- Member Since 23rd Feb, 2013
- offline last seen 4 hours ago
TittySparkles
TittySparkles is pretty based, writes great porn that I can rub one off to on a weekly basis, and she has no problem telling societies leftie rejects to fuck off. - Anonymous
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- TittySparkles · 2.4k words · 154 21 · 3.6k views
- TittySparkles · 6.2k words · 292 36 · 4.7k views
- The Elusive Badgerpony · 3.5k words · 282 13 · 7.6k views
- EvilNaab · 8.1k words · 28 3 · 2.5k views
- TittySparkles · 8k words · 120 22 · 3.6k views
- Kaii-Leiko · 7.6k words · 82 8 · 1.9k views
- ServingSpoon · 5.8k words · 51 12 · 1.4k views
Featured In10
Clopfics11,544 stories ·15,809 members
Short Stories5,067 stories ·547 members
Spitfire596 stories ·1,117 members
- Independent Stories313 stories ·34 members
Cryosite2,675 stories ·252 members
Spitfire Romance234 stories ·539 members
Stories on Goodreads28,596 stories ·492 members
Argeri's Favorites584 stories ·1 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.11 seconds
Total duration
1,080 users online
1,768,777 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Allow me to be the first to comment on what an excellent job you've done here.
As far as grammar and spelling go, I saw nothing major. My mind is like an autocorrect, so they didn't really faze me. 
Um, if I may say something...
I noticed this error twice while I was reading. If I may, I suggest 'itch' as a replacement.
In my own opinion, 'has' really no place here. You've been using a past-tense before it and as such, can I recommend it be switched with 'had'? You know, to keep the tenses constant?
Overal, I liked the story but didn't... enjoy it as much as much as I wanted to. Still, good job.
2205084
Noted and fixed. Was it the errors that made the story not overall enjoyable or was it a lack of something?
2205126
To put it simply, all that stopped me from liking the story is my own mentality. What I LOVE to see in a story that I'm reading is good, and very strong visuals elements. Description would be my biggest draw in and if a writer can get me hooked onto the story by the visuals in my head, then I'll hang around and see it to the end.
Here... well... it fell short of flat in my own opinion. A lot of detail could've gone in here and there, especially in the shower where most of the story takes place. (As you said, this Is a 'luxury' room at the Academy. Well, how is it so? I know they have their own, individual rooms , kitchens, and bathrooms but I highly doubt that personalization (Or ponification if you feel like being specific.) wouldn't have happened. Hell, knowing and guessing from the show, I would bet that Soarin' would've stashed his fridge (If he had one) full of various pies and sweets. Not to mention the discarded tins scattered hapharzardly about the place. Spitfire however, seeing that her office is orderly and organized (The organization has been doubled!), as well as her position as head of the wonderbolts, in would make sense for her room to be in the same conditions, with various preformace merits and ribbons hanging on the wall.
Or, I see it that way...
But hey, that is my own opinion and you should already be aware, fully, of the impossiblity of pleasing everyone. Me, I'm content to be offering advice and nothing more. Hell, this is probably the longest comment I've written! (And making it longer! Whoo-Hoo!) So, just keep doing what you're doing. You did well with this and I hope to see your future works.
Deal?
(Now, back to being a sick, miserable person who has too much time on his hands.)
...--runs to bathroom to get towel--...
Smelling herself...
Kinky.
Needs more editing
short and straightforward, i like that. Nothing annoys me more than an entire paragraph spent on describing what the washroom looks like
As words seem to be escaping me at the moment, I think I'll just say I love this story; writing was good, characterisation was nice, descriptions vivid but not overdone, and it had a decent pace; not too fast, not too short.
Maybe my soft spot for Spitfire caused just a little bit of bias. Just a little.
One quick grammar point, though:
I don't think 'fix' or 'as' should be capitalised.
So I was looking through your stories and found this one to be rather... interesting...
It's short, relatively tame, and features one of my favorite ponies.
Granted there are quite a few flaws here, but nothing too offensive.
You can expect a riff of this from me.
Once again, the romance tag is resorted to for... Using a dildo? Okay, seriously Knighty, GET A CLOP TAG. There is nothing romantic about a single person/pony and a dildo!
Otherwise, I'll leave this story be, it doesn't need to be bashed or anything. Poor Atlas.
The riffing gods have spoken, and so the riff is completed!
Only took me a few hours, thankfully.
For anyone who is interested, you can find the riff here.
3071685 I'm only slightly dead, you fool.
3073220
While reading this the only thing I could think of at the end was
Oh my glob.....they went in their and heard her
Yeah I don't know anymore
TittySparkles, you have done it again you magnificent bitch. *Starts slow clap*