• Member Since 14th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 7th, 2022

Desrium


It's like going through shit hoping to find a nugget. A gold nugget.

T

Initially meant to be part of the FoE group's 300 member special, this story will be a collection of various short chapters and/or full "stories". After a span of several weeks, the short story "Wrath of the Lamb" has been completed.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 20 )

I'll read this later :twilightsmile: got H.W to do.

I got the feeling this little competition is going to get me dragged into reading a dozen more fics...

2223186
Ohh... really? I had not at all planned something like that when I thought about making the writing contest :raritywink:

So after having read your story does I have some few things that I would like to point out.

I can see that you use ellipses rather often, but are you not forgetting the space after them? I know that it ain´t technically wrong to do it the way that you do, but it is more or less the norm to add a space when you write things that are going to be read on a computer.

"You don't see me boiling...whatever the hell that is- in there!" Why have you added the "-" here? Because of you wanted a break or some hesitation could you use another ellipse here.

While I don´t know anything about how your Pipeye (something that sounds to hurt even more than getting a Pipbuck),
do I know that you wrote about them in singular at one point, and plural another. Making a little bit confusion on my part about if it is only a eye or both eyes that you are talking about.

Lastly would I say that I found a some mistakes at your dialogues, I do not want to point at them all. But this guide about the subject would properly be able to help you in that matter

2223632

Thanks for the suggestions about the ellipses and dialogue. As for the Pipeye, it's the pair of goggles Falcon Wing has (see cover image)

http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/295/b/7/b7c4c9eb941763710350137fbd84e925-d5ilh35.png

2223293

The Drunken Adventures of Regolit, coming soon to a fimfic near you!

2223293 There is nothing wrong with a character starting out with a zebra modified .44 revolver that does more damage than a sniper rifle. (because that's totally not what Xerophyte uses) :twilightoops:

2224870

You know those zebras make good stuff

2225135

Hell yeah, they do. This is what Xerophyte (in my story) uses as his standard weapon

th05.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/058/3/8/tweety_by_turtledude999-d5wetna.png

If that doesn't work, try here

2225167

Class. What does the inscription below the barrel say?

2225172 Live for today, Fight for Tomorrow. You're the first person to actually ask that.

2225199

Cool. And good words to live by, too :>

2223632

Welp I hope the dialogue is in ship shape. While going back and editing my previous stories to have proper dialogue formatting is a bit too daunting a task for me at the moment, I'll definitely make it a point to stick to the regiment for any future works. Thanks for the feedback as always.

2455708

I will be adding to this chapter so that it would tell the beginning of a "What if?" story about Falcon Wing.

4584579

Good to see you around broski. :rainbowdetermined2:

5889003

The main story's been complete for a while, but this stuff is for the readers who'd like the extra content. In between the added story, I hoped to address some questions left unanswered by Clipped Wings. Hopefully they offer decent closure to those ends. As for another FoE, I have a few ideas lying around that might end up here or become their own stand alone tales. Stay tuned, I guess. :rainbowwild:

Login or register to comment