Chapter 8
The bushes outside the palace’s east wing rustled most suspiciously. Fortunately, there were no guards close enough to notice said suspiciousness.
“Now are yah sure this is a good idea?” Applejack whispered as she tried to shift into a more comfortable position in the prickly confines of shrubbery.
“Actually, no,” Twilight replied. “But if Professor Dewey’s right – and he pretty much always is – then the information on Graves will be at the top of that tower in the general’s study.”
“Okay, I think I missed something,” Rainbow Dash interjected. “Why’s Big G’s stuff tucked away up there? And why can’t I just fly up and get it?” The sweater-vested librarian sighed, her patience more than a little tried at having to repeat this. Again.
“Because it’s classified. The only logical explanation for how Graves is so well known and so unknown at the same time is if his records were sealed. According to the professor, this is only done in very rare circumstances for highly sensitive topics, but that a copy of the records is always transmitted to the general’s office for safekeeping. And obviously, if they’re that important, there are going to be enchantments on the windows to keep people from flying in, right?”
“Oh. Right.”
“But… um…”
“Yes, Fluttershy?” Twilight said, turning to where her friend in the yellow sundress sat huddled as small as possible so as not to inconvenience others.
“Well, I understand why we’re here, and I understand what we’re going to do, but… why did we have to sneak in the bushes again?”
“That’s… um…. Huh.” The young scholar paused, stumped for an answer. “That’s actually a pretty good question. Pinkie, why did we have to sneak through the bushes?”
“Because we’re on a secret mission, duh!” Pinkie Pie hissed from behind the shinobi mask and matching black gi she’d somehow procured, though nobody could quite say how. “Everybody knows that when you do secret missions, you have to sneak through the bushes. It’s the rules!”
Though the bubbly baker beamed from behind her mask, she was the only one as the others let out a collective groan. Of course.
“In that case,” Rarity sniffed, “if there are no objections, I move that we vacate the premises post haste. I’m as much a fan of green as anyone else, though not when it’s quite so… au naturale.”
“Agreed,” Twilight nodded. “But I just have to ask one last time. You girls sure you want to do this? I mean, when – and I do mean when – we’re caught, we could get in a lot of trouble. You sure you’re up for it?”
“No need tah ask that, sugar cube,” Applejack smiled. If this’ll help straighten out that crazy marshal, then you can count us in.”
“Yeah, let’s go already!” Rainbow Dash grinned. “The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can find his stupid butt and get back to Ponyville.”
“我々の敵の血をこぼす!”
Pause. Stares.
“Oh! That means ‘let’s get ready to party!’” Pinkie beamed. “At least, I think it does. I don’t really know, sometimes things just come to me.”
“Er… right.” Twilight blinked. “Like Pinkie said, let’s get this party started!”
*****
“I’ve had just about enough of your attitude, you freaky, freckled farm girl!”
“Oh yeah? Well I’ve had it up tah here with you an' your high flyin’ sass!”
One doesn’t usually expect yelling in the Canterlot gardens, especially one involving insults that would be far more suited in a barroom brawl. Naturally, this lead to a great deal of curiosity as just about all within the conversation’s considerable earshot came out of the palace to see what was all the commotion was about.
What they saw was a couple of young ladies circling each other, glaring like rattlesnakes and spewing off continuous streams of venomous, verbal abuse.
“You’re so stupid,” began the one with short, prismatic hair, “if brains were cider, you wouldn’t have enough to give an ant a buzz!”
“And yer so ugly,” retorted the blonde girl in the cowboy hat, “when you was born, the doctor done slapped yer mother.” The girl in the blue tank top snorted, eyes flaring wide.
“Oh no you didn’t. You did not just bring Momma Dashy into this!”
“I can an' I did,” the cowgirl replied as she stuck out her tongue. “Whatcha gonna do about?”
“This. YEAAAAAAAARRRRGH!”
With a fantastic lunge, the girl with multicolored hair caught the other in a fantastic spear tackle, taking them both to the ground in a fantastically tangled mess. However, the farm girl quickly recovered first and replied to the aggression with a nasty chokehold. This in turn was countered by a flawlessly executed ippon seio nage followed by a full on body slam.
