• Member Since 25th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Chaotic Note


.

E

Discord is bored.
He is tired.
He wants to do something fun.
So he chooses to dance,
and everypony else does too.

Author Notes
~ Editors: TLSpark and Reddened Chaos.
~ Inspired by this, and the fact that most of the time everypony in the show breaks into a song once somepony starts singing. (EX: Winter Wrap Up, The Best Night Ever, Mystery Magical Cure.)
~ Character Tags should include mostly everybody in the show that I could had thought of at the time, but... you know... character tag limits.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 100 )

So you finally managed to get it done..... nice. :moustache:

That was amazing.

This. I love this. So effing. much. Notey you are awesome. I bucking love you and if I could I'd be hugging the stuffing out of you.

Quite the amusing tale. Celestia and Discord dancing is something that I can only see in words, sadly enough. Adding this to my favorites list and giving a thumbs up.

Comment posted by Sound Wave deleted Mar 19th, 2013

2286110
Is here really the time and place for "us" time?:unsuresweetie:

2286116

True~Still Can't blame apony like me to have a little fun~

2286114

*kisses the tip of your horn* :raritywink:

2286122 Uh like Chaotic said. Let's take this somewhere else. :twilightblush:

2286142 How about we go to Notey's page? :raritywink:

2286154

I said when I am able and I'm still occupied with exams,right now I'm just taking a small break~

Breaking the fourth wall... Really? But other than that I was laughing my ass off the whole time.

2286208
Breaking the fourth wall is the best!
Also, dat cover art of Discord!

This was awesomely amazing. X3

Why can't I keep giving this thumbs ?! :pinkiehappy: This story was so good! :rainbowlaugh::ajsmug::twilightsmile::raritystarry::yay:

I wish to give this all my likes. Just take them.
Here's a somewhat-related picture.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m990vn0oxN1r8z5dfo1_1280.png

2286711
Ah, yeah, I got it. It just took a second of repairing the URL.

Love it, absolutely love it.

Glad I didn't miss this excellent chaos here.

Also, we really need a Discord emote.

I don't have time to read this right now but the title made me think of the safety dance, and john delancey singing it :rainbowlaugh:

in an array of golden magic

I'm pretty sure you mean "aura."

He as much as he loved being different

Might wanna remove the first word.

attempting to sleep before he gets too thrilled for it.

You switched to present tense there.

A monstrous, loud roar was heard in the room.

"loud, monstrous" or "monstrously loud"

she had waked up a bit later than usual.

woken

the extra hour of sleep she must have got was pretty good.

gotten

fill the vase with different flowers each day in order.

In order to what?

A generous tall glass of milk

"generously tall" or "tall, generous"

You should of went to Discord and apologized.

should have

the more her suspicions were starting to make more sense.

Remove the second "more."

Celestia had thought that they had came in to ask their beloved leaders

Remove the first "had."

Discord suddenly taken up her fore hooves in his arms

"suddenly took" or "had suddenly."

He didn’t seem to care earlier that Celestia was about to cast a spell on him.

"had been" about to cast a spell on him. You reeeaaally need to figure out what narrative voice you're using. :rainbowlaugh:

Spike had asked out Rarity to go on a date with him

Pick one. :rainbowlaugh:

Twilight had a suspecting idea

Her idea suspects?

“Rarity and I,” Twilight corrected.

No offense, but I found this in-story correction to be somewhat ironic. :twilightsheepish:

This is all weird to the poor bookworm!

You broke tense again.

She felt bad for leaving the princess behind in her graceful misery, but Celestia’s wish for her safety was there.

There in her graceful misery? Try, "but Celestia wished for her safety."

she couldn’t help that she was missing somepony important.

she couldn't help but feel that she was missing, etc.

Not even a shimmer of his purple scale.

Pretty sure he has more than one scale. :eeyup:

However, they don’t really concern her at the moment.

Broke tense.

cursing her apparent bad luck today.

