Names Cavy, and I like to write fictions and put them up on the internet for people to see. Let me know what you think, and how I can improve.
Gold runs through my veins. At least that's what they told me. From birth, they would brag, I was destined for greatness. Is it wrong that I doubt that? There are so many ponies that are so fantastic at what they do best, what gained them the privilege to wear that symbol on their flank. I wasn't even close to greatness. I was pathetic.
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nice
i approve
Clicked on a random new story link. Was very pleasantly surprised.
I don't ever hand out 5's, but I want to see this go places. Just be sure to make your other chapters a bit longer.
Honestly, my only critique is that the last paragraph:
I smiled contently, all the horrors within slowly creeping to the back of my mind. I would finally have someone to speak with. Someone I could call a friend.
Is really presumptuous on Dash's part.
172220
....You HAVE noticed Dash has a slight ego, right? 20% cooler? 10 seconds flat? Any of that ringing a bell?
As for the story. I'm interested in seeing where it heads. Continue.
Thanks for the pleasant reviews everyone. Quite nice to see some are enjoying this.
I fully intend on having the next chapter as a much longer piece. I figured It'd be smart to get the idea out before I really started. But, I digress.
I'd love to hear some feedback, suggestions, or anything you might want to tell me. Be harsh if you must, because it's better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie, eh?
Enjoy!
-Cavy
Which reminds me!
I accidentally misnamed the story "Broken Home", when the name I intended to give it was "Broken Road." The name change has nothing to do with the story, so don't fret about that.
My first comment on a story, despite weeks of lurking and a Fiction in progress myself.
It looks pretty good so far! Honestly, the summary is vague, and having it repeat in the actual story didn't help, and for a moment there I thought this might be a self-insert or your own life story, but it smoothed out in the end. I'll keep an eye out for this.
I like the Plato's Republic reference.