As the crowds grew and – quite surprisingly – began cheering whilst the cowgirl tossed the radical one aside and hit her with a spinning lariat, three other girls and one ninja crept their way into the now abandoned atrium of the palace's east wing.
*****
“Oh, I do hope they’re going to be okay,” Fluttershy murmured as she spared a backwards glances towards where her two friends continued their clash.
“Ah, they’ll be fine,” Twilight grinned. “They did volunteer to be the distraction as soon as it came up, after all.”
“Indeed,” Rarity smiled. “Personally, I think they just wanted a chance to settle their old Running of the Leaves rivalry, but who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?”
The girls progressed crept silently along, three of their numbers keeping low and sneaking as best they could whilst one of their number proceeded to backflip and somersault her way between stone columns and gilded desks. Inconspicuously, of course.
“So where do we go now?” Pinkie Pie asked from where she hid under a particularly handsome bureau near the center of the room. Pulling out her wand, Twilight uttered a few incantations and with a faint, purple glow, the small rod floated above her hand and pointed towards a carved oak door.
“Looks like that’s the way,” she said as the girls rushed over to proceed onwards. However, as Rarity and Pinkie each grabbed a large brass ring and pulled, they found their way inextricably barred by the unyielding panels.
“Oh my!” Fluttershy gasped. “What do we do now?”
“Give me a sec,” Twilight whispered as she leaned in to inspect the door. It was certainly locked, but there was no keyhole and no visible mechanism that would indicate a means of opening the way. Unless…
“Hoo boy,” the purple-haired mage heaved. “This is isn’t good.”
“What? What is it?” Pinkie Pie asked.
“It’s a Magic Eye ward,” Twilight explained, pointing towards a small, red jewel embedded into the wood. “See this here? This gem scans for a certain image or key magical signature and unlocks the door. Without the key, though, we can’t get through.”
“Can you undo it?” Rarity asked with obvious consternation. It would be simply dreadful for their efforts to be thwarted simply by a locked door.
“Possibly,” Twilight replied with furrowed brow as she scrutinized the jewel before her. “The enchantments are fairly complicated, but they’re designed to be self-sustaining. That means the mechanism can’t be too complex or else the spells would deteriorate and require-”
“Yes, but can you undo it?” Rarity repeated, just a touch of impatience coloring her tone.
“Oh. Right,” Twilight blushed. “Well, let’s find out.”
With that, the young magic savant aimed her wand and got to work. Whispering a few spells, the red jewel glowed with an aura of amethyst light before projecting out a matrix of gossamer-thin tendrils of arcane energy.
“Oh, I see how it is,” she murmured. “Light enters the gem in a certain way and acts like a key hitting the tumblers of a lock. Very clever. In that case, if I adjust the energy influx at this point, manipulate the configuration here, and apply a little extra spell work here, then I should be able to…”
With Twilight engrossed in her work and the others engrossed in watching her being engrossed, nobody was paying much attention to their surroundings, a very unfortunate state of affairs since it meant they didn’t hear the sound of approaching conversation till it was nearly too late.
“Somebody’s coming!” Pinkie Pie called out in wide eyed alarm. “Hide!”
“I can’t!” Twilight whispered back. “If I stop now, I think this entire spell might collapse on itself and lock us out permanently!”
“We need another distraction!” Rarity hissed. “Can somebody–”
A yellow blur flew passed as who should step up to the plate but… Fluttershy?
The two royal guardsmen, who’d up till now had been thoroughly engrossed in their conversation on the latest developments on the Pro Magic Circuit, were distinctly surprised to see a startlingly pretty girl with cherry blossom hair nervously approaching them.
“Um… excuse me,” she whispered, so quietly that they almost didn’t hear her. “I’m so sorry to trouble you, but… have you seen my pet bunny? His name is Angel, and he’s the sweetest little white rabbit in the whole world. Has he been here?”
The guardsmen exchanged very surprised glances.
“Uh, sorry ma’am,” one of the soldier replied with an abashed grin. “Haven’t seen any rabbits around here. Have you tried the gardens?”
“I did,” Fluttershy, replied, only now her voice audibly trembled as tears began to well in her eyes. “But he wasn’t there, so I started looking all over the castle, but… but….”
Surprised glances gave way to outright alarm as the young lady broke out into the most heart wrenching sobs this side of a daytime melodrama.
