Nomad’s Requiem
Chapter 4 - Icing on the Cake
Written by Shadowflash
Edited by:
Eldorado
Gunsmith
Narlepoax III
Pre-read by:
RainbowBob
“Well, all that’s left is to ice and decorate everything!” I heard Pinkie announce.
“Hell no,” I gave her a cold stare. “You asked me to bake stuff. Not decorate it. Now, help me with my problems, dammit.” Wow, I sound like a broken teenager.
“Oh, come on! It’s not that hard! It doesn’t even take that long to do!” She was bouncing in front of me again. If I put my hand over her head, she’d be a perfect gnome ball.
“It is hard because it takes hours to decorate everything! I’ve made plenty of cakes in my lifetime and I spent hours icing and putting little candies and whatever good spices go with cakes...” I stopped and thought for a moment of how emasculating that sounds.
“Well, that’s because you were alone silly! Your friend Pinkie is here to make sure we get the job done!” She smiled brightly at me and I scoffed at her statement.
“I am not your friend, and don’t accuse me of being alone at the time of my baking! I baked in a culinary arts school for many years and I had to work with morons who couldn’t decorate for their life!” The nerve of this girl, I swear. The only reason I am upset is that I am very picky with decorations on a cake. And everything with some sort of design overall.
“Please? I promise to help you after we get this done!” I shook my head at her.
“No. From past experience, when you give into something, it just ends up into doing more and more favours and not getting anywhere.” One more favour they said... More like a thousand more favours, if you ask me. “Besides, you have to let this crap cool down before you even ice it. It just came out of the oven!” I explained.
“Well, that’s true... We did just pull it out...” Pinkie started to tap chin with the edge of her hoof. Glad she’s seeing it my way, for once.
“Then, help me find a way home. There has to be someone that has enough power to bring me back home. I’d do it myself, but, y’know. Being lost and stuff.” I shrugged.
“Well, there’s Princess Celestia and Luna... They have a lot of power!” Finally, some suggestions.
“Well, who are they? Bring me to them.” I demanded.
“They’re the rulers of Equestria! But, I think my friend Twilight told me they were gone for another two days... Something about balloons and the Crystal Empire...” Two days?!
“Two days?! What?! I don’t have two days! I have to get out of here as quick as possible!” Uhg, if I have to be here for two days, I’m going to pull my hai... Right, I have no hair.
“Don’t worry! You don’t need to leave so quickly! Besides, you’re in good hooves around me!” Oh, really? That’s very encouraging.
“Uhg!” I stamped my foot on the ground a few times in anger, before taking in a deep breath and calming myself “Fine. If I’m here for two days, then I better make the most of it. I’ll need a place to stay, food, water and a beautiful bedroom to house my activities.” Lots of activities. festivale
“Well, no problem-o! You can stay here with me!”
“NO!” I yelled, and then realized that yelling was a bad idea. “I mean, no, I would prefer not to intrude on your job. I really have to be somewhere more secluded so I’m not too bothered or I’m not bothering others.” I really need to keep my tone in check. This girl is making me go bonkers.
“Well, the only other place is the Hay ‘n’ Stay motel! They have super-duper awesome rooms there! The beds are very, very fluffy, too!” She was smiling again, but, I wasn’t. I don’t have any money!
“Where exactly am I going to get money?” I made sure to give her the most placid look I could.
“I’ll give you some bits! You helped me a lot here, so, I guess the favour can be returned! You’re also my super awesome friend, No-Mo!” I swear I told her she wasn’t my friend. Why does she constantly assume so?
“Right, right. Well, let’s get going. I’d prefer now rather than later.” Hopefully that motel provides food. Damn, am I hungry.
So, we started to clear up some of the mess in the kitchen and left the cake and cupcakes to cool. We left Sugar Cube Corner—thank the gods—and started to wander around Ponyville once more. With nothing but time between the bakery and the motel, I decided to spark a bit of conversation.
“Tell me more about those princesses you mentioned,” Better to get to know it now.
“Well, Princess Celestia controls everything during the day and Princess Luna controls everything during the night! Simple as that, really!” I facepalmed at her answer.
“I know that ‘Celestia’ translated to ‘celestial bodies’ and ‘Luna’ translated into ‘moon’,” I groaned, “I just want to know more about them. Do they have husbands? Children? Are they warlords of some sort?”
“Huh? Oh. Well, I know they’re not married. I’m pretty sure they chose to remain that way,” she tapped a hoof on her chin for a moment.
“So, no children. Are they tyrants or something? Ponies hate them, love ‘em, perhaps think about them when they sleep?” I’m enjoying this conversation again. “Maybe they’re some sort of capitalist leaders and hoard in a lot of the cash for themselves? Dictators? Maybe they flaunt their powers and get all the chicks ‘round the joint? Making ponies go head over hooves?”
