The Shadow Spirit

by Alicon Glactistar

Chapter 1: Dream

Dream

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"Fluttershy, dear, is something bothering you?" said Rarity. Today was Rarity and Fluttershy's spa date. Rarity noticed that Fluttershy was acting a little different. "No, it's nothing." said Fluttershy. Rarity was not taking no for an answer. "Fluttershy if something is bothering you, you can tell me." Rarity said in a motherly tone.

"Okay Rarity." Fluttershy told her, her voice barely audible, but Rarity heard. " I had a dream that I was at the edge of the Everfree forest, I felt a presence in the Everfree......." Fluttershy was shaking badly now al she wanted was to forget the derk presence that had terrafied her in her dreams.

"It's alright, calm down dear it can't hurt you." Rarity said in a soothing tone. She knew her friend was scared but it was just a dream. "Rarity before........ I had woken up........ it said 'Do not be afraid, Please do not be afraid.'" Fluttershy said between sobs.

"Fluttershy dear if it's that bad we can go see Twilight about it." Rarity said "Okay Rarity after we're done here." Fluttershy said.

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There was a knock at the door "Spike can you please answer the door" Said the lavender unicorn. "Okay Twilight" Said a little purple dragon also known as Spike. "Oh hey Rarity, hey Fluttershy whats up?" Spike asked. "Fluttershy had a weird nightmare from what I know," Rarity said in a concerned voice "and we would like to ask Twilight about it." "Okay be right back." Spike told them as he went to get Twilight.

Spike told her what Rarity said. Twilight always liked to help her friends but was annoyed that it was on reshelving day. But she was always willing to help others.

"You both can come in I"ll be down in a minute" Twilight said. And true to her word she was down in a minute "So Fluttershy can you tell me about this 'dream' you had?" Twilight said. She was answered with shakes and quiet sobs. "Okay then, Fluttershy I'm going to use a spell that allows me to peer into your memories, so focus only on the dream you had. It will help me with understanding what you heard and saw." Twilight said.

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Twilight could not see where she was but heard a voice it said "One.......... That........... Will.......... Go............. Any........... Length......... To.......... Protect............ What.................. She.............. Values........... Most." Twilight shuddered at the sound of the voice and was about to ask who it was untill it spoke again this time much clearer "My name is Dark Wolf it has been my name for so long it is the only name I know" Twilight's eyes went wide. "Do not be afraid, please do not be afraid"

Twilight had awoken to Spike shaking her violently untill he saw she had awoken. "Twilight what happened you cast the spell then passed out!?" Twilight told them what she heard while she was out. when she said it said "Do not be afraid" Fluttershy's eyes went wide as she told them it had spoken those exact same words.

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In the Everfree, a presence both young and old, was well aware who he had just spoken to. "Twilight Sparkle, you and your friend Fluttershy are kind and willing to help others I hope to meet both of you very soon" the presence said. "I wish to have someone to talk to. I have no family to live with." the presence looks up. "The night sky always looks better than that of day, but why?"

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Meanwhile in Canterlot Princess Luna had just woken from a nightmare. "What... why did I have a nightmare and who was that I feel as though I should remember that pony but he was an alicorn, the only alicorns that I know exist are Celestia and I." Luna said. "Who was that?" Luna wondered for a few moments and decided to tell her sister of what she saw.

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Twilight had just finished writing a letter about what she heard to Princess Celestia. "Okay Spike send it." The little dragon happily complied. "So what is this thing?" Rainbow Dash questioned.

Twilight had gathered her friends and asked if they had similar dreams and they said it told them "Do not be afraid." Pinkie was bouncing all over the place saying "Lets throw it a BIG-WELCOME-TO-PONYVILLE-PARTY!" "Now hold on sugarcube we don't know what it wants and why it only told Twilight its name" Applejack told her. "Twi what did it want, why is it here?" Twilight was about to respond when Spike belched up a letter but it wasn't from Celestia but Luna.

Everyone was surprised that Princess Luna had responded Spike read outloud what it said.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

My sister and I are aware of this presence, but it seems to have taken intrest in you

six. If it told you to not be afraid then do not fear it.

From what I understand it has forgotten its origional name long ago.

I also had a dream not too long ago and is why I am writing to you instead of my sister.

It may or may not come out during the day from its seemingly dark presence.

It has a liking of the shadow it seems, so watch yourselves.

Yours truly,

Princess Luna

Twilight and her friends were shocked untill Rainbow Dash spoke up "This thing doesn't sound scary at all."
"You shouldn't be so sure of youself sugarcube." Applejack told her. "We have no idea what it can do." Rarity added "Yeah Dashie for all we know it could possibly fly faster than you." Pinkie said giggling. "I'm the fastest flier in Equestria there is no way it can beat me!" Rainbow told Pinkie angry that she would think that. "Um... well does it have wings?" Fluttershy asked.

Everyone took a second and thought about it and then Twilight said "We can think about that tomorrow its....... WAIT WHAT!?" Everyone looked out the window and saw the moon in the sky. And then Twilight looked at the clock it read 8:45. "How long have we been standing here?" she exclaimed then Spike belched up another letter from Princess Luna. He picked it up and read it to all of them.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

It seems that after having the dream or have spoken in detail about it for the

first time time passes much quicker to all who were listening.

Yours truly,

Princes Luna

Author's Note:

Aha! Thought a newbie writer wouldn't leave ya hangin, right? WRONG!!! Never judge a book by it's cover.
Untill next time.
-Alicon

Comments

[Peppermint]

25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvr6ssUq4Q1r5jtugo1_400.gif
I want to rip this apart really badly... but, alas, thou art saved, for thy can'nae for the time being

Guess I HAVE to be nice...
...
Here I go.
First, a fair bit rushed.
Second, THE LENGTH, THE WHOLE THING, TOO SHORT
Lastly, what's with the sudden jumps all over the place? might be an idea to get rid of them and try to lengthen it all.

And now, I must go, some other story need's me.
For now, I leave you with this to remember me by.

[Key Strix]

-Avoid being repetitious by not using the same words over and over. Use a Thesaurus if you have to.

-Break apart your writing between characters.
~Example~
Fluttershy's dialog and actions go here.
Other character's dialog and actions go here, on a different line.

-Try to avoid using "it" all the time. "It" can be too vague and can sometimes make things confusing. Try to be more direct with what your talking about to prevent any confusion.

Fixed-ish. Had to change nearly everything to make the structure flow and sound nicer. Compare this and really take a look at the use of punctuation, spacing, ect.

There was a dark presence in the Everfree Forest that Fluttershy felt watching over her as she passed by. "W-who’s there?" The mare quietly asked as she looked to the vast collection of trees that surrounded her.

The presence spoke with a ghostly voice. "Who... speaks... with life... will always... protect it."

Terrified that she got a response by something that sounded to be in sheer pain, Fluttershy immediately froze in place.

A hazy equine figure then formed from the shadows and approached the trembling mare. Using a softer tone, the spectral-like being spoke again, its voice dry and raspy as if not used in ages. "Do not be afraid," it echoed, "please… do not be afraid."

Such words continued to echo in her mind even as Fluttershy had awoken. She sat up in her bed and looked over her body that shook violently while cold sweat dripped down her brow.

Angel was right by her side with a worried look.

"Don't worry Angel,” Fluttershy reassured with a forced smile as she whipped at her wet brow, “I'm fine. Just had… a bad dream is."

Not wanting to press further, the bunny acknowledged her explanation.

[Alicon Glactistar]

Hey I'll work on any errors and stuff. Remember I'm new at this.