• Published 30th Jan 2012
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Not the Afterlife I Signed Up For - inoeitall



How do a cop, a British saboteur, a Chinese bodyguard, and a Spartan warrior relate to ponies?

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The Day You Die

Alkaios watched as the last of his fellow soldiers fell under the relentless Persian assault. He was on his own now. He couldn’t stop to mourn them of course, as a Spartan he had to keep his priorities straight. He was the last of his brethren still standing at Thermopylae. King Leonidas had led 300 elite Spartans to hold off the invading army of Xerxes, and they stood like an unmovable wall. It wasn’t until some sort of treachery had occurred that the battle turned against the Spartans. Alkaios’s only thought at the moment was to continue fighting. For his country, his honor, and for his father.

Persian infantry fell by the dozens before Alkaios’s spear broke. He fell back to using his kopis and killed many more. Numerous small wounds bled wherever there were gaps in his armor, and his armor and shield bore numerous dents and scratches. Alkaios stumbled as the Persian forces drew back. His shield seemed so heavy... The sky suddenly darkened, and he looked up to see the cause. Thousands of arrows blotted out the sun as they began to rain down death upon him.

He was too tired to raise his shield again. He turned his head up, closed his eyes, and welcomed his fate.

Alkaios, son of Iason

Time of Death:

5:23 PM local time August 25, 480 BC

~~~

Fang Hua inspected the carriage again for any traps that might have been set by assassins. Being the chief bodyguard to the Qin Emperor’s second son was no laughing matter. After checking and double checking everything, she motioned that all was under control. The entourage made their way from the city of Yong to the neighboring capital of Zhou on a diplomatic mission. Fang Hua’s family had always protected the emperor’s family, and though she was born a woman, she was determined to continue her family’s tradition. The mounted contingent of the guard surrounded the carriage as they left the city walls and began to cross the rocky terrain. The first few hours of travel passed uneventfully for everyone. Fang Hua exchanged a few pleasantries with the captain of the escort, but all in all, silence hung heavily upon the group.

As the caravan entered a narrow canyon, bandits sprung up from their hiding places on the cliff face and started firing arrows down at the group. Several of the escort died instantly, but the caravan quickly sped onwards away from the attackers. More bandits rode out from side canyons to harass them further. Fang Hua quickly put her training to use, riding without the reins and fighting with her family’s trademark circular blades. The sounds of combat rang off the canyon walls as the group rocketed down the path. The horses drawing the carriage were charging out of control towards a drop off that would kill the Emperor’s second son if not stopped. Fang Hua leapt to the roof of the carriage and threw the brakes on while yanking on the reins. The carriage slid to an abrupt halt at the edge of the drop off, but she was launched over the edge. She sighed and closed her eyes, knowing that the rest of the guard could deal with the bandits. At least she had completed her duty.

Fang Hua, Daughter of Fang Yueh

Time of Death:

10:14 AM local time April 3, 231 BC

~~~

Annabeth Edgeworth peeked around the corner again, praying that the Nazi patrol hadn't noticed her footprints in the snow. This was her third month behind enemy lines acting as an allied spy in occupied France. She was about to sabotage a munitions train on its way to the front. Ever since her sister died in the Blitz, Annabeth had given her all to make sure that those dirty Krauts got what was coming to them. After ascertaining that she had not been spotted, she snuck aboard the train and started setting the charges she had packed in the bag along with an MP 40.

As she planted the final charge, she heard a gun cock and felt the cold muzzle pressed against her back. She slowly turned around with the detonator in her palm. An SS officer stood there gloating, flanked by two guards.

“Did you really think you would get away with this?” He asked haughtily in German.

Annabeth pondered his question for a moment before responding in English, “God Save the King!” She activated the detonator and thought to herself, I guess I’ll be meeting you sooner than I thought, Abagail.

Annabeth Edgeworth, Daugter of Agnes Edgeworth

Time of Death:

11:46 PM local time October 3, 1942

~~~

I finished the episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I had done it. Over the course of one week, I had watched every episode that was currently out. Sure, I may be an undercover cop, facing the cold edge of reality every day, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy candy colored ponies that sing about the joys of friendship.

I packed up my laptop along with the charging cord into my messenger bag (which has a sweet solar panel built into it, FYI). After securing all my belongings, I slipped on my shoulder holster for my compact 9 mm pistol with two extra magazines. I slid my coat on over the gun to hide it (hard to be undercover if you’re flashing your piece everywhere, eh?) and opened the door.

Now the strangest thing happened then.

As I opened the door, the first thing to catch my eye was a rather large, out of control, red pick up truck hurtling towards me. Everything seemed to slow down. I could see the numerous beer cans bouncing around in the cab of the truck, the driver desperately trying to turn the wheel, and even the grass being torn apart by the wheels of the vehicle. My last thought was, Dag nab it. I forgot to feed the cat.

J. Isaac Noe, Son of Charles D. Noe

Time of Death:

10:48 AM local time January 27, 2012

~~~

Elsewhen

“What do you mean you lost all four of them?!? Do you not realize how expensive it is to maintain my collection? You had better find them or you can say goodbye to your family!”

The speaker cut the connection to the call before the offender could reply. He would have those specimens, or he would have blood to compensate...