Chapter 6
“Chirp?” Voiced the young changeling before me, and even through my shock I could see the worry in her eyes while she stood beside Twilight.
“W-What are you doing here?” I asked as I carefully wiped the tears from my eyes and stared confusedly at the both of them. Twilight gave me a nervous smile while pointing at Chirp.
“Well as soon as she found out you were gone she started to cry.” She said before gently petting Chirp’s head. “It wasn’t until I got a letter from Princess Celestia that you were here that I even knew where you had gone, so I brought her here with me.”
I gingerly stepped over to them, reaching out and picking Chirp up with my magic, pulling her closer and in front of me. She looked up at me with her worried innocent eyes.
“Mother?” She chirped. Fresh new tears formed in my eyes as I embraced my child, making sure not to crush her small frame with my own. Twilight moved past us and stood next to her mentor.
“I know I can’t say I understand how you’re feeling right now, but please don’t let your pain and anger blind you from what is important.” Twilight spoke pointing at the small changeling nuzzling me as I embraced her.
“Are you saying I should just forget my fallen children and just move on in my life?” I hissed back. “That I should just ignore that they’re all…”
“No, I mean that you shouldn’t let the past consume you. It happened, and there’s nothing we can do to change it, but don’t forsake the future to dwell on what has passed.” She stepped over to me with a calm smile on her face. “This young one still has a future ahead of her, and each moment of it that you share with her should be cherished. You should be happy that she is still with you. She may be the last of your children, but she is still here and well. While the rest of her family may be gone, don’t let their passing tarnish her future. Make it mean something and give her a life worth every sacrifice.”
I looked back down at my child before quietly craning my neck and pressing my head against hers while small trickles of tears fell from my eyes. For a few blissful moments, all were silent. Sadly, however, the moment was interrupted by the slamming open of the chamber doors. A pink alicorn pranced into the room with a smile on her face bright enough to illuminate the night.
“HELLO AUNTIES!” The Pink alicorn shouted blissfully. Admittedly every other living being in the room just stared as the pink princess stood there with one of her hooves held in the air as if posing for a camera shot.
“I really need to get a lock for that door.” I heard Celestia grumble while rubbing a hoof against her face irritably. Luna nodded in agreement as the young princess walked up to her aunts apparently oblivious of the presence of the lavender unicorn and I.
“I missed you all so much!” She cheered before giving them both an embracing hug.
“ACK!” The sun and moon princess said in union as they were crushed by their niece. I
briefly contemplated just how strong she was, as looking at her smaller body -compared to the two older alicorns- made her out as being more petite.
“Yes it is nice to see you once more as well, Mi Amore.” Luna gasped, her lungs trying to acquire whatever air they could. “But if you’d be so kind to release us and our sister it would be most appreciated.”
“Oh, right, oops.” She mumbled before releasing the two princesses and allowing them to gasp in some air. She looked around the room, and her eyes came to rest on Twilight and I standing behind her. Her eyes widened. “Twilight!” Was all that she shouted before her horn exploded in a bright burst of colour and she shot a powerful bolt of magic at me. Luckily I was able to quickly toss Chirp in the air before we were struck.
With a cry of pain I was sent flying to the other end of the room. Once again considered just how powerful this mare was. With a pained hiss I looked up to see Twilight with chirp on her back as the pink princess approached them, her eyes narrowed into slits.
“Are you the real Twilight?” Her voice growled with her horn still lit up and prepared to fire again.
“Yes...” Twilight peeped. “Cadence it’s me.” The young princess glared into her eyes accusingly.
“Then prove it.” She hissed, now face to face with Twilight. “Do the song...”
With a sigh, Twilight quickly placed Chirp on the ground next to her and she and the pink princess started to dance and jump.
“Sunshine, sunshine ladybugs awake, clap your hooves and do a little shake.” As soon as the little song and dance ended the pink princess grabbed the lavender unicorn and pulled her into a hug as fierce as that which she had given Princesses Celestia and Luna.
“Oh Twilight it’s so good to see you.” She said. “I’m sorry, but I just wasn’t sure if it was really you or not.” With that she released Twilight and returned her attention to me. With her magic she formed a large pink hammer with the words ‘Love Hurts’ engraved on the side. “You, however,” she hissed as she raised the hammer in preparation of striking. “What are you doing here?” I was about to speak, to defend myself, until Celestia herself stopped the whole scene.
“Princess Mi Amore Cadenza!” She snapped firmly. We both looked up at her, each with shock on our faces though for likely different reasons. “Queen Chrysalis is here as my guest, not as an intruder. So please put your love hammer away.”
The young princess looked in disbelief. “But...but Aunty ‘Tia!” she affirmed, stomping her hoof on the ground sharply.
“Now Cadance!” Celestia snapped.
In defeat the young pink alicorn called back her weapon and walked next to her aunt. I
managed to push myself back up from the floor and moved to sit in front of the three princesses and unicorn. Wearily we kept our gaze on each other, not a word spoken between us.