“I just can’t find him!” the delicate girl cried. “Oh, my poor Angel Bunny! What if he’s hurt? If something were to happen to him, I… I….”
"Hey there, take it easy now,” the other guardsman said, awkwardly attempting to soothe her by patting her head much like he would his old basset hound. “I’m sure he’s just taking a nap under a tree somewhere. Everything’s probably just fine.”
“Are… you sure?” Fluttershy sniffed, looking up at him with the big, tearful pony eyes.
“Definitely,” the other soldier replied with a reassuring smile. “Tell you what. Why don’t we go out and help you look for him? Three heads are better than one, right?”
"Oh, thank you so much!” the demure girl beamed with a radiant smile. “That’s just so wonderful, I… I don’t know what to say!”
So with more reassuring words and more pats on the head, the two royal guardsmen led Fluttershy out on a search for the ‘sweetest little white rabbit in the whole world.’ On the way out however, Fluttershy turned and gave her friends crouched by the door a quick wink.
“… Wow,” Pinkie Pie blinked. “I didn’t know Fluttershy could turn on the water works like that. She’s good.”
“Indeed,” Rarity intoned with a very thoughtful expression. “I might just have to take notes.”
A solid click, and the hidden mechanisms inside the large oak doors came apart, opening the way forward. With mutual grins of triumphant excitement, the remaining three girls crept through the door and continued on.
*****
Neither guard noticed the black-robed figure peeking out from the stairwell at the end of the hall. I mean, not being seen is kind of the whole point of being a ninja isn’t it?
“So what’re we looking at?” Twilight whispered as Pinkie Pie oozed back down to where her friends crouched in hiding.
“Apparently each other,” the curly-haired girl replied, “but that doesn’t help us get passed the two guards at the end of the hall there.”
“Drat,” Rarity said with a faux snap of the fingers. “I don’t suppose another sob story about lost pets would do here, would it?”
"They’d probably just ask how we got passed the door in the first place,” Twilight grimaced. “Probably not a good idea.”
“Ooh! Ooh!” Pinkie Pie called out as she waved her hand furiously. “Why don’t you just teleport us in there? You can do that, right?”
“If I could, wouldn’t I have just done that in the first place?” the lady mage replied with a weary smile? “No, I can’t teleport to a location unless I've built up a sufficient frame of reference. Since I’ve never even been in there before, that’s a no go.”
“Then we’ll just have to find a way to lure them away from the door, down the stairs, and out of sight before we sneak up once they're cleared," Rarity frowned.
“Any ideas on how to do that?” Twilight asked. Both she and Rarity turned to stare at Pinkie Pie as the curly haired party-enthusiast began to giggle uncontrollably.
“Don’t worry your pretty little heads, girls,” she grinned from behind her mask, “Auntie Pinkie Pie’s got this all figured out.”
*****
“Man I hate getting guard duty up here,” Stormchaser sighed. “Nothing ever happens up here.”
“Could be worse,” Thunderhead shrugged. “You could’ve gotten slotted into KP duty.”
“At least then I’d be able to sneak some snacks from the pantries, or something. Up here, it’s just a bunch of standing around and being bored until the… next shift… ... comes?”
The armor clad soldier’s train of thought was promptly derailed as a small, silver ball rolled down the hall towards their feet.
“What the…?”
With a resounding roar and a flash of light, the small orb exploded into a torrent of brightly colored confetti. The two guards blinked, understandably confused as tiny bits of paper rained down around them like a sprinkle-colored snowstorm. And as if that wasn’t odd enough, then came the assault.
“Take cover!” Stormchaser yelled as he tackled his companion to the floor. Just in time too, because at that precise moment, two red velvet and cream cheese frosted pastries sailed through the location right where his head had been.
“Uh, Stormy?” Thunderhead winced from where he lay on the ground, “You do realize those were just cupcakes right?”
“Yeah, but… they could have been dangerous cupcakes, you know?” his now somewhat chagrined friend replied with a sheepish grin.
“Right,” Thunderhead nodded. “Where did they come from, anyway? And who the heck throws cupcakes to begin with?”
“Um, how about a ninja armed with a bandolier of bear claws and handfuls of biscottis in each hand?” Stormchaser suggested.
