always giving her bubble wrap to play with.
She saw each color in turn get brought down by the darkness until only two remained: green and the deep blue. Every now and then the magenta would resurface, but it didn't seem to be accomplishing much anymore.
Then the darkness grabbed again. Dinky let out a little whimper as the deep blue vanished. Above, she watched the stars get dimmer, dimmer...
The stars winked out. Now they were in darkness.
Dinky wasn't afraid of the dark. She kept watching.
The magenta and the green were battling again. The magenta was moving very fast and bright now. After a short fight, the green flashes winked out.
Now there were no colors.
“I think it's over,” Cheerilee whispered to Dinky.
Dinky lay on her belly, rested her chin on her front hoofs, and kept watching.
Mayor Mare sighed.
It had been a half-hour since the horizon had showed any activity. The ponies had barely spoken, all busy watching the darkness. Even Vinyl Scratch, normally so twitchy, had settled down. Most concentrated of all was little Dinky Doo.
Mayor Mare rolled her eyes. Enough was enough. “Everypony,” she said, getting up, “I think it's over. The sun will be rising any minute now.”
“The stars are still gone,” Octavia said, eyes wide. “The...the moon is red and the stars are gone.”
“There is nothing we can do about it.” Mayor Mare stomped her hoof, looking around at the assembled townsfolk. “Everypony, I would love to be able to help. Whatever it is that happened was clearly extremely important, and I'm sure we would all like to contribute in some way.”
She fixed Cheerilee with a stern glare as the schoolmare opened her mouth to protest. “But we can't. We are here and they are there. They could be all the way in the Crystal Kingdom, for all we know!”
“But...” Vinyl rubbed her eyes, groaning. “We...we can't just go and sleep! We've gotta—” Her eyes shot open. “Did I miss anything? I was just rubbing my eyes for, like, a second! I didn't, right?”
The Mayor scowled. “Vinyl, you are exhausted. We all are!” She turned to Ditzy. “Ms. Doo, this is not good for little Dinky. She needs to sleep!”
Ditzy blinked. Her jaw dropped. “Oh, geez! Dinky—”
“I'm not goin',” Dinky muttered.
“Dinky.” Cheerilee leaned down. “You do need to rest.”
“I'm not goin' until we're sure it's over!” Dinky said, glaring.
“C'mon, Dinky!” Ditzy reached down to pick Dinky up.
Dinky dug her hooves in the ground. Her horn gave a little spark. The area around her crackled, and Mayor Mare caught a whiff of ozone.
Ditzy pulled her hooves away. She looked at the Mayor and gave an apologetic shrug. “She's been using that ever since she learned it. I can't really do anything without getting zapped.”
“Listen, Dinky,” Cheerilee murmured. She raised a hoof, as if to pat the little filly on the back, and clearly thought better of it. “How about we just wait for the sun to rise, okay? I'll take the class on a field trip to Ms. Twilight's library to learn a new spell if you do!”
Mayor Mare—ever the diplomat—thought better of mentioning that there was every possibility Twilight would not be managing the library for a long, long time.
Dinky brightened at the offer. The electric aura vanished.
Beside her, Ditzy groaned. “Great. More magic. Maybe she'll learn how to find a parent who can actually control her, that's the spell she actually—”
Mayor Mare took Ditzy by the hoof, grimacing. “Ditzy Doo, you are very tired. Don't say anything you'll later regret.”
Ditzy pulled away from the Mayor, looking stung. She looked with one eye at Dinky, and then back to Mayor Mare. She started to speak, then stopped.
Dinky hadn't noticed. She was too intently watching the horizon—the horizon to the east this time. Mayor Mare and the others joined her.
A few minutes passed in silence. Mayor Mare checked her pocket watch, tucked beneath her cravat. It was a quarter to four. At this time of year, the sun should have risen fifteen minutes ago. The red moon was beginning to set, but there was no sun in sight.
