Life is short, but there are ponies who knows exactly how short it is.
Warning: It's a badly written story.
Chapters (2)
EvilNaab
Joined 14th Sep, 2012 ·
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The premise is cool, but there are a lot of run-on sentences, grammar issues, and you need some more description. Say how the curse started in greater detail. Maybe describe the Spitfire/Luna scene, and tell why Dash and Spitfire got together. Overall, fairly good, but the grammar/descriptive issues take away from the story's appeal.
Tl;dr, fix grammar and describe more.
2206384
Thanks a lot I'll try to fix it up as much as I can, but I don't know how it will turn out after all my grammar sux what I hate to admit, so thx for the advices. Also what do you think I should add the Luna/Fire scene in other "chapter" or just stuff it in the thingy..
Tho it would turn out a lot better if it would come out under some editor's hand, but well not everybody have time or patience.
2206785 Np. I think you should add the Luna/Spitfire confrontation as a separate chapter. Also, why can't Luna remove the curse? She was Nightmare Moon, after all.
2206806
The only reason behind it that I like to think about Nightmare Moon, that even if she came from Luna turned out a completely separate being.
Also Thanks a lot for the likes and favs and the upcoming dislikes after all they are part of it.
If you say it is horrible, then mine must be horrible-er. O_O
No really, it is.Twilight's Equestria isn't good, exactly what I thought it would be. (XD (I don't know why I am laughing))
Like I said, mine must've been worse. ._.
2295213
I don't know what do you mean? xD Where did I say it is horrible? :P
Edit: (hour later) Ah now I get it what you meant... :/
2295237
Nah, It's impossible :P cos you live in USA so your grammar and stuff must be like 100% better than mine.
2295272 I might be good at english, but stories...stories....STORIES....well, maybe I MIGHT be good at them, but not usually. Owo
This was a descent little story. I love the concept of the story in a million ways. I think that you could do a lot with this and make it into something truly great. I feel like you need to have an editor of some sort go through this and fix up all of the gramatical errors and rambly sentences. I think that you should come back to this some time and polish it up. I look forward to reading more from you in the future. Keep on writing! Practice makes perfect!
2387963
I completely forgot that there was a second chapter to this...story. The same in my previous comment goes for the second half as well. Great idea with incredible potential that I am sure, with a little bit of practice, you will be able to deliver to us a total kick-ass story. Keep writing because you will only get better!
2387963
Thanks a lot, really, I wanted to write a sequel to this and I probably will in some time, but I don't know when it's gonna be since I take some time off from writing. a week or two more..
I hope you will enjoy that as well when it gets done.
I'm quite impatient for a while now (for a couple of peronal reasons) so that's the only reason why I didn't go and ask around couple of ppl if they could edit any of my stories if they couldn't do it in a day.
2388006
It was Darkstar195's idea to write that "chapter". Then the idea hit me to write a sequel that's why I left it open at the end of that chapter.
2389859
Well, it was an excellent idea to put at the end of the story. I look forward to the sequel that you will eventually get around to. Until then.