“Is your helmet on too tight or something? Where in Celestia’s green pastures did you–” The question was succinctly answered as Thunderhead turned and saw a ninja armed with a bandolier of bear claws and handfuls of biscottis in each hand standing at the end of the hallway, plain as day.
“あなたの家族の宝石を失うための準備!” the ninja – or technically, the kunoichi, given its high-pitched, girly voice – cried as it flung a fistful of bake-hardened bread at the pair.
“Ow!” Stormchaser cried as one struck him squarely on the nose. “What the heck’s going on?”
“あなたのお母さんはロバだったとあなたのお父さんは牛の息子だった!” it cried again as the second handful of biscottis sailed through the air.
“I don’t know,” Thunderhead replied as he ducked the delicious projectile, “but I have a feeling we’d better stop it before snacks are permanently banned as lethal weapons.”
The two guards gave chase, attempting to take hold of the mysterious assailant, who kept up a steady stream of donuts and commentary as she fled. Dashing down the stairs with the grace of a puma, the ninja girl executed a perfect triple backflip over a row of desks before dashing out the door with the guards hot on her heels.
*****
“Do I even want to ask where Pinkie Pie learned to do that?” Rarity asked as she peeked out from behind a potted plant.
“Sometimes, I feel it’s best to chalk it up to Pinkie Pie just being Pinkie Pie,” Twilight shrugged as she crawled out from a nearby workstation.
“Indeed. Well, she’s done an admirable job clearing the way, so let’s not let this opportunity go to waste.”
Dashing back up the stairs, the two girls came to the heavy, bronze doors, the final barrier standing between them and their goal.
“You ready for this?” Twilight asked, her heart starting to pound in anticipation. This was so wrong; they were breaking into classified military documents, for crying out loud. But the look in her friend’s sapphire eyes confirmed that sometimes, rules just had to be broken.
So taking a deep breath, the two girls took hold of the handles, paused a moment to steady their nerves, and pulled the door open to find…
A fairly empty room with only a couple of bookshelves and a desk to show it was in any use at all.
“Twilight, are you sure this is the right place?” Rarity asked incredulously as she stepped in.
“Positive,” the purple-haired poindexter replied as she pulled out her wand. “Yup, the locator spell’s working just fine. This is definitely the right place.”
“It certainly is very… spartan,” Rarity commented as she walked towards the bookshelf to take a look. “To be honest, I was expecting a little bit more in the way of decorations and general content.”
“That’s what most people say,” a booming voice called out as both girls yelped in surprise. “But then again, it’s not their office, so that doesn’t really matter, does it?”
The large leather bound chair, which had been turned to face the open window opposite the door, slowly spun around to reveal a very large man who smiled with ice blue eyes.
“General Ironside,” Twilight replied with a sickly smile. “What a… pleasant surprise.”
**********
So, Pinkie Pie wants to spill the blood of their enemies, charges the guards while screaming that they had better be prepared to lose their family jewels, and finally insults one of them's family by calling one's mom the daughter of cattle and his dad the son of a donkey. All in Japonyse/Neighponese. I'm impressed.
Yeah, I got to admit I half expected this as soon as I started reading.
Also, I translated Pinkie's words.............
I spill the blood of our enemies!
Prepare to lose the jewel of your family
Your mother was the son of cattle your father it was a donkey
I just got done running a marathon, and seeing this up is just a breath of fresh air. Even though, it's my legs that hurt the most.
Another great chapter!
I knew something was forgotten in the plan, and now they got some questions to answer.
DundunDUUUNNN!
Let's test how good my translator is.
"We'll spill the blood of our enemies."
"Prepare to lose your family jewels"!?
"Your mother was a donkey and your father was the son of a cow."
Oh man. They are quite thoroughly screwed, aren't they?
Ninja Pinkie is best Pinkie.
Well, Twilight and Rarity are seriously screwed.
*if
I will spill the blood of our enemies!
Prepare to lose the jewel of your family!
I don't know how you do it, but these get better every time! Pinkie always has the funniest gags! Also, way to go Fluttershy! Facing your fears of interaction to distract the guards like that! Great chapter GentlemenJ!
Ironside!?
HEAR ME BRETHREN! THE PROMISED DAY IS NEAR! Soon, we will know what makes Graves tick.