That was when she started to get scared. Very soon the world would become pitch-black. Ponies would awaken to find a sight even worse than that of the 'eternal' night four years ago. At least then there had been a moon and stars, instead of this cold emptiness.
They waited five more minutes.
Vinyl started pacing back and forth. The entire area was utterly still, as if even the wind had paused to await the sun.
Then ten minutes. A harsh wind came through, forcing Dinky to sit to avoid being blown over.
Mayor Mare glanced back at Ponyville, admiring the soft lights. Their light would remain when the moon went down. And if for some reason they went out...well, it was important to remember which way was home.
Then thirty.
The moon was beginning to spill beneath the horizon. The wind had died again, and the only noise came from the lake below.
Vinyl was pacing faster now, as Dinky was beginning to fidget. Cheerilee had gone diving for her spyglass. Octavia was seated, watching Vinyl with wide eyes.
Ditzy looked at Mayor Mare and leaned close. “It's not gonna rise,” she muttered.
“Of course it will,” Mayor Mare snapped. But she had no real conviction. She was tired and worried. Her rational manner was fading, and she was very soon going to show these ponies exactly what a politician put under pressure looked like.
She lay down and rested her head on her hooves. “It has to.”
Ditzy bit her lip, not answering.
Then the moon set, and darkness fell.
With that, the six ponies went still, and there was only silence on the hill.
The Mayor got up. “What's taking Cheerilee so long?” She felt her way over to the cliff's edge and leaned over, trying to make something out in the void.
“Dunno,” Vinyl said. The unicorn sounded relieved that the silence had been broken. “Maybe somepony should go check.”
Mayor Mare heard Vinyl rising to her hooves. “Um, Vinyl, be careful you don't—” She felt Vinyl walk right into her and yelped as her two front hooves were shoved over the edge. Before she could recover her balance, she fell.
She didn't scream. This wasn't because she was brave, or because there was little distance between her and the water. It was because she was too scared to make a sound. She couldn't see anything. She couldn't feel anything. For all she knew, the entire world had fallen away, leaving only her to plummet indefinit—
Something about the frigid water felt oddly soothing. Its cold was a constant presence, reminding her that the world hadn't vanished. She still couldn't see anything, but that was less of a concern when underwater. And to her surprise, there were no leeches about. Perhaps they didn't like the cold.
Now that she thought about it, maybe it wasn't such a bad place to visit. She would have to visit it more often.
Remembering she was in a very cold lake with only a lungful of air between herself and a few gulps of icewater, she cast around. She couldn't feel the bottom of the lake, but she did feel a hoof.
The hoof tightened around hers.
It pulled her up, and her head broke the surface. She took in a grateful breath of fresh air. Her eyes were shut, her ears still waterlogged, and she was starting to go numb, so she couldn't exactly tell much difference between the surface and the lake, but at least she could breathe.
There was something ringing in her ear. Somepony was yelling something. Blearily, she opened her eyes, as the hoof pulled her up onto what felt like a rock.
She could see.
It took her a moment to understand. Then she whirled around.
The tiniest crack of light had emerged. Very, very tiny, but it was there.
The four ponies on the hill were focused on Mayor Mare, asking if she was alright. Cheerilee was on the rock with her, her back to the horizon they'd been watching all night. They hadn't noticed.
Mayor Mare stared at the horizon, eyes wide. She was shivering uncontrollably, but what did it matter?
“Miss Mayor!” Cheerilee shouted. “Can you hear me?”
The Mayor looked back at Cheerilee, starting to smile. “Y-y-yes.”
Cheerilee sighed. “Thank goodness. You looked a little, um, out of it for a second.”
The Mayor waited.
Cheerilee frowned. “Wait. You...looked...”
As one, the five other ponies spun to look. As they did, the sky turned a brilliant pink.