"Chirp?" Everyone's gaze turned towards the small changeling sitting between us who had made the curious sound. For a brief instant I noticed the pink princess's eye twitch as she looked at her, and I prepared to defend my child thinking how she had attacked me. Before anyone could even say anything to tell her not to harm Chirp, she made a loud squeal.
"AHH SO CUTE!" She swooped in and grabbed the little changeling filly into one of her bear hugs. At first Chirp panicked and flailed in her grip, but eventually relaxed and became comfortable enough that I even saw her hugging back. She started to make small chirping noises showing that she was comfortable with the whole hugging situation.
"Uh Cadance..?" Twilight mumbled as she stepped next to her. Seeing the lavender unicorn Cadence placed the small filly on the ground gently. She flicked an angry and stern look at me as I stood with a still nervously worried face in front of her.
"What are you doing here anyway?" She grumbled, before looking back at her aunts for an answer. Eventually the princesses and I managed to explain what has happened over the past few days, and with each passing minute the face on the pink alicorn became less and less cheerful. "That is terrible… I can’t imagine how it must've felt to see your child die in front of you like that…" She looked down at Chirp giving the young filly a smile. "The love you have for your children is very strong… I could even sense that love through this child as well. From her alone I can tell that the love that you share is great." She looked back at me with apologetic and sympathetic eyes. "I'm so sorry for what has happened… I wish it had never happened..."
I gave a sigh and my gaze drifted to the floor. “That makes two of us...”
"Oh wait," everyone’s attention turned to the lavender unicorn who had spoken out, her bright eyes explaining that she had got an idea. "Princess weren't there some changelings arrested a few days ago?"
Princess Celestia gave her a quizzical look. “Twilight what are you talking about? I have heard of no changeling arrests."
Twilight and I both gave her a confused look. "But the newspaper said that my children were taken to the guardsmen barracks." I said. Twilight’s magic pulled the mentioned newspaper from her saddlebags.
"See?"
As Celestia read the article her face twisted into one of puzzlement. “I have made no such decree that these changelings should be captured.” She mumbled confusedly.
That managed to draw my voice from me in fury once more. "WHAT?"
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...Dangit. I hope you get this edited soon. Maybe with proper grammar, the characters will make a little more sense. Considering the grammar in the previous chapters, I doubt it'll be too big of an big improvement, but we'll see. I don't want to be too hasty regarding my opinion here. It'll definitely be better than nothing at the very least.
Edit: Now that I reread my comment, it seemed a bit more blunt than I intended. Well, it's half past midnight here, so I'm in no condition to fix it at the moment.
I have to admit, i only saw one MINOR error.. When Celestia says "i really need a lock for me door" it should be "My door" instead, otherwise, i didnt see any errors.. maybe my brain ignored them i dont know.. but keep at it buddy :D
By Celestia, grab yourself an editor!
You need one badly dude.
Yes i understand i need an editor but its really hard to find one if anyone can show me one or a site that does editing that would be nice
Chirp is so freaking CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MOAR!
2520067
Yup, my editing's getting shot down hard but in my defense I'm trying to do as little adding/subtracting to the story as possible; it's not my story and I have no right to rewrite it.
Sure, there might still be an issue or two with what's being presented after the editing, but nopony's perfect. At least it makes a little more sense after the fact and is somewhat easier to read, right?
Hell, with all the potshots that my own stories are getting I'm impressed that swanTK still wants me to do the editing for him. Most of them are not kind.
2541118 That's what I thought in my early days of editing. It's not a good mindset for an editor to have. You are an editor. That means you have to edit. Don't be afraid of that sort of thing.
I think both you and swanTK should read the FiMFiction writing guide. Sure, it's long, but it's something everyone should read, regardless of his or her grammar skill. As one fanfic editor to another, trust me- it'll help.
2541755
I'll be sure to give it a read. Normally I'm not really one for editing 'cause I prefer to write my own stories (which, if you've noticed any of my recent ones, tend to be long winded) so getting critique on my editing is, well, a fresh change.
If anything, saying that there is missing punctuation is something I'm not used to. If anything, I tend to OVERUSE punctuation, so I'll certainly have to recheck my work...
Also, for the final paragraph of chapter 5, that (I think) is my mistake. I think it was really rather late at night and my brain was falling asleep.
My bad.
2541755
Yeah i'll give it a look too and I'm very thankful for Silent Quill for taking the time to look over my work, but I need to improve on my work a lot.
Where could I find that guide you were talking about?
2542042 I linked to it. Click on the phrase "read the FiMFiction's writing guide" in my previous comment.
Alternatively, you can go to the top of the page, and on the list of options just below the site's banner, you'll see one labeled "FAQ". Move your pointer over that and a drop-down menu will appear with "Writing Guide" as the only item on the list.
2542095
Alright thanks
Hell hath no fury like a angry changeling queen.
8358376
Well, there's the sun goddess that can melt and burn half the planet in one day