• Member Since 2nd Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Diamond Sparkle


I am pleased I joined here and hope to rp on YM with someone.

T
Source

After the battle with Queen Chrysalis leads to her death, Princess Celestia is buried in a royal tomb,and after mourning her everypony goes back to their lives. But Celestia is not as dead as she seems.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 16 )

I'm going to be honest while you had a worthwhile idea I find the execution lacking. There are two things that are bugging me, 1) Why did they think she was dead, something as simple as checking heart rate or brain activity would clue them in, 2) How did Golden Dawn know that Alicorn horns are worth a lot on the black market, since there are so few of them... perhaps he was thinking that if a unicorn horn was worth a lot then an Alicorn's must be worth more.. wait one more thing... where were the Guards guarding the casket?

1) Good point, maybe her heartbeat was too faint
2) Golden Dawn was one of them and the other had gone to the toilet. As for why he stole it; he was stupid enough to think he could sell it. Maybe someday someone will use this idea and make it really take off.

2246517

There are chemicals that can slow your pulse so much that it gives off the same effect as being dead.

That sentence makes no sense, so just bear with me.

Also, I'd once again suggest trying to find an editor, just to fix up a few grammatical errors here and there, but another good story other than that.

Very interesting idea, and quite well written. Could use a bit more detail in the crucial scenes.

Ugh. She escapes and lives happily ever after? The hell kinda Tragedy is this? :unsuresweetie:

2254633 It was meant to be darker, a lot darker, but it was pointed out by others that being an alicorn, my orginial ideas were wrong.It would have worked a lot better with Twilight.

this is a good. But I've got to say I assumed it would be darker. I think you missed several great opportunities to make it much darker by 1) I'm far more understanding why she didn't panic when first woke up and realized she was in a coffin or her horn was mutilated but when her last hope the Royal Canterlot Voice failed her she should have gone form ok stay clam to full blown panic and terror. 2) she got out of that coffin way too quick and easy. it's a royal coffin. I think it would have been better built then to break after three blows.
However this is still a good story just shy of being a great story.

Well, that went better than expected. :twilightsmile:

Foalsom prison.

What you did there. I see it.

I was worried you would stop before Golden Dawn got his punishment. I hate it when I don't know if a character got what they deserved or now. But he did. BE STONED YOU EVIL PONY YOU!!!! MUHAHAHA!

Do you understand how hype culture works? I have had this story in my favorites waiting to be read for a period of time longer than I can remember. I was afraid that reading it would reveal a poorly written, exposition filled festering corpse of a story. I built up the expectation that this was a psychological horror story in which Celestia would remain buried underground in a tomb for years or even centuries before getting out or being discovered. Full of fear, but not attempts at insanity.

Needless to say my own hype let me down. This wasn't /bad/ but my hype was so high, I sadly expected something much, much different . Additionally the ending was far too positive for the concept of being buried alive to hold any sway.

8717075
Nice to have a pleasant comment. It's not my worst story, but not my best. My best are some of my Diamond Tiara/Silver Spoon ones.

8717215
I didn't think my comment was pleasant, but I'm glad I didn't offend you with it.

A finished story is always better than the incomplete; regardless of errors or possible improvements.

Gonna perhaps check out your Chryssi post; something pretender? Apparently I also have the apple to the core in my read-later still. Whoops.

8717321
The first chapter of the Apple to the Core fic is pretty good I think. People either like it or hate it lol.

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