They stared in wonder at the incredible sight—a sight which now seemed as once-in-a-lifetime as the arrival of a comet, despite having come every day of their lives up until that point. The stars returned shortly, though they quickly went away again as the sun climbed over the eastern rim of Equestria.
It was morning.
“Horse apples!” Octavia whispered.
Vinyl looked over, head tilting.
Octavia appeared to regain her composure, and she frowned back. The cellist gave a derisive sniff as she began to walk away, though Mayor Mare noticed her eyes regularly shifting eastward.
The Mayor looked at Cheerilee. The teacher sat on the rock beside her, eying the spyglass that had been retrieved from the lake. She seemed a mixture of embarrassed and overwhelmed.
The Mayor looked back up from the rock. Dinky was hugging her mother, crying.
The Mayor found herself feeling a bit surprised—the little filly had put on a brave front. Almost brave enough to make those around her forget that she was still a foal, and that the threat of never-ending darkness would still be utterly terrifying to her.
Then again, it seemed to the Mayor that Ditzy was crying, too.
After a minute or so, the two had recovered. Ditzy gave Mayor Mare a weary smile as she set Dinky on her back and took off into the air.
Vinyl was trotting off after Octavia. The disc jockey's posture and facial expressions were all being kept perfectly neutral—save her wide, twitching eyes. Perhaps she wasn't used to having those exposed.
Octavia and Vinyl Scratch faded into the gloom of the early winter morning. The Mayor was alone. She looked back at the sun, squinting, as it was now a bit too bright to look at.
Celestia's sun was such a pretty thing. It seemed a shame to be the only one on the hill to see it.
Well, almost the only one.
Mayor Mare looked down at her hooves. On the hard, jagged rock lay a fuchsia earth pony mare, fast asleep.
The Mayor gave a tired smile. For a moment, she considered trying to wake the schoolmarm.
Instead, she leaped off the rock and ran off.
About ten minutes later, Mayor Mare returned. She jumped back down and gently lay a quilt over the sleeping mare.
Then she turned and leaped back.
It had been a long night.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- DuncanR · 11k words · 230 4 · 2.7k views
- Slate Sadpony · 3.1k words · 156 2 · 3.5k views
- Gaiascope · 51k words · 61 1 · 2.5k views
- AugieDog · 42k words · 97 1 · 2.2k views
- RazgrizS57 · 4.7k words · 143 10 · 3.1k views
- Cold in Gardez · 3.2k words · 187 3 · 2.9k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.158 seconds
Total duration
1,081 users online
2,581,215 hits today, 2,571,732 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
That was one of the most interesting stories I've read recently. A very neat concept, and the execution was perfect; it gave just enough detail for me to imagine what was happening, without actually telling me a thing at all. And besides, in worlds were the fate of entire nations rest on the shoulders of a few "chosen ones", it's always neat to see how the layman reacts to everything.
It was well written, well characterized, and explained absolutely nothing. Fantastic job.
This wad brilliantly done, but I do hope that you make another chapter that says what actually happened.
Very tasty story, it was a very enjoyable read.
I liked it.
This was truly amazing! The subtleness in the hints at what was going on were great.
I'm not 100% sure what was happening, but I have 3 different theories about it...
This kind of story must be very difficult to write, but you pulled it off perfectly!
Incredibly well written and very, VERY enveloping, it really draws the reader in
I cannot wait to read more of your stories!
Oh, by the way, this story does work perfectly on it's own but it'd be very interesting to see the other side of it...
Could be an idea for another story perhaps~
The terrified unknowns to the helpless mortals who must watch at a distance while gods battle.
The only thing I think it could have done without was the dream bit. No need for that. It actually feels disruptive to the flow.
3072377 They were battling Hollywood as the evil corporate producers attempted to create a Pony film with Uwe Boll and Michael Bay as director and executive producer.
3072097 3072397 3072413 Thanks! I got excited the moment I thought of the idea. I love using characters like Cheerilee and the Mayor.