Okay, I overdid it with that last line. But, it’s hilarious.
“Nah! They’re super-duper awesome! Everypony loves them! Even ponies who aren’t really ponies love them! They’re always soooo smart and know what to say at the right time, it’s sweet!” She smiled at me while I nodded in response.
“Well, what do they do for Equestria? Stand there and look pretty?” Like most princes and princesses...
“Nope! They raise the sun and the moon and deal with a lot of the super royal ponies to make sure everyone is super happy! A lot of bad stuff happened before they came around, like Wendigos and ponies fighting each other!” Pinkie answered. Oooo! Fighting!
“Like, fighting as in melee battles...?” Please say yes. I need some gore to make me a man again.
“Like sword fighting? No... Okay, a little but nopony was hurt!... I think... They just argued a lot over food and stuff! Thankfully, at the last minutes, those ponies realized that they just needed to be friends to stop all the bad stuff from happening! Like the winter they were dealing with, which was caused by the Wendigos!”
“I... Uhg, okay then” I groaned. At least there may have been some violence. Plus one for regaining some masculinity.
“Uhg... Well, who is the better of the two? Stronger or, perhaps, more influence?” Pinkie just shrugged to my question.
“Not for me to say, really. I like them both! But, I think ponies still like Celestia better than Luna, currently. After the whole Nightmare Moon fiasco, ponies are still trying to adjust to her as a ruler of the night.” I raised a brow at the Nightmare Moon statement. Then again, I’m probably going to be let down by who or what it is... This whole society is a let down.
“Nightmare Moon, huh? What’s that, exactly?” I asked anyways.
“Oh, Luna got all jealous of Celestia being more popular amongst the subjects and turned into a super meanie pants! Celestia got all upset at Luna and sent her straight to the moooooon!” She started howling like a damn spirit wolf and I couldn’t help but sigh at the childlike behaviour. “She broke free about a year ago and was an even bigger meanie-pants and tried to put night over everypony! Thankfully, my friends and I stopped her!”
I, again, raised a brow at her statement. “Oh, really? How’d you stop a pony who is clearly stronger than you?”
“We used the Elements of Harmony! Twilight Sparkle my friend I told you about was a new arrival who told us about them and how they were used to seal Luna in the moon the first time!” She smiled brightly at her display of history. At least it looked that way. “So, when we went face to face with her we stopped her with the awesome power of friendship! Afterwards, Celestia showed up and they forgave each other and they lived happily ever after! The end!”
“Well, that’s boring. No destruction? No annihilation of races? Just kiss and forget?” Like, c’mon, Gielinor was awful, but this place is just bad for how corny it is.
“What?! How could you even think about that?! Us ponies don’t do that kind of thing! Heck, the worst thing I’ve ever heard of was King Sombra enslaving the poor crystal ponies!” She retorted at my response. However, that enslavement thing is interesting... Maybe I can as
“Is it all battling and destruction where you’re from, or something?” Pinkie quickly asked before I could analyze anything about this “Sombra” guy.
“Oh, a little. Gielinor is just a big place full of war and chaos. Heck, half of its continent was destroyed and turned into a perpetual wasteland,” I shrugged and her eyes widened.
“How the hay did that happen?!”
“Well, you know, one guy has too much power and the other guy doesn’t like it so he starts a fight, but then another guy gets all upset that his friend,” I said this with distaste. “Is in trouble...”
“That doesn’t tell me much!” Pinkie frowned. Interested again? I’m surprised.
“It’s a super long story and I’m super tired. I’d be sitting here explaining the history of Gielinor to you.” She still held a frown and I couldn’t help but give her a tidbit at least. “I will say that it started with a guy named Zaros and another guy named Zamorak. That’s about it.”
“Awww, okay. Well, here we are!” Pinkie pointed ahead of herself and I followed the direction of her hoof.
In front of me was a two story building with the same boring thatched roof design as the other houses in this town. The only difference was that there was a wooden sign, carved to look like a hay bale, displaying large, neon-coloured letters stating:
Hay ‘n’ Stay Hotel!
Open during every day of the week!
Breakfast is completely complimentary!
“Complimentary breakfast? Yeah, this’ll do,” I smiled underneath my scarf and I heard Pinkie giggle.
“Well, let’s get you a room. C’mon!” She bounced forward to the door of the building and I just stood there, watching her fly at least six feet in the air.
At least I get to be away from this crazy girl. Gods have mercy.
One Small Favour.
I gots it right?
2727772
Indeed.
2727780
Are you planning to have Nomad get into a magical duel with Trixie? That would be hilariously curbstompy.
Great chapter, although I could care less about the reference you put in there. Ya cheeky cunt. Edit: Double Dubs.