Pretty sure it's more than apparent.

Twilight could also heard

hear

She has to find her

Broke tense, and Spike's a dude.

It matched very with her white, slim figure.

"matched her slim figure" or "matched very well with." Also, "matched" probably isn't the best word to describe a form-fitting garment.

Twilight considered to pull

"considered pulling."

Hilariously,

Don't just tell us it's hilarious, describe why it's hilarious. Or just say, "In a comical fashion."

You’re just trying to over achieve something that’ll never happen.”

I think you meant, "trying to picture something."

and sipped on his coffee.

"sipped at" or just "sipped."

What they met had awed them.

Tense.

She quickly noticed the both of them and whispered over to them,

She quickly noticed the both of them and whispered over to them,

It felt like they had an iron hoof over her, but was also gently urging her to express her free will. She felt like she was being forced to compel, but was also content to convey her soul’s desire. It was something along that line.

All of that was confusing, but it looks like you had trouble with word choice anyway. Perhaps, free will = wild side, and along that line = along those lines.

Pinkie lit the entire thing into a massive bonfire, starting the real part of the party.

"lit the entire thing, creating a massive bonfire and starting the real party."

feeling her body very worn out.

"her body feeling very worn out" or "feeling very worn out."

Underneath her left wing, she felt somepony rustle underneath it.

Remove the last two words.

She scanned throughout her mind as she pieced together the more recent memories. After a bit of detective work, she worked out the scenario.

Bizarre word choice.

and it was also kind of fun as well.

Broke tense again. This time you meant, had been kind of fun.

Celestia beamed at Discord for a bit, allowing the draconequus to sleep for a few more moments. She then nuzzled him a bit. He moaned a bit, and woke up with one of his eyes open.

Remove or change two of those "a bit"s.

It didn't make sense until I read the description. Yeah, I'm surprised this made the feature box, too. Heck, even my stuff deserves it more than this story does in its current state. *sigh* I was really looking forward to challenging you to a duel for the feature box.

I loved this.The final song (Bab's Good Time) was especially uplifting.
I also burst out laughing when I saw Criken and Skippy.
i50.tinypic.com/2h2qp9z.jpg

Lots of errors, but the storry had me laughing, well done. :twilightsmile:

2288173
Currently waiting for my editor to finish plowing through it at the moment.:twilightblush:

for some reason i can see his happening and i love it

This story wins a stache :moustache:

I can see this happening, especially where Discord is concerned. Utterly amazing that no one else thought this up yet

I liked that you gave Celestia and Discord he spotlight for a time instead of our favorite princess ^^, I also enjoyed Celestia's dancing, you described every bit of detail that was necessary for a good story ^^.

That was hilarious, and I thank for it.
Ciao darling :raritywink:

2289335
Ah, a fellow Criken fan.
Welcome, fellow Crikenite!

Hmm. Yeah. That was pretty cool, I guess.

I really enjoyed this :pinkiehappy: This seems like the kinda thing reformed Discord would do; not a bad thing, but still pretty chaotic in its own right. And the randomness of the song choices brought a wee smile to my face :twilightsmile:

One more flaw: you should really remove the "mane six" tage and replace it with Spike, because he has much more presence in this than the ponies, most of whom aren't even mentioned.

2289564
True, although Twilight has more presence in the story than Spike. Part of the story was described from her point of view.

I really did enjoy this story. Good job :moustache:

Oh my lol.

TAKE THE LIKES. TAKE THEM.

You gets the likes and favs my friend!:twilightsmile:

You deserve a fav, a thumbs-up and a nice little tap on your back!

2289477
Wait.... why does the picture say "EI"? Shouldn't it say "Hasbro"?
Also, I want your personal opinion on Criken's new "quickies". Do you think they are good, or do you want to see the return of "The Fun House"?
3rd order of buisness, mind if I join in on the love fest that is going on in the comments, sorry I arrived late :P

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