3072377 3072481 Thanks! I may make a second part someday, once I've finished editing the four other fics I've written!
3072566 Interesting point. Thanks for the feedback!
3072572 The dramatic reveal.
That was simply amazing. I've never read anything like it before, and all I can say is wow. Keep up the good work.
24
This was very, very good. The uncertainty and worry build up really well, and the things the watchers see are subtle and ambiguous enough that you can imagine whatever you want happening there. Then, when the dawn is late... the fear is almost palpable. Which makes the ending even more of a relief than it would have otherwise been!
What 3072763 said.
Also, I particularly like that the onlookers don't find out what happened; it lends the whole series of events an almost Lovecraftian feel, as though whatever occurred was something beyond mortal comprehension.
Or something.
But yeah, I really liked this story!
....Whoa.
Amazing bit of writing. Nice perspective on the whole "Epic fights of destiny." The narrative visual was great, and the characters well written.
I had the Gurren Lagann theme from Lagann-hen playing iover and over as the fight went on.
Check me on something, please.
The description of what Ditzy saw makes it sound like the fight locale was mirroring the big event (Lunar Cry, Lunar Roar - can't recall the name exactly) from Final Fantasy 8. Was this intentional?
Sequel?
Holy shit.
3074496 I think the thing that made this great was the lack of context. The not knowing what's going on really adds to the sense of the story.
Well, that was neat. As somebody who's written "epic battles of destiny"--at great length--I found this take to be unique and engaging. I'm not completely sure how I feel about the ending; I certainly got a sense of an ending, but at the same time, it felt open. I think the story did its job quite well, because it left me with a lot of questions that are good questions, but don't really need answering. It definitely feels original, and I'm glad I took the time to read it.
However, I felt the story had its edge dulled by numerous minor stylistic things, objectively speaking. Nothing serious, of course, but I'd like to address them, because I believe the story can be even better than it is with some adjustments. First is the excessive use of short, usually one sentence paragraphs. When added with an eyedropper, these can add great effect to your story. I felt they were used far too often. In a story of this size, I suggest only using them once or twice, lest they lose their impact.
Next is Burly Detective Syndrome. In multiple places, it was used quite needlessly. In most cases, it will do nothing more than debilitate your prose. It takes an expert eye to know when to use something instead of a gender pronoun or the character's name to identify when they're talking or what they're doing. On the topic of diluting prose, words such as "very", "suddenly", and "then" are often not needed. Most narrative occurances can be either changed to something more evocative or removed entirely with no loss to your sentences. To round this section out, I feel that in a story of this weight, contractions in the narrative are too informal. Obviously, there isn't any hard and fast rule dictating whether or not you should use them, but they definitely influence the story's tone, and contractions in this case come off as too weak for its subject matter.
Beyond that, it's just small things. I noticed a couple places where the passive voice was used where I feel active would have served better, but it was nothing huge. One thing that really drove me up the wall was use of "buck" as a swear word. If you think about it canonically, it makes no sense at all, and looks downright stupid. Bucking is a job and a way of life. It'd be on a similar wavelength to calling dairy farmers "cowfuckers". I know many people will disagree with me on this point, but please, at least think about what I've said. It really annoys me when I see it used in a serious piece. Luckily, I was into the story just enough for it not to completely shatter my immersion. On the topic of things people will disagree with me about (this one is completely headcanon), I'm against calling Derpy Hooves Ditzy Doo. Why? Because of this. Again, that last point is just my headcanon, and is a completely subjective criticism that I can't fault anybody for.
I hope you find my feedback useful. Remember that it's a lot of little things adding up that amount to many tiny specks of dirt on an otherwise good story.
3075401 I don't have much time right now, but I'd like to react to two of your points. First, thanks for the review.
1. Buck as a swear word.
If you think about it, a great few expressions, city names, and pony names make no sense without the context of real life. Buck is similar. I see it as the pony version of "freaking"--a mild, if confusing, alternative to an actual expletive.