All that was missing from Rainbow and AJ's distraction is a bucket of mud.
I just lost it each time I put Pinkie's sentences through the translator In truly random Pinkie Pie fashion, this is one of the best renditions I've seen of her so far, a shinobi mask and a black gi xD! Ohhhh boy, Twilight and Rarity are gonna have some explaining to do, aren't they?
man wtf pinkie pie you a damn scary ass ninja or sumtin
Ten-to-one odds he'll say something along the lines of "you could have just asked" or "Twilight, you're the Princess' protege. You do know that you have clearance for these, right?"
having japanese translated can be funny.
2457335 Me too...
2457437 Actually, Pinkie doesn't speak Japanese, so she doesn't know what she's saying.
Remember, she thought "I spill the blood of our enemies!" meant "Let's get ready to party!"
She probably thought she was talking about pastries. Maybe balloons.
It's almost time for the exposition!
Also found this one fitting (because I say it all the time myself - I can't believe I didn't remember it while writing my first comment.)
Kyofu wo oshurite yarou
2457987 why'd you post your comment twice? And I thought pinkie said three phrases in Japanese, or did she reptar a phrase from earlier?
Wat... I don't even...
The general would be less than human if he didn't take this opportunity to parody a James Bond villain. If anything, I think he is going to be rather complimentary that the Element Bearers got this far. It shows just how very good they are at the whole hero biz when the chips are down and a friend's safety is at stake.
2460515 Slow internet. I didn't think it posted. And she did say three things but I was dying already by the second phrase. Seriously. I had to take a break so I wouldn't laugh too loud. My brother isn't a brony and dislikes that I read fanfics. Alot.
Would this image pretty much sum up this chapter?
fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/316/f/d/pinkie_fisher_by_johnjoseco-d5ktiuq.jpg
2461122>>2461170
Indeed, it is, Lieutenant. The Splinter Cell look = divine inspiration on an enlightened level. It is, in a word, Pinkie Pie at its best.
I somewhat know the feels. My elder brother watches the show, but does not consider himself a brony. Every time I talk about my writings, he just slowly shakes his head and says, "Oh, baby brother." He is a most amusing fellow.
And if this story wasnt awesome enough already, I sense a Recess reference here.
"Why principle Prickly sir, what a surprise..."
Yes...
I was reading this in a study hall at my school and I just lost it when Pinkie started spouting random Japanese. The problem is everyone is now looking at me like I have 2 heads and no one else in the room is a Brony so I can't properly explain why I find this so funny to anyone.
2465658
My canned response is a straight faced, "I laughed because drugs." Then stare into their souls until they look away.
2465761 That's a good one. I may have to use that one in the future. Thanks
Oh god, Pinkie Hayabusa! You made my day J, and I thank you so much.
A flawless ippon from a chokehold...?
I've got enough trouble doing it with a bit of movement.
I think Judo master dash just got added to my assorted head-cannons.
2462481 Did... did I just find common ground with one of my favorite authors?
2476617
Meeeebbbbeeeeee.....
Hey, I finally caught up on the chapters so far! Or the story ends here and the fact that all the comments are recent is just a coincidence.
Reminds me of this [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=76RcRCzFLq0#t=78s]
2477696
A quick note, you keep using the word "passed", when it should be "past".
You can say "a yellow blur passed them", or "a yellow blur flew past as who...", but passed in this instance does not work, nor in any of the other three you've used the word. just Ctrl+F them
Other than that, no mistakes. Gold Star for you!
Translations in chronological order according to google translate
I spill the blood of our enemies
Prepare to lose the jewel of your family
Your mother was the son of cattle your father was a donkey
That's the second time.
2843395
Im not a master jap translater but where did GenJ get these from? cuz that 3rd one sounds wrong to me. But it is understandable like i can read it and know its an insult on your parents easily. the exact grammar of it i cannot really see what is wrong it just feels wrong.
Pinkie was having a bit too much fun to literally turn into a pastry ninja.
Also I was quite surprised of how fast and resourceful Fluttershy was in her lie to distract the Guards
And I am not surprised that they would end up in Ironsides office because of the conversation he had with Graves in that office and the Brief conversation with twilight with minimal information give during the gala
Ya dun goofed, but I have a feeling he'll let it go anyways.
Manga . . . Not even once.