As night fell upon the small town of Ponyville, there was a calm silence that drifted along the cool breeze of the evening air. Princess Luna’s moon casted a warm glow over the land of Equestria and brought a feeling of peace to the ponies who were asleep within their homes, except for one. Inside the cottage atop of the hill which overlooks Ponyville, Fluttershy laid in her bed silently crying to herself.
She had her head buried within her forehooves and shook with light sobs, because she felt lonely without the presence of another in her home. No, she did not yearn for the company of a stallion as a mate, but what her heart desired was to have the chance to be the mother of a young foal.Although she had all of her animal friends to take care of, she truly wanted to have a family of her own, and to have a child to call her daughter or son.
Slowly, she lifted her head up with tears rolling down her cheeks as she gazed out of her window at the moon. It’s reflection glistened in her tear-filled eyes as she released a shuddering breath It feels so empty without a special little one to share my home with. As she allowed the last remaining tears to roll down her cheeks, she clasped her hooves together.
Oh precious and beautiful moon of Princess Luna, please grant the wish I wish tonight. I wish for one day to become the mother of a young colt or filly and to one day have a family to call my own. She closed her eyes and quietly kissed her hooves Thank you Princess Luna for the beauty in which you bestow upon Equestria with your moon during the night. After making her wish, she drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
In Canterlot City, Princess Luna stood outside on the balcony of Canterlot Castle and watched over the land with a warm smile on her face. She looked up at her moon with pride and admiration as she felt the wind caress her fur. Letting out a soft sigh, she was about to trot back into her bed chambers when her ears caught the sound of a pony’s wishes.
Oh, it seems like there is a pony whose heart is broken, because I can sense the sadness in the tone of her thoughts. I better concentrate so I can hear it a bit more clearly She calmly closed her eyes and focused on the sound of the mind, but soon she gasped Oh dear, that is the mind ad heart of my and Tia’s good friend, the Element of Kindness, Fluttershy. A frown slowly crept across the princess’ muzzle.
She could feel tears forming in her eyes as she heard the heartache of Fluttershy’s wish and slowly opened them. Gazing up at her moon one last time, she gave a firm nod to herself Don’t worry my dear friend, you shall be granted your wish in time. I promise I will…. wait, what’s that? Suddenly her ears twitched as she could hear yet the thoughts of another soul. However, she could sense that tone to this mind was also saddened, but also the mind of a young one.
Taking a few steps toward the rail of the balcony, she tilted her head to listen a little better Oh my, I can sense deep sadness in this young soul, but it isn’t a mind of Equestria’s it seems. It… sounds like it’s coming from a place that is unfamiliar to me. C’mon Luna concentrate She closed her eyes once more and listened in carefully.
Earth
A storm raged on in the night on the planet, as streaks of razor sharp lightning light up the night sky as it traveled along the starry canvas. Thunder rolled among the land, nearly shaking the ground with it’s tremendous power. In a small residential area, the people who lived there were all quietly sleep within their homes, but outside the community in a eery forest, there was a young child.
Scared and alone, the young boy decided to run away from the one person who was supposed to protect him, his father. He scavenged through the streets of the neighborhood, looking for any possible place to stay for the night, but he couldn’t. Unable to find safe shelter from the storm, the boy ran to the forest and found a small cave that was abandoned.
Now as he sat against the wall of the dark, damp cavern, he shook with sobs as rain poured down, striking the ground. He had his head buried in his lap as he hugged his legs close to his chest. The only clothing the child had on was a set of red wool pajamas and a light rain coat to keep him dry.
The child was only six years old, but he has endured experiences that even the toughest adult would break under. As the storm continued, the boy looked out from the mouth of the cave and up into the sky to see just a hint of the moon. He allowed his tears to escape and roll down his cheeks as he clasped his hands together.
Star Light Star bright,
The first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.
I wish to leave this scary place and find me a new home to live where I can have a new family that will love me. I wish I could find someone that will love me and not be mean to me… like my daddy is.
He kissed his clasped hands and looked down to his chest. Around his neck hung a golden chain that held a heart-shaped pendant. The boy held the locket in the palm of his hand and carefully opened it Inside on the left side was the inscription To my precious baby boy, Toby and on the right was a picture of a blonde-haired woman with sky blue eyes, and she was holding an infant wrapped up with a light blue blanket.
He gently closed the locket back and placed his lips to it in a soft kiss I miss you so much Mommy, I love you. As time passed, the storm started to die down, but the boy felt so weak and tired after leaving his home that he laid himself down upon the ground of the cave, and cried himself to sleep.