2. Ditzy Doo
We don't know that's Ditzy. In fact, many show-writers have stated they intended for Ditzy to be who we know as Derpy. I just assumed Twilight was smart enough to send a different pegasus.
That... That was powerful.
This was beyond impressive. I hope you don't mind... But I'm adding this to Twilight's Library.
~Skeeter The Lurker
I think the only thing that bugged me about this was the whole bubble universe thing you have set up with the stars going out(In the show they live in a regular universe), but other than that, it's certainly something new.
3075494
You're welcome. Remember that most of my critique is nitpicks on style and mechanics. I tried to keep most it objective, though. I essentially have a professional-level eye for most things in the mechanics category, which is why I'm almost always able to draft up a laundry list pretty quickly. What's most important is that you have a good idea and overall clean writing. Most of this stuff can just be learned via rulebooks and style guides, which only takes time and patience.
I understand what you're saying about using real world influences for things in the MLP universe, but buck as a swear word still doesn't make sense. See, it's because the word already has a canon function, which is to kick something with your hind legs. In English, swear words typically have to do with a bodily function or something sexual (be it an act or body part), rather than a violent action. In a world where it's a type of farming profession, it wouldn't be used negatively like that. Words have connotations, and bucking would have a positive one in Equestria, because it puts money in the saddlebags and food on the table. Not to mention its use as a swear word is exclusively (bad) fanon. Turn to the canon for swear words. There are plenty. I believe "horse apples" is the worst of the lot. I'm surprised they allowed to put it in, because horse apples is actually real-world slang term for horse shit.
On the second point, I made sure to mention it was exclusively my headcanon. I'm aware of how she's labeled by the show staff, but nothing's completely concrete. I think it was mentioned somewhere that Ditzy was originally intended to be a different hoers, but I'm too tired to dig up the source for that. Again, it's headcanon.
3075803
Do we know that? From the show, we know that Equestria is on a round planet, and that the constellations are apparently the same as on our Earth. But this does not preclude a Ptolemian cosmos, with fixed Earth in the center, the Sun and the Moon going around it, and stars and planets circling further out on their own orbits.
Damn that was amazing. I can imagine so many things that could be. The elements fighting, Discord helping, maybe almost getting subverted by what they are fighting, then having a change of heart until he's knocked unconscious or even, maybe dead. Then Spike somehow getting power to protect his friends until the last minute when they finally overcome evil and Celestia's sun rises...the red moon makes me worry though. It seems like Luna called for help but, the stars going out and the moon going red...almost makes me think she didn't make it...The sun rising late may be Celestia grieving...
i330.photobucket.com/albums/l436/elc1247/1225540868890.jpg
Okay, I'm one of those stupid guys who doesn't catch on to subtle shit unless it's pointed out to him. I'm extremely confused about what I just read and I don't particularly like stories that just leave me confused. I mean, yeah, the flashes obviously represent the mane 6 (with Twilight exempt for whatever reason, unless I missed that part.) but what was up with the pillars of fire? and the dragon? and Discord? are the Mane 6 dead? Is Luna dead? I NEED ANSWERS DAMMIT.
There was some good tension, but it was too vague to be properly threatening and too detailed to be creepy. I got a great sense of the characters, but the events they are reacting to felt more like an excuse for them to be there than a proper plot.
Seems my opinion is not unique. It was well-written, so I'll refrain from voting.
3076280
I think the implication is that they won, but it was a really hard-fought battle and they used everything they did to win, and in the end Luna and Celestia were both exhausted to the point where they couldn't raise the sun, so they had to recuperate to do so.
I'll be honest, it bothers me not knowing what actually happened. I realize that's the whole point, but still. I mean, sure, the sun came back, but how are the mane six doing? Did Celestia and Luna make it out okay? Will the freaking stars ever come back? It's not a bad story, neat idea and all, but it kinda leaves this lingering, unpleasant taste with me.
