• Published 9th Mar 2013
  • 9,052 Views, 10,169 Comments

Innavedr - Imploding Colon



A broken party of friends struggles to reunite. Rainbow Dash continues to fly east.

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Box Car Blues

Noise and breezy mountain air rushed into the boxcar. Josho and Eagle Eye craned their necks, squinting into the bright slit of light that occupied the doorframe of the connecting car ahead of them. Josho did a double-take while Eagle raised an eyebrow.

Its orange fur billowing in the wind, a red fox jumped down and squatted before them on all fours. Its dark eyes blinked.

Eagle Eye leaned aside. "Do you see anypony?"

"Beats the hell out of me," Josho grunted. "Must be behind the pet fox."

Immediately, the animal scowled. It reared up to its hind feet, sporting a bandolier full of daggers, wrenches, and throwing stars. It took four tiny steps forward and kicked Josho hard in the knee.

"Gaaah!" the graying stallion hopped on three limbs, wincing. "Oh, come on—!" His voice left him as soon as he found himself staring at a pistol cocked between his eyes.

The fox glared, his pointed teeth showing. "Rotten hoofers gotta be smart about everything. Wanna see if that horn of yours is full of chocolate?"

"What? N-no—!" The fox kicked him in the other knee. "Nnngh!"

"Then be more quiet when we hit you," the fox hissed, leaning back against a crate of supplies.

"Uhhh..." Eagle Eye squinted. "Who's 'we?'"

As if on cue, several orange-haired companions scurried up beside the gun-toter. They snickered and chattered above the sound of the rattling train wheels. "You mean to tell us these are our latest supplies? Pffft. We'd make more money skinning them and making a bunch of rugs."

"Heck, the small one could make a velvety pillow case."

"Yeah, real threatening," Josho grumbled, waving both of his aching forelimbs. "Face it, buckos. The only reason I'm not colliding your skulls like eggshells this very moment is cuz you've got a cowardly pistol shooter aimed at us." He blinked, then glanced aside at Eagle Eye, who was feeling the texture of his lavender coat. The enforcer smacked him upside the head.

"Ow!" Eagle winced, frowing aside. "It's just that they said—"

"Can it."

"Hah. Don't they make a happy couple?!" One fox sneered at the other two. "The Killas must be slipping if they let these hoofer schmucks slip from their paws."

"Considering their brain power, I don't doubt it." The fox with the pistol leaned forward, his black nostrils flaring in the flickering sunlight passing through the windows. "So, what is it really, huh?" He pointed at the magical binding between the two stallions. "Diamond dog tinkering? Searonese tech? Doesn't look or smell like hoofer nonsense."

"Look, I was brought here by a bunch of earth ponies and a smattering of rams," Eagle Eye said. "They promised that we would get safe passage to a spot beyond Sapphire Ravine—"

All three red foxes cackled like hyenas, leaning over to slap their knees.

Eagle Eye blinked. "What the hay is so funny?!"

"They didn't promise you anything but hard work, ya overgrown pile of snot!" The fox in the center twirled his pistol and smirked. "We bought you for two strips of silver, and now we're going to make a fortune selling you along with the gun powder cache to those religious horn-zappers beyond the border!"

"Huh?!" Eagle Eye did a double-take.

"He means they're privateers, smartflank," Josho grumbled, his jaw tight. "And they're gonna sell us to a Xonan expeditionary force southeast of your friggin' home town."

"What?! That... that means the Xonans have infiltrated as far as south of Searo!" Eagle Eye grimaced. "Nopony in the Confederacy ever told my company that!"

"It wasn't your bit-sucking mercenaries' place to know how badly we were losing the war," Josho muttered. "So shut your trap and let me do the talking!"

"Hey, don't order me around!" Eagle Eye pouted. "You're not my dad!"

"I'm old enough to be."

"Oh, ick! ICK!" Eagle Eye bounced back and forth on both pairs of hooves.

"Settle down."

"You settle down—I-I mean with a mare... I-I mean with a mare far, far away from me! Like forever! Ick... ICK!"

"You don't suppose we could chop 'em in half and keep one around as a jester?" one fox asked the other.

"Which one?"

"Ha! Take your pick!"

"I prefer the one who doesn't smell so bad."

"What, you like the smell of apricot clinging to your fur?"

"Apricot?! How friggin' close did you get to these hoofers when the exchange was made?!"

"Listen..." Josho stepped forward. "If you would just let me contact my—"

The pistol-bearer kicked his knee again.

"Gaaah!" Josho hissed and stomped. "Stop... friggin'... doing that!" He took several deep breaths, then muttered with a stone cold glare. "If you would just let me contact the Ledomaritan Council, they'll pay handsomely for my return. I'm not so sure about Pink Eye here—"

"Eagle Eye."

"I'm not so sure about Prissy Peepers here, but me? I've worked alongside Prime Enforcers on intercontinental battleships. I'm... like... super important and stuff."

Eagle Eye blinked straight ahead. "...only when you're sober," he muttered.

Josho shoved him.

Eagle shoved him back.

"Enough!" The fox cocked two pistols this time, his dark eyes narrowing. "Don't pretend like you can tempt me. Hoofer bits have no worth with foxkind."

"Then how about we pay you by not blowing up your little circus railroad from the Spark-forsaken earth?!"

"Don't pretend like you can threaten me either." The fox sneered, strutting backwards towards the car's exit. "Now that you know where you're going, maybe it's time you stated praying to whatever horse god you were taught to believe in. Regardless of what those tatooed hoofers believe down south, I'm willing to bet that the next time we visit them, we'll have some fresh equine kidneys to collect." He and his buddies snickered. With a wink, he holstered his pistol, turned around, and scurried out of the box car. The door slammed shut, being triple-locked from the other side.

Both stallions stood dead still in silence, interrupted occassionally by the rattling of train rails.

"Well, I liked their tails," Eagle said.

And then Josho smacked him again.

"Daah!"

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