2727789
Hrm. I'm a person who plans the beginnings and ends of fics as I go. But, it would be hilarious to have a master of everything fight a master of "tricks"
I remember that quest...
All you got was a damn key ring. Screw ypi. Shilo village or w/e you were called. (I haven't played RS for like 2 years-- I heard they change the combat system up a lot, so I'm not inclined to return with my Ancient Trolling spells.)
2727978
The quest was the most annoying thing ever. The ring is useful, but the quest relates nothing to King's Ransom.
2728180
IKR? Even doing Desert Treasure at Combat Level 43 was easier. Granted, I had a shit-ton of prayer and magic, so it wasn't too bad...
...except for picking that damn lock. I'd get two in a row... AND BOOM! THE 3rd in a row breaks. IT TOOK ME 3 HOURS! 3 HOURS!
/rage
2728188
I had a little over the required level. I think it was 53 for the lock. I had 60. Still took me ten minutes.
2728387
I'll never get why I couldn't just blow the dang box up.
Two questions: how is Runescape now? And are you in that one Skype chat a Merlos the Mad made? You seem familiar. (disregard the second question if you have idea what I just asked-- I'm going on a memory)
How bad is One Small Favour? Also in which quest series is it? I'm just curious.
2728586 Getting ready for 6th age (aka Runescape 3).
SPOILERS:
The Edicts of Guthix has been broken, the gods are free, Sliske killed Guthix and ascended into a god.
/SPOILERS.
One Small Favour was actually one of my favourite quests - the reaction from your character was just hilarious to watch over time
I feel like I'm missing a joke here
2728673 One Small Favour really isn't bad. It's not really part of a chain, but you do have to complete Shilo Village to access it. Basically, it's a big chain of favours which require favours which require favours etc. Naturally, your characters grows gradually more pissed as the quest goes on, leading to a complete breakdown when he returns to the original guy who rewards him with a simple "Thanks." After about 10 textboxes of ranting, you manage to get some xp lamps and a keyring out of him, but the sheer comedic value of the quest was enough of a reward for me.
I love how this is actually the God Wars in a nutshell. I shall use this explanation the next time I'm asked about it
2729220 Now reading it, it is very funny! Once I become member I have to try to do the quest.
2728704 Sliske isn't a god...
..
not yet anyways...
2729211
Sex jokes.
2728586
I was in that Skype chat. But, I couldn't handle all the messages anymore, so I left it.
Also, RuneScape has EoC (Evolution of Combat) now, which basically made the game another Diablo/WoW kind of thing. Some people like it, but I absolutely HATE it. I liked RuneScape for its simplicity. Not complex ways to fight.
2728673
One Small Favour is in the King's Ransom Quest series and quite a few others. It's a useless quest which relates NOTHING to any sort of storyline. The only reasons it's in any series is because you got to Shilo village in a few quests.
2730052
Technically, he is now. The act of "becoming a god" required someone to wield the Staff of Armadyl and kill another god. Essentially what Zamorak did. Along with him destroying half of RuneScape.
2729239
I didn't want to expedite the chapter, so I shortened it to a very dumbed down version.
2729258
Warning: the Quest requirements make no sense for it what-so-ever.
i'm sure you are talking about "One Small Favor", and maybe "Recipe For Disaster"?
2730429
Mostly One Small Favour. RFD wasn't too bad, once you got over the whole Monkey Madness thing.
2728704
I saw that, Has that Zaros guy or w/e the hell his name is come back yet? I recall playing some quest where it discussed that (was it for the Ancient Prayers? Never did finish that because of that damn wilderness ice castle of stupidity )
2730164
Hah, I know that feel. I just used that block option on the chat so that only specific messages from certain people would disturb me, and it's doing a good job so far.
So it introduced hot-keys, click spamming and even worse chat raging? Damnit, Runescape! You're better than that!
2730626
He's back, essentially. Saradomin, Zamorak, Bandos, Armadyl, etc. They're all back. The edicts were broken and they're able to enter on a whim.
2730633
Yeah. They have '07 RS servers open for members.
But, even then, it's still not the same fun I use to have.
2730637
Great, now I'm going to have to return to troll with my wolf mask and ancient magicks...
*puts back on wolf mask and Ancient Staff, but nothing else*
Time to troll...
(No, I'm never going to RS now. Not until they fix that horrid attack system D: )
2730643
I remember 1 million coin boxing... good times.
2730645
They'll never get rid of it. Too late to turn back now.
2730650
Psh, you just need a lot of money...
2730645
if your not going back can I have your account?
2737629
:|
Maybe.
2737629
I would never give my account away. Too many 99's I worked for. Even if the game is bad. I know it wasn't directed at me, but, I'm just stating an opinion.
2737478
Wait until Nomad compares magic.
2737478 i wanna see nomad vs Luna >.<
2752470
You will. Trust me.