While he slept, an orb of blue light appeared over his small form You poor, poor child, you indeed are a broken soul. Worry not little one, for I shall grant your wish, and you shall have the true, caring love in which you seek. Soon the young child’s body was enveloped in a gentle, calming blue aura, and slowly he started to fade away within the light.
Back in Equestria
Princess Luna appeared in the front of Fluttershy’s cottage and using her magic, she conjured a small woven basket. Inside the basket laid the young child, wrapped in a warm, soft white blanket. A warm smile crept across Luna’s face as the little boy slept and she leaned her head down to kiss at his cheek “Rest peacefully little one, for in the morning, you shall meet the one who shall take care of you.” She whispered softly into his ear as she stepped back from the basket and looked up at her moon.
I hope I'm doing the right thing in bringing this creature here. I just wonder what has happened in his life that caused his heart as young as he is to be truly broken.
...I kinda like this prologue more
Pretty good rewrite, the origninal is still good
A very interesting take!
I like the re-write of this chapter. Are you planing to re-write the other chapters?
Excellent rewrite!
Ok a few things:
1. 5217586 Yeah I'm curious about that too.
2. God dang it, the original prologue didn't make me cry, this one did.
3. Ok just so I don't say something that makes me feel like a complete and total idiot and/or asshole, are you male or female?
I would like to be quite honest with you, I actually like how this story originally was, but since you just mentioned that you may rewrite some of the chapters of the story and recently re-written the prologue, I would like to see how some of the rewritten chapters comes along. I'm actually quite interested in it. Keep up the good work!
5217453 Thank you always my friend, I'm proud and happy that you do. And I promise, there will be more to come
5217505 I thank you for that my friend, but I decided to delete the original one, because I just wanted to make a better prologue like I want to better the other chapters I plan to re-write
5217513 Thank you very much my friend, I'm proud and happy that you enjoyed it.
5217586 Yes I am, or most of them. What I want to do, is keep the fluffiness in some of the chapters, but I just want to tweak or decrease some of the stuff that seems excessive in it.
5217601 Thank you very kindly my friend
5217636 1. Yes I'm planning to re-write most of the chapters, maybe all of them, maybe just some of them.
2.That means I done a good thing, or at least I did with re-writing this
3. I am male.
5217760 Thank you my friend for enjoying the original version, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the re-written chapters that I plan on re-writing.
5217800 2. You should feel proud of yourself. No one has ever managed to make me cry in the first chapter. That's an accomplishment.
3. Ok good, now I know, but I still slightly feel like a jerk because I thought you were a female.
this is nice. no hating his father on the first chapter. We have a hint of the troubles to come and it is less choppy than the first version.
Hope that helps.
5217800 You are very welcome! I really like the concept, gives it a "there is always a light in the darkness" kind of feel, tugs more at your heart strings.
awesome work my friend
5217860 2. I am very proud of myself, just because I've been able to write full length stories now, and I thank you and all of my readers for the constant encouragement and support to be able to write. All I used to write and thought I could write is poetry.
3. That is okay, no big deal my friend
5217910 Lol.. in a way it does sound like it could be a rap name, doesn't it
5217930 Thank you very kindly and I'm glad you like it. I want to get rid of that choppiness that is in each of the chapters and make them much more clearer and smoother
5218350 Thank you my friend always for your kind words
5220071 thank you my friend always.
And so A New Home 1.5 begins...
Why did I get so many Kingdom Hearts 1 vibes while reading through this? Lol. Its a good feeling though. :)
Might want to add punctuation and change 'more clearer' to 'more clearly'. Other than that, not a bad start.
Wow I'm impressed! The original is still great but I like how this turned out!
Is it bad I am feeling the same emotion at the end of this as I did for My Little Dashie? And poor Flutters!!!!!!!!
I can't believe I'm already starting to tear up! I can already see that I'm gonna love this story!
Challenge
See how long you can go without shedding a tear
RULE
ONLY REALLY SAD STUFF COUNT
Let the games begin
7851444
damn i lost
8330208
... I lost as well reading the entirety of winter's rose it was the ending that got me
Urk
The feels, already they are too much
May I edit for you Poetic? There are a few minor grammar and spelling issues in this re-write that would seem glaring to the average reader. (Me as well)
Live long and spikestache
An alright first chapter.
The emotion is there, but the sonorous quality that should be ringing throughout is being broken up by clunky word choices.
7851444
I win, I'm truly dead inside
I want To hurt the abusive father you can't treat your son like crap
That deaddeserves the shot by shotgun award for dads that we would all kill if he was real.