Chiming in for the 'This was great, but now that my curiosity is piqued, I want to know WHAT HAPPENED' because its so tantalizing!
Edit : Actually, I decided to go read it again to see if I could figure out what happened. Guess is in the next reply!
3076280>>3076405
Here's what I think happens :
TLDR version will be at the bottom.
Cheerilee sees fighting going on - the first glint she sees is Applejack channeling her element, each time getting stronger.
Next, there's the Rainboom on the hill where everyone is there; Rainbow Dash attacks, but we don't know what, and it ultimately fails.
Next we see Green & Blue battling, and this is arguably where we get a hint of whose involved - Green is Chrysalis, Blue is Cadance.
Discord steps in and does something - but ultimately is taken down, and that's when the shadow starts appearing. Here is where seeming Villain #2 is in - which is likely either Sombra or the Nightmare. Will return to this later, but note that whatever it is takes down Discord.
Next we have the pillars of flame - this is the one thing I'm unsure of the source for. We know the Elements of Harmony are involved, we can suspect Cadance means Shining Armor, and a possible Celestia/Luna/Spike still only makes 11 ponies. Philomena could make 12, Discord 13, but that's still short - so I'm unsure at who caused this.
Ultimately, though, the only one who remains is Spike - he fights, but he too is eventually quashed.
Next we see the moon turn red, and white shapes flying off the moon. This is almost certainly Luna invoking the full moon's power in some kind of desperate gambit - like pulling the pure light from the moon and hurling it into the darkness. The darkness swallows much, but not all of it.
Then the stars start glowing harder - Luna again, having exhausted hte moon, is drawing on the stars.
Next the Elements strike - Pinkie Pie. Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy. Applejack. Rarity. Applejack lasts longest, and Rarity is quashed almost instantly.
And we know something bad happened to Rarity, because now Spike is ANGRY. This is where Spike goes full-on rage mode - whatever the darkness is, he's going all out on it. And they go back and forth - but eventually, Chrysalis strikes again - the dull green light - and Spike, distracted/injured, is quashed. This also suggests two enemies, again.
Now we have the battle taking a new turn - Dark Blue, Magenta, Silver Blue - Luna, Cadance, Twilight - against the mysterious darkness and the green of Chrysalis. Dinky sees the different shade of purple - Shining Armor, trying to defend his sister, his wife, and his Princess - but he's simply outmatched here, and whatever the dark entity is takes him down.
The Dark entity removes Cadance, leaves Twilight almost out of commission. Luna is left alone to contest the darkness, though Twilight keeps struggling to fight.
And then the darkness strikes; Luna falls; the stars go out.
Twilight taps into the full reserves of her magic and basically does the white-eye thing; she's fully rechared, either from her own reserves or a last contribution from everypony else. She goes against Chrysalis, takes her down - though we can't see the dark entity, because there's no light.
Time passes, and finally, the sun rises - late, but suggests they won.
Through all this, one pony is notably missing - Celestia. There is never any golden flares of magic, and if Luna and Cadance are there, why wouldn't she be as well?
Furthermore, the Dark Entity is strong enough to take down Discord by itself, as well as quash everything thrown against it to the point of taking on Luna when Luna is drawing on everything she has - and winning.
This point to the Dark Entity being Celestia - and as its wielding Darkness, I would hypothesize she's been taken over by the Nightmare, and instead of the popular Solar Flare / Burning Sun / what have you, she's become pure darkness.
Hence why she can take out Discord so easily - Nightmare Moon is more powerful than Celestia without the Elements, a Nightmare Celestia would be even stronger; and further, she is aided by Chrysalis throughout it all, who seems to have fed on -something- given how powerful she is throughout the fight.
The battle rages back and forth, and Celestia in particular keeps striking ponies down; the only one to ever really make headway on her is Spike & Luna - Luna's moon-rays managing to pierce the darkness somewhat, and Spike's rage over Rarity causing him to hold her off until Chrysalis backstabs him.
But in the end, it comes down to Twilight - Twilight, who quashes Chrysalis, and ultimately cleanses her mentor - but it leaves Celestia so exhausted at being freed of control that it takes her a long time to be able to reach out and raise the sun once more. Yet, the sun says that she -has- been saved; Equestria will not fall to whatever had managed to ensnare the Princess in its clutches.
As to what did, as said earlier, the Nightmare is the most likely culprit, with option two being Chrysalis somehow finding some way to pull Celestia under her will - the reason the Nightmare seems more likely is a Changeling-Snared Celestia would likely still have either golden magic, or green magic if some kind of transformation were involved.
TLDR Version : Celestia has fallen to corruption of some kind and teamed up with Chrysalis. The Mane 6, Spike, Luna, Discord, SA & Cadance are struggling against them. The battle rages with both sides getting the upper hand at times, but ultimately Celestia in particular takes everyone down - until Twilight goes Super Saiyan, first defeats Chrysalis, and then saves Celestia, who once she's recovered a bit, raises the sun.
3072679
Well I look forward to the story of the other side of this then~
If you want help with editing, proofreading or anything, just let me know!
I would be happy to help should the need arise.
But... What was actually happening, with the lights and stuff? It's so confusing...
3072695>>3072763>>3072972>>3073025 Thanks a ton, everyone! And to everyone else who commented complimenting the story: I'm not going to reply to every ordinary "Nice story" comment because I just spent an hour sending thank-yous to favoriters.
3074372 Sorry, never played Final Fantasy.
3075401 Again, thanks very much for the feedback! Short sentences and words like "suddenly" are kinda my big weaknesses in storytelling, I agree. 'S part of the reason I generally stick to scripts. More focus on what happens and less on exactly how it happens.
3075636 That's no problem! Thanks!
3075803 In this corner, you have science. In the other, you have sonic rainbooms, dark matter pegasi, and this 'ere critter, this, uh, "Pinkie Pie".
3076129 Well, again, I just liken "buck" to "freaking"--I might say something is freaking insane, even though the only reason I would is that it sounds like another swearword. Sound familiar?
3076146 To be fair, the only witness to the round world was a pony with a cup of pudding on her head.
3076371 Well, I knew when writing it that it wouldn't be everyone's cup o' tea. Sorry you didn't get more enjoyment out of it!
3076280 3076589 While I get that the story might have been 'better' had it been a bit clearer, it would have been a very different story, and not the one I wanted to write.
3077310 While there are a few big points that are wrong (and a few points that I wish I'd thought of), you've done really remarkably here. Almost everything you said is at least half-right.
3077673 Thanks! I'll keep that in mind. Reading Sunny Dawn's speculation actually makes me pretty excited to write a sidestory, honestly.
3077935
Two responses:
blogs.sfweekly.com/exhibitionist/SC_47_MLPFiM-15_08_SoapboxMagic.jpg
2.bp.blogspot.com/-28KuGxB_9v4/T1xjnOf2l0I/AAAAAAAAiLQ/ggWe_MVuwx8/s1600/1+%25282%2529.jpg
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/2/29/Spike_oooh_globe_S2E10.png
Taken within context with various other parts of the series(And comics-Especially the comics), One can argue that yes, they are in a regular universe, with access to a branch of science called "Magic", and most certainly don't live in a snowglobe.
But that's just me. Never personally cared for bubble universe settings because my mind always automatically goes to "And they were stuck there, forever."
I imagine it must be quite terrifying to fall into a lake when its pitch black dark. Especially if you can't feel a bottom. Which side is up, especially if you are panicking?
3077935
Heh, no problem. Just focus on what we've discussed next time you write a story during your second draft. It's all about incremental improvement; because writing is an art form, there is no "max level" to reach.
3077956 Note that shortly after making her speech Twilight was crushed by an anvil.
3077310
That right their makes the most sense.
And if it's true, means that Twilight is going to be a very lonely pone.
3077935
Sure thing! It would be absolutely no trouble at all!
You have no idea how excited I am to hear that!
CAN. NOT. WAIT.
3077894 I don't get it either.
3075803 Perhaps just the light was taken from the stars' emitted energy.
Although that would imply quite a bit of long-ranging power on the behalf of Luna/the element bearers. Perhaps the planet they are on is in a tight-ish star cluster?
Well now, this is surprising. I don't think I've ever been a bystander for an entire story before, but the experience was pretty refreshing. I love the mystery, and I find it wonderful that the conflict itself is open to interpretation. Even if we're not there, in the thick of it, we can still feel the tension rising, and the payoff is just the same. The sun rose, and suddenly I could breath again. The characters are interesting as well, and I enjoyed slipping into each of their perspectives as the story unfolded.
While others may find the lack of closure a bit off putting, I think the ending suited the story. It didn't seem to be so much about the battle as it did the characters and how they reacted to it, how they felt during this whole important, yet alien occurrence. I liked that about the story.
In fact, I liked nearly everything about it. This was a good story.
Thumbs up. Good job author.
3078551
I don't think any of them died, if that is what you mean. Just that they were out of commission.
WOW, really good story. Kept me on edge the entire time. Enjoyed how the story almost had a different ending. Enjoyed your story telling techniques. Keep it up and would like to read what that battle was about and who they were fighting.
I don't think that I've seen a bystander fic before, so awesome job!
I kinda like that we don't know what's really going on, so we kinda get into the minds of the ponies on the hill: confused, worried, and scared. It does have the problem of bouncing around with the perspective or letting it go around too quick. But really, beyond that it was a lot of fun to read.
3077310 WOAH.
Cool story.
I don't think I've encountered quite the like before. Normally when I don't know what's going on, it's either suspenseful or frustrating. This was interesting.
3077310 That was an excellent theory, all around. I like to think that the darkness was Sombra, whose power we really have no measure of. Chrysalis has been shown to be capable of defeating Celestia so maybe it was her early defeat that prompted the unification of everyone else against those two. I assume the red moon was Lunas' demise and the power of the stars was Celestias' final assault. I guess another idea of mine, which could easily be shot down because of the roar, is that the green fire was Chrysalis. Wouldn't surprise me at all if she sided with the larger group at a shot for survival. Darkhorses are Trixie being a shade of blue, Sunset Shimmer being a source of the fire and
Starswirl being involved in anyway shape or form (Which is just another thought because of the power being drawn from the stars. I guess his name just hints at that form of attack. Or maybe I'm just being dumb.) It wouldn't surprise me at all if Trixie threw herself into the fray, with or without the amulet, at a shot at making an impact in the fight, only to be disposed of by one of the villains. Sunset Shimmer, for me, is actually a plausible choice. Being an ex student of Celestias' calling her in for help wouldn't be too odd.
3075494 Seriously, this little story was worthy of being put into a video game, much like a book in Skyrim or as a side story in something along the lines of dark Souls. You turned what probably would have been a cheesy battle against evil in a actual episode into something that I can't keep out of my head. I seriously paced the length of my apartment about ten times just imagining what was happening in that fight and that depiction of the battle was incredible. I may be a nerd for lore, but I've never seen anything like this outside of Dark Souls. It was original, well written and that open ending was perfect. If you do ever make a sequel, don't tell me about it because this story is perfect as it is. A sequel would suck the mystery right out of this story. I would read it, but the speculation and the lack of info makes this story great.
3076589 You probably shouldn't play Dark Souls.
3087580
Isn't there, like, a whole bunch people who've spent an insane amount of effort piecing together